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  1. Tried pegging and love it - some fresh ideas please?

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    Just Jane [sign in to see picture]
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    My husband and I have been married for a few years now. I was a virgin when we got married, and always found sex uncomfortable and often painful. I have since been diagnosed with vaginismus, and nothing I try seems to help. My husband has been really understanding, and suggested we try and broaden our sexual horizons in other ways instead of getting hung up on that one aspect.

    Just recently, we've explored pegging, and we both really enjoy it. He seems to like it when I take charge a little - he likes to be dominated a bit, but only in the bedroom!

    You can probably gather from all this that I've had something of a strict Christian upbringing and a lot of this is New to me. Basically, I'm looking for ideas to take these things a bit further for him - I've tried asking him what he'd like to try, but he's told me he'd like me to come up with some ideas of my own so he doesn't feel like he's pushing me to do anything I'm not happy with. I keep drawing a blank - can any of you guys help?

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    Addh [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Just Jane, if your hubby likes being dominated a bit then what about combining the pegging with some light bondage. Blindfolding him, tying him up and/or a bit of spanking?

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    Glaswegian82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah, exploring his submissive side seems a good idea.

    Have you tried giving him a prostate massage? Use either a finger or two, or a toy, inserted anally to gently stroke his prostate while you're masturbating/fellating him. It's a pretty amazing experience.

    For a broader look at things you might like, it's worth checking out some of porn tube sites. Have a browse, follow links and keywords and see what you like, then see about recreating it with your lucky fella.

    1500473002
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    If you are able to have PIV sex, have you considered recieving anal sex yourself. You would be having penetrative sex and able to have the potential to orgasm from it. I don't know how this sits with your upbringing, but it may be something to think about.

    Do you think your vaginismus could be psychological, down to your strict upbringing? There is a known psychological aspect to the condition.

    Have you thought of trying a bit of light bondage bondage?

    Have you tried oral on you as it does not involve penetration, as well as on him?

    Have you tried external friction; i.e him rubbing his penis up and down your labia, and clit; and for him, between your breasts, or buttocks. ?

    Body on body massage, or other eroctic massage ?

    Watching each other masturbate ? Can you masturbate clitorally ?

    If you fancy the sound of any of these you can ask for more detail if you wish.

    Just generally explore each others body, you never know whatyou may find out if your mind is open to new sensations. I found out quite by accident that a could orgasm, just from a stileto heal getting rubbed down my spine, as I was giving oral to a woman,

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    AsYouWish! [sign in to see picture]
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    You can download lists of ideas from the Internet. Then have a copy each and grade it from definitely interested to maybe to maybe if partner wanted to no way.
    Then swap lists and have a laugh with eachother.

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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Great to see your both so understanding but as others have said I would explore his submissive side. Unless it's just he enjoys a bit of bum fun then maybe try a few anal toys and look at "milking". So many different routes to take with bdsm so plenty to choose from.
    Also think creating a list or "fucket list" and trying each one.
    Role play may also be exciting for you both and if your unable to have penetrative sex then just look at either trying anal yourself or buy some external toys like a wand.

    1500477394
    Just Jane [sign in to see picture]
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    OP here again. Thanks for the ideas so far. In answer to your questions - we have tried anal a few times, and he enjoys it. I struggle with it a bit due to my upbringing, and again, he understands and doesn't push me - the biggest problem with it is that I've not managed an orgasm from it, and my husband says he feels selfish as I'm only doing it for him and don't get any benefit from it. As regards oral, he loves doing that to me, and me for him - apart from when he finishes. I can't get over the texture of it and can't stand to have it in my mouth. Hence now we've found that we both really enjoy pegging I'm trying to enhance that to try and get more out of it for both of us. He's been so understanding with everything that I'm hoping to surprise him with something he will really enjoy!

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    AsYouWish! [sign in to see picture]
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    Men are visual creatures. I am sure most would be more than happy for oral to finish outside your mouth such as on your chest.

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    Just Jane [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks AsYouWish, I like that idea and will try it! I also agree with some of the other suggestions and would like to explore his submissive side. Any suggestions gratefully received! I know my husband is definitely more adventurous than I am and I'd like to take things up a notch for him.

    1500481697
    Glaswegian82 [sign in to see picture]
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    Get some restraints (or use some silk ties or something similar), slowly and sensuously tie him to the bed, blindfold him, tease him and then use him in whatever way appeals to you. The restraint and the inability to see what you're doing will massively enhance the experience for him, and if you like being dominant, it could well get you going too!

    1500483198
    Just Jane [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for that too, Glaswegian82. I like the idea of tying and blindfolding him, and I know he'll like that. It's what to do with him once I've got him where I want him that I'm now struggling with! I've been doing internet searches as has been suggested, but I'm not finding anything that captures my imagination!

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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    I would first talk to him about what he enjoys about the submissive side of things. He may either just enjoy being dominated and pegged etc or he may be into the "sissy" type world where he may like to be slightly degraded.
    With all these things I think communication and honesty is key, make sure you have a safe word and do what feels right. Usually if something turns you both on and feels right then you know what route to take.

    With your upbringing I would personally take baby steps at first, just because it can all get quite overwhelming but if this is something your partner enjoys then it's best to find answers from him. You can always just find a few costumes you enjoy and maybe look at other fetishes, such as messy play etc. I remember one partner bought a bondage sheet for the bed and covered it all in moisturising oil. I never thought about an experience like that but it was really sexy and erotic just touching eachother. I did have visions of us flying off the bed and through the TV during though.

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    Just Jane wrote:

    OP here again. Thanks for the ideas so far. In answer to your questions - we have tried anal a few times, and he enjoys it. I struggle with it a bit due to my upbringing, and again, he understands and doesn't push me - the biggest problem with it is that I've not managed an orgasm from it, and my husband says he feels selfish as I'm only doing it for him and don't get any benefit from it. As regards oral, he loves doing that to me, and me for him - apart from when he finishes. I can't get over the texture of it and can't stand to have it in my mouth. Hence now we've found that we both really enjoy pegging I'm trying to enhance that to try and get more out of it for both of us. He's been so understanding with everything that I'm hoping to surprise him with something he will really enjoy!

    It can take take to learn to orgasm from anal, and you need to be very relaxed, and open to it, in your mind. Solo play is a good way to learn for yourself what works; where the pressure is off. I think what's in your mind is your biggest hurdle, if you can keep chipping away at those thoughts that are holding you back.

    it will take quite some time to unlearn the way you have been brought up, the only way is to keep trying, and don't give up. if the biggest problem is that you can't orgasm from anal, you are half way there; I haven't been able to orgasm from it every time, but I still love having it, it still feels wonderful. If I had an OH and he felt like yours, I would tell him "it still feels amazing even if I don't cum, and I want to keep having it, because of how close to you it makes me feel, please don't feel selfish for enjoying it yourself.". But thats just me. !!

    I know a lot of women can't stand the taste and feel of cum in their mouth, and neither could I at first but I kept trying and eventually I found I liked it. The " it's an aquired taste thing", I did the same with dark chocolate, now I can't leave it alone if it's in the house. But it doesn't work for everything I hate hot drinks and just can't get over that, so!!!!

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    Just Jane [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks, lil_know and alicia4ever. I think a lot of my issues are the result of my strict upbringing and I'm grateful for everyone's support so far! I've heard about semen being an acquired taste - my husband did (jokingly) mention it once, and I said if he took it into his mouth first then I'd try! He called my bluff and said he'd do it, so of course I backed down! He'll be home soon so I will try and get a handle on what he enjoys about me taking control - but be warned, I'll probably be back for more advice!

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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    All here to help Jane, if his semen is really not the most pleasant then you can make sure he drinks some fruit juices and a lot of water ade to his diet. These both break down the texture and the acid in fruits such as pineapple, oranges etc will work with the semen to make an alkaline soloution and make it much sweeter. Other things you can do is have a mouthful of warm tea or a fizzy drink which both will give him a sensation to knock his socks off and also makes it easier to swallow.

    Whatever happens I hope you both find a new and crazy life to enjoy

    1500496620
    Just Jane [sign in to see picture]
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    OP again. Having taken lil_known69's advice I have spoken to my husband about his submissive side. He does have this thing where he doesn't like to open up too much in case I feel like I have to do what he suggests... quite sweet really but bloody annoying when I want a straight answer! Lol! Thanks to a bottle of wine I got there in the end and got a few ideas out of him. He says he doesn't want to be my 'bitch' or anything but he quite likes the thought of me tying him up and 'making' him do things that are submissive. He said he'd quite like it if I peed on him? Wasn't expecting that and not really sure what I think. We also got talking about the cum swallowing and facials thing, and he swore he would never want to do that if I didn't - but he wouldn't mind it if I made him have a 'self facial' as part of the submission thing! Really not sure about that one either... He had never heard of prostate milking but I think that's one more thing we'd both be happy to try. So others thoughts and more suggestions welcome!

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you do sounda little as if you are focusing on things more centred on him. I have not heard you mention, wanting things for you, kind of like because of the vaginismus, you feel that there is nothing left for you but to enjoy playing switch.

    Not that switching isn't fun, but for a woman who isn't naturally dom, it will soon leave you feeling that you want to be able to feel feminine in bed; or at least I would. I'm trans female, and one of the things that made me sure I was trans, was that I couldn't keep up the typical male roll in bed, and out.

    There are loads of sexual things that you could do, that don't involve PIV sex for you, but still give you a feminine roll. Unlesss of course you feel you could make the switch perminant in the bed room. ?

    Water sports I believe is the most commonly reported "kink" in the UK, so you would not be alone if you tried it. It's actually quite a liberating thing to do. We are all taught that it's wrong to pee anywhere but in the loo, It may not do anything sexual for you but it maybe a good first thing to do towards breaking some of your personal taboos.

    Trying it in the shower is a good place to start, even if it's just you alone letting go while you are having a shower.

    try having a bit of solo anal play, see how it goes, you need to find something for you too. Try not to be so hard on yourself, you deserve to find your place too. Let the past go if thats what you want, as it seems it is. I don't have a vagina "yet" but even when I do I think that anal sex will have to be my thing, because I doubt my surgicaly created vagina will be that fantastic for sex, for my pleasure.

    As I said before explore your body together, find your little hot spots. It's realy down to what works for you, and you being able to be open with yourself, letting these new things in. If that little voice chips in tell it to shut up and go away, it's not needed, or wanted anymore. Only you can make it shut up, you put it there in the first place, because you were told you had to put it there.

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    Just Jane [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the advice Alicia4Ever. The main reason I wanted to do something for my husband is because he will happily go down on me - my favourite thing - several times a night if I ask him, and I'm quite happy with just that. Like I said before, I've never been that adventurous or imaginative when it comes to sex, so I'm happy just sticking to the basics. My husband has tried to get me to push the envelope a bit, to try new things, but my internet searches just seem to throw up some pretty extreme stuff, which puts me off looking further. As so much of this is new to me, I don't understand a lot of the terms used for some of the acts etc - hence my approach to you ladies and gentlemen for more 'real world' advice.

    Things are a bit strained between my husband and I this morning as well - he was a bit upset by my kind of "oh my god, that's a bit dirty" reaction to his confessions last night, and said this was why he is so reluctant to tell me things he'd like to try. I know you said watersports was quite common, but I'm not sure I could actually go through with it!

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    AsYouWish! [sign in to see picture]
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    It is best not to criticise though. I don't like bananas and can't understand how people would but I need to accept some people might. Sexual preference is no different.
    As advised previously, don't do stuff you aren't comfortable with but don't treat it as wrong.

    Urine is just a bodily fluid. If you try in the shower it is really not dirty even if it feels a bit unnatural.

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    LIL_KNOWN69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Great news Jane, it's nice to see what magic a bottle of wine can do. At least you have an idea now of what he would like and maybe you can role play a little with you giving the orders and maybe a few punishments handed out which may work in your favour.
    Water sports goes with a lot of degradation type domination so it is actually really normal for a lot of subs to enjoy this sort of thing. As others have said to try it in the shower but try not to get "pee shy". Maybe another bottle of wine can ease your mind a little but having someone who isn't pushy is great and hopefully if it doesn't feel right to you then it won't be a problem. Happy to hear you have some direction now and good luck with the future adventures.

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