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  1. Am I a good submissive?

    1499878915
    Submissive_Training [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 12 Jul 2017

    Hello beautiful,

    I'm wondering who here is a submissive?

    And then what makes a good submissive?

    I think it's about being willing to learn, please, and being the best version of yourself.

    Who here agrees?

    What have I missed?

    Fearless Love

    A x

    1499885047
    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 475
    • Joined: 20 Jun 2014

    Hi :)

    I'm a Switch so I am both sub and Domme depending on my partner, mood and the lunar cycle. :P Jokes on the last part but generally I'm not subby than Dommey because of my primary play partner.

    A good submissive is one with good communication in my opinion. Dom's can try their best to stay within limits but if you're testing new waters especially, communication is key.

    For example, I was submitting to a play partner and we tried out an arm binder. I've wanted to try one for a while and he's used it many times before so prior to me coming over we agreed to use it. He popped it on during play and my arms felt tingly once i'd been put back into position. I somehow didn't realise the logistics meant I couldn't prop my head up from the pillow during impact play and so I was struggling to breathe too, not not in a fun way. I said "Orange. The arm binder isn't for me." He stopped impact, took it off, I wiggled my arms a bit and we got back to play. We had out safe words set up in advance so this took a minute at most and didn't change the atmosphere.

    I also, personally, feel most submissive when I'm obeying a partner. Again, all pre-discussed about what is and isn't okay, safe words in place, but serving makes me feel like a good sub :)

    I think a willing to learn is important but acknowledging learning is most important. As mentioned, I learnt that I don't like arm minders, at all. The learning is not to use one again. It equally could have been to use a different type of use it after I'd limbered up first.

    Being the best version of yourself is to me a bit vague. I do this for myself regardless. If it means looking a certain way for your Dom that's also not my thing although acknowledge it is for some people. My subby tendancies have a line drawn before diet, clothing choices being made for me, etc.

    1499909995
    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3205
    • Joined: 11 Jun 2012

    Submissive_Training wrote:

    Hello beautiful,

    I'm wondering who here is a submissive?

    And then what makes a good submissive?

    I think it's about being willing to learn, please, and being the best version of yourself.

    Who here agrees?

    What have I missed?

    Fearless Love

    A x

    I think it varies from person to person. I'm dead bratty and sometimes too vulnerable to submit, which my last Dom really took advantage of, causing me to have a huge mental health breakdown. I saw the warning signs, but I was silly to ignore them because I liked to attention.

    1499940823
    leroylapaboy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 13
    • Joined: 16 Jun 2017

    My ten cents worth, as a Dom. Learn from others, but find out where you are in the spectrum. Keep learning about who you believe yourself to be. There is no right or wrong way. There is the perfect movie version which is unrealistic and there is you, with your life and circumstances. Think about whether it is a bedroom thing or a lifestyle thing. Are you a play partner or are you in a long term relationship? Are you a service sub, for example? I'm not sure I am allowed to mention a website but Google 'submissy' for some excellent articles on both mindset and practicalities, mainly from a ltr perspective. As for being the best version of yourself, that is something you and your Dom work on together. Just my thoughts.

    1499946883
    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 117
    • Joined: 15 Apr 2008

    I don't believe there is such a thing as a universally good submissive. "Good" is judged by the qualities you rate highest. Some people would judge a submissive by their service, some by their willingness to learn/try new things, some by sex or play etc.

    To me, the enjoyment/pleasure/satisfaction of those involved is more important than any attempt at an objective measure.

    To be a good submissive for your partner, you need to learn what they value or want. For example, some people would love you to bring them a cup of tea or coffee in bed each morning. My Dom doesn't like hot drinks so would not want this. If I had a live in sub (I'm a switch), I would prefer them to hand me a travel mug of a surprise hot drink (or iced version) as I walk out the door. Different people want different things. The internet can provide you with a list of ideas, but ultimately it is about being the sub your Dom(me) needs and only they can tell you that.

    1499976623
    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 262
    • Joined: 25 Feb 2017

    I haven't properly been involved in bdsm, have read quite a bit and dabbled role play.

    In my everyday, I am a person who people go to because I am a good listener, I also tend to problem solve and can be assertive to help others.

    I can be quite lazy not deliberately but expand energies on work, caring role, family and friends and find sometimes can't be bothered to cook and as I live on my own its a case of I'll clean the house when I have energy (usually overdo when I do and end in pain for at least a week).

    When hubby was alive, had someone to share things with. He wouldn't let me neglect self in terms of eating. Although our relationship was pretty equal in most ways, he let me worry and deal with finances and do the juggling.

    I sometimes wonder if could get a balance between control and being submissive.

    From what I have read although in some circumstances a Dom could take advantage, generally the Sib has more power because they are giving there trust over to the other person to do what is in their best interests.

    I think if was in right kind of Dom sub relationship, I could be very happy and not lazy as am willing to learn and try new things as well as enjoy pleasing and meeting partners needs.

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