99p Next Day delivery! Hurry ends in ...
  1. Help please

    1499802066
    Owl1984 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 11 Jul 2017

    I'm married to a wonderful guy however he really doesn't satisfy me sexually. I have told him this recently and he's trying really hard to please me. Despite his efforts I amstill unsatisfied, if anything I'm distracted at how clumsy and clueless he is about my body! To top it off he always cums really quickly ( his current emotional state won't help, he's recently lost a close relative). It's always been a problem but I've just never mentioned it and if I'm honest at times I've faked orgasms.
    Please no negative comments I just want some suggestions on how I can charge if the situation and improve our intimacy.

    1499802269
    Owl1984 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 2
    • Joined: 11 Jul 2017

    Please excuse the typing errors. I'm having trouble editing my post to correct them. It should read annoyed not disrupted!

    1499802920
    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 515
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2015

    You've gotten the hard part over, which is opening up lines of communication about your sex life. Now you need to keep it up. Talk together about your sexual likes and dislikes in a non confrontational safe space, outside of the bedroom. Make sure it is a two way discussion, not just a list of annoyances or demands, as this could make your husband shut down. Some people find doing online quizzes such as mojo upgrade together helpful.

    The other thing you could do alongside these talks is to give very specific instructions during sex. If you know your body well, tell your husband exactly what to do with it and give him feedback as he is doing it. This is the only way he will learn your body better. Of you don't like something he is doing, tell him so and direct him to a more positive action. You can just say "that doesn't really feel so good to me, trying doing X instead". It will be easier to do this if you've talked to your husband before hand about it, and told him just before the sex that you are going to give him direction.

    Bottom line; communicate your desires clearly and often, then it's just down to practicing together.

    Hope this is helpful

    1499805195
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1128
    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    Agree with Jezabella that you should direct him. Unfortunately there are no manuals for our lady parts so the only way he will learn is if you show him what works for you.
    He sounds like he wants to please you so guide him, faster/slower, harder/softer etc.
    Might sound more like foreplay by numbers initially but with time it'll become second nature.

    1499806242
    Heidi920 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1228
    • Joined: 17 May 2011

    Hi Owl1984 welcome to the forums!

    As above guideance is key. Maybe try some mutual masturbation then he can watch what you do and learn how to help you climax when hes the one doing it next time. x

    1499811382
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2720
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    I agree with the others. Communication is essential. Are you comfortable telling him what you like and don't like? If he is super clumsy (he sounds very similar to my husband used to be) it could be lack of prior experience and not having direction before. As it goes you tend to think "I've had no complaints" so carry on as if you are an amazing lover. Bit of direction, wee bit of praising what's good and the situation should improve.

    Much luck sweetheart 😘

    1499815064
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1767
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    Jezebella wrote:

    You've gotten the hard part over, which is opening up lines of communication about your sex life. Now you need to keep it up. Talk together about your sexual likes and dislikes in a non confrontational safe space, outside of the bedroom. Make sure it is a two way discussion, not just a list of annoyances or demands, as this could make your husband shut down. Some people find doing online quizzes such as mojo upgrade together helpful.

    The other thing you could do alongside these talks is to give very specific instructions during sex. If you know your body well, tell your husband exactly what to do with it and give him feedback as he is doing it. This is the only way he will learn your body better. Of you don't like something he is doing, tell him so and direct him to a more positive action. You can just say "that doesn't really feel so good to me, trying doing X instead". It will be easier to do this if you've talked to your husband before hand about it, and told him just before the sex that you are going to give him direction.

    Bottom line; communicate your desires clearly and often, then it's just down to practicing together.

    Hope this is helpful

    + 1 ^^^

    Please try not to get annoyed with him, just teach him, as others have said. the only thing I would say different is don't say that something is not good, just gently move him on to something that is good, by saying would you do this now, as soon as he starts doing something that's not so good.

    That way he won't feel like the little boy who give the maths teacher the wrong answer; but be shown the right one instead.

    This thread my provide some help with his other problem. https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/1556873-delaying-ejaculation-help/

    1499822704
    Senator [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 200
    • Joined: 11 Jun 2017

    It has only been recently that my wife has opened up a bit about the things she wants to try (20 years+ together), so by getting the lines of communication open, the sooner the sex will improve.

    I also can be a bit quick off the mark, my wife didn't / doesn't complain, but I know its not / wasn't particularly satisfying for her. If you want the sex to last longer, a release before sex can help (day before?). We recently invested in a vibrating cock ring and this has helped stamina a lot (plus with the vibrations is extra enjoyment for the both of us).

    Sexual performance can be a tricky issue, no one likes being told they are doing something wrong, but a good sexual relationship is very important.

    Have you tried alternating a his / hers session. Make one session all about him, get him to tell you what he wants to try, and then fulfill those desires (plus use time before getting him off for non erogenous zone contact - massage etc), show him that there is more to sexual pleasure than an orgasm. Then, turnabout is fair play, when its your turn, tell him exactly what you want him to do, be specific, and offer encouragement during, will take the performance anxiety off of him knowing "its your turn" and likewise, give over to non erogenous zone contact with massage or similar.

    Good luck

    1499847157
    leroylapaboy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 13
    • Joined: 16 Jun 2017

    I agree with the advice given here. Certainly with getting to know each others bodies, even in non traditional erogenous places. Massage can be a great start to longer, more intimate sessions. Also agree with doing mojo upgrade. As a male,I would like to say that we are not mind-readers and some coaching will not make us feel inadequate. Think of your body as a musical instrument, anyone can play the keys on a piano,but it takes time, lessons and practice to play a concerto. Communication is key...

    1499849593
    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1740
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2015

    Hello and welcome, you're in the right place to get advice and dont worry no one would be negative towards you.

    Yes communication is a given, as others have suggested. Work on that first and foremost.

    Have you two (or him on his own), watched porn/together? Use it for educational purposes, he can really learn a lot from watching porn. And if you two get off on it then thats a bonus right ?

    Good luck!

    🐼

    1499853277
    HFVD [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 29
    • Joined: 2 Dec 2016

    Hello, welcome to the forums. I second what everyone else is saying about communication being key. If he doesn't know what's good and bad he will just keep going thinking he's doing everything right.As a male I can tell you that we don't feel ashamed being told what to do. I like it when my Fiancé tells me what to do as I want to do the best job I can!

    One thing worth noting is his sex drive might be through the floor after losing his relative. I lost a relative recently and mine plummeted just because of all the stress with it, so bare that in mind and try not to pressure him to much.

    Why don't you show him what you like? By this I mean pleasure yourself whilst he watches and you both also might find it very hot as well as informative! Just don't let him touch!

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.