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  1. Things you do to keep your relationship alive!

    1498360161
    MrGoodGuy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 35
    • Joined: 2 Jun 2017

    Years (or months lol) into a relationship, and things can become stale, complacent and without effort?

    Flowers and chocolates get given on birthdays and valentines day etc and a couples night out is attempted, when you aren't too tired - sound familiar??

    But why can't you give jewellery because it's a Wednesday afternoon? Nothing elaborate, else it'd Mar special events.

    What's wrong with flowers for your oh, because they've had a hard day at work or JUST BECAUSE!

    Marriage is easy - keeping that blood pumping takes work! So put some effort into the person you fell in love with, and remind them how special they are to you!

    Here's a few things I do, perhaps you guys can add to this to prompt others to rekindle some fires!

    Post it notes around the kitchen, with meaningful messages
    A hot bath with smellies for when they get in
    A good quality massage oil, with a good quality massage to follow
    Spring clean the house on your day off
    Cook a nice meal you find on the Internet perhaps?
    Texts saying nice things
    Poems that are personal to that person
    Hide messages in their clothes or belongings telling them how amazing they are
    Iron some clothes and place them out with a note saying what time you have booked the restaurant
    Book them into a salon for a treatment you know they'll appreciate
    Do like you did when you were 16 and make them a play list on cd of meaningful music
    Buy some make up or beauty products and hide them in their make up bag
    Bring breakfast in bed

    I've a fair bit more, but your turn folks - what do you do?

    1498372722
    ScumptiousDumptious [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 466
    • Joined: 21 Apr 2017

    I post my O. H cards with little messages in saying what they mean to me, memories of things / places we've done / been.
    I do it because I love him, I don't get anything in return but it would be nice!

    1498376905
    WillC [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 690
    • Joined: 28 Jul 2012

    I clean house from top to bottom,iron and do the washing on my days off,so that when we are off together we can relax without worrying about chores.I do little things like if i make a coffee,i mix a cup for her,so that when she gets in/up she just has to flick the kettle.Also,i am generally in charge of our tv viewing,but if there`s stuff on i know she`ll like,such as The Voice etc i put it on for her.

    1498378862
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 199
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2017

    All those suggestions are excellent and I would say you are correct that that it's easy to forget to do special things for your OH. The flip side is that regularly doing these things removes the specialness. For example I now have to buy flowers for my Wife every week as she expects them as part of my weekly shopping chores and is disappointed if I don't buy them. We already split our chores and support each other. We also volunteer to do certain tasks that we know that each other may not want to do and we thank each other for that. We have been together for 36 years, 25 of those married and we have 2 teenage daughters. We both agree that our overall relationship is really very good in that we work together as a team and support each other, we love each other so much still.

    My advice is that building your relationship with your OH can be in many different ways and usually it's not in a reciprocal fashion, it works better if you share out life chores to support each other. Each person usually does their special things for the relationship that means you work together in going about living together; for me that is the relationship. Showing your appreciation for that relationship is important, but actually saying a simple "thank you" is critical so that each of you acknowledge what you bring to the relationship. There are many opportunities to reinforce this with gifts and treats to reaffirm that relationship, but again it's not always reciprocal or symmetrical. I'm sure different people feel the need to reaffirm their thanks for the relationship to varying degrees, but if it's massively skewed that would have me worried about the relationship. Being taken for granted is not a great way to continue to build a relationship, but the only way to tackle that is to discuss it.

    For me personally the years of marriage, well life really, has impacted our intimacy and physical closeness. I wouldn't confuse that with our relationship, but it is an important part of being a couple rather than just great friends.

    1498381691
    Mr.Peach [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 99
    • Joined: 17 Mar 2014

    We're onto round two of the A-Z date challenge. Every letter we have to do something relating to that letter. It's fun to keep the activity or thing a surprise.

    1498385795
    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 514
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2015

    WillC wrote:

    I clean house from top to bottom,iron and do the washing on my days off,so that when we are off together we can relax without worrying about chores.

    That, I think, is the best advice! I would be so happy if someone cleaned the whole house for me! For me, its important to talk properly about the relationship at least once a month and if there's anything that needs changing / adjusting so everyone is happy. Its better to get things out in the open than let them fester and become a bigger problem.
    1498387508
    WillC [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 690
    • Joined: 28 Jul 2012

    Jezebella,it does help that i`m a bit of a neat/clean freak! (Definitely not OCD i just have standards!)

    1498387982
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7159
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I would recommend romance to keep a relationship fresh .Things like bookings surprise dinner out at a pub restaraunt. Have plenty of cuddles when at home and when out hold hands when about town or in between pubs.

    1498388544
    toulouse [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 79
    • Joined: 6 Jun 2017

    mysteron wrote:

    I would recommend romance to keep a relationship fresh .Things like bookings surprise dinner out at a pub restaraunt. Have plenty of cuddles when at home and when out hold hands when about town or in between pubs.

    +1

    1498390465
    MrGoodGuy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 35
    • Joined: 2 Jun 2017

    Small jestures like hold hands, an unexpected hug.
    Leaving a short note or letter for them to wake up to, saying how much they mean to you.

    You wouldn't neglect a partner just after meeting them, why would you do it later when you've both grown and love each other more?

    1498431567
    Hazeladam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 146
    • Joined: 28 Jan 2016

    Lots of good tips there.

    I used to buy my other half flowers randomly but the past couple of times the gesture has been greeted "with what have you done?" Which isn't a very nice feeling ☹️

    My oh has just gone back to work full time and I'm normally finished a couple of hours before her so I generally sort out the washing, dinner, doing dishes that sort of thing

    1498432449
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1155
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    Hazeladam wrote:

    Lots of good tips there.

    I used to buy my other half flowers randomly but the past couple of times the gesture has been greeted "with what have you done?" Which isn't a very nice feeling ☹️

    My oh has just gone back to work full time and I'm normally finished a couple of hours before her so I generally sort out the washing, dinner, doing dishes that sort of thing

    Captain was told right at the beginning of our relationship to never buy flowers to say sorry because I don't want this to happen. I'm sorry your partner has reacted like that
    1498433064
    Hazeladam [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
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    Thing is we rarely argue, maybe 3 times in the 12/13 years we've been together and I never do anything particularly stupid etc that a simple apology isn't enough.

    1498554744
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 199
    • Joined: 6 Mar 2017

    Mr.Peach wrote:

    We're onto round two of the A-Z date challenge. Every letter we have to do something relating to that letter. It's fun to keep the activity or thing a surprise.

    A to Z dating challenge sounds great, thanks for the idea.

    1498564130
    Lorah13 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 603
    • Joined: 8 Jun 2013

    Ooh I love the idea of the A-Z dating challenge! As for us in our relationship I sometimes would buy my OH his favourite chocolate or ice cream and I like to surprise him with some new lingerie every now and again. When we were dating he used to do lots of nice things like buy flowers just randomly or leave little love notes, now though sometimes he'll buy me chocolate if he's getting some for himself so I don't feel left out lol. He's definitely not as romantic as he was before we said 'I do' but I wouldn't change him for the world.

    1498591419
    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 255
    • Joined: 25 Feb 2017

    Little things mean a lot - when my husband was alive, being a northern man (quite a bit older than me) he was not the romantic type but he would do things which showed he cared.

    Eg buy me a packet of maltesers (favourite chocolate)

    Eg make me a bacon sandwich for breakfast at the weekend

    Eg made sure I ate even if I couldn't be bothered

    Eg rarely bought me flowers so when he did I was super grateful for them

    Eg getting adamant that I didn't do something when he felt others were taking me for granted

    Eg did not made me feel guilty for going out when he did not want to go out and encouraged me to spend time with friends and family

    Eg knowing if I asked for a cuddle / hug I needed it and would oblige

    This was not every day and could feel taken for granted at times, however the small gestures made me aware he still cared.

    I have always been an adequate cook so my hubby did most of the cooking but when I wanted to show him how much I cared I would cook and he wouldn't complain about the results as he appreciated the effort. I'm not a terrible cook to be fair just a nervous one.In the 14 years we were together, I made our last Christmas dinner together. (First 9 years we had xmas dinner at mother in laws then for 3 year hubby did and i did the last xmas together). Admittedly, I did get him to check everything but I cooked it. I had done some Sunday dinners and some week nights.

    1498629836
    SmokingHotLove [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 194
    • Joined: 26 Apr 2015

    Mr GG I love your thinking!
    Waiting for an occasion to show/express your love is just lazy... and expected, so there's no element of surprise or excitement. Appreciate each other EVERY day and show your love in a way that comes natural! For me it's the little, spontaneous gestures that mean so much. It doesn't need to be flowers, chocolates etc (so obvious and lacks thought). I always appreciate a long lie without having to ask, him spending quality time with the kids, breakfast in bed, cleaning the windows/house for example, those are things that show me he's listened and taken on board my stresses. When your OH does something because he appreciates you as a person, that's such a turn on! Little gestures (for me) go a long way for sure. Actions speak louder than words.
    My OH knows that by taking a little bit off my plate, he benefits in other ways lol.
    By communicating and listening to each other's needs, you can help keep your relationship on track.
    I am also a huge fan of spicing it up! A fresh approach to your love life is a guarantee to keeping it interesting and new 😍

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