• Help! Getting to know each other in the bedroom after only dating a short while

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    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    hey everyone, as you might already know from a previous post, I have been dating a guy for a few weeks now and everything has been going fine (both outside and inside the bedroom-kind of?!). He is quite a dominant character, again outside and inside the bedroom, and compared to me a little more sexperienced and not as afraid of speaking up, saying what he likes in bed and asking about my likes/dislikes ect but he is also and can be affectionate, gentle ect...

    Just need a bit of guidance, so here goes with the long and short of it basically being that, I told him recently during the last time we had sex that I preferred it when he's rough with me (in the sense that the sex not being slow and gentle, as he asked at the time if I liked it whilst he was going at it softly?) That's when I told him yes but I preferred it when he's a little rougher. All of a sudden he said oh do you mean like this (kind of in jest too but testing the boundaries also), as he put one of his hands against/on/not fully around my neck (gently enough but not so if that makes sense)
    I immediately said to him woah not like that! (I would be perfectly happy to entertain that kind of play up to a limit but we haven't been sleeping together long). It shocked me a little but he immediately stopped and retreated, sensing my uncomfortableness and we were both fine about it and carried on as we were.
    I kind of feel a bit of an idiot now and rather prudish. I never really got the chance to bring it up again out of sheer embarrassment, in order for me to tell him I'd be ok with that kind of thing once we got to know each other sexually a bit better. He also keeps asking if I came, and I've mentioned in a round about way that I can't really come via sex itself and need oral/toys/hands ect to make it happen and even then it doesn't always and purely depends on my mood and if I want to come or not, sometimes I just enjoy the feeling of sex itself but I do not ever get the end result from it (which I am more than perfectly happy with). If would've thought he'd realise a lot of women have the same trouble? I was honest with him and told him I didn't come but quickly said it was in no way based on a reflection of his performance, but still he keeps asking and I hate to keep saying no even though I won't lie. He asked if I liked him going down on me as he didn't think enjoyed it, as I kind of pulled him off after a few minutes as I just wasn't in the mood to come like I mentioned before, but I was happy to let him have his turn.

    I feel so out of touch with sex both with myself and with a sexual partner. I know what I like but find it hard to express as it's been a while and my previous sexual relationship with my ex after many years really died and I've found it hard to get my confidence back again. We literally knew each other inside and out until we drifted apart in the bedroom a couple of years before our split.

    Really need some good advice, I don't feel too easy talking about sex especially with someone new but I am open minded.

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    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you considered writing it down? Sounds like with some communition you could be quite compatable.

    There is also the online mojo questionnaire thing. I am sure one of the other forum members have the link. It could be a good conversation starter.

    1497901186
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    That sounds great NaughtyNerd, I'd love to do this online mojo questionnaire

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    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
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    It's this
    http://www.mojoupgrade.com/

    1497902878
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh yes. Thank you. Need to get his email though but he might think the whole concept is a bit odd?!

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    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
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    If you explain why you want to do it. A lot of couples find it fun, maybe approach it as such.
    From what you said he clearly wants to satisfy you.

    1497903199
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes he does.he explained that he likes to talk about/discuss sex so he can find out what I like and make me happy.kind of sweet of him to say as we are not official as yet, or at least have not had the chat although it's heading in the right direction and neither of us are bothered about dating other people at the moment

    1497903631
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Just looked at the example questions. Not sure we are quite at the level with one another to answer some of them yet

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    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    The real fun part of this survey is the dialogue that goes with discussing the results, opens up a whole new dimention to sex play

    1497903986
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes you're right Tiger Dick, although a few that I like I would feel embarrassed to admit for fear of appearing weird or too risque for him perhaps! And vice versa, if he liked something that I didn't e.g anything anal with me is a complete no-no, I'd be mortified

    1497904383
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    smellycat19 wrote:

    Yes you're right Tiger Dick, although a few that I like I would feel embarrassed to admit for fear of appearing weird or too risque for him perhaps! And vice versa, if he liked something that I didn't e.g anything anal with me is a complete no-no, I'd be mortified

    You could do it first, fill in the quiz to how you want to live at the moment and fill those you feel are out of the question ATM and fill them as NO. Tell your new beau, that as things stand these answers are too soon to get it on with, however in time, all being well you'll do the test again.

    1497904479
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats a good idea

    1497904918
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    How do you suggest going about bringing it up without sounding like a total failure or that I'm a bit awkward to discuss things otherwise?

    1497905407
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    smellycat19 wrote:

    How do you suggest going about bringing it up without sounding like a total failure or that I'm a bit awkward to discuss things otherwise?

    Say That you've hears of this survey, it for me (hopefully not putting words into your mouth) opens the question of sex, and by both doing the survey hopefully opens doors, to what we want in bed, before we get there. Impulse and spontinaity can be fantastic turn ons, but they can also wreck relationships. You just want to open the communication route whilst your out of the bedroom, by doing this you really will be on the same page...

    1497905573
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    Tiger Dick wrote:

    smellycat19 wrote:

    Yes you're right Tiger Dick, although a few that I like I would feel embarrassed to admit for fear of appearing weird or too risque for him perhaps! And vice versa, if he liked something that I didn't e.g anything anal with me is a complete no-no, I'd be mortified

    You could do it first, fill in the quiz to how you want to live at the moment and fill those you feel are out of the question ATM and fill them as NO. Tell your new beau, that as things stand these answers are too soon to get it on with, however in time, all being well you'll do the test again.

    BTW if he puts a like/want to and you put a no, it doesn't come up as a match, it only gives you an insight to what you both don't rule out, hence answer NO to things outside your comfort levels

    1497908332
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh ok I get it now. Actually, coincidence has it he actually sent me a link and we've just completed it. Very interesting. Still don't know how to tell him about the whole not coming during sex/stop asking me issue.

    1497912607
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    smellycat19 wrote:

    Oh ok I get it now. Actually, coincidence has it he actually sent me a link and we've just completed it. Very interesting. Still don't know how to tell him about the whole not coming during sex/stop asking me issue.

    That sounds to me a communication is the only way, don't let there be mis-understandings and that way you both know how to move forward, good luck with this- hope it helps.

    1497949320
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    You've been given some great advice already so not really much to add .

    In the future for your rough sex you could try roleplaying to see how you like it in one session only and with the use of safewords you can abort anytime.

    I am normally the dominant person in ther bedroom but my OH dressing up as a female cop complete with shades ( to prevent eye contact) allows her to play the dominant role just for a single session .I got prettty roughed up last night but enjoyed it.

    We find roleplaying a safe vehicle for trying things new ( within our boundaries) with the added safety of being to stop it at anytime with the use of safewords.

    Perhaps not for now but its something you could consider in the future.

    1497975538
    MrsND [sign in to see picture]
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    smellycat19 wrote:

    Just looked at the example questions. Not sure we are quite at the level with one another to answer some of them yet

    Me and my hubby did this quizz the other day. It was a way of me trying to get him to talk more about what he wanted. Even after 10years sex is a bit of a taboo subject with him but he is getting better 😊 I too also looked at the sample question bit but that also includes the advanced questions. You can choose to just do the standard questions and not the advance. The standard ones are a bit more fun and perfect to getting to know what each other like xx
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    Lil_MissNaughty [sign in to see picture]
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    smellycat19 wrote:

    Oh ok I get it now. Actually, coincidence has it he actually sent me a link and we've just completed it. Very interesting. Still don't know how to tell him about the whole not coming during sex/stop asking me issue.

    Relating to this issue, I'm afraid you're just going to have to pluck up the courage to have a little chat with your partner and explain the situation. It sounds like we're similar in that I don't always orgasm no matter what hubby does. He always asks "did you get there?" after he's come inside me and quite often I haven't, so I'll say "afraid not but I really enjoyed it anyway". He usually gives me an orgasm through clit stimulation before we go to penetration so I'm 'satisfied' from our sessions. Hubby also knows anal is a no-no and he's fine even though he'd be thrilled if it was an option for me/us.

    I'm sure your partner will understand if you explain that it's not always possible for you to orgasm but you enjoy the sex anyway. Perhaps try talking to him when you're both enjoying a cuddle or something so it's not too formal? He sounds very understanding/patient. Good Luck!

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