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  1. Been ill, now sitting about with time on my hands thinking

    1497878331
    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 16 May 2008

    So, I had a second minor stroke (only 46) the other week. I'm at home recovering, with a lot of time to think. MrsB is great and has been looking after me.

    She's now post menopausal and thing have slowed in the bedroom dept. Now I understand that, I've read up on it but I feel that she doesn't fancy me, has little interest in sex. I've tried slow and sensual, to down right blunt, 'like jump on this' In the past both these would have resulted in passion more often than not kinky passion!

    Now over the last 6 months these result in her saying not tonight/just now I'm tired/don't feel good, in fact the other day she said she'd just made a cup of tea.

    The last couple of weeks whilst recovering I thought we could take the chance to rekindle things, me at home, kids at school, lots of lone time. But no, whilst she is very attentive any kind of advance seems to be ignored or turned down. She even suggested a selfie I took at the weekend would make a good Tinder pic and she wondered how many swipes I'd get.

    I must point out that I love her dearly, tell her how good she looks and how attractive she is.

    I'm not sure exactly what advice I'm looking for, just needed to get it off my chest.

    1497880218
    toulouse [sign in to see picture]
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    I am so sorry to hear you have had a minor stroke, regardless of the severity it will still be concerning for you and I would imagine you have been told to rest. I hope you recover quickly.

    I may be talking complete rubbish so feel free to ignore me but having been through the menopause myself and having a highly sexed other half I can understand how you are feeling, so my advice is to not put any pressure on your OH as if she is feeling like I did, she will try anything to deflect and avoid sexual conversations etc.

    It is so difficult to explain how us women feel pre menopausal/ post menopausal as it can just mess so much with your hormones that we don't know how we feel or what we want let alone trying to explain it to our other halves...this made me completely switch off as it was the easiest option.

    I messaged once before saying that my sexual desire could change within minutes...I didn't initiate anything for fear of losing interest quickly and disappointing my OH.

    I am not sure if this helps at all but just keep talking and try to rest.

    1497881421
    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks toulouse, good advice, you did reply on my other thread.

    It's just getting me down, I didn't expect that at 46 I'd be looking at a dwindling sex life, maybe 76

    Just worried that if i let it go on no sex will become the norm.

    1497882427
    toulouse [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH had the same concerns and tried several things....it is all back on track now and very exciting...i am afraid it is just patience which I appreciate is hard.

    Us women don't enjoy the way we feel ...it is frustrating for us too...

    1497884934
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    from the sound of the tinder comment, she is feeling more than a bit broken. Like she is kind of thinking "he's not going to want me anymore now I'm like this, so he may as well go find someone else"

    Just be there for her show her affection, and make sure she knows you are not doing it for sex.

    And make sure she knows you are going nowhere. You have had plenty of sex in the past no doubt, now she needs you to just be there for her, be patient, and understanding.

    it's not like she wants to feel this way, or even likes it; it just is!!!

    If or when she is feeling ready she will come back to it; if not she is still the woman you love. There is always a cuddle and then a Flesh light. Some of us never find love ; I don't mean to sound rude but you could have had my life, just thank god you didn't.

    1497885944
    paulsballs [sign in to see picture]
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    Perhaps she is worried about your health and recovery,and possible over doing it.

    Have you had any medical advice on this??

    Have you both spoken to your GPS for advice??

    Whatever happens your love for each other will get you through.

    Take things slowly, good luck,.

    1497886689
    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks guys

    1497889319
    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    My OH had the same concerns and tried several things....

    tolouse anything you can share?

    1497891215
    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    paulsballs wrote:

    Perhaps she is worried about your health and recovery,and possible over doing it.

    Have you had any medical advice on this??

    Have you both spoken to your GPS for advice??

    Whatever happens your love for each other will get you through.

    Take things slowly, good luck,.

    I was thinking this too. I know I'd be concerned in this situation and the post menopause problems probably aren't helping much!

    1497893357
    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
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    As NatandTom and Paulsballs say she could be worried about losing you, causing you damage.

    While you were ill did your OH become a carer for you? This can sometimes put a lull on things.

    I do think Toulouse and Alicia4ever are prob right about your other half and make good insights.

    Sometimes us women go through phases as well from very horny for weeks on end to (depending on our hormones and our own general health and body image) not wanting anyone to touch us.

    Give it time and although don't push it give gentle encouragement to let her know you still feel that way about her also if GP given go ahead/all clear let her know you won't break

    1497893720
    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks all, will discuss things, I'm sure she knows I'll be OK, doc have said carry on as usual for me, so all good, I doubt she'd break me, I'm 6'4" ex rugby player, she's only 5'2"...

    I'll continue to reassure her

    1497894747
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    Firstly, well done for getting through your stroke, I lost a pal through that when he was only 49, a local hero too. In regards to your OH's sex drive and being post menopulsal, take a read of

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/off-topic/1560979-the-hrt-journey/

    And see if it rings any bells, she (Loving new toys - LNT) is still an active member here, and has opened up her own life and health concerns in an attempt to share her own experience of what is a difficult time for her. Other women have chipped in with their experiences too, and as a bloke with a wife on HRT its has been an education and has opened up dialogue for us, when I never had any clue of what to ask her - Thanks LNT for that BTW xxx

    Hope you get what you are looking for

    1497895511
    toulouse [sign in to see picture]
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    BigBikeGuy wrote:

    My OH had the same concerns and tried several things....

    tolouse anything you can share?

    Hiya.

    First of all aren't there some lovely people on this site.

    Yes of course......he kept cuddling me especially first thing in the morning before we got up...at first I would make excuses to get up but when I realised there would be no pressure I enjoyed the intimacy.

    He would compliment me more than normal in small ways and come up behind me and muzzle my neck again I would push away until I realised it was not going further...it did slowly make me feel I was still sexually attractive and that I actually did want more.

    Please don't go down one route that he tried which was using amateur psychology as he keep buying new toys to try and suggested new sexual practices. I completely shut off when he did this as I felt pressured and accused him of being bored with me and suggested he find someone else that would perform for him....oh my that was a bad time for us....

    There was also a time he left a page open on the internet that made me feel an absolute failure.

    One little thing I did like and really appreciated was his openness about his feelings eventually, and that he was willing to listen to me and how he was making me feel.

    Just to reiterate its all good now so patience and perseverance worked wonders..

    1497909148
    BigBikeGuy [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks @Tiger Dick, I've followed LNT's HRT journey with intrest, thankfully MrsB didn't seem to be that bad.

    Thanks @toulouse, I'll try and follow those steps, already tried the new toys stuff as you know thats not the way forward..

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