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  1. New to dating game again and need advice

    1499122577
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    It's difficult really as we are all just guessing the reasons why he is being vague. If I met him , I would have him sussed out within an hour but that is all hypathetical as that will not happen. All you can do is just keep asking him to clarrify things without coming accross as being insecure.

    1499122742
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Exactly Mysteron, but I'm not very tactful and lack that kind of skill to do it in a way that seems otherwise needy ect...

    1499123208
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    As an idea you could say something like "My parent/best friend wants to know if I have a boyfriend? .How do you want me to answer ?"

    Hopefully that line of questioning may force his hand a little.

    1499123957
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Haha good one. I will leave it a little while as think in his eyes I may be coming across trying to keep hinting at it but will definitely try it soon. Only recently managed to get a selfie of us together, friends on fb but yet our statuses still single lol, plus things he says/does seems to indicate he feels more than he's letting on. He told me the other day he slept on the other side of his bed for the last couple of nights (side I sleep on when I stay) as he could Smell my perfume. Thought that was a bit random yet kind of cute.I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything still it was nice of him to say and for me to hear

    1499130609
    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe and its just a thought, by saying he wants to be exclusive but not label it and meet each others families and your little one ( when your ready) although vague is a positive sign he wants to be with you but maybe you have both been burnt before and he is being cautious.

    Mysteron said patience and keep chipping away - very good advice.

    Things appear to be going in right direction, take it easy don't rush it but at same time do keep communicating. Open up a little bit- show him you trusting him with you And you will do same for him.

    As earlier advice though "play a bit hard to get" and don't let him take for granted.

    Keep us posted about how it goes , take care x

    1499262898
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Lyndav71, that makes sense. Show him I trust him with what though? I couldn't quite understand what you meant by that?

    1499282300
    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
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    What i mean hun is that By opening up a bit either by saying how you feel or talking about what youve been through or doing something to show him how you feel about him you are showing him yourself and demonstrating you trust him with yourself.

    example it seems he is doing that a little bit with you by telling you about sleeping on your side of the bed etc and being able to smell you. He is trusting you not to laugh at him telling you that as its quite personal and makes him a bit vulnerable - It seems slowly he is opening up are you doing the same? Only you can answer that.

    Be patient with yourself and him, sex and attraction help but they don't ultimately hold a relationship together that is more about communicating and compromise and friendship and companionship.

    1499282368
    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh and fun

    1499360709
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Lyndav71. I'm not frightened to open up to him but feel he is. Things he says/does seem to indicate he wants us to be more but if I kind of hint at or challenge it I feel he clams up and backs off. Then I get paranoid it's me and that he doesn't like me/want me as much as I do him. I got to meet his mum this morning and she seemed very nice but couldn't gauge what she thought about me. I had a message from him earlier saying she had messaged him saying she thought I was very lovely and he has her approval. Don't feel her opinion will change much on how he is from now on though.

    1499365650
    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
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    That was nice of him to tell you he had mums approval. He could have kept silent and let you stew.

    He may not be as open as you like but its going the right way, please don't overanalyze hun and as Mysteron said be patient.

    You obviously like him but try and bear in mind what Mysteron said play a bit hard to get but keep it open options so not blowing him off.

    Mistakes I have made in past and probably will again as it's my nature but trying to calm it as get older

    1) don't over share too much too soon - apparently desire to be open and honest can

    a) diminish the mystery and joy of learning about you

    b) leave you vulnerable because it means putting trust in their lap and can be used against you and if trust too quickly and too easily opens you up to getting hurt

    2) don't overanalyze everything he says and does it will make you over think and cause you to perhaps attribute thoughts and feelings doesn't have ( good or bad)

    Neither of these mean you can't communicate openly and honestly with him but some thoughts keep to yourself, reserve judgement.

    Sounds like things although slow are going in the right direction. For now just enjoy the ride, let things happen naturally. Remember sometimes actions demonstrate more than words.

    Take care and keep us posted, hope goes well x

    1499980976
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    So just over a week on and things are still going very well. Have been invited by him as a plus one to a wedding and have arranged to meet my little one soon. Still not labelling but obviously still exclusive e.g still listed as single on fb ect....

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    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Definitely going in right direction then that's good - don't worry , be happy (as the song goes)

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    smellycat19 wrote:

    So just over a week on and things are still going very well. Have been invited by him as a plus one to a wedding and have arranged to meet my little one soon. Still not labelling but obviously still exclusive e.g still listed as single on fb ect....

    I agree going in the right direction.

    My only concern and I am sure its yours is that he is still listing himself as single . Perhaps reapply via the site and then perhaps he may get the message.

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    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi Mysteron. Confused as to what you meant by reapply via the site?!

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    Lyndav71 [sign in to see picture]
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    Smellycat19 maybe Mysteron means send him messages via the site and he may get hint that you still on there same as him ?

    1501709389
    smellycat19 [sign in to see picture]
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    Been a couple of weeks since my last post but just thought I'd mention that we had the chat recently. Was kind of spurred on by him meeting my parents and helping me move house. He randomly brought it up as how to refer to me to people, saying am I his girlfriend? I told him yes if he wants me to be, but I thought he said we weren't labelling too soon? He said it's because he's been burnt before and is just cautious, but said it doesn't change the way he feels about me. Kind of confused now as I don't exactly know how he feels about me, although his actions speak louder, but can't help thinking he meant it in a slightly negative way as though he was trying to get across he doesn't/won't ever feel more towards me than he does at the moment already?!

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    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    It reads to me that you both want slightly different things. Him- A more casual relationship . I wouldnt quite go as far as friends with benefits though. Yourself- A relationship with some aspects of security .

    Its early days yet so I wouldnt be too concerned but compromises may be needed in the future in order to keep both of you happy.

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