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  1. Partners Sex Drive

    1495538480
    Skillman85 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 24 Jun 2013

    Hi All

    Since my partner gave birth 10 months ago her sex drive has completely dropped. We've tried by spicing things up but still nothing like what it used to be. It wasn't a problem with the first child. Just after some advice or tips in trying to resurrect it so to speak.

    Thanks guys

    1495542409
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7159
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    IMO spicing things up may be ,just may be, the wrong way of doing things . Well not my way anyway. I think you need to go back to basics again. Perhaps learn how to love each other again and put sex firmly on the back burner. If you can get baby sitting cover then start by having date nights out and relaxing in each others company and enjoy each others company . Better if you can is to get some nights away in a hotel or B & B .Start having meals out , perhaps trips to the cinema and if either of you like dancing find an appropriate night club for your age group.When you are out ,behave like a couple of love birds , play footsie under the table etc Dress to impress as well. ..Communication is a key element as well so its important that you have a chat with your other half first before planning things. Bring a little romance into it as well , buy her flowers . More impressive if you can get them sent by a third party delivery. Perhaps when you are at home you could run a bath for her and pamper her.

    The sex side of things will eventually come back over time but don't rush it.

    The above is basically what we did to bring the spark back but in our case it was over a much longer period .

    1495543612
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1368
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    mysteron wrote:

    IMO spicing things up may be ,just may be, the wrong way of doing things . Well not my way anyway. I think you need to go back to basics again. Perhaps learn how to love each other again and put sex firmly on the back burner. If you can get baby sitting cover then start by having date nights out and relaxing in each others company and enjoy each others company . Better if you can is to get some nights away in a hotel or B & B .Start having meals out , perhaps trips to the cinema and if either of you like dancing find an appropriate night club for your age group.When you are out ,behave like a couple of love birds , play footsie under the table etc Dress to impress as well. ..Communication is a key element as well so its important that you have a chat with your other half first before planning things. Bring a little romance into it as well , buy her flowers . More impressive if you can get them sent by a third party delivery. Perhaps when you are at home you could run a bath for her and pamper her.

    The sex side of things will eventually come back over time but don't rush it.

    The above is basically what we did to bring the spark back but in our case it was over a much longer period .

    And make sure you not only listen to her, but hear her too, validate what she's saying.... A no strings cuddle or six can also do wonders too. Time is your friend here, let her take as much as she needs, but don't let her be lonely either...

    1495544443
    Skillman85 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 24 Jun 2013

    Simple things go along way I suppose I think back to basics might actually be a good idea.

    1495544692
    curiouswelshie [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2016

    All what Mysteron and Tiger Dick said above and remember that for some women, foreplay starts at 7am in the morning when we're making the coffee - a kiss on the back of the neck and a soft touch at every opportunity starts a slow build, not 3 mins before penetration. Once we've had kids our minds are elsewhere and it's sometimes hard to zone in on sensation. Go for slow build, no goals in mind, no pressure, don't underestimate how little things like being called up to the bathroom to find a drawn bath with lighted candles to enjoy while you take the kids out for a walk, can help us find that spark again

    1495548211
    Heidi920 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1153
    • Joined: 17 May 2011

    Welcome skillman85!

    I'm sure as you know having two children is very much so more demanding than having one which might be why it was easier for your wife to get back in the swing of things the first time round. Is she breastfeeding? As that can have a major effect on her hormones.
    The other members have given you some great advice and reconnecting as a couple is key.
    From my own experiences I can tell you that it does improve the older your little ones get. 😊

    1495548317
    Skillman85 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 24 Jun 2013

    Hi Heidi thanks for your comments and yes she is breastfeeding at the moment but hopefully for not much longer

    1495550176
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2620
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    Getting your sex drive back after having children is difficult. It will never be what it was, it doesn't mean to say it can't be great or even better than before.

    Her hormones will still be all over the place and she will feel exhausted. The partner does tend to take to the back burner when the baby comes along and then further back with each new addition. The tiny humans zap our energy and we think "Aw gosh no more sex as that leads to more of these and that means even less energy!"

    Just be patient with her, she's probably just as stressed/disappointed as you are. Take it slowly and everything will work out.

    1495563830
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1913
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2012

    Hi there,

    I assume you have both spoken about this and she is as concerned about her dip in her sex drive as much as you are. There are countless reasons that her sex drive could have dipped.
    Hormonal - particularly as Heidi said about breast feeding.
    Fear - pain from a tough birth, stitches, scarring etc.
    Tiredness - looking after little ones is tiring
    Mood - difficult to switch from mummy mode into wanton sex goddess.
    Financial concerns - hard to switch off worries to enjoy.
    Post-natal depression - kills sex drive.
    Worry - further pregnancy as Rosycheek pointed out.
    Body issues - changes after giving birth, weight, wobbly tummy etc.
    New contraception - can have a massive impact in libido.
    If you can answer yes to any or some of these, then you may have found the reason why.

    As others have said she needs to be wooed again, and feel more than just a mummy. When we become mothers it is like losing our identity and it can take a while to feel more ourselves. I know it's tough on you as 10 months is a long time to wait. You sound concerned and patient which is lovely of you. As tough as it is try not to put pressure on her as this can make the situation worse (but it doesn't sound as though you are).

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