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  1. Sub/ Dom questions.

    1495140701
    DelightfullyMad [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 18 May 2017

    Hiya there,

    Pretty much new to this site though loving it and the threads on here already!

    I am quite openly a sub in the bedroom but still kinda learning about it all and experimenting with what I am into (starting off easy of course haha).

    Any Dom/ Subs out there happy to share thoughts or recommendations :)

    1495159003
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1913
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2012

    Hello and welcome. 😊

    Fellow sub here too. The best advice I can give is to talk to your Dom about your limits - meaning what you would like to do (soft limits) and what you never want to do (hard limits). Make sure you have safe words to give your Dom direction/feedback of how you feel and to stop all play if needed. We use the traffic lights, green for yes carry on, amber for take it easy/slow down and red for stop.
    There has to be an enormous amount of trust between you both and lots of talking, including after a scene/play session to deal with any issues either of you may have both emotionally and physically. There is a bdsm checklist available online which you can both do which can be a great help.

    I don't know if you are wanting to try the SM side of things. For beginners I would suggest a blindfold, some bondage tape and the best spanking implement is your Doms hand.
    If you type in the search bar at the top Dom/sub you will find lots of threads to read on BDSM.

    Enjoy 😊

    1495186216
    DelightfullyMad [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 18 May 2017

    Thanks!

    I have heard of the traffic light one before and it sounds the best for me so far. I have Body signals prepared as well incase I am a lied tied up haha.

    My Dom is a bit of a reluctant one at the moment, he has done a few things with me before, just easy going stuff but whenever I approach the subject nothing gets answered.
    But I understand that he needs to think about this and I need to make sure he is comfortable also. I always read communication is key on here and its right.


    Thanksflly I have all of those items arriving today hehe :P

    Thank you so much!

    1495192327
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7154
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    DelightfullyMad wrote:

    Thanks!

    I have heard of the traffic light one before and it sounds the best for me so far. I have Body signals prepared as well incase I am a lied tied up haha.

    My Dom is a bit of a reluctant one at the moment, he has done a few things with me before, just easy going stuff but whenever I approach the subject nothing gets answered.
    But I understand that he needs to think about this and I need to make sure he is comfortable also. I always read communication is key on here and its right.


    Thanksflly I have all of those items arriving today hehe :P

    Thank you so much!

    For me a key word you have used is "reluctant "

    Its sounds like to me he is not comfortable at the moment with what you want to happen. I was very similar when my Mrs wanted to introduce harder spanking into our role plays.. Probably like me he doesn't want to hurt the one person he loves dearly . So I think you may need to try and talk. What helped me was to get some books on the subject which helped me understand the pscychological ideals behind BDSM and helped me to give me a greater understanding of her needs etc.

    Now its a cae of if she is late for class she gets six of the best on her backside.

    1495197588
    D.j [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 704
    • Joined: 1 Apr 2015

    I think if you are both new to BSDM the man will be reluctant to " hurt his love of his life " I found it very hard to spank my love even when she asked me to do it but slowly it has improved but we take it in turn to be sub then dom and we both get great satisfaction and safe words are very important good luck on your journey

    Dj

    1495199298
    DelightfullyMad [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 18 May 2017

    I completely respect why he would be worried/ not comfortable with it. We are currently discussing it and he is open to the idea but obviously I will give him time and don't want to push him as his comfort/ feelings are very important.

    Though he does seem really excited for the crop I bought which is good news haha

    1495205659
    LOVE [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 196
    • Joined: 19 Jan 2009

    we both play sub dom games taking it in turn to be in these roles

    only problems we have is that my b/f can take more pain /bondage than i can so takes pain/bondage a lot longer than i can

    sometimes i feel that i am not giving enough of myself to this pat of our private life

    have talked about it together as one should do and we seem happy with it

    need to be together on this issue as wwith al aspects of one sex life/fun

    1495224547
    schmalto33 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 106
    • Joined: 26 Aug 2015

    D.j wrote:

    I think if you are both new to BSDM the man will be reluctant to " hurt his love of his life " I found it very hard to spank my love even when she asked me to do it but slowly it has improved but we take it in turn to be sub then dom and we both get great satisfaction and safe words are very important good luck on your journey

    Dj

    A safe word is very important my darling, but spanky spanky is awesome, whether giving or receiving. A longer session next time methinks!!!!!

    1495235835
    DelightfullyMad [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 18 May 2017

    schmalto33 wrote:

    D.j wrote:

    I think if you are both new to BSDM the man will be reluctant to " hurt his love of his life " I found it very hard to spank my love even when she asked me to do it but slowly it has improved but we take it in turn to be sub then dom and we both get great satisfaction and safe words are very important good luck on your journey

    Dj

    A safe word is very important my darling, but spanky spanky is awesome, whether giving or receiving. A longer session next time methinks!!!!!

    We are sorting through safe words and gestures (if I am a little tied up haha) next time we meet up.

    Yes, spanky spanky is rather awesome! Tested out the love heart crop today, definitely not complaining :3

    1495236001
    DelightfullyMad [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 18 May 2017

    LOVE wrote:

    only problems we have is that my b/f can take more pain /bondage than i can so takes pain/bondage a lot longer than i can

    sometimes i feel that i am not giving enough of myself to this pat of our private life

    As long as you are both happy that is all that matters :).

    You can always think like; well I can't give enough in that matter but there are other things I/ we can explore!

    And I am sure you are giving enough and that your OH loves you whatever !

    1495404613
    Worzel and Aunt H [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 17
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2015

    We all have different levels of pain / activity that we can accept, the main thing is to talk about the activities suggested; beforehand; scenario goes like this, afterwards; was it long enough, what was good, not so good, did the scenario happen as desired.

    Being open about likes and dislikes and showing each other respect during the activity and cuddling afterwards while talking i find important, it will build reassurance and trust

    I am a reluctant dom when it comes to do the spanking on my OH though fear of hurting her but l feel cautious about being a sub, l know my OH isn't keen on being the dom in the bedroom (tends to be outside, we both accept that and it works for us)

    We often talk about what we would like to try, i find dressing up helps me get into character, (not being myself helps accepting i am doing the spanking). I have found reading books on kink often give suggestions that can be expanded on.

    Suggesting, trying and revisiting the activities will help you develop a dom / sub relationship you both enjoy

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