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  1. New to sex and not feeling it

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    hornyteen [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 76
    • Joined: 8 Feb 2009

    You seem to be getting lots of good advice from peeps (I find everyone is brilliant and worth listening too)

    I will not give advice on your relationship as you seem to be getting it so I will focus on the question in point.

    I find clenching you PC muscles (like you need a pee and are holding it in) during sex helps increase the sensation. Also arching your hips up or putting a pillow under helps him reach the g-stop and increases pleasure during missionary.

    You didnt really say the positions you tried but doggy really helps aswell.

    I hope these simple tips work and you realise that sex is fun and nothing that you should do that makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy.

    I wish you the best of luck :) xx

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    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 22 Aug 2009

    Heyo again!

    Just thought of another couple of things...

    It seems to me your suffering from some seriously low self esteem. It's something I really struggled with for many years and caused me no end of problems because I just let people walk all over me, put everyone else first and blamed myself for everything that ever went wrong. Counselling helped me a bit but I found it difficult to talk openly with strangers so the counsellor recommended some books. Buying them was easily the best investment I've ever made so I wonder if you'd find them helpful:

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Low-Self-Esteem-Melanie-Fennell/dp/1849010684/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266779110&sr=8-1

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reinventing-Your-Life-Negative-Patterns/dp/0452272041/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266779714&sr=1-1

    Also...if you want to leave your partner but are worried about accomodationa dn money and stuff because your a student you could always speak to the accomodation office at uni and the student support service...I'm sure they'd help you out or point you in the right direction.

    xxKPxx

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    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 6 Jan 2010

    hiya kittypury i will look in to buying them book.. never tried self help books before but anything is worth a shot right now! thanks for recommending them to me!! =)

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    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 22 Aug 2009

    No problem baby.d...your problems really resonated with me and I just want to help as much as I can!

    I was a bit skeptical about books at first because of the Bridget Jones self help book sitgma but actually these books are written by mental health experts, real professionals who really know their stuff. I found the books really helpful because I was more open and honest with myself than I felt able to be with a counsellor and also I could do it in my own time and at my own pace.

    They might work for you, they might not but like you say definately worth a go and I wish you lots of luck :)

    xxKPxx

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    tronic [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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    baby.d0llo9 wrote:

    ok so i've not reply as i've been at ma parents house i try and visit them when i can

    me and my bf went there an tbh he was much nicer while we was there and for a few days after but then it was back to normal.. i honestly think it is cause of his xbox, as when he couldnt go on it i was so happy .. and then once he had been on the xbox the argument started as did him never coming off there.. i honestly dont know what to do.. he doesnt sleep cause of something that happened to him.,. and its a struggle to even get him off the xbox to do my hot water bottle on a night / tuck me in,..

    Thing is tho i love him.. i know i do.. i just wish the relationship didnt involve 3 people (me him and ofcourse the xbox)

    this is my first post so sorry if its not great-

    I was just mooching around this forum and this xbox business rang a bell to me. I had been doing a similar thing except instead of xbox it was work I chucked myself into 100% and let my relationship slide really badly. This was because of some bad stuff which happened over a decade ago but has been affecting me all this time - the problem was I didnt know that there was a problem or how to go about getting helped.

    It only started to get better once I had a massive problem at christmas and now I'm all dosed up on medication and therapy which is rubbish but as time goes on the treatments are starting to get to the bottom of things and help repair the damage.

    So that was a long rant-like post, but I suppose what I mean to say is maybe each of you or the pair of you could take some counselling and see if you can work over some of the stuff. I was not into all that therapy/counselling idea before, but now for me it is a necessity and I wish I had the knowledge or courage to get some help earlier, I wouldn't be in my current situation.

    For the record, I bought my better half a naughty present to see if I Can rekindle something after all this time! That's how I discovered this forum and it was refreshing to see normal people talking about this sort of thing. Sorry to butt in to your thread - good luck with everything!

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    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    Hi BD your devotion to your man is commendable, you sound like a great young woman, with a heart the size of Texas. You sound just like me 25 years ago, i too was in a relationship, only i was man with an older woman, she blacked my eyes cracked ribs, forced me in to sexual acts i did not want, had sex with me when i said NO even when i was in tears, her X box was her girl friends, and getting drunk, the only time i saw her was when she wanted sex, (by the way sex with an unwilling partner is call rape just the same as if it was unwilling with a stranger, even when you consent because you fear they will hurt you, or even just leave you. it's called spousal rape) it would take a very long time to tell you the whole story, the gist of it is i stayed with her no matter what she did to me because I LOVED HER WITHOUT ANY LIMITS. but as you get older you will realise that love is but a very very small part of what it means to be in a relationship, mine too was first love first sex. It progressed to the point where she brought her girl friends home and demanded i have sex with them all, i still stayed i loved her after all (that phrase has a very profound meaning for me). eventually she found someone else and i was disguarded like a used condom. And i still loved her !!!!!!!!! Now 25 years latter I am still unable have sex, or form a relationship with a woman, because i am terrified that i will fall in love with a woman like my first, and never be able to leave her. As others have said only you know what you want and how you feel, every other posted reply people have made, i can tell; have been made with your happiness in mind, people here really care about what you are going through. your partner clearly has issues that go deep, he exerts control, demands compliance, he is clearly having difficulties relating to the real world around him, so retreats into his game world. you spoke of something that happened to him, do you know what it was. ask if he is willing to talk to you about this. maybe he needs help from a profesional, but it has to come from him if you push too hard he will retreat further. You do need to speak to someone, i know it feels painful to talk someone face to face, but you need to build up a relationship with your councillor before you can feel safe to let out your feelings, but once you can it really helps. if your therapist pushed you too hard too soon they were not good at their job. talk to your GP get him to refer you to someone, the mental health system is not the terrifying thing of it's reputation. they are real people who care, and can help you both. I have spent the last 4 years getting their help, after 3 attempted suicides: it's a slow process, but worth it. a good book to help you understand how to deal with the end of a relationship if you choose that way, is paul McKenna i can mend your broken heart. If you insist on letting him have anal sex, you must relax, even if you can't get aroused, make him massage your anus first, then use one finger, to open you, then two, to relax the sphincter, it's natural for it to resist penetration, it goes into spasm, so he must remove his fingers as soon as you feel your anus clench, this is when you will feel pain if he proceeds, wait 10 or 15 seconds for your anus to adjust to being penetrated, then get him to put his fingers back in you, slowly, up it to 3 fingers if you can, before letting him use his penis. But the most important thing you must do is push down has hard as you can, like having a poo, before and during initial penetration, you can stop when you feel comfortable with him inside you, during anal sex pushing down will open you up, more comfortable for you, but he will last longer, with practice you can squeeze him as he with draws, and push down as he thrusts. to get him off quicker. women can actual orgasm from anal sex, but it has to really be a turn on for them and painful isn't a turn on. buy an anal penetration toy or a kit that allows you to build up to penis size, use it on yourself so you are in control. and use lots of lube, you can get a special syringe from chemists used by people suffering from piles, use it to put some lube up inside yourself . i do speak from experience as a straight guy who loves to be arse fucked, i just wish it was a woman doing it for me, but i can't let them near "yet" so i have to get one of my gay friends to oblige when they are at a loose end and feeling randy, it's the only sexual pleasure i get, the little chap round front got broken by my ex. Don't end up like me please !!!!!! . Im 48 now wish i was 23 again, i would leave her, straight away. on the other had If your man does need help you may be the one to save him from the something that happened to him, and give him his life back. You are one very very beautiful woman, (on the inside) and you are great looking too. as for your vaginal problem some women do have sensitivity problems, it may just be the way you are made, but do seek profeshional advice before accepting things the way they are. i have a female friend in her 40's who is like you, she has never felt anything during sex, but she gets her lovers to give her cliteral orgasms, before he has his fun. ABOVE ALL YOU ARE ENTITLED TO AT LEAST A FAIR MEASURE OF HAPPINESS, Relationships should always sail to both ports those that don't will crash in the mouth of the harbour sooner or later, blocking the way for new ships to enter the harbour, when that happens one or both stand the chance of never sailing again. Remember baby doll I know what i'm talking about. Be safe be happy, be loved, being the only one to be in love in a relationship, isn't being in love, it's slavery!!!!!! I could tell you a lot more about life, love, and sex i think being on the outside most of my life has allowed me to gain perspective. And left me far too much time for thinking and studying the subject, instead of doing it, but i tend to go on a lot so i will shut my face.

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    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't want to break or divert the thread, but I do want to say To Alone4everwelcome to the OA. Thank you for being so willing and courageous as to share such personal matters, I am so very sorry you met such a woman first! Although you are not yet ready to re-explore women you can see from BD and all the lovely OA ladies above that we are not all so selfish and abusive. Although most of us on here love sex we are against non-consensual sex in all forms. I wish you all the best in your recovery and hope that you enjoy experimenting with some of the LH toys. They carry quite a wide selection of anal toys for men and are definitely worth trying out, Good recommendations can be found around the boards :) Once again welcome and I hope you enjoy your time on here x

    1267349484
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    sorry to wade in to this a bit late. but do you know you can set a daily or weekly hour limit on the xbox 360?
    http://www.xbox.com/en-US/support/familysettings/console/xbox360/familysettings-familytimer.htm maybe talking to your OH and agreeing on an amount of hours in a day he can play? ( after the time the console shuts down) my mum used this with my dad cause he was staying up all night. it worked fairly well with them, but obviously it can vary.

    1267364423
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    thanks rowan that was really nice to hear. i actually joined to see if i could get some advice from real women that is not those working in the mental health system. sorry to make the distinction, but i think you will know what i mean. should i start my own thread ? my problem goes back to me as an anally abused child of 5 or 6. now i cant enjoy penetrating a woman it felt like i was abusing her. that was before things went bad with her. she made things even worse for me. a couple of months ago i tried a relationship for the first time in 25 years with an old friend. with in a couple of weeks she was pressuring me for sex even though she knew my past, i just couldn't do it. now i have lost all faith in women but i dont want to loose it. i have so much love to give she even told me she had never met such a selfless man, but she still hurt me. i ended it in tears. sorry for highjacking your thread BD

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    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
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    alone4ever welcome to the forums. I agree with Rowan, it was very courageous of you to share your experiences. I hope that your time on forums helps you and sharing your experiences helps others too. x

    1267380842
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    alone4ever - welcome to the forums. Your post has put a lump in my throat, I don't think I can put into words what I want to say so I hope you will just accept my welcome and know that I admire you for taking the time to right such a detailed post, I hope you stick around and get what you need (even if it's just people to talk about sex with ) from the forums.

    Ax

    1270940743
    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    not sure if anyone reads this anymore...

    alone4ever, i really want to thank you! it must be hard to write down what happened to you!

    i really hope things get better for you..

    I am leaving my oh.. he doesnt know it yet! as im scared of what he will do.. but its gonna happen,,

    im talking to people about it,, an if it gets too bad i now know of a hostle where i can stay

    1270946220
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    baby.d0llo9 wrote:

    not sure if anyone reads this anymore...

    alone4ever, i really want to thank you! it must be hard to write down what happened to you!

    i really hope things get better for you..

    I am leaving my oh.. he doesnt know it yet! as im scared of what he will do.. but its gonna happen,,

    im talking to people about it,, an if it gets too bad i now know of a hostle where i can stay

    Good for you if you feel you need to!

    Good luck and all the best for the future!

    1270988304
    masterandslave [sign in to see picture]
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    Well done babydoll it takes a lot of guts to make that decision! Good luck hun!! We are always here if you want a chat and an update!

    *hugs*

    x

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    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    Well done on making such a brave decision. You deserve so much better.

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    Amykins [sign in to see picture]
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    I've read bits and pieces of this thread and i know you're leaving him but i will say this just in case........

    All them hours on that x box are not good for his health anyway. Tell him either listen and make time for you, or you will tell his family/friends that he is not leading a very healthy lifestyle. If he's not working, he'son the dole? There has got to be sometime he has to be looking for work and stuff,. so spending all the time on the console is no good for that anyway.

    Phone some of your friends, preferably someone who's friends with you both. Explain the situation privately and ask them to come over and take you out. Tell them to tell him they will not take no for an answer. I know its not a time for just the 2 of you. But at least he's off the damn thing! It maybe even get to be an every week thing.

    and say to him so you either just want me to nag you (as i am guessing thats what he would call it) or i will tell everyone and they will all start to nag you, so either listen to me or everyone else will be nagging you.

    and if nothing improves just tell him you're a woman and you need sex and you will be looking for it somewhere else if you don't get it soon.

    I went off sex for a few months. I wasn't pressurised into any while i was 'off'. But i did have the few obvious moans and groans off him and the little threats of i will be looking somewhere else. and to be honest i couldn't blame him if he did. but he didn't anyway.

    But well done on your decision!!!

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