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  1. New to sex and not feeling it

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    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    Columbus - you will be fine. I was a lecturer for 15 years and it's your supervisor's job to make sure it's in the bag by the time you submit. You will always find corrections to do - they come out and hit you the first time you open a bound thesis. My advice - confess to all the ones you find as soon as the external mentions the first one - it's very disarming, especially if your list of corrections is bigger than his :-)

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    Columbus [sign in to see picture]
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    Or hers! I'm having two women as my examiners ;-) Yes, as soon as I opened my copy I spotted stuff straight away and thought, "bugger!". I've got a good supervisory team though (3 of them in fact!) so I trust their judgement. They're supporting me to start writing for publication now.

    Anyway, sorry for going OT Babydoll/LH Bot!!!

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    baby.d0llo9 [sign in to see picture]
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    i have tried to end it one, it broke my heart and he was in tears saying he would change and do anything to make me happy. we tried a trial spilt that lasted all of 5days but we was both some miserable, that we decided to get back together he said he wouldnt be on the xbox so much and i would do more housework with out complaining but he is still on the xbox just as much if not more..

    The reason why he doesnt work is because he has a heart condition, its not bad he just cant work because of the stress that would cause him.. he has never really been the type to want to rip my clothes off there and then, and i have been fine with that, but now i wonder if he even wants me... i do think a big part of me not wanting to leave is that he is my first, maybe things will change,, or maybe they wont i just think i should try and stick it out..

    maybe him being on the xbox all day is something i should just accept and get my own hobby and stop complaing?

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    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    baby.d0llo9 wrote:

    i have tried to end it one, it broke my heart and he was in tears saying he would change and do anything to make me happy. we tried a trial spilt that lasted all of 5days but we was both some miserable, that we decided to get back together he said he wouldnt be on the xbox so much and i would do more housework with out complaining but he is still on the xbox just as much if not more..

    The reason why he doesnt work is because he has a heart condition, its not bad he just cant work because of the stress that would cause him.. he has never really been the type to want to rip my clothes off there and then, and i have been fine with that, but now i wonder if he even wants me... i do think a big part of me not wanting to leave is that he is my first, maybe things will change,, or maybe they wont i just think i should try and stick it out..

    maybe him being on the xbox all day is something i should just accept and get my own hobby and stop complaing?

    Should or want to?

    Don't feel like you "ought" to do anything!

    Do what makes you happy!

    I don't think anyone should "settle" for anything - yes relationships aren't perfect but as long as your partner *tries* to make you happy that doesn't matter. It doesn't sounds like your fella is trying though :(

    Ax

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    Columbus [sign in to see picture]
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    Only you know how you feel BD xx

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    Columbus [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh, posted at same time as AdnaW - I'm inclined to agree with her x

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    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hiya Babydoll! Can I just say you look fantastic? Well I did anyway! :-)

    Reading through your posts lovely one word crops up a lot! "x box"

    If I was you I would get the damn x box and stick it in the microwave for 10 secs on high! I am not meaning to be offensive here but your bloke sounds immature and you sound grown up! You need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him everything. How you feel, how much you love sex and want to share it with him because it's a special thing sharing your body with someone. Tell him want you need sexually and how you want him to do it girl. Do not participate in any sexual activity you are not 100% happy with either. Also, my brother has a very serious heart condition and he works. He works as a telephone operator for QVC and he's in and out of hospital monthly mate. There is jobs out there that he could do for sure.

    Don't accept it and do complain. Take control girl, it's your life too and you want to be happy yes?

    Best wishes and good luck always.

    SG69 x

    1264887775
    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to say I agree completely with SG69.

    I have great admiration for your tenacity to make this relationship work - I feel that people often give up too easily on their relationships when the going gets tough. But a relationship needs 100% from both parties if it is to really work - it will never fly if he won't hold his end up (pun only partly intended).

    SG is quite right about the work thing - there are a lot of valuable things he could do - thousands of little companies need web pages and if you can sit all day at an xbox you can write web pages on a PC - it's not rocket science.

    By all means give him another chance but you need to have a cut-off day in mind if he doesn't respond. Take it from one that is closer to the other end of life than you - life is far too short to throw it away and remember - it is not a rehearsal.

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    Columbus [sign in to see picture]
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    SEXYGET 69 wrote:

    Hiya Babydoll! Can I just say you look fantastic? Well I did anyway! :-)

    Reading through your posts lovely one word crops up a lot! "x box"

    If I was you I would get the damn x box and stick it in the microwave for 10 secs on high! I am not meaning to be offensive here but your bloke sounds immature and you sound grown up! You need to sit him down and talk to him and tell him everything. How you feel, how much you love sex and want to share it with him because it's a special thing sharing your body with someone. Tell him want you need sexually and how you want him to do it girl. Do not participate in any sexual activity you are not 100% happy with either. Also, my brother has a very serious heart condition and he works. He works as a telephone operator for QVC and he's in and out of hospital monthly mate. There is jobs out there that he could do for sure.

    Don't accept it and do complain. Take control girl, it's your life too and you want to be happy yes?

    Best wishes and good luck always.

    SG69 x

    Oh I adore QVC ! lol Maybe I've spoken to your Bro in Knowsley when I've called :-) Elcano rang recently about some pans we've ordered LOL

    Again Babydoll - good advice xx

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    Columbus [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to admit actually, that - without wanting to sound flippant as I don't know much about heart conditions apart from my mum having angina, which is obviously a specific one - that it did cross my mind "He can't work because of stress on his heart, but he can shag you up the bum okay...". As I say, I really don't mind to sound flippant! But, I'm sure he could do something for a job! Even if he got into IT and was sat on his bum all day looking at a screen like he is now!

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    BigPoppa [sign in to see picture]
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    Some excellent advice on here that I wholly agree with.

    You don't need to put up with anything BD. You deserve to feel content and that your life is richer being together. I'm guessing that you foot the bill for a lot of stuff as well. A lot of people get very bitter about this in a relationship if one half isn't earning ( kudos to those who aren't ). If they aren't then its entirely reasonable to expect that the house will always look spick and span for their other half coming home from work to have a nice meal on the table. I can't see this happening from what you say.

    I'm sorry to say but its sounds like your saying together more out of the fear of what life will be like apart from each other. Scary for sure but in the end better I suspect.

    Can I suggest something for you to read? A book called ' The Rules Of Life ' by Richard Templar. There are many ' self help ' books ( most of which make me retch they are so smarmy ) out there but as someone who can safely say was underconfident at one time this book really helped me and isn't cheesy or self-righteous.

    I love the mantra of an old samurai - ' No fear, No surprise , No hesitation, No doubt '. Changed my life for good. Wouldn't be here if I hadn't remembered it when I was thinking ' should I post on the forum?'

    The phrase " We need to talk " needs to pass your lips and soon. Arm yourself with confidence first though.

    And definitely stop the anal! Your not a sex toy

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    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    baby.d0llo9 wrote:

    i have tried to end it one, it broke my heart and he was in tears saying he would change and do anything to make me happy. we tried a trial spilt that lasted all of 5days but we was both some miserable, that we decided to get back together he said he wouldnt be on the xbox so much and i would do more housework with out complaining but he is still on the xbox just as much if not more..

    The reason why he doesnt work is because he has a heart condition, its not bad he just cant work because of the stress that would cause him.. he has never really been the type to want to rip my clothes off there and then, and i have been fine with that, but now i wonder if he even wants me... i do think a big part of me not wanting to leave is that he is my first, maybe things will change,, or maybe they wont i just think i should try and stick it out..

    maybe him being on the xbox all day is something i should just accept and get my own hobby and stop complaing?

    I can really understand where you're coming from with this. My OH really isnt one for keeping in touch, and it bothers me. It was particularly bad at the beginning. Sometimes he just doesn't think to tell me things he really should be telling me, and he never sends me 'social' messages.

    I have spoken to him about it on numerous occasions. The first few times made a difference, and he is alot better now than he was at the beginning. There does come a point though where you realise you've hit a wall, and no matter how much I moan at my OH, there's just no way he's going to text me any more than he does, he's just not that kind of guy.

    If you do hit this wall you have to decide whether you can live with the way they are or whether you're better off without them. I'm lucky in that my OH does take on board what I say and works to make me happier, but it sounds like your partner is being inconsiderate of your feelings if he continues on the way he does regardless of what you say.

    Breakups are always hard at first, but they're a better option than spending the rest of your life with someone who doesnt consider your feelings. Yes, there is always a bit of give and take, there will always be something about your partner you dont like, but it has to work both ways.

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    Columbus [sign in to see picture]
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    BigPoppa wrote:

    I love the mantra of an old samurai - ' No fear, No surprise , No hesitation, No doubt '. Changed my life for good. Wouldn't be here if I hadn't remembered it when I was thinking ' should I post on the forum?'

    This reminds me of another good/potentially useful one. I haven't been in recovery myself, but I used to work for a charity that helped prisoners to recover from addictions using the 12 steps. I don't know if you're familiar with it, but the "Serenity Prayer" really spoke to me when I heard it and had several things going on in my own life - including trying to move on from a very painful break-up with my then-fiance. You don't have to be religious and can ignore the first word if you so chose (I'm not religious) but this is it:

    God, grant me the serenity to accept the thing I cannot change

    The courage to change the things I can

    And the wisdom to know the difference.

    1264899918
    sh4ag [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi bs there are many ways to have foreplay firstly get your man to stroke and caress your body and comunicate with him about were his hands feel good and then get him to kiss those areas. I also think that mayb if you get him to tie you up and blindfold you and make him kiss you all the way down your body and then let him go down on you that might work ( I hope these work)

    1264899935
    sh4ag [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi bs there are many ways to have foreplay firstly get your man to stroke and caress your body and comunicate with him about were his hands feel good and then get him to kiss those areas. I also think that mayb if you get him to tie you up and blindfold you and make him kiss you all the way down your body and then let him go down on you that might work ( I hope these work)

    1264900117
    sh4ag [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi bs there are many ways to have foreplay firstly get your man to stroke and caress your body and comunicate with him about were his hands feel good and then get him to kiss those areas. I also think that mayb if you get him to tie you up and blindfold you and make him kiss you all the way down your body and then let him go down on you that might work ( I hope these work)

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    sh4ag [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi bd it's supposed to say sorry

    1265226699
    Gyrator53 [sign in to see picture]
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    babyd0llo9

    Just spotted your uploaded pictures on the main page. Just wanted to say (if a compliment from an old guy is acceptable) they are fantastic, just fantastic!

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    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Very good advice around. Really, it sounds as though he is not trying to make anything work. You deserve some attention, you deserve to be happy, you are not a skivvy! There are jobs that you can do, even just part time which do not require much more than he seems to be doing now. If he persistantly ignores you as it seems is the case, set yourself a date, continue with the 'we need to talk' and understanding strategy to then, and not longer. I'd be close to taking scissors to the wires, microwaving the thing and waving magnets over it multiple times just to be sure. I can't drive. You are a rational person, not chattel, and for a relationship to work it requires both partners to be committed to making it work and compromising, not just one. If you can't stay with him then it will be harder to leave the first the longer you have been with him and the longer you are with him. Only you knoww what you want but you seem a capable woman who knows her mind and is well able to evaluate the pros and cons based on more than just feelings; which are important but can't be everything all of the time.xx

    Mr says that it's easy to be a 'bloke' or a 'guy' in the real world, just go down the pub; but to be a man it's difficult. Men work, they fill in tax returns, they have to give up what they want sometimes when it is necessary or the right thing to do. In a game it's easy to be 'manly', all you have to do is killthings by typing/ clicking etc. An illusion that is a 'refuge' from reality, but it's unhealthy, the sense of achievement is temporary, shallow and unsatisfactory. Apparently it's difficult to explain.

    It is possible to become addicted to gameplay, in unusual cases; in can also be habit, and if his life is full of this behaviour what would he replace it with? It doesn't sound though as if he wants to change-at least not yet. I suspect it will take a shock or significant event for him to alter such ingrained habits. (sorry)

    The above is not expressed well, my head is full of other things so sorry if it makes no sense :~S

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    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
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    Life is short. Incredibly, ridiculously short.

    And a life lived in fear is a life half lived.

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