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  1. Delayed ejaculation

    1493761338
    skankhunter42 [sign in to see picture]
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    I have some questions about delayed ejaculation which I need help with.

    I am a female who has been in a relationship with my partner (who is male) for almost 2 years now.

    He has delayed ejaculation, which for him, means he cannot finish via any other method than self-masturbation. I believe it is partially psychological, but he has has obviously been using the exact same method (tight grip/ particular speed/ lying down in same position) for a long time, making it the only way he can orgasm. He has said the issue has been going on for over 10 years now, as far as he's aware, and has also been an issue with other partners in the past.

    It is very frustrating for both of us, which makes it worse. We have had many conversations about it, and plans to try to help it (no hands/ vibrators) but nothing has worked so far. I know it's not because he doesn't want to finish inside me, because he has previously cum inside me after masturbating, he also tells me he really wants to be able to finish inside me. As far as I am aware, he is not embarassed or shy around me during sex, we are very open with each other, therefore it can't be because he is scared, as such.

    I am just hoping anyone can give me some advice/ help/ recommendations for anything that may lessen the issue.

    Our main goal is for him to be able to cum during (vaginal) sex.

    I am open to any suggestions, long-term, short-term, sex toys, products, etc.

    p.s. Please ignore my username, my partner thought it would be funny to create a ridiculous name for me :/

    1493762856
    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there

    I had an ex boyfriend who had the same problem, unfortunately he wasn't willing to try to fix it so can't say first hand that these techniques work.

    But they do seem to work for men willing to try them.

    Here's a good website :)

    http://www.curedeathgrip.com/

    1493763613
    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
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    1493765960

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    I have to ask sorry but is your OH circumsized?

    1493784233
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    It sounds like an anxiety issue and also being use to playing solo (just has learnt to orgasm from a certain grip). Has he tried to refrain from masturbating at all as I think that would be the first step, to get him use to your touch.

    It could take some time but if he is just finishing himself off it won't ever be rectified. He no doubt won't reach orgasm but you need to get him use to your touch, whether it's your hand, mouth or pussy. If I were you I would try and get him use to your hand, after sex and oral. Eventually he will orgasm but he's going to have to refrain from solo play completely even if it means he goes without. It sounds cruel I know but it's the only way to break the cycle. Welcome by the way 😊

    1493826372
    Lozza332000 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 11 Oct 2010

    The thread link posted by delilahxx gives some good advice, soft flesh lights help but patience is the key.

    And Gentle giant’s, question about circumcision is relevant as I have the same problem following a medical condition with a very tight foreskin that needed to be removed. I wish I had posted the foreskin problem here first as I regret the day I was cut because the loss of sensation is dramatic and noticeable. I didn’t realise so many of the males sensory glands were inside to foreskin and they were basically cut away. I do feel such an idiot I didn’t do more research at the time.

    I was lucky to have a mammoth session last night of mutual play but it took me several hours to ejaculate and I do sometimes sense frustration from my OH but she tries not to let it show. Sometimes it is better to give up because I am sore today despite loads of lube and this ongoing damage cannot be good long term. So now I need to refrain for a few days to heal up. Interestingly I went on a family holiday for three weeks last year and because of the sleeping arrangements any sex was out. On our return the first ejaculation was intense and within 20 minutes, just like I remembered from my teenage years, so I think there is something to having a break, although I really know how difficult this is for some (including me).

    Something else that was suggested to me was prostate massage, we did try but not with much success, maybe another forum member might be able to suggest if this is a silly idea or if it has merit.

    I also found that certain positions help, for example I would never now be able to ejaculate in the missionary position but girl on top is occasionally a winner. I don’t know the technical term but me kneeling from behind has worked too. Without getting too graphic I guess different parts of the penis are stimulated in different positions so experiment to see if anything is better for you.

    But the important thing for me is just having support from my OH which is something your OH seems to have in buckets from you.

    I hope you are able to work this out.

    1493827231
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
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    I have a similar problem; I rarely come by someone else touching me, and the more time I spend masturbating the harder it gets (excuse the pun). I have to show my IH how to use my toys on me, which feels nice but it just doesn't enable me to reach orgasm. I usually have to stimulate my clitoris whilst he penetrates me or I just don't come, even if he touches my clit it isn't the same somehow.

    I'm worried it'll always be this way, and he loves to make me orgasm so I'm going to take some of the above advice too and keep my hands off for a few days! I hope it works for you xx

    1493835519
    skankhunter42 [sign in to see picture]
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    Gentle giant wrote:

    I have to ask sorry but is your OH circumsized?

    He is yes. And no worries for asking :)

    1493835914
    skankhunter42 [sign in to see picture]
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    delilahxx wrote:

    Hi there

    I had an ex boyfriend who had the same problem, unfortunately he wasn't willing to try to fix it so can't say first hand that these techniques work.

    But they do seem to work for men willing to try them.

    Here's a good website :)

    http://www.curedeathgrip.com/

    Thank you so much for your advice! I will definitely take a look at this.

    1493836188
    skankhunter42 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    It sounds like an anxiety issue and also being use to playing solo (just has learnt to orgasm from a certain grip). Has he tried to refrain from masturbating at all as I think that would be the first step, to get him use to your touch.

    It could take some time but if he is just finishing himself off it won't ever be rectified. He no doubt won't reach orgasm but you need to get him use to your touch, whether it's your hand, mouth or pussy. If I were you I would try and get him use to your hand, after sex and oral. Eventually he will orgasm but he's going to have to refrain from solo play completely even if it means he goes without. It sounds cruel I know but it's the only way to break the cycle. Welcome by the way 😊

    Perhaps yes, he has general anxiety issues, but obviously it doesn't seem that way when he's with me, but it could still contribute towards it.

    And we will definitely try that, I also think that he would benefit from not doing it himself, I mean it's difficult to refrain from, but I'm sure it will help in the long run.

    Thanks so much for your advice :)

    1493837021
    skankhunter42 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lozza332000 wrote:

    The thread link posted by delilahxx gives some good advice, soft flesh lights help but patience is the key.

    And Gentle giant’s, question about circumcision is relevant as I have the same problem following a medical condition with a very tight foreskin that needed to be removed. I wish I had posted the foreskin problem here first as I regret the day I was cut because the loss of sensation is dramatic and noticeable. I didn’t realise so many of the males sensory glands were inside to foreskin and they were basically cut away. I do feel such an idiot I didn’t do more research at the time.

    I was lucky to have a mammoth session last night of mutual play but it took me several hours to ejaculate and I do sometimes sense frustration from my OH but she tries not to let it show. Sometimes it is better to give up because I am sore today despite loads of lube and this ongoing damage cannot be good long term. So now I need to refrain for a few days to heal up. Interestingly I went on a family holiday for three weeks last year and because of the sleeping arrangements any sex was out. On our return the first ejaculation was intense and within 20 minutes, just like I remembered from my teenage years, so I think there is something to having a break, although I really know how difficult this is for some (including me).

    Something else that was suggested to me was prostate massage, we did try but not with much success, maybe another forum member might be able to suggest if this is a silly idea or if it has merit.

    I also found that certain positions help, for example I would never now be able to ejaculate in the missionary position but girl on top is occasionally a winner. I don’t know the technical term but me kneeling from behind has worked too. Without getting too graphic I guess different parts of the penis are stimulated in different positions so experiment to see if anything is better for you.

    But the important thing for me is just having support from my OH which is something your OH seems to have in buckets from you.

    I hope you are able to work this out.

    I have bought him soft masturbation cups or whatever they're called, in the past but he hasn't took to them. I have recently bought some other sleeves for him to try and some butt toys (which I've read can help).

    Also, he is circumcised, but only because he ripped his foreskin. He had problems with delayed ejaculation before this happened, so this is probably not the issue.

    Yeah, I think in certain positions he seems to 'almost' climax, but never reaches it. And if we go for too long, his penis becomes less sensitive, so going for longer not likely going to help. But taking more days in between is definitely worth a shot.

    Thanks so much for your suggestions and advice! It's also really nice to know that we're not the only couple with this :)

    1493837193
    skankhunter42 [sign in to see picture]
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    *sexybabe* wrote:

    I have a similar problem; I rarely come by someone else touching me, and the more time I spend masturbating the harder it gets (excuse the pun). I have to show my IH how to use my toys on me, which feels nice but it just doesn't enable me to reach orgasm. I usually have to stimulate my clitoris whilst he penetrates me or I just don't come, even if he touches my clit it isn't the same somehow.

    I'm worried it'll always be this way, and he loves to make me orgasm so I'm going to take some of the above advice too and keep my hands off for a few days! I hope it works for you xx

    Yeah, I think that refraining for a few days is probably a good idea (in relation to achieving orgasm anyway). Best of luck to you too :)

    1493839697

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    skankhunter42 wrote:

    Gentle giant wrote:

    I have to ask sorry but is your OH circumsized?

    He is yes. And no worries for asking :)

    This will have an impact on sensitivity of the gland or head of the penis. Spending lots of time keeping it well moisturised with hand Jobs will help bring back some sensitivity.

    Unfortunately this is the negative impact of a purely cosmetic procedure enforced on boys.

    The research that is held by the American medical board to keep a money spinning procedure is deeply floored. Its states that the transmission of STIs and AIDS is almost non existent in African tribesmen who were circumcized. It has far more to do with water and lack of sanitary conditions. They struggle to find enough water to drink little alone wash with.

    In modern western society where were able to shower at Will, teaching boys to wash their penis's is the only way forward. There are sadly a few rare circumstances where boys foreskins are to tight to allow the gland or head out. My own son suffered with this for 18 months but through care and maternal perseverance with cream freed it .

    If you think of your clitoris having the hood removed and it rubbing against your panties . The skin would thicken to protect it and desensitize. Unfortunately by the time boys become sexualy active they don't know any different so think its sensitivity is normal.

    I'm very sorry for both him and you. Try the moisturiser and get him to abstain from masterbation just let you do it for him. I'd look at prostate stimulation too.

    Enough of my rant.

    1493851684
    skankhunter42 [sign in to see picture]
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    Gentle giant wrote:

    skankhunter42 wrote:

    Gentle giant wrote:

    I have to ask sorry but is your OH circumsized?

    He is yes. And no worries for asking :)

    This will have an impact on sensitivity of the gland or head of the penis. Spending lots of time keeping it well moisturised with hand Jobs will help bring back some sensitivity.

    Unfortunately this is the negative impact of a purely cosmetic procedure enforced on boys.

    The research that is held by the American medical board to keep a money spinning procedure is deeply floored. Its states that the transmission of STIs and AIDS is almost non existent in African tribesmen who were circumcized. It has far more to do with water and lack of sanitary conditions. They struggle to find enough water to drink little alone wash with.

    In modern western society where were able to shower at Will, teaching boys to wash their penis's is the only way forward. There are sadly a few rare circumstances where boys foreskins are to tight to allow the gland or head out. My own son suffered with this for 18 months but through care and maternal perseverance with cream freed it .

    If you think of your clitoris having the hood removed and it rubbing against your panties . The skin would thicken to protect it and desensitize. Unfortunately by the time boys become sexualy active they don't know any different so think its sensitivity is normal.

    I'm very sorry for both him and you. Try the moisturiser and get him to abstain from masterbation just let you do it for him. I'd look at prostate stimulation too.

    Enough of my rant.

    I completely agree with everything you said about circumcision, but unfortunately, my partner didn't choose to be circumcised. He ripped his foreskin during teenage years, after already having sexual partners (and having issues with delayed ejaculation) and his only choice was to get circumcised. It may have contributed slightly to the decreased sensitivity, but it was already an issue before that, so it can't be the main issue underlying it.

    I will definitely try moisturiser on him, and will be using your other suggestions too! Thank you so much for your advice :)

    1493880486

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    I wish you both well and he is Avery lucky man to have someone so caring and understanding. Your a good woman x

    1493880724

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    Try focusing your stimulation on the frenulum this is the bit at the font of the head where the rim comes in an up to the pee hole.

    Circular motions over it with a firm thumb with plenty of lube or flicking it with a firm tongue tip is very erotic.

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