• In need of some advice about taking control a bit more

    1493714936
    MrsND [sign in to see picture]
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    Good morning

    So last night me and hubby had a talk about some things we would like to try. None of which were rejected, however in this conversation my hubby said about the fact he would like me to be in control a bit more. This is a pretty daunting prospect for me due to the fact i am naturally a very submissive person in and out the bedroom. Always have been. I am not good at being in control.
    I told my husband this and he understands but as i think a lot of submissives will understand i want to please him and make sure he is also satisfied in that aspect.
    Anybody have any tips. Especially those that may have found themselves in a similar position?
    Thank you

    1493716617
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    My Mrs is very much the same . So as to get around that problem we do a lot of roleplaying. That way you are "playing" the character of another person so roleplays such as her playing the role of a sexy policewoman arresting me for various trumped up offences.So its a question of good cop or bad cop? So in this senario she will easily be the dominant. Should she want to play the submissive and wear the same costume then I could play the role of a Chief Inspector . The only limitation is your imagination and inventiveness.

    We enjoy rolepalying as she likes dressing up in different costumes and they can be quite funny sometimes . If you don't need to take sex seriously and want to ad a bt of humour then why not give it a try ? Just be careful the neighbours dont see you dressed up as they will start asking questions. Should they do and the costume isnt too risque then you just say your trying costumes for a fancy dess party. We do go to these as well .

    1493725884
    nosaj [sign in to see picture]
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    Give it a go ,im sure he will worship you for it,and you can get to understand all the preparation into making it a perfect night for you both good luck .

    1493728113

    [suspended user]

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    Hi, understand you perfectly. I'm a big and normally dominant man but I have found actually I'm much more of a switch. So much like you we needed to find away to aid my feeling of being dominated.

    Being a man an big and strong if you can remove the physical aspect then suddenly it much more easy to do. So we bought under bed restraints. Once I was spread eagled on the bed and blindfolded I felt very vulnerable.

    What happened next really caught be by surprise. You don't need to do much because you have complete control..

    Try some sensory play. But don't let him see it before. Have a bag ready. Candle wax dripped on nipples and torso , ice , silk or cloth, feathers. Don't rush drag them across his body. Enjoy watching him wriggle and squirm. Stay away from his penis allow the feather or scarf to run over it occasionally.

    What your doing is teasing or edging him. If he moans or trys to talk to asking you to do something. Then an easy but very dominating thing to do is say be quiet , you asked for this now behave. Cover his mouth momentarily saying sssshhhhh. I'm enjoying myself.

    A very good thing to do is get off the bed and stand still. What will be is seconds to you will seem like minutes to him. Sensory deprivation is a very interesting thing. Very quickly he will ask what are you doing and your being dominant with out doing a damn thing. Just say wait and see . his mind will race.

    If you have the time and patients, smell and taste are highted in this state. So have some chocolate spread ,honey and syrup you can dip your finger in and tease him to suck it off. Change tact and put it on your nipple an offer it to his mouth.

    Finally finger yourself if your nice and wet its good. Coat your fingers let him just smell your scent then let him lick your fingers.

    Give a bj with ice in your mouth.

    Ultimately squat over his face just high enough to let him lick you . occasionally lift away or lower onto his mouth.

    Finaily take his cum by riding him hard . telling him You want his cum in you now.

    Ifhe can stand it try some nipple clamps

    1493728389

    [suspended user]

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    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=26084

    We use this its very comfortable remember it needs to be tighter than you think so he can't wriggle much enjoy

    1493730669
    MrsND [sign in to see picture]
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    Gentle giant wrote:

    Hi, understand you perfectly. I'm a big and normally dominant man but I have found actually I'm much more of a switch. So much like you we needed to find away to aid my feeling of being dominated.

    Being a man an big and strong if you can remove the physical aspect then suddenly it much more easy to do. So we bought under bed restraints. Once I was spread eagled on the bed and blindfolded I felt very vulnerable.

    What happened next really caught be by surprise. You don't need to do much because you have complete control..

    Try some sensory play. But don't let him see it before. Have a bag ready. Candle wax dripped on nipples and torso , ice , silk or cloth, feathers. Don't rush drag them across his body. Enjoy watching him wriggle and squirm. Stay away from his penis allow the feather or scarf to run over it occasionally.

    What your doing is teasing or edging him. If he moans or trys to talk to asking you to do something. Then an easy but very dominating thing to do is say be quiet , you asked for this now behave. Cover his mouth momentarily saying sssshhhhh. I'm enjoying myself.

    A very good thing to do is get off the bed and stand still. What will be is seconds to you will seem like minutes to him. Sensory deprivation is a very interesting thing. Very quickly he will ask what are you doing and your being dominant with out doing a damn thing. Just say wait and see . his mind will race.

    If you have the time and patients, smell and taste are highted in this state. So have some chocolate spread ,honey and syrup you can dip your finger in and tease him to suck it off. Change tact and put it on your nipple an offer it to his mouth.

    Finally finger yourself if your nice and wet its good. Coat your fingers let him just smell your scent then let him lick your fingers.

    Give a bj with ice in your mouth.

    Ultimately squat over his face just high enough to let him lick you . occasionally lift away or lower onto his mouth.

    Finaily take his cum by riding him hard . telling him You want his cum in you now.

    Ifhe can stand it try some nipple clamps

    Wow thankyou Some really good tips, i like the fact like you said some of these i will be being dominant without actually doing much of anything. We have an under the bed restraints as i am usually the one in it so i can use it. I love it when he is dominant i find it such a turn on and very sexy which makes me concerned that making him vulnerable (even though he has said he thinks he would quite like it ) will not do much for me. But i will give it ago. Thankyou again for some great advice
    1493736908
    Lozza332000 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi - I like my OH to be in control and we have found one "warm up exercise" to transfer "power" is my favourite Red Light, Green light game. In this game the male is nude and the female clothed.

    The male has to kneel in front of his OH and when she says Green Light he has to masturbate as if his life depended on it. Being clothed and standing over him sets the dynamic that the girl is in charge. By clothed I am talking about regular clothes rather than anything dress up.

    When she says Red Light he has to pause. Failure to stop or even hesitating means a forfeit, including walking out of the room and only coming back when he agrees to do what he is told. If you time the Red Light command correctly you can really frustrate him and it really shows who is in charge.

    How far you go with it is up to you. You are in charge and if you don't want him to cum then stop him. If you are not in the mood for sex at all you can play the game while ignoring him, by watching TV or reading. Somehow showing disinterest also makes you the one with the power.

    I know not many people like the clothed male nude female thing because in many cases it becomes a selfish thing where the male is nude and get sexual gratification and the female is clothed and doesn't get much sex at all. In fact if done wrong it kind of has the reverse effect because the male gets off and the girl is supposed to be grateful to watch. This isn’t very appealing to many females I know so something mutual has to be included.

    But if done correctly as only the start of some mutual contact this warm up can really set a dynamic as to who is in charge as there is something about the clothed person having a layer of protection.

    In our relationship if my OH doesn’t want to initiate sex but is in the mood, she does seem to find the phrase “I want to see you wa*k now” seems to set the tone and lead to more. I just wish I could convince her to issue the command in risky situations, for example we regularly go for long walks and sometimes don’t see anyone else for hours. One of my fantasies is for her to give this instruction while she kept look out but for me it needs to be spontaneous rather than something I was expecting just because I want her to be in charge and decide.

    The best I have managed was when she was on skype to someone. I don't know if it was staged by my OH, but we were playing the game when the skype rang. I got out of shot from the laptop and was following the instructions from thumbs up or down. Her friend did ask why my OT was holding up her thumb to her and from time to time my OH would move the laptop to make me think she was going to reveal my predicament. She let me cum on this occasion and my OH found it hilarious as I tried to keep the noise down so as not to alert her friend what was really going on. Although I have a feeling she told her friend later anyway as there is a Skype joke going around. Last time we were out her friend asked my OT if she has been on skype recently followed by a really obvious wink that I think was aimed at me and not her. Lots of bemused looks from everyone else while my face went bright red.

    Little things like this all seem to let me know she is in charge and not me and I find them a huge turn on. I have asked my OH if her friend know what was going on and she won’t tell me.

    1493739708
    Lozza332000 [sign in to see picture]
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    Lozza332000 wrote:

    I know not many people like the clothed male nude female thing because in many cases it........

    Sorry - I meant to say Clothed Female Nude Male or CFNM. 

    And I mean OH = other half rather than OT. I seem to be off the ball today.

    1493756206
    MrsND [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you lozza although i think we may have to work up to that game....does sound fun though.

    1497191306
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
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    Bumped cuz with the imminent loss of one powerful woman we need more lol.

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