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  1. Babies

    1295728378
    Paddy89 [sign in to see picture]
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    KittyPurry wrote:

    I disagree entirely that it's negative! I love my job and I love my partner I am positively choosing to put all my time effort into them. I do occasionally have what I think are maternal urges but they're just odd physical sort of sensations and they don't change how I think/feel about wanting babies. I don't want to change my life, it's taken me a long time to find peace and happiness and I'm finally doing what I want to do and doing it well.

    I came across wrong, and frankly I knew it would I didn't mean that it is negative to say never, just that from a language point of view 'never' is a negative perspective (I swear I know the difference in my head, I just can't put it across!). I actually agree with you and Alicia (I think), it's just she phrased it better than I did, since it was late at night and I like to pretend I know psychology . And frankly I'm still fried now as I've been up since 5.30, so I'm gonna abandon my point as I probably agree with you anyway

    1295730249
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Paddy89 wrote:

    KittyPurry wrote:

    I disagree entirely that it's negative! I love my job and I love my partner I am positively choosing to put all my time effort into them. I do occasionally have what I think are maternal urges but they're just odd physical sort of sensations and they don't change how I think/feel about wanting babies. I don't want to change my life, it's taken me a long time to find peace and happiness and I'm finally doing what I want to do and doing it well.

    I came across wrong, and frankly I knew it would I didn't mean that it is negative to say never, just that from a language point of view 'never' is a negative perspective (I swear I know the difference in my head, I just can't put it across!). I actually agree with you and Alicia (I think), it's just she phrased it better than I did, since it was late at night and I like to pretend I know psychology . And frankly I'm still fried now as I've been up since 5.30, so I'm gonna abandon my point as I probably agree with you anyway

    So were you saying it's interpreted as negative by other people even though it's no more negative than any other decision where you pick on thing over another? Just people have a wrong interpretation.

    Or were you saying you think it is more negative to choose not to have kids than to choose to have them?

    Adx

    1295731242
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Paddy89 wrote:

    KittyPurry wrote:

    I disagree entirely that it's negative! I love my job and I love my partner I am positively choosing to put all my time effort into them. I do occasionally have what I think are maternal urges but they're just odd physical sort of sensations and they don't change how I think/feel about wanting babies. I don't want to change my life, it's taken me a long time to find peace and happiness and I'm finally doing what I want to do and doing it well.

    I came across wrong, and frankly I knew it would I didn't mean that it is negative to say never, just that from a language point of view 'never' is a negative perspective (I swear I know the difference in my head, I just can't put it across!). I actually agree with you and Alicia (I think), it's just she phrased it better than I did, since it was late at night and I like to pretend I know psychology . And frankly I'm still fried now as I've been up since 5.30, so I'm gonna abandon my point as I probably agree with you anyway

    So were you saying it's interpreted as negative by other people even though it's no more negative than any other decision where you pick on thing over another? Just people have a wrong interpretation.

    Or were you saying you think it is more negative to choose not to have kids than to choose to have them?

    Adx

    I took what he was saying much more basically.

    The act of doing something is positive in the respect it requires active action.

    Negative action would therefore be doing nothing. Once again another point on semantics. Just my take.

    1295731329
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Ooh yes that's another way of looking at it I suppose. But you could easily argue the opposite - something is negative if you're deviating from no change and positive if you remain in stasis.

    Adx

    1295732018
    occhiverdi [sign in to see picture]
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    I probably can't have babies anyway so I find it particularly difficult to understand why people seem to want me to want something I then couldn't have.

    Sorry that's all a bit disjointed, my brain is scrambled today!

    xxKPxx

    Im in the same boat as you KP, chances of having a child naturally are not really on my side but to be honest I want kids but I know I am not mature enough (at 30)... also being a SEN teacher lets me see how hard some families struggle with their not so perfect children and makes me all that more determined to not fall pregnant in error!!

    I have friends who have used surrogates and also friends who are looking into adoption... :) I think if its for you go for it, if its not don't let peoples harsh judgments get you down!

    1295734396
    Paddy89 [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Paddy89 wrote:

    KittyPurry wrote:

    I disagree entirely that it's negative! I love my job and I love my partner I am positively choosing to put all my time effort into them. I do occasionally have what I think are maternal urges but they're just odd physical sort of sensations and they don't change how I think/feel about wanting babies. I don't want to change my life, it's taken me a long time to find peace and happiness and I'm finally doing what I want to do and doing it well.

    I came across wrong, and frankly I knew it would I didn't mean that it is negative to say never, just that from a language point of view 'never' is a negative perspective (I swear I know the difference in my head, I just can't put it across!). I actually agree with you and Alicia (I think), it's just she phrased it better than I did, since it was late at night and I like to pretend I know psychology . And frankly I'm still fried now as I've been up since 5.30, so I'm gonna abandon my point as I probably agree with you anyway

    So were you saying it's interpreted as negative by other people even though it's no more negative than any other decision where you pick on thing over another? Just people have a wrong interpretation.

    Or were you saying you think it is more negative to choose not to have kids than to choose to have them?

    Adx

    I really don't know what I was on about to be honest! I definately don't think it's negative either way to chose whether or not to have kids. I think I was arguing generally from a language point of view, rather than on the specific issue (though personally I would like to have kids, but not until I'm in a committed relationship and more mature as an individual).

    I pretty much wish I'd kept my mouth shut now though, as I seem to be digging myself a hole!

    1295735108
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    No hole - just interesting discussion!

    Adx

    1295736808
    muchkin [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it is down to the individual / couple to deciede when they want children and if they dont want children, then that is their personal decision. Noone should judge them for it, its just their choice.

    Personally, my and the OH really want a baby and have been trying to concieve for 14 months with no joy so far, currently going through examinations to determine what is happening, but looking possible for endo or PCOS BUT, although its a nightmare to go through, i know when we finally do get pregnant , we will love and appreciate it that much more.

    1295737407
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    muchkin wrote:

    I think it is down to the individual / couple to deciede when they want children and if they dont want children, then that is their personal decision. Noone should judge them for it, its just their choice.

    Personally, my and the OH really want a baby and have been trying to concieve for 14 months with no joy so far, currently going through examinations to determine what is happening, but looking possible for endo or PCOS BUT, although its a nightmare to go through, i know when we finally do get pregnant , we will love and appreciate it that much more.

    Have faith - my mum had severe endo when she had me - told at 24 if she didn't start trying she'd never have kids! It took her 2 years to conceive but *hello*!

    After me, it pretty much cured the endo and she had my brother easily - despite nearly dying giving birth to me but that's a whole different story (pre-eclampsia) and not relevant to the endo.

    Adx

    1295737511
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Incidently it's also the reason I try really hard not to get my hopes up about kids - I have endo too (since quite young too) and I'm not likely to be trying for kids until much later than mum did, though I have been taking the contraceptive pill almost as long as I've been having periods so I know that I should have a bit longer than mum!

    Adx

    1295738630
    merry cherry [sign in to see picture]
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    Mr & Mrs Naughty wrote:

    The sex for procreation line is strongly pedalled by the Catholic Church, which as everyone knows is a religion based on fostering feelings of guilt. You can do it, but don't dare to enjoy it type of thing. In fact most religions seem to feel it necessary to give you a long list of do's and don'ts regarding sex.

    The Catholic view that using a condom is a sin because it prevents procreation is utterly irresponsible when it is applied to African countries that are trying to stop their entire populations being infected by HIV.

    Crayola, who's bloody business is it to tell you whether you should have children or not? That's your decision, and yours alone. I get bloody sick of people these days telling you what you should and shouldn't do, and trying to make you feel guilty for not towing the traditional line.

    You do what you want, and if people don't like it tell them to stuff it and you'll send Mr.Naughty round to sort them out with his rubber handled hammer!

    Yeah i agree! And i think it's worse to have kids when you don't really want them, i don't think it's selfish atall. Often people have kids because they feel they have to or because of religion or society or whatever but i don't think thats fair on the kid.

    Being a gay woman i'm constantly asked about the child situation, "oh what a shame" is quite common etc! But i can't be bothered with the whole trauma of insemination and i have other issues like i'd want to know the father and i'm actually genuinely terrified of giving birth! But i'm not going to feel guilty about it and also i'm not just NOT having a child because i'm gay...i think a gay parent is just as good as any. People are people after all, some are good parents and some aren't, regardless of sexuality. Although i'm expecting a barrage of gay bashing any minute now!....eeeek run for the hills!

    1295738958
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    You won't get it here MC - or at least you shouldn't!

    I'm with you completely anyone can be a good parent...infact, Chelz from here started a thread recently looking for information and advice on using a sperm donor as a gay couple. Definitely worth a read if you're interested!

    I'm very much opposed to any adoption agency discriminating based on sexuality (as seems to crop up in the news from time to time)....other things perhaps (as in the ability to be a good parent based on whatever evidence) but not on anything that plays no role on the upbringing of the child.

    Adx

    1295739278
    merry cherry [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Ad.

    Yeah, i don't know why i said that as i've never encountered any homophobia on here, just paranoid from what gets said in the real world sometimes!

    What is the thread called started by Chelz?

    1295739387
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    1295740721
    muchkin [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    muchkin wrote:

    I think it is down to the individual / couple to deciede when they want children and if they dont want children, then that is their personal decision. Noone should judge them for it, its just their choice.

    Personally, my and the OH really want a baby and have been trying to concieve for 14 months with no joy so far, currently going through examinations to determine what is happening, but looking possible for endo or PCOS BUT, although its a nightmare to go through, i know when we finally do get pregnant , we will love and appreciate it that much more.

    Have faith - my mum had severe endo when she had me - told at 24 if she didn't start trying she'd never have kids! It took her 2 years to conceive but *hello*!

    After me, it pretty much cured the endo and she had my brother easily - despite nearly dying giving birth to me but that's a whole different story (pre-eclampsia) and not relevant to the endo.

    Adx

    Its just one of those things i guess, i know its possible, it may slow things down a but but i know it can happen, and when it does, we will appreciate it that much more, its just a waiting game really. But i have every hope that we will, one day, get pregnant and have a baby.

    1295741100
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sure you will - things are so much more advanced now than even 20 years ago when I was born!

    In Liverpool we have a the largest women's hospital in Europe (hmm...can't seem to find proof of that but I'm sure one of our lecturers who has links there mentioned it) and it recently got made one of the IVF centres in the country and it's amazing the things they can do these days for people struggling to conceive...14 months is still nothing yet (though I'm sure it feels like forever) but if you ever do get to the point where it's more difficult than you'd otherwise hope then there are loads of option and things are getting more developed all the while!

    I do wish you both all the best though! I imagine it's frustrating but you seem positive and I'm sure you'll get there :)

    Adxx

    1295741437
    muchkin [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah compared to some people 14 months is nothing but as we are so young, it is unexplained so its being looked into, but like you said, technology and medical advances nowadays means things are possible which were never possible say 30 years ago.

    We will get there...eventually. Thank you for your best wishes though, its very much appreciated.

    xx

    1295743549
    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
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    Paddy89 wrote:

    I pretty much wish I'd kept my mouth shut now though, as I seem to be digging myself a hole!

    Oi, mate, there's a spade knocking around here somewhere. Me or Seduced usually have it on kind of a time-share basis, but feel free to borrow it if you need to!

    1295782101
    Yoko [sign in to see picture]
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    merry cherry wrote:

    Thanks Ad.

    Yeah, i don't know why i said that as i've never encountered any homophobia on here, just paranoid from what gets said in the real world sometimes!

    Being new here, this is one of the things I already love about this forum. I've not encountered any judgemental attitudes from the regulars on here.

    In some ways, this forum is the first place I've ever been where I feel I dont have to hide myself or censor myself, although I'm so used to keeping my thoughts to myself so that I wont have to put up with other people's judgements that I'm still not 100% comfortable putting it all out here. But little by litte.....

    I love what you've all created here; honestly, I think its brilliant

    1295782741
    boobaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    merry cherry wrote:

    Mr & Mrs Naughty wrote:

    The sex for procreation line is strongly pedalled by the Catholic Church, which as everyone knows is a religion based on fostering feelings of guilt. You can do it, but don't dare to enjoy it type of thing. In fact most religions seem to feel it necessary to give you a long list of do's and don'ts regarding sex.

    The Catholic view that using a condom is a sin because it prevents procreation is utterly irresponsible when it is applied to African countries that are trying to stop their entire populations being infected by HIV.

    Crayola, who's bloody business is it to tell you whether you should have children or not? That's your decision, and yours alone. I get bloody sick of people these days telling you what you should and shouldn't do, and trying to make you feel guilty for not towing the traditional line.

    You do what you want, and if people don't like it tell them to stuff it and you'll send Mr.Naughty round to sort them out with his rubber handled hammer!

    Yeah i agree! And i think it's worse to have kids when you don't really want them, i don't think it's selfish atall. Often people have kids because they feel they have to or because of religion or society or whatever but i don't think thats fair on the kid.

    Being a gay woman i'm constantly asked about the child situation, "oh what a shame" is quite common etc! But i can't be bothered with the whole trauma of insemination and i have other issues like i'd want to know the father and i'm actually genuinely terrified of giving birth! But i'm not going to feel guilty about it and also i'm not just NOT having a child because i'm gay...i think a gay parent is just as good as any. People are people after all, some are good parents and some aren't, regardless of sexuality. Although i'm expecting a barrage of gay bashing any minute now!....eeeek run for the hills!

    You won't get any gay bashing here!

    What is important for the child is that the parents love them, look after tham and provide them with a stable home, as for the same sex adoption thing, I do the checks on adopters for a local auth and same sex and single adopters are becoming more and more popular, as people are now realising that it is the love and the stability that counts. If you do look at adoption tho be prepared for every aspect of your life no matter how trivial to be looked into, I think that this is why alot of people pull out, they really do look into everything.

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