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  1. Babies

    1295695193
    LittleMiss1981UK [sign in to see picture]
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    For me, having a my daughter absolutely changed my life for the better. She came to be under difficult circumstances but gave me the strength to leave an abusive marriage. Something I was stuck in for four years, that moment I needed to protect the baby growing inside me I could just walk.

    Being a mum is really difficult. I suffered post natal depression, other types of depression, money issues. Once I came out of my marriage and was screwed financially, it was having a daughter to support that made me go into escorting. I have and always will be proud of the reasons I did that job and if I had to do it again to support her, I would.

    Having a child is difficult and alot of responsibility. Are you ever ready for it? F**k No !!! It's a learning process that you do along the way. You never have enough money to have kids. They are a bottomless pit. But, whilst your life changes, it can be for the best. I have the most funny intelligent daughter - yes she can be a little b**** but she gets that from me. She hasn't effected my career, I've worked my way up the ladder to a high paid job (not escorting now) and manage childcare with work and having cancer and my homelife.

    I can't wait to have more children with Superfurry and when I am better that's the plan. I'm not trying to push people that my opinion is "everyone should have kids, it isn't." I just think that is something you are never truely ready for, financially or mentally. It's just about how well you be a parent, when you are a parent.

    1295696321
    Yoko [sign in to see picture]
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    The real issue here though is that it's nobody elses business how you live your life (with the obvious caveat that you're not hurting another person in so doing). So why do people feel the need to offer an opinion which is clearly not being requested?

    If you want to be a young mother, by all means do it. But equally if you dont want to have children at all, that's just as valid a choice.

    My husband & I have decided not to have children. Partly its because we don't particularly enjoy them; partly because my health is very poor and it would probably drive me over the edge to have to cope with being a mother. I come from a large family; I remember very clearly what it was like to be trying to calm a screaming infant when I was still very young and probably as a result, I don't have a rose-tinted view of motherhood (and I'm not suggesting that anyone else here does btw).

    People like to stick their noses in and ask why we dont have kids. My mother thinks I'm "wierd" for many reasons, not just because I don't want kids. I can't count how often nosy relatives have asked me that. None of their damn business. Course, I'm not rude enough to say "none of your damn business" but I wish I were.

    Ultimately though, when I imagine being 50, 60, 70 I dont think I/we'll regret my/our decision. I think I will find plenty of fulfilling things to do with my life.

    Chosing not to have kids does not invalidate my life in any way.

    1295696551
    LittleMiss1981UK [sign in to see picture]
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    Yoko wrote:

    The real issue here though is that it's nobody elses business how you live your life (with the obvious caveat that you're not hurting another person in so doing). So why do people feel the need to offer an opinion which is clearly not being requested?

    If you want to be a young mother, by all means do it. But equally if you dont want to have children at all, that's just as valid a choice.

    My husband & I have decided not to have children. Partly its because we don't particularly enjoy them; partly because my health is very poor and it would probably drive me over the edge to have to cope with being a mother. I come from a large family; I remember very clearly what it was like to be trying to calm a screaming infant when I was still very young and probably as a result, I don't have a rose-tinted view of motherhood (and I'm not suggesting that anyone else here does btw).

    People like to stick their noses in and ask why we dont have kids. My mother thinks I'm "wierd" for many reasons, not just because I don't want kids. I can't count how often nosy relatives have asked me that. None of their damn business. Course, I'm not rude enough to say "none of your damn business" but I wish I were.

    Ultimately though, when I imagine being 50, 60, 70 I dont think I/we'll regret my/our decision. I think I will find plenty of fulfilling things to do with my life.

    Chosing not to have kids does not invalidate my life in any way.

    I agree with you. I said my opinion isn't that everyone should have kids. I just said why it was good I had one.

    1295697590
    Yoko [sign in to see picture]
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    LittleMiss1981UK wrote:

    Yoko wrote:

    The real issue here though is that it's nobody elses business how you live your life (with the obvious caveat that you're not hurting another person in so doing). So why do people feel the need to offer an opinion which is clearly not being requested?

    If you want to be a young mother, by all means do it. But equally if you dont want to have children at all, that's just as valid a choice.

    My husband & I have decided not to have children. Partly its because we don't particularly enjoy them; partly because my health is very poor and it would probably drive me over the edge to have to cope with being a mother. I come from a large family; I remember very clearly what it was like to be trying to calm a screaming infant when I was still very young and probably as a result, I don't have a rose-tinted view of motherhood (and I'm not suggesting that anyone else here does btw).

    People like to stick their noses in and ask why we dont have kids. My mother thinks I'm "wierd" for many reasons, not just because I don't want kids. I can't count how often nosy relatives have asked me that. None of their damn business. Course, I'm not rude enough to say "none of your damn business" but I wish I were.

    Ultimately though, when I imagine being 50, 60, 70 I dont think I/we'll regret my/our decision. I think I will find plenty of fulfilling things to do with my life.

    Chosing not to have kids does not invalidate my life in any way.

    I agree with you. I said my opinion isn't that everyone should have kids. I just said why it was good I had one.

    Oh crikey no, I wasn't suggesting that you (or indeed anyone else who posted) was having a go at those who don't want kids. I realise you were speaking for yourself and in fact, we are in agreement because we agree that this is all down to personal choice. Peace

    My rant was more to do with people in general feeling that its OK for them for suggest that my life isn't valid in its own right and that its only if and when I become a mother that I have any purpose in this world. That is such a crock (but then, judgemental people irritate me intensely).

    1295705531
    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 26 Jan 2009

    I'm on the "i don't want kids" train.

    i work with children, working with children is my passion it is all i want to do with my life, i love my family andi love spending as much time with my cousins and nephew as possible.

    but i do not want to be a mother!

    i am 19 so i get a lot of funny faces when i say i don't want children and i get alot of "you will change your mind"

    i have never wanted to be a mother in all my life, so why is my decision met with such rudeness by people (my family, not people on here)

    it bewilders me!

    VW x

    1295710264
    boobaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 9 Jul 2010

    I think that wanting babies is one of those things, some people know that they want a family from a very young age, and they are very sure that motherhood (or fatherhood) is for them.

    Others decide much later in life in their 30's or even 40's that they want children

    and then there are those people that never want children, never show any interest in having children and are happy to be as they are.

    Just because you are in one camp or another doesn't make the other people wrong. My sister is 24 and she really does not want kids, that said she loves my kids and even took my daughter on holiday with her last year, she just has no interest in having her own. I was 20 when I had my first to me it is one of the best things to happen to me I love been a mother and wouldn't change anything for the world. I do however understand that it isn't for everyone.

    I just wish that people didn't think that because I want children and I love my children that I will like all children, other peoples children really annoy me lols.

    1295711232
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 24 Apr 2010

    I never wanted kids. But I'd not give up my wee one for the world.

    I don't think I'm naturally very maternal, but I seem to be managing ok for now. Don't think I'd aim for more kids: I'm not horrifically opposed to the idea, but I'm not desperately broody, and the practicalities of it are just too much, since by the time I'd be settled with a job and a stable home and all the junk that should come first, timing would mean having a toddler and a teenager in the same house... *shudder* And if I wait until the current one's past the worst stage, then I'm looking at being in the danger zone age-wise, as well as having a kid who'll be a teenager when I'm going to be too out of the loop to be as good a parent as I could be.

    I do like the idea in theory of having a kid and proper family with the man I want to spend my life with, but the romance of it is rather squashed by the money-timing-practicals side of things. So not planning on it, the one's enough. If it happened, or if both parties were suddenly keen on the idea (and the boring practical bits were all in place), then I wouldn't think it was the worst thing in the world, but I am definitely doing all I can to ensure that it's not on the cards for the far foreseeable future, and even then my "maybe" is just a "no" wrapped in a get-out clause.

    1295711466
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 22 Aug 2009

    Paddy89 wrote:

    KittyPurry wrote:

    .... to move this over from the group tangent on the Shemale thread:

    Ecksvie wrote:

    I don't have an issue with people who choose not to have kids. I admire anyone who has the strength and sensibility to know what they want out of life.

    I think my main issue is people saying "never" to things. There have been so many times in my life where I've said I'd never do something, then a while later it's happening anyway and it's the best thing that ever happened to me. For that reason, I made the active decision not to say never to anything, and I feel I'm better for it.

    That's my issue with people saying they never want kids. As with all things in life, you just can't know how you're going to feel six months or a year etc down the line, and I think it can be inhibitive. Some people might not do things they really want just because they always told themselves they wouldn't. Even if that's not the case, I just don't believe in saying never to anything and it winds me up when people do.

    This is something I've never (!) understood...what's the difference between saying never to kids and saying yes i.e. having them? They're effectively both permenant and most people accept the validity of one decision but not the other. Makes no sense to me!

    xxKPxx

    Could just be because saying 'never' to something is living in a negative way of thinking, whilst saying 'yes' is positive. Could all arguably affect the way you live life, subconciously. I can't believe many people will stubbornly stick to their one view throughout their life just because of what they've said to people previously.

    And I know I'm 8 months too late, but I'd give MissO a standing ovation for her last post

    I disagree entirely that it's negative! I love my job and I love my partner I am positively choosing to put all my time effort into them. I do occasionally have what I think are maternal urges but they're just odd physical sort of sensations and they don't change how I think/feel about wanting babies. I don't want to change my life, it's taken me a long time to find peace and happiness and I'm finally doing what I want to do and doing it well.

    I think all children deserve parents that willingly put all their effort into raising them well. I don't want to have to do that: I have different priorities. I don't judge people who want children - that's their choice and I think it's lovely when people who want babies get them. I don't understand why people can't accept and respect my different priorities when I not only accept but actively support theirs.

    Some people are meant to be mothers some people clearly are not. It's not true that being a parent is always instinctive, I see so much terrible parenting that it's certainly not natural/easy for everyone. I just acknowledge that it's not for me in advance so as to avoid future problems.

    I probably can't have babies anyway so I find it particularly difficult to understand why people seem to want me to want something I then couldn't have.

    Sorry that's all a bit disjointed, my brain is scrambled today!

    xxKPxx

    1295713262
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree KP.

    Any decision can be seen as negative towards the alternative - choosing to have children is negative towards stasis as a childfree adult.

    Just because you *say* I *don't* (negative) want children, doesn't mean that *not* (negative) wanting children was *why* you decided it, it's just the most logical way to express it. Your decision may be positive because instead of thinking you *don't* want children you're saying you *do* (positive) want a particular lifestyle that you are already heading towards without any other additions.

    And it's not like in life you're heading on a collision course towards having children regardless and to not have children you have to actively do *something* to avoid the collision. It's in fact the opposite in a modern day when contraception is much more the "done" thing and avoiding contraception takes more of an active decision (to *not* use it - negative) than does using it.

    I don't think I'm making a lot of sense here but I hope you see my point.

    Adx

    1295715123
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    I agree KP.

    Any decision can be seen as negative towards the alternative - choosing to have children is negative towards stasis as a childfree adult.

    Just because you *say* I *don't* (negative) want children, doesn't mean that *not* (negative) wanting children was *why* you decided it, it's just the most logical way to express it. Your decision may be positive because instead of thinking you *don't* want children you're saying you *do* (positive) want a particular lifestyle that you are already heading towards without any other additions.

    And it's not like in life you're heading on a collision course towards having children regardless and to not have children you have to actively do *something* to avoid the collision. It's in fact the opposite in a modern day when contraception is much more the "done" thing and avoiding contraception takes more of an active decision (to *not* use it - negative) than does using it.

    I don't think I'm making a lot of sense here but I hope you see my point.

    Adx

    Do you not know how to use italics?

    1295715391
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Yep, just to lazy to click on and off in between each one. Doing *s = keyboard use only

    Adx

    1295715518
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    *cough* Ctrl+i *cough*

    1295715519
    boobaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    ctrl and I = italics lols

    no clicking needed

    1295715521
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok WandA just taught me the keyboard shortcuts that I never knew before today :)

    Adx

    1295715555
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    boobaloo wrote:

    ctrl and I = italics lols

    no clicking needed

    And Boobaloo got there just after

    Adx

    1295715558
    boobaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    Alicia D'amore wrote:

    Ok WandA just taught me the keyboard shortcuts that I never knew before today :)

    Adx

    ha ha ha

    1295716016
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh and BB! I'm a geek who's rubbish at computer geekery....I blame a dad who's a director for a comp company (and a self taught computer genius fiance) = no need to learn.

    Adx

    1295716129
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh and forgive shortenings/= signs....revision mode = typing w/out real words :P

    Adx

    1295716640
    BashfulBabe [sign in to see picture]
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    Hah! Think that's allowed pet.

    1295722302
    LittleMiss1981UK [sign in to see picture]
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    Yoko wrote:

    LittleMiss1981UK wrote:

    Yoko wrote:

    The real issue here though is that it's nobody elses business how you live your life (with the obvious caveat that you're not hurting another person in so doing). So why do people feel the need to offer an opinion which is clearly not being requested?

    If you want to be a young mother, by all means do it. But equally if you dont want to have children at all, that's just as valid a choice.

    My husband & I have decided not to have children. Partly its because we don't particularly enjoy them; partly because my health is very poor and it would probably drive me over the edge to have to cope with being a mother. I come from a large family; I remember very clearly what it was like to be trying to calm a screaming infant when I was still very young and probably as a result, I don't have a rose-tinted view of motherhood (and I'm not suggesting that anyone else here does btw).

    People like to stick their noses in and ask why we dont have kids. My mother thinks I'm "wierd" for many reasons, not just because I don't want kids. I can't count how often nosy relatives have asked me that. None of their damn business. Course, I'm not rude enough to say "none of your damn business" but I wish I were.

    Ultimately though, when I imagine being 50, 60, 70 I dont think I/we'll regret my/our decision. I think I will find plenty of fulfilling things to do with my life.

    Chosing not to have kids does not invalidate my life in any way.

    I agree with you. I said my opinion isn't that everyone should have kids. I just said why it was good I had one.

    Oh crikey no, I wasn't suggesting that you (or indeed anyone else who posted) was having a go at those who don't want kids. I realise you were speaking for yourself and in fact, we are in agreement because we agree that this is all down to personal choice. Peace

    My rant was more to do with people in general feeling that its OK for them for suggest that my life isn't valid in its own right and that its only if and when I become a mother that I have any purpose in this world. That is such a crock (but then, judgemental people irritate me intensely).

    Oh cool

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