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  1. Babies

    1256861775
    sweetlove666 [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    And I thought the school I went to was bad! But then the kids get worse and worse these days. My OHs mother is a primary school teacher and she found a bottle of shandy in one of the childrens lunch boxes. The child was 5! She phoned the parents and they couldn't understand what the problem was..

    just to point out shandy is usually 0.05% alcahol. it can be legally sold and consumed by those under the age of 18. it certaintly wouldnt have had any effect on the child.

    as ivle said before i really do not want childeren untill i am a lot older, at least 30! i have volunteered with younger childeren befroe (brownies) and its ok but i just wouldnt want one myself!

    1256900197
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    I'm not ever going to be prepared for children. No matter how old I get! Lol!

    Don't think anyone ever is! :D

    I definitely do want kids, but not yet. I did see a pic of a friend's newborn the other day though and my ovaries practically cried. Never been so overwhelmed by broodiness before!

    1256906708
    SteSilver [sign in to see picture]
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    diamonds wrote:


    though i must say there is some times i really strongly dissagree with certain people who do have children, im talking about people who have about 4 children all of who are taken into care for really good strong proven reason and then the parents just go on to have more and more which all get taken into care.

    Dxx

    Personally I think people should be encouraged to stop at two children. The planet is already overpopulated and as we're all living longer we need to start controlling the population.

    I don't think you can tell someone how to live their life, but it's something which needs addressing along with sex education. I'd stop child benefits and statutory maternity leave after the second child and if couples wanted to have a 3rd/4th/5th etc then they'd have to fund it themselves.

    It isn't just about the population, but a child with one sibling would have a much better upbringing if he had no more than one brother or sister, in my opinion. More time and money to go around. I see parents with 4 or 5 kids really struggling to make ends meet and struggling to provide for their families, but is it any wonder?

    I also agree that many parents aren't capable and it isn't fair on the children. The vast majority are, but I think if you're going to have kids you have to be totally committed to it and really want to have them.

    1256907145
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    SteSilver wrote:

    diamonds wrote:


    though i must say there is some times i really strongly dissagree with certain people who do have children, im talking about people who have about 4 children all of who are taken into care for really good strong proven reason and then the parents just go on to have more and more which all get taken into care.

    Dxx

    Personally I think people should be encouraged to stop at two children. The planet is already overpopulated and as we're all living longer we need to start controlling the population.

    I don't think you can tell someone how to live their life, but it's something which needs addressing along with sex education. I'd stop child benefits and statutory maternity leave after the second child and if couples wanted to have a 3rd/4th/5th etc then they'd have to fund it themselves.

    It isn't just about the population, but a child with one sibling would have a much better upbringing if he had no more than one brother or sister, in my opinion. More time and money to go around. I see parents with 4 or 5 kids really struggling to make ends meet and struggling to provide for their families, but is it any wonder?

    I also agree that many parents aren't capable and it isn't fair on the children. The vast majority are, but I think if you're going to have kids you have to be totally committed to it and really want to have them.

    i dont agree with telling people how many children they should have, its up to them as a couple to decided how many children they want and if the can afforde to have another one ect ect.

    i just dont agree with people who have there children taken away from them for good proven reason shouldnt keep on having children just cos they think that if they keep having them that social servises will finaly give in and let them keep one.

    but thats my opion

    Dxx

    1256907338
    shellyboo [sign in to see picture]
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    SteSilver wrote:

    diamonds wrote:


    though i must say there is some times i really strongly dissagree with certain people who do have children, im talking about people who have about 4 children all of who are taken into care for really good strong proven reason and then the parents just go on to have more and more which all get taken into care.

    Dxx

    Personally I think people should be encouraged to stop at two children. The planet is already overpopulated and as we're all living longer we need to start controlling the population.

    I don't think you can tell someone how to live their life, but it's something which needs addressing along with sex education. I'd stop child benefits and statutory maternity leave after the second child and if couples wanted to have a 3rd/4th/5th etc then they'd have to fund it themselves.

    It isn't just about the population, but a child with one sibling would have a much better upbringing if he had no more than one brother or sister, in my opinion. More time and money to go around. I see parents with 4 or 5 kids really struggling to make ends meet and struggling to provide for their families, but is it any wonder?

    I also agree that many parents aren't capable and it isn't fair on the children. The vast majority are, but I think if you're going to have kids you have to be totally committed to it and really want to have them.

    Yeah, Ste, you can't really complain that people tell you you should want to have kids and then turn around and tell people they shouldn't be allowed to have more than two.

    Either you think it's a personal choice for each person to make, or it's not. You can't have it all ways.

    1256946529
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas wrote:

    I think the new reforms on benefits for single parents may help reduce the population anyway. The women on benefits who had children SOLELY for the purpose of adding to their own benefits won't do it anymore!

    i dont think the new law saying that single mums with kids aged 10 should go back to work, you cant legaly leave a 10 year old child on its own and youd need a really good paying job to afforde all your living expencives aswell as child care and these jobs are very few and far between. and saying granny and grandad should look after them is not eaxctly ideal in this day and age where most nan and grandads are still at work them self. and even if you could get a part time job, what about the weekend and school holidays?

    that law is just not pratical at all for single parents what so ever.

    Dxx

    1256947278
    diamonds [sign in to see picture]
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    Nexas wrote:

    I didn't realise it was as low as 10. But they are saying to look for work that would still suit the child's schedule. There are agencies out there that specialise in finding work for single parents. You can still work part-time and get subsadised rent and benefits as well. It's the parents who are doing it JUST for the benefits they're trying to avoid and seeing some of the children that come from those homes...I agree. They have such upsetting lives...

    i watched a tv show on this, and these single mums was working with an agency to get them bk into work but for some of them going back into work made them more worse off then when they was on benerfits.

    now that goes to show how crap the minium wage is, if the goverment want people off benerfits then they need to make it worth while to do so, so incress the minium wage which alot of these single mums would be on and give more help with free child care.

    i dont agree with people having children to just get benerfits but there are people who are real and really do need this help and i dont think they should be let done and made to be worse off.

    Dxx

    1256951356
    titania [sign in to see picture]
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    When I was nearly 14 (sister 16, brother 12) my mum accidentally got pregnant and I gained a baby brother. He was premature, screamed a lot and was diagnosed ADHD at the age of 4. He was also a very cute child and is now a very likeable and easy going 25 year old. However, I babysat for him one night when he was a tiny baby and it was such a nightmare (he screamed all evening) that it totally put me off having kids, I thought for good. Well, it probably wasn't just that, also the fact that when he arrived we suddenly stopped going anywhere at the weeked, ever!

    Then, OMG, I turned 30 and my biological clock started ticking. I couldn't believe it. Every time I heard someone was pregnant I felt like crying I was so desperate to have a child. Whats more, I was in a long term relationship (6 years at that point) with a guy who didn't want kids. What a nightmare. Anyway, after a year or so, having had the "we can't stay together if one of us really wants a child and the other doesn't" conversation, my partner decided he did want kids after all and so we went on to have two kids who are now aged 6 and 3 respectively.

    So, after all those experience I can say this:

    1) whilst it is extremely annoying to be told "you'll feel differently you're older" it may turn out to be true as the biological clock is a truly bizarre thing - theres seems to be no rationality to it, just this incredibly strong, undeniable urge.

    2) whilst they are very rewarding, kids are flippin hard work and (having had them late) I've felt keenly the sacrifices I've had to make for them and therefore totally respect anyone who makes the choice not to have kids.

    3) ironically, my partner (who didn't have a biological urge to have kids but instead made a rational decision based on a long period of considereation) has struggled less with the adjustment to having kids than I have after doing so with a biological rather than rational imperative. Therefore, beware that biological clock!

    1257006328
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    I've always known I wanted kids, all my life. I get really broody now I've been with my OH and frequently dream about being a mother....I hasten to add that I wouldn't have kids now, 19 and in uni and living with my OH's family with no money wouldn't make the ideal parent, I've I fell pregnant by mistake I'd give the best upbringing I could but my preference would be to wait until I am capable of giving my child the best possible start in life. But lately I think I've gone off the idea of kids. I've been worrying about my endometriosis, my pain and tearing during sex (could I have a natural labour? - I don't think my body could cope) and my joint condition and worrying that I might be infertile by the time I have children, or maybe I can't guarentee a C - section (which I'd like to do before I start trying for a baby). I've been worrying so much that I won't be able to have children, and I know my OH wouldn't like to adopt that I think it's made me think "well do I even want kids?"....I know I'm just trying to protect myself from potential heartache, and I know that medical support is AMAZING these days and I probably will be able to have kids by the time that I want to have them, but I am still absolutely terrified that I won't be able to have them. But then I've always been the type of person who doesn't get excited about something until it is absolutely 100% guaranteed - I'm the type of person that wouldn't buy baby clothes until AFTER I'd given birth because I wouldn't want to get my hopes up!

    Ax

    1257017992
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with Titania. God knows I'm not ready for kids yet, but most of my life I always felt I couldnt handle kids and I didnt want them. However, since I've been with my boyfriend, the idea of having kids seems exciting for the future, and I'm still only 22.

    I know it may be frustrating to be told you'll want kids when you're older, but you very well might. Of course, you might not, but you'll probably find alot of people who say they dont want kids end up having them anyway for a number of different reasons. That doesnt mean you cant be an exception to that rule, but when people say it they're mostly speaking from experience.

    1257018676
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Ecksvie wrote:

    I agree with Titania. God knows I'm not ready for kids yet, but most of my life I always felt I couldnt handle kids and I didnt want them. However, since I've been with my boyfriend, the idea of having kids seems exciting for the future, and I'm still only 22.

    I know it may be frustrating to be told you'll want kids when you're older, but you very well might. Of course, you might not, but you'll probably find alot of people who say they dont want kids end up having them anyway for a number of different reasons. That doesnt mean you cant be an exception to that rule, but when people say it they're mostly speaking from experience.

    I dunno though, I get annoyed when people discount my relationship with my OH because we were 15 when we got together, we get on a damn site better than a lot of relationships I know of and most of them are older and have more experience....experience doesn't always mean a person is wiser and I agree with people who have said that they experience "you'll want them when you're older" but never "you might not want them when you're older"...I think people should keep and open mind because they could change there mind but then that's true of anything. My point is that people will only tell you what you should/shouldn't be doing/thinking if your opinion doesn't fit in with "common society" but if you fit in (even if your opinion might be wrong for you in your personal situation) then noone questions it.

    For example - If a person has no job and lives with there parents at 28 and choose to have children, noone would question that. But if a person chooses to have children at 16 then they are told this is "wrong". Generally the reason to not have children at 16 is because you can't look after them due to lack of money/proper family home etc but that would a very similar scenario as the 28 year old wouldn't it?

    I have no problem with people telling me my relationship might end because I'm young and I might change - it's perfectly true, but if they tell me it's "wrong" to be in such a relationship for such a length of time, or put so much energy into such a relationship then I have issues. I'm sure it's the same for people who don't want kids!

    This is written really badly, my heads a bit mashed today so if I offend anyone, ask me about it and I'll clarify because I don't intend to be offensive with this at all!

    Ax

    1257026149
    Wizzie86 [sign in to see picture]
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    That's awful! Of all the wrong reasons to bring a child into the world, that is up there! X

    1257031536
    Lunar Lunacy [sign in to see picture]
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    No-one should be telling you whether you should or shouldn't have kids or when for that matter! It's your body, not theirs. I want kids someday in the future, but I'm no where near ready at the moment.

    1257031801
    Ecksvie [sign in to see picture]
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    I think mothers who have children for the benefits deserve a good slap! I really wish there was something that could be done to stop people doing it, but I dont know what could be done without taking it away from the mothers who have it happen genuinely. The whole benefits system is majorly messed up, and I could go on about it all night if I wanted to.

    I think the reason alot of people say you'll want kids when you're older is the biological clock Titania talked about. There comes a point in your life where your body starts wanting them. If circumstances aren't right for children, then you can choose not to have kids yet or at all, but for alot of people it's a biological thing that you cant control. When you're young and you havent experienced this kind of calling, I suppose it seems stupid and hard to imagine that anything would be able to overcome your dislike for children and that's why alot of younger people get frustrated when they say things will change, but give it time and you might just be surprised.

    Regarding the situation AdnaW described, I think both of those would be equally wrong. Anyone deliberately having a child they can't support is a bad thing in my eyes, no matter how old the person is. The reason the 16 year old would be classed as wrong would probably be because they dont have the maturity to be able to raise a child (even the most mature 16 year old just doesnt have the life experience), and at 16 you're still considered a child yourself with your whole life ahead of you and there will be many missed opportunities because of that child. Of course, most people dont think through their opinions, they just go with what the crowd think, because it's easier than being different. Most people arent even aware of why they hold the opinions they do. The same thing goes for the wanting kids thing. People say not wanting kids is wrong because it's different, and people dont like things that are different because they can't understand it.

    The next time someone tells you not wanting kids is wrong, ask them why. If they answer at all, it'll be some cop out answer like "that's just what people do" or "that's what life is about". I'd put money on it.

    I have respect for people who say they dont want kids, but I think the issue comes with the clash of personalities. Other people might not be able to understand the logic or feelings that go into not wanting kids and think it's "wrong", but at the same time the people who dont want kids need to stop taking it so personally when you're told you might change later on, because you very well might. As long as you believe the path you're taking is the right one and the one that will make you happy, that's all that matters. Screw what other people say.

    1257035520
    JayGee [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    As far as I'm concerned I think the government should come up with some kind of examination test for every new mother to take before having a child. Stuff like how to look after a newborn, mental/emotional health test and how best to manage and cope with a child. A lot of mothers (and fathers too) haven't a clue!

    The reason I don't want kids is because post natal depression runs in the family. I already have problems with my mental health and having a child will only make it worse.

    Good Lord - if I'd had to have sat and examination test, I'd have failed. Being one of the youngest of my generation of cousins and having a mother who didn't trust me around my brothers, I had absolutely no idea what to do - I remember sitting at home after the midwife left and thinking "What the f*ck do I do now?" But I must have managed because after nearly 13 years, she's doing fine.

    By mental/ emotional tests I hope you mean something that weeds out the disassociative and detached and those likely to harm, as opposed to someone's IQ? Some of the worst parents I have encountered are among the so-called intelligensia. I think early education would be better myself and the promotion of the idea of babies as neither inconvenient or a plaything.

    I am so sorry that you feel the likelihood of PND is a major no-no - but I fully respect and admire your bravery in taking that decision. Do remember you can have kids without actually giving birth to them though e.g. by adoption or merging families

    1257038830
    JayGee [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sorry to hear how unsupported your OH's SiL is - it saddens me when I hear of woman who suffer a traumatic birth experience and are then basically left to fend for themselves. I hate the attitude that still prevails somewhat that women are no more than animals and should be able to "drop one" and carry on. Pregnancy and then birth is a harrowing experience, ome that women need time to recover from. And if anything goes badly, they should expect the fullest assistance.

    1257070327
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    Avrielle_Aniko wrote:

    Well, tbh, I dont think the nurses/midwives etc dont really give enough support for couples and mothers. I think more could really be done.

    Of course I don't mean IQ tests! lol!

    "Babies are for life, not just for christmas"?

    I dont think I could cope with a child full stop to be very honest. The whole parenthood thing seems so overwhelming to me. But then again, I'm still in a bad place at the moment. And I certain;y would never consider bringing up a child in the environment I'm in just now with the finances etc.

    My OHs Brothers wife has had a child recently. He is 3 1/2 months old and the mother is still in hospital from bad tearing and spinal damage! nasty stuff. They married only a year ago and now she's is trying to sort out divorce papers because of the hell and depression she is going through. Its a nightmare! She isn't getting any real help either. Just the medical NHS help on the physical side, and nobody is paying attention to how she feels, just pumping her full of painkillers everyday. Horrible..

    That sounds terribe, I hope things improve soon for your sister-in-law and brother. Has she considered askinig to see a chaplain? I know they're technically religious but you don't have to be religious to talk to them and the ones I've met have been absolutely lovely. They just go round to the wards and chat to patients so they don't feel lonely, they don't even mention god unless you want them too. When I worked for the NHS over the summer the chaplains did a talk at the induction day and I thought then how helpful it would be to have someone to talk to if I was stuck in hospital!

    Just a wee idea!

    xxKPxx

    1262031164
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
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    I think it's personal choice, i have 2 children, i fell pregnant with my son just 3 months after meeting my husband, not ideal but luckily for us we are made for eachother! I was only 20 and my husband was 19, it was hard at first, i was working up to 72 hours a week during my pregnancy and my husband had 2 jobs just to keep us in a crappy bedsit! 9 years on we have a daughter and a lovely house, i am lucky enough to be a stay at home mum and my husband has his own buisness. So it can work even if it's not planned!

    If you don't want children don't have them! Enjoy your life whatever you want to do. xx

    1262032560
    JayGee [sign in to see picture]
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    Nooooooooo!!!!! Don't have kids - they just grow up to be teenagers

    1262036004
    JayGee [sign in to see picture]
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    Andserkiel wrote:

    JayGee wrote:

    Nooooooooo!!!!! Don't have kids - they just grow up to be teenagers

    Maybe you could let someone else "borrow" them during the teenage stage XD

    Are you like, volunteering Ands?

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