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  1. Babies

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    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 261
    • Joined: 1 Feb 2007

    After reading this thread I just had to have my say in it, I hope no one minds.

    I was pregnant at 16 (actually the month before my 16th) and I had only been with my husband 4 months when I caught on. She was not planned but she is the best thing to EVER have happened to me, nobody thought I would be able to cope and everyone criticised us.

    I have to say I've coped amazingly, and everyone I see says they wish they will have a kid like mine - she doesn't answer back, she does as she's told, she doesnt swear and she has impeccable manners. I am trying for another baby with my husband and I am only 20.

    I don't think it matters what your age is, I think its your level of maturity that counts the most. My brother in law had 2 kids, he is 40 and he needs to be looked after more than the kids.

    Anyone can cope in any situation, your instincts take over, thats how we get through life.

    I am a smoker, I dont smoke in my house and it hasn't affected my daughter at all, when she knows I'm going for a cig she tells me its dirty and she will never do it. I dont believe smoking influences your children, none of my parents smoked and I do, its a personal preference. I can afford nice food for my family, cigs and even a bottle of WKD.

    I treat my family how I would like to be treated and that is with respect.

    If you dont feel like you're ready to have kids or if you dont want kids then that is upto you, everyone should live their lifes how they want and ignore the people that comment about it. Its your life-your rules.

    Right sorry about that, rant over, I hope I haven't offended anyone or made anyone feel awkward.

    Mel xxx

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    luvly [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 71
    • Joined: 26 Aug 2008

    Hi all,

    I have 3 kids, and 3 step kids.

    ages 21,20,14,13,12 and 9 oh and one step grandson.

    Do I want babies...Noooooooo!!!!!!!! LOL

    1225925347
    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 261
    • Joined: 1 Feb 2007

    I want another baby so desperately, on the barracks I live at we've had 5 new babies born in 6 weeks and its killing me...everyone seems to have a baby apart from me, i would've been 6 months gone now but not gonna dwell on that too much xxx

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    luvly [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 71
    • Joined: 26 Aug 2008

    No more babies for me, getting to old now. Plus hubby doesn't want anymore, even though we don't have any together.

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    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 261
    • Joined: 1 Feb 2007

    It's taken my husband three years to get me wanting another and now i want one so much its just not happening, typical lol xx

    1225936086
    sublimelonglegs [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 109
    • Joined: 30 Sep 2008

    I've two kiddies which I had aged 29 and 32 (7 and 4) I think (am very drunk tonight disgracefuly) and have happily aquired two more older ones of 11 and (severely autistic) 13 through my lovely man.

    I have pretty serious long term health issues which plague my life but the kiddies give me such motivation.

    I am privilaged to have them, they are a gift, and at times when I may have given up in the past they are an inspiration, source of great pride and huge responsiblility and humble me.

    Excuse typos. My two are tucked up safely in bed and I'm following soon.

    I never regret having them. My parents are still together and I'm such a perfectionist I never thought I'd leavectheir Dad, but hey, shit happens and you deal with it for their sake.

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    OperationFilth [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 525
    • Joined: 12 Oct 2008

    I definately want kids someday but not yet! (lets ignore how late i am. lol)

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    Miss Kitty [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 89
    • Joined: 10 Oct 2005

    I think it's up to the woman herself whether she has kids or not and at what age and no-one has the right to say "you must be a breeding mare because you have the equipment" or to "get rid of" unplanned pregnancies. It's easy for others to say kill your baby just because you are young but my neice is 15 and pregnant and I'm glad she is keeping it but would respect her choice if she felt she couldn't.

    As soon as you get pregnant suddenly people think they can be as rude as they want, touch you in the street, tell you what you should or shouldn't do, name your kids, how to dress them even! Never mind the age thing. I am an older mum to be at 32 with my first, I have been to uni, lived my life, had great fun and married ready to settle - I'm happy with this but younger mums get to have more time with their kids - as in lifespan. My mum was in her 30's when she had me and she passed away 2.5 years ago, my dad went 7 years ago and I wish I had more time with them.

    So there are advantages and disadvantages to being young or waiting. I made sure to take no risks before I was ready because I knew I didn't want kids when I was still young, I didn't have a childhood as such so wanted to enjoy my 20's.

    As for smoking in pregnancy and around children, I think it should be classed the same as any other drug addiction - ironicly those that smoke in pregnancy look down on those that drink. It makes my blood boils so much - especially when you know personally of a little innocent baby girl killed by her mothers smoking in pregnancy and when she was born It really is heartbreaking to think of her tiny white newborn baby coffin and know her own mum put her in there. I've known some miscarry too who smoked though they refuse to admit smoking had anything to do with it, truth is smoking kills babies, both in the womb and out of it. I don't understand why anyone can put a drug before their own childs life.

    Well done to those who do quit or do not smoke around their kids at all.

    1226066048
    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    well when i was pregnant, we was booked in for an abortion as we didnt think we would cope and we was too young and it wasnt until we was on the bus to the clinic that we decided we couldnt go throught with it and thank god we did!!!

    i stopped smoking when i found out i was pregnant, even though we was gonna get rid of her, i thinks it was my instincts taking over and i dont smoke in the house and i dont take her to any house where people smoke,

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    tallboy247 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 7 Jul 2008

    Good for you Mel, you quite obviously have hidden strengths, and seem pretty well up for anything you happen to set your mind to it seems, we're all up against prejudices and bigotry pretty much all the time, so just not got to let it hit you hard when you come across it !! Bloody easy for me to say l know six four and built like the proverbial brick outhouse.

    Good luck to you, TB.

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    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
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    the thing is tb, in society nowadays everyone is up against prejudices but its upto the individual whether they take it on, my dad didnt want me having my little one as he thought i would crash and burn, he is in the police and at the time of me getting pregnant he worked in the sex offenders department and he wanted to get my hubby done for statatory rape so i walked out, maybe a stupid thing walking out at such a young age but it worked out in my favour thank god!

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    tallboy247 [sign in to see picture]
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    Think the phrase for that is job pissed Mel, probably a lot of self blame and he couldn't think of any other way to deal with it.... would pass the buck to the force so it would all become impersonal. Are you back on talking terms now though Mel ?

    TB

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    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
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    yeah in a fashion, never really had much of a relationship with him anyway, i didnt really know him until i was 6 when he decided that if he was paying for me then he might as well see me, its always been strained and i think it always will be, i dont get on with him wife so i think thats a big factor too

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    walrus [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 4 Nov 2008

    I was a teenage dad, I was married with a daughter at 19. It was definitely not planned, we were both students in different cities. I took a year off my course so she could finish hers. We split up after three years, she had found someone else. We are still friends - she likes to write me long letters about her life. Our daughter is a fabulous person who has been a great friend and support to both of us. I only wish I had more children like her!

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    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    • Joined: 1 Feb 2007

    well its good that you've been lucky enough to still get on walrus, my mum and dad couldnt even be civil on my wedding day, we had to make sure they were at seperate ends of the room all day, it was a nightmare and it made the experience a lot less enjoyable

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    walrus [sign in to see picture]
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    I don't think we actually wanted to get married, we were talked into it by our parents, and it was only a quick thing in the civic centre. I never had a proper wedding! (sniff)

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    walrus [sign in to see picture]
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    Coming back to Crayola who started this, I just don't understand why someone would call you selfish for saying you don't want kids. It's just the way you want to live, and selfish doesn't come into it. Some people have kids, some don't - I can't see a people shortage being a problem in the near future!

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    crayola [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 265
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2008

    Wow- lots of food for thought on here!

    Miss Kitty- I can't imagine anything more heart breaking than a childs funeral, whatever the cause. Theres a poem- Midterm break by Seamus Heaney- which ends with the line 'a four foot box, a foot for every year'. I first read it at high school and it still makes me tear up.

    Mel- my parents did a similar thing with my little sister. Theres three of us, and she's five years younger than me, and was conceived at a time when my Dad was away with work alot and money was a bit tight cos Mum had been out of work to look after us first two until we started school, so Mum says she got all the way to booking the appointment and then realised she just couldn't do it and they'd cope somehow. I love my little sister so I admire her for doing that. But at the same time, I do have respect for all the women who do have abortions and go on living their lives. That must be hard no matter how much you don't want the child.

    Walrus- I can't fathom why its selfish to not have children either. Something about all the women who want children but can't have them whereas activly chosing not to have them is hurtful to them was the best explanation anyone could give me, and I had to read that in a newspaper! I disagree with that too- even if you can'thave your own,there're pleanty of children in Britian looking for foster/ adoptive parents, and it'd be so much better to give them a chance at a family life rather that st and mope because they're not part of you.

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    sexymel88 [sign in to see picture]
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    there is plenty of options if you cant have a child of your own, i can understand how it just gets some people down though, thankfully ive not been in that situation, but if you dont want a child i dont think there should be any pressure whatsoever, its not like we're underpopulated is it??

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    curious1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 20 Sep 2008

    Personal choice is the order of the day as far as I am concerned. as long as you are looking after the chikd in an appropriate way it doesn't matter what age you are. Also if you don't want kids that's fine I was nearly 30 by the time I had mine the term 'elderly prim' didn't sit well as you can imagine but that was the right time for us. I think the inlaws were so grateful that we started that we didn't get pressurised after that lol.

    My mum was just glad i had given up riding motorbikes while I was pregnant that nothing was said about my age.

    I must admit that the 'practicing' (sorry can't spell too much wine) was fun we had been married for 6 years before our first was born so folk had given up on us :)

    C1

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