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  1. New to bdsm advice welcome for a male .

    1493149798
    Ieuanb [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 24 Apr 2017

    OK well hello everyone .
    I hope its OK to ask but I'm looking into a bit of help if possible .

    My self and partner sex life has gone down hill the last two years. We still have sex every so often but its just normally a quicke etc . kids full time work 18 month old .

    She Told me before she really into 50 shades and would love to be tied up etc and loved the secne with the spreader bar.

    I placed my 1st order today and have ordered
    Under bed restraints
    Spreader bar
    Blindfold
    And handcufs

    We are kid free Sunday so I plan to make full use and surprise her and go all out .

    I'm looking for advice regarding position while being hanfcufed and with the spreader bar and tied by all 4s as well.
    I welcome advice for men and women.
    But looking for what really hit the spot for you ladies when using these toys if you have :)
    Thank you for reading

    Wit

    1493169508
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1913
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2012

    Hi there

    You could have her stand on the floor and cuffed to the spreader bar. Bent over the bed wearing the blindfold and arms either behind her or in front. Arms behind her back makes her more vulnerable and obviously she cannot support herself which can be tricky. Or she could be standing upright whilst you tease her with hands or toys. Or she could lie on her back, legs apart because of spreader bar and knees pulled up for a full inspection.

    You've chosen well by the way 😊

    1493192152
    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1740
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2015

    Hello and welcome

    take a look at these links for some bondage toys/advice

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/bondage-for-beginners/

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/buyers-guide/

    search through the forums on the search bar at the top of the page for BDSM specific threads for further tips and advice!

    🐼

    1493193095
    Ieuanb [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 24 Apr 2017

    Some great advice and tips thank you Lil red .

    Thank you panda I will do :),

    1493195717
    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 12520
    • Joined: 20 Aug 2014

    Hi and welcome to the forums xx

    Whatever you decide...I hope you both have fun x

    1493198423
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7166
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    We acted out the scene from the first film in a form of a roleplay and used the door jam hand restraint kit ( From Lovehoney) and a spreader bar. We made it a little more hot as she has side tie panties on and so I could tease her through the material with tghe riding crop  whilst restrained and then pull the ties later .When you blindfold her she won't be able to see you perhaps fumbling around . This will help if you havnt done this type of thing before . You can make it even more atmospheric whilst playing the appropriate music . If you have a DVD player in the room your doing the scene then you can do this.

    Good luck

    1493199730
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6272
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Hi there, have a look at some of the videos from the lovely Jess from the 'Bondage Gone Wilde' series which I think will be very useful to you both. When you do play, always have safe words in place, which will also make your OH feel more safe and in control. You could use the classic traffic light system. GREEN means everything is ok, and you are happy to continue play. AMBER means ‘slow down’ or ‘I’m close to my limit’ and RED means ‘all play stops immediately’.

    Also after you have played, especially when trying something new – it is a great idea to talk or write to each other about how you both felt about it, what you most liked, least liked and would like to try again, or change in the future.

    https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0G-eJWh4vmckRKA5PauUu2QxJqk56CGn

    1493247539
    Paul Mycock [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 42
    • Joined: 8 Dec 2014

    Some tips.

    There's a book SM 101. Get that and have a read.

    Get a collar for your sub. Lovehoney sells them.

    Collar on = playtime starts.

    Collar off = playtime finishes.

    It means you have it defined what is being done as play and what isn't. When you are in the role and when you aren't.

    As post above use "amber" for heading out of comfort zone, "red" for "stop right now." Otherwise we are Green and ok.

    Going beyond that if subby isn't saying amber but you were spanking hard and still nothing (for instance), you can say "On a scale of one to ten, one being unhappy, ten being fine, where are you right now?" It may be that having pushed children out of her mimsy she can take pain and is fine.

    If mouth is blocked, for instance you have tied up subby, and are now forcing your tiggy deep down her throat then she isn't going to be able to say anything. So put something in her hand and keep an eye on it. Perhaps it could be a ball and ball dropped from the hand means stop. Or get a squeaky toy put it in her hand and the toy being squeaked means stop.

    Get a pair of these:

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36753

    Or similar. Used by paramedics and good for cutting someone out of whatever, if you suddenly find you need to release someone quick in an emergency.

    Blindfolds are used to eliminate sight which means other senses are enhanced.

    Bondage is restraining limbs and removing control.

    Note some things can enhance. Do you want to tie up subby and have the subby see the toys being laid out? Then blindfold? Or do it from the start and have it as a surprise?

    Avoid moving someone once blindfolded or in a spreader bar. Tie hands behind someone and they can't save themself if they fall forward. So I avoid moving someone once play has started.

    1493280656
    Ieuanb [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 24 Apr 2017

    Thank you for all the advice so far :)
    Some great hints and tips so thank you .

    Just collected my delivery from love honey .

    Can't wait.till Sunday now to try it all out .

    1493293485
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 853
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    In regards to safe words and the inability to use them when gagged, I find that in all but extreme cases subs will still be capable of making the two tone sound like an emergency vehicle.

    When hearing this the dom should know to stop.

    1493302879
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2072
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    Lovely ideas also make sure no jobs need doing cleaning ect get ready made meals good quality give her a complete break and have fun.

    1493545671
    Ieuanb [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 24 Apr 2017

    D day is here . I'm.currently sorting the house out 2 kids have gone . the baby is going later on. Going to take her out for food.
    Going to give her the jiggle balls just before we go out and then when we get back it's game on :)

    1493545942
    Heidi920 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1229
    • Joined: 17 May 2011

    Enjoy your day off fun!

    1493546699
    Lone Ranger [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 219
    • Joined: 12 Mar 2016

    the spreader bar is a great bit of kit. Have fun

    1493550280
    collector [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 143
    • Joined: 22 Aug 2013

    Avoid moving someone once blindfolded or in a spreader bar. Tie hands behind someone and they can't save themself if they fall forward. So I avoid moving someone once play has started.

    This is good advice.

    We were staying in a suite for a dirty weekend in a Brighton hotel once and the OH was bound with wrist and ankle cuffs and a blindfold when the door to the bedroom started to open. I got off the bed to get to the door and found that it was due to the wind blowing as we had left a window open in the lounge, turned around to see my OH with the blindfold pushed off one eye, desperately shuffling towards the bathroom with a rabbit falling out of its home onto the floor as she thought the maid was coming in to clean the room.

    The amount of laughing we did sort of ruined the scene.... for a while.

    1493605019
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1913
    • Joined: 13 Jan 2012

    ^^ that's hilarious collector 😂
    That's what do not disturb signs are for 😊

    1493679772
    collector [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 143
    • Joined: 22 Aug 2013

    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots wrote:

    ^^ that's hilarious collector 😂
    That's what do not disturb signs are for 😊

    Yeah, I know. But, we have a track record in this hotel as the maid did walk in on us on another occasion with my OH in a PVC nurses uniform and me wearing nothing except a black condom. As she closed the door we heard her say "You could have used the do not disturb sign".

    1493708213
    MondaySixteenth [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 20 Jun 2014

    Ieuanb wrote:

    D day is here . I'm.currently sorting the house out 2 kids have gone . the baby is going later on. Going to take her out for food.
    Going to give her the jiggle balls just before we go out and then when we get back it's game on :)

    Let us know how it went! I'm late to the party but happy to help with troubleshooting :)

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