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  1. How to get him to be more experimental.

    1492791659
    ScumptiousDumptious [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 21 Apr 2017

    My partner will only do missionary or doggy. (His ex wouldn't allow anything else. )
    I'm into experimenting and love to be dominated. How can i get him to experiment more. We have talked & he says hes scared. I was the first person to give him a blow job!!

    1492860660
    love honey magic [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 16 Apr 2017

    Hi,

    so he isn't averse to experimenting he is just scared?

    we started with a bit of sexy underwear and lube, even if you put in on your own hand and onto yourself and then guide his hand and show him the bits you like him touching, this is what we did and I loved showing OH what I liked, showed him how hard I need things to be to get pleasure

    it can be a fun experiment for you both, you could then move onto I toy if you felt he was ready, using it on you and letting him feel in vibrate against him, getting him to move it over yiur body and him getting used to it

    i would say slow and simple so he can see your enjoyment and he can get more confident and enjoy it too

    1492862729
    Lilmisshottie [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
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    • Joined: 24 Sep 2015

    Hey SD,

    The good news is that he is talking and being honest with you!

    Being scared is understandable given the info you shared re his ex, the advice love honey magic has given is great, and just to add to it, take a look in Lovehoney there are a few card based games that are really good for introducing experimenting! Also if you both open to it looking at porn together to see what things you could try out too, erotic stories etc

    Talking I think is the key and being as open as you can be about what you both want, even starting with the things that you both feel are "hard limits" can be a great start!

    If he is scared perhaps you could start with finding out what makes him tick, maybe look into lingam massage as a way to connect with him physically which will relax him and puts him in a position to trust you, equally you can ask him to look into yoni massage for you so you can play the other way round too, building trust sexually is great fun and can lead to more experimenting as you progress. If he was dictated to re his sexual performance this could have dented his confidence and maybe slightly bruised his masculinity in the bedroom. Lots of verbal praise, telling him you live how he touches you, how much he turns you on can really make a difference!

    I am positive you will get lots of great advice from everyone here, we don't always start off with a partner in the same page sexually but speaking from experience the journey is awesome when you both commit to communicating and being open with each other!

    Have fun! 😉

    Lilmiss x

    1492881748
    ScumptiousDumptious [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    Thanks .
    But No hes not keen on experimenting.
    I gave him a box full of ideas and suggestions.
    Suggestions for both of us. I've followed through on all of the ones I've got, he's said No several times and I've not pushed it. Thinking he lacks confidence & I'll scare him completely.
    I want him to be satisfied. I've introduced a vibrator and cock rings. Which we have used. Tonight he's receiving a L. H edible candle massage. He knows as this is what we pulled out of the box.
    When we've talked about fantasies. He says he doesn't have any. I've suggested porn & him going & googling male fantasies. Nothing.

    Thanks again all advice gratefully received.

    1492882640
    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
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    Aww bless him, sounds like he lacks confidence based on past experiences so it may take him some time to build the confidence back up. How long have you been together? Trust is vital but it takes time to get, particularly if there's some damaging past history.

    It's great you've been able to introduce cock rings and vibrators the bedroom! Some men find toys intimidating or feel threatened by them, so if he's already accepted them then that's a great start. I wouldn't try to introduce a new item every time you have sex or it could be overwhelming, if he gets used to toys then in time you could bring out some flavoured lube, or give him a nice massage. Then once he's really comfortable with that and he's widened his comfort zone, you could try a blindfold or something relatively gentle and see how he takes it.

    You're doing well if he's already happy with cock rings so I would be patient with him and gently nurture him and increase his sexual confidence. Good luck!

    1492887570
    ScumptiousDumptious [sign in to see picture]
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    We've been together a year.

    1492926760
    Irie [sign in to see picture]
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    Maybe he's just not ready to explore further yet. Talking is key, maybe let him know that anything he says or does won't be used against him or make you run away even if it's something you aren't interested in and that you want to do the journey together.

    Perhaps sitting down and having a totally open and honest conversation, get to the root of why he geeks this way. It's not about trying to "fix" him but if he can open up to the reasons why he is scared I'm sure that would help you both.

    1492937149
    Funlover69 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you really need to make him realise you are not his ex, but your own person with a different mindset and show him some of the forums to help open his mind up to new ideas.

    1492939836
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    ScumptiousDumptious wrote:

    Thanks .
    But No hes not keen on experimenting.
    I gave him a box full of ideas and suggestions.
    Suggestions for both of us. I've followed through on all of the ones I've got, he's said No several times and I've not pushed it. Thinking he lacks confidence & I'll scare him completely.
    I want him to be satisfied. I've introduced a vibrator and cock rings. Which we have used. Tonight he's receiving a L. H edible candle massage. He knows as this is what we pulled out of the box.
    When we've talked about fantasies. He says he doesn't have any. I've suggested porn & him going & googling male fantasies. Nothing.

    Thanks again all advice gratefully received.

    To claim he doesnt have a fantasy isnt true. Nearly everyone has some sort of fantasy Whether he has confidence to discuss it with you is another matter .

    I don't think you are doing much wrong IMO as you are taking it very slowly i.e. small steps and all that. That is the way I would continue and try to introduce new things. Other none threatening things would be things like a tickling feather ,perhaps one of you could try a blind fold which will intensify the feel of touch. With summer coming along soon and those hot sticky nights ,ice play is something you could try.

    1492986140
    ScumptiousDumptious [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks.

    1493019450
    ScumptiousDumptious [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok. So I gave him his massage. Think the idea of warm wax put him off. So used cream instead. This seemed ok. He responded by using the warm wax on me, which was heaven but done in a very non sexual way.
    From the suggestion box he also pulled out for me to remove my pubic hair which I've done, I felt I needed to do it, If omly to prove to him that what happens between us stays safely between us. ( He doesn't know I post on here)

    We've talked more and it would appear his ex was a complete control freak and wouldn't allow him to alter position or make a mess!
    He had this habit of rushing to clean up after he had cum.
    He has stopped doing this now but will still wipe as not to dribble or cause a wet patch.
    Am hoping this slow & steady approach will be successful.
    Thanks

    1493148698
    Kitsunagari [sign in to see picture]
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    I wish you luck! : ) I really do coz I'm not getting anywhere either!

    I'm currently trying to get my SO to use toys on me. He's quite liked it in the past when I've used a clitoral Vibrator on myself but I don't think he's comfortable using it on me.
    I really want him to use a dildo on me but he is very not comfortable with this so I gave up then he saw the clone a willy kit on here when I was browsing one time and I think he felt guilty and said he would be up for trying it because then it would still be 'him' pleasuring me. Well more than 2 months and I keep mentioning it but nothing yet. ..

    Now I know he's scared I'll like a dildo better than him or something but it's just not true and no matter how much I tell him that he still feels the same.
    I don't know what I can do to convince him? I have a feeling this is something to do with past relationships ( he's had many, I've only had him)

    Any suggestions?

    1493149601
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    Kitsunagari wrote:

    I wish you luck! : ) I really do coz I'm not getting anywhere either!

    I'm currently trying to get my SO to use toys on me. He's quite liked it in the past when I've used a clitoral Vibrator on myself but I don't think he's comfortable using it on me.
    I really want him to use a dildo on me but he is very not comfortable with this so I gave up then he saw the clone a willy kit on here when I was browsing one time and I think he felt guilty and said he would be up for trying it because then it would still be 'him' pleasuring me. Well more than 2 months and I keep mentioning it but nothing yet. ..

    Now I know he's scared I'll like a dildo better than him or something but it's just not true and no matter how much I tell him that he still feels the same.
    I don't know what I can do to convince him? I have a feeling this is something to do with past relationships ( he's had many, I've only had him)

    Any suggestions?

    It maybe best that for a while you give the toys a miss and consentrate on your SO, get back to basics so to speak and then slowly work on getting these back when you've worked out these issues.

    1493160589
    Kitsunagari [sign in to see picture]
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    Yeah I think you're right.
    We've both had a lot of stress recently and not much time for quality sexy times.
    I'm not gonna push it, I'll leave it to him .
    Thanks for the advice : )

    1493165517
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    You have both been given great advice from everyone. I don't really have any more to add all I can say is relax and enjoy each other as you are now. Talk lots and let your partners guide you when their ready to try something new. We can all get a bit too enthusiastic when we have needs and we want them met now lol, unfortunately our partners may not be ready or willing when we are but it doesn't mean they won't be, give it time.

    Your sex lives will evolve over time (ours is still 30+ years later).

    1493187950
    ScumptiousDumptious [sign in to see picture]
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    Kitsunagari.
    My OH wasn't best pleased when he found out I had a Dildo. But one night I messaged him (He was away) and said I was playing, asked him to tell me what to do. He messaged me back and I sent photos so he could see how his words / instructions were working! Dirty talk from my side, etc.. he got more & more into it.
    Might be worth a go?

    1493217670
    Fredster [sign in to see picture]
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    Try a blindfold on yourself and tell him to do what he wants .. sorry if that sounds harsh but it can make you feel much more confident knowing that she can't see what your doing .. I know it shouldn't be a problem yuo seing what's being done to you but for someone with consciousness it may help him..

    i know for sure I wouldn't do half the things I've done without a blindfold being involved 😁

    1493220810

    [suspended user]

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    maybe the problem is with the word "get"; I'm a believer that in relationships, you don't "get", you talk, discuss, find out why, dispel myths, canquer fears and iron out any differences.

    1493222047
    kelly_michelle [sign in to see picture]
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    My advice may be slightly contrary to others here but I'm not sure a suggestions box is necessarily the way forwards.

    Your partner appears to be very used to a very restricted sex life (only certain positions and not making a mess) but encouraging him to consider different positions and not worry about the mess is a world away from asking him to dominate you or even adding sex toys.

    I think you need to be a little more organic with your approach; stopping thinking of experimenting as adding things into your sex life. Look at ways to make sex more involved; more touching and kissing (and not just the obvious places). By all means use lube (a flavoured one would be good to lick off each other), but nothing else. Make sex sensual, steamy and about enjoying each other's bodies. As odd as this may sound, sweat is good as it may help with his concern over mess.

    Don't set positions before hand, do what feels right during. That will build his confidence and his trust in you sexually and make it far easier to add in other elements like toys, games, role play, bdsm etc.

    But most importantly, talk to him. You've said what he doesn't want but was does he want. Not everyone is interested in experimenting and if he doesn't want to try something, all the suggestion boxes and sex toys aren't going to change his mind.

    1493222435
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    kelly_michelle wrote:

    My advice may be slightly contrary to others here but I'm not sure a suggestions box is necessarily the way forwards.

    Your partner appears to be very used to a very restricted sex life (only certain positions and not making a mess) but encouraging him to consider different positions and not worry about the mess is a world away from asking him to dominate you or even adding sex toys.

    I think you need to be a little more organic with your approach; stopping thinking of experimenting as adding things into your sex life. Look at ways to make sex more involved; more touching and kissing (and not just the obvious places). By all means use lube (a flavoured one would be good to lick off each other), but nothing else. Make sex sensual, steamy and about enjoying each other's bodies. As odd as this may sound, sweat is good as it may help with his concern over mess.

    Don't set positions before hand, do what feels right during. That will build his confidence and his trust in you sexually and make it far easier to add in other elements like toys, games, role play, bdsm etc.

    But most importantly, talk to him. You've said what he doesn't want but was does he want. Not everyone is interested in experimenting and if he doesn't want to try something, all the suggestion boxes and sex toys aren't going to change his mind.

    THIS ^^^^ +1

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