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  1. Can people change their sexual demeanour?

    1492613661
    Optimized [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 54
    • Joined: 16 Apr 2016

    I agree with much of what's been written, and that ultimately change that is positive is only likely to come about through good communication and trust. Also, I must admit that from my own point of view I've found role-play a really good way of experimenting with expressing a whole range of desires that I might have kept under wraps in the past. And I speak as someone who, a couple of years ago, would have absolutely cringed at the thought of trying out any role-play. The difference now is that I trust my playmate and we have a good laugh when we're doing it as well - it reminds me that humour is very bonding and sexy.

    1492616344
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7159
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Optimized wrote:

    I agree with much of what's been written, and that ultimately change that is positive is only likely to come about through good communication and trust. Also, I must admit that from my own point of view I've found role-play a really good way of experimenting with expressing a whole range of desires that I might have kept under wraps in the past. And I speak as someone who, a couple of years ago, would have absolutely cringed at the thought of trying out any role-play. The difference now is that I trust my playmate and we have a good laugh when we're doing it as well - it reminds me that humour is very bonding and sexy.

    I am glad you have found role playing a fun way of having sex as we did. Many a time we have just ended up in a heap laughing.

    1492617307
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1368
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    mysteron wrote:

    Optimized wrote:

    I agree with much of what's been written, and that ultimately change that is positive is only likely to come about through good communication and trust. Also, I must admit that from my own point of view I've found role-play a really good way of experimenting with expressing a whole range of desires that I might have kept under wraps in the past. And I speak as someone who, a couple of years ago, would have absolutely cringed at the thought of trying out any role-play. The difference now is that I trust my playmate and we have a good laugh when we're doing it as well - it reminds me that humour is very bonding and sexy.

    I am glad you have found role playing a fun way of having sex as we did. Many a time we have just ended up in a heap laughing.

    There's a film on Netflix called A funny kind of Love, and I have to confess the couple who were in to Roleplay I kinda thought of you fella. It's pretty funny, certainly watchable,

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2785032/ Trailer here, It is listed here as The Little Death, but is deffo called A funny kind of LOve on NFX's???

    1492688508
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 766
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    Tiger Dick wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    Modo wrote:

    Sometimes the taboo is just admiting that we are turned on in the first place. If your wife appears turned on, try to work out the cause and go from there.

    By trying to get them to admit to being turned on may cause them to confront issues that you may not be aware of. Tread carefully and you may find yourself where you want to be.

    Communication is good but in rare cases best left to the professionals.

    Thats a tricky one as good communication clears up conflicting signals and is best done but by treading carefully. For example becasue my OH dresses up in a School student costume doesnt necessarily mean she wants her bum rapped . She may want to just make love in it in a dirty way as if behind the bike sheds .

    Communication is essential IMHO.

    That is good advice, safe words are always a good start.

    This is important as you really can be in a great session and get to hear your OH say "No" but in truth they say it as it may add to the authenticity of what you are doing. Naughty school girl etc and anything but no wouldn't work.

    As long as you are clear about this from the get go, this will start of a new aspect to your love life.

    Just imagine, instead of being confused about langauge at the peek of your passion, a random word or phrase can give your OH the ability to stop what you are doing immediately. This is so important you do that to gain trust in this system whilst allowing her to not feel silly saying something normally said as a stop signal.

    The usual phrase or word(s) are RED or RED LIGHT, and you can also include AMBER (LIGHT) to stop for a moment and listen to the sayer, they then get the chance to alter whats happening, not nessasery end it.

    Good points well put.

    However, telling someone that they may need a "SAFE WORD" could well put them in a place they will not want to be.

    Always remember "when in a minefield, tread carefully".

    Nobody knows our OH's like we do so go with your gut instinct and don't push to hard.

    In the long run a softly, softly approach will always beat the bull in a china shop.

    1492771591
    Optimized [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 54
    • Joined: 16 Apr 2016

    Tiger Dick wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    Optimized wrote:

    I agree with much of what's been written, and that ultimately change that is positive is only likely to come about through good communication and trust. Also, I must admit that from my own point of view I've found role-play a really good way of experimenting with expressing a whole range of desires that I might have kept under wraps in the past. And I speak as someone who, a couple of years ago, would have absolutely cringed at the thought of trying out any role-play. The difference now is that I trust my playmate and we have a good laugh when we're doing it as well - it reminds me that humour is very bonding and sexy.

    I am glad you have found role playing a fun way of having sex as we did. Many a time we have just ended up in a heap laughing.

    There's a film on Netflix called A funny kind of Love, and I have to confess the couple who were in to Roleplay I kinda thought of you fella. It's pretty funny, certainly watchable,

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2785032/ Trailer here, It is listed here as The Little Death, but is deffo called A funny kind of LOve on NFX's???

    Cheers for that - I'll have to check it out ;-)

    1492772527
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7159
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Tiger Dick wrote:

    mysteron wrote:

    Optimized wrote:

    I agree with much of what's been written, and that ultimately change that is positive is only likely to come about through good communication and trust. Also, I must admit that from my own point of view I've found role-play a really good way of experimenting with expressing a whole range of desires that I might have kept under wraps in the past. And I speak as someone who, a couple of years ago, would have absolutely cringed at the thought of trying out any role-play. The difference now is that I trust my playmate and we have a good laugh when we're doing it as well - it reminds me that humour is very bonding and sexy.

    I am glad you have found role playing a fun way of having sex as we did. Many a time we have just ended up in a heap laughing.

    There's a film on Netflix called A funny kind of Love, and I have to confess the couple who were in to Roleplay I kinda thought of you fella. It's pretty funny, certainly watchable,

    http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2785032/ Trailer here, It is listed here as The Little Death, but is deffo called A funny kind of LOve on NFX's???

    Thanks mate just ordered the DVD

    1505252048
    Believeme [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 18 Aug 2017

    I'm wondering if anyone can suggest anything as my oh and I haven't had sex for about three years now, he said its stress related but I don't understand.

    1505252378
    Believeme [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 18 Aug 2017

    Believeme wrote:

    I'm wondering if anyone can suggest anything as my oh and I haven't had sex for about three years now, he said its stress related but I don't understand.

    1505286830
    lulu' [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 99
    • Joined: 14 Sep 2012

    Believeme wrote:

    Believeme wrote:

    I'm wondering if anyone can suggest anything as my oh and I haven't had sex for about three years now, he said its stress related but I don't understand.

    While I'm not an expert, you're certainly not alone. We have had 2 extended dry spells - won't go into the details but suffice to say iit was a combination of traumatic childbirth and second one was both of us sinking under pressure and stress from work. I have no magic advice I'm afraid but just wanted to say don't undervalue the impact of stress on libido. Is getting away from it all for a weekend an option? While we didn't manage a weekend away, I went back to the UK for the summer and OH came to visit and that change of scenery was enough to kick-start things again. We also had a long chat and realised we were both responsible for it and set about trying to fix things. Sexy lingerie, lots of WhatsApp messages and photos and a bumper Lovehoney order are keeping us on track. Good luck

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