• Hubby visited strip club- opinions please

    1490890797
    kinkynix26 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi!

    I'd like to start by saying I know there will be people who think Im massively overreacting here. I want any and all opinions and it may help me get over this!!

    Im 7 months pregnant, feeling very unsexy and huge. We're still having sex fairly regularly.

    At the weekend my husband went on a stag do and ended up in a strip club. I found this out from a 3rd party who knew all about it.

    When I asked my husband about it he went ballastic because Id found out, and was shouting and going mad, he pushed me over. He said he was the only one who didnt pay for a private dance and that theres nothing wrong with him going in such places for a drink. When the other half of the stag do had gone to a bar that excuse doesnt really stand up.

    After 11 years together Im pretty horrified as to me these are awful sleazy places where married people should just not go (unless its together and thats their thing?!)!! Its also become clear this wasnt his first time in one since we've been together.

    I know the hormones wont help how Im feeling, but this is totally taken over my mind at the moment and I've never felt as fat and unattractive. My husband said Im being stupid and that he fancies me blah blah, I just cant get my head around him wanting to go in there. I know his friends were paying girls to go up to him, it makes me feel so sick and offended.

    Please tell me if you think Im massively overreacting! I want to forget about it but I cant and it is seriously affecting me and Im abit worried about baby too.

    I cant bare for him to even look at me now, let alone have sex with him.

    Sorry for waffling on.

    I know this forun is great for advice so I hope someone can tell me something that will help me shake it off!

    1490891295
    Delboy1991 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sorry what!! Your pregnant and he pushed u over? 😯 this isn't right! I hope you and the baby are okay?

    I would also not be okay with this. I fact I'd probably lose my s#$t and go totally crazy, espically with almost being full term too! You have every right to be a angry.

    I can also of corse see his point of view too thinking it would be ok as he was on a stag do but being dishonest about it/not admitting what he was going to be getting up to would make me personally think he had something to hide and would infact have upset me more.

    I can't even begin to think how u must be feeling! Are u able to go out with a friend maybe , to get your nails done or something and try and so something for you to make you feel better. Even get some fresh air? If I could give you the biggest hug, I would. Good on you for speaking about it. Sometimes it makes things a whole lot better. Go Grab a cuppa xx

    1490891373
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    kinkynix26 wrote:

    Hi!

    I'd like to start by saying I know there will be people who think Im massively overreacting here. I want any and all opinions and it may help me get over this!!

    Im 7 months pregnant, feeling very unsexy and huge. We're still having sex fairly regularly.

    At the weekend my husband went on a stag do and ended up in a strip club. I found this out from a 3rd party who knew all about it.

    When I asked my husband about it he went ballastic because Id found out, and was shouting and going mad, he pushed me over. He said he was the only one who didnt pay for a private dance and that theres nothing wrong with him going in such places for a drink. When the other half of the stag do had gone to a bar that excuse doesnt really stand up.

    After 11 years together Im pretty horrified as to me these are awful sleazy places where married people should just not go (unless its together and thats their thing?!)!! Its also become clear this wasnt his first time in one since we've been together.

    I know the hormones wont help how Im feeling, but this is totally taken over my mind at the moment and I've never felt as fat and unattractive. My husband said Im being stupid and that he fancies me blah blah, I just cant get my head around him wanting to go in there. I know his friends were paying girls to go up to him, it makes me feel so sick and offended.

    Please tell me if you think Im massively overreacting! I want to forget about it but I cant and it is seriously affecting me and Im abit worried about baby too.

    I cant bare for him to even look at me now, let alone have sex with him.

    Sorry for waffling on.

    I know this forun is great for advice so I hope someone can tell me something that will help me shake it off!

    Massive hugs, he should never have shouted at your or pushed, you are pregnant, your not being over sensitive either. He really needs to talk and show you he cares.

    1490891561
    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
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    Well there is no excuse to push you over and espicially if your seven months pregnant, thats just really bad!

    Hormones can play a big part in arguments during pregnancy, I know that from past experience lol

    Theres nothing wrong in going to a strip club as long as that all he got upto but he should have just been honest with you in the first place. It doesnt mean he loves you any less for wanting to go in there!

    Guess you just need to sit down and discuss it with him :)

    and you should talk to your doctor about any worries you have,.

    1490891760
    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
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    Sorry to hear this, sounds like 7 months is a trigger point :( 

    https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/community/forums/sex-tips-and-talk/884755-pregnant-dont-want-hubby-to-feel-abandoned/#p884755

    How did it go with the introduction of toys? Sounds like you guys do need to have a chat as this is happening during crucial & emotional moments, such as pregnancy. 

    1490891997
    kinkynix26 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks both for replying.

    There is no one I can talk to about this as my husband has a great job and his reputation is everything.

    The fact he was happy for it to be a secret and livid when it came out makes me worry even more, we've not had any trust issues before, I feel so confused why he'd do this.

    When there is something we argue over or if he does something wrong he goes absolutely mental shouting at me until Im sobbing and feeling bad about whatever it is hes thrown back at me during the argument. I think its a tactic to get any blame for anything away from him, if you see what I mean.

    He did push me over but it is abit worse than it sounds as I was already sort halfway down clearing the kids toys away. Ive got bruises on my arms that Ive covered with a jumper today incase anyone asks.

    Hes never hurt me physically before and I doubt he'll even remember it. When hes mad he usually throws or kicks whatever is infront of him. He is a great dad and husband and I doubt anyone else sees him lose his rah other than me.

    Sorry, waffling again.

    I wondered if alot of husbands visit these places and their wives are okay with it, because he said Ive massively overreacted.

    Literally I am crying first thing in the shower, driving to work, at night. When I had to get this awful pregnant belly out for the midwife yesterday I was sobbing, she wanted to know what was wrong but I cant tell anyone about it.

    1490892089
    kinkynix26 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Leanne! I remember posting this! Yes the toys went down a treat thank you! He certainly isnt being abandoned at the moment. Altho he is following the weekend 🙁

    1490892329
    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
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    I am absolutely horrified that your husband treated you so violently when you confronted him. Does he often react so violently / have a quick temper? This, to me, would be a much bigger worry than visiting a strip club on a stag do. Was he upset to be caught in a lie? The lie would be much more of a worry too for me.

    I hope you and the baby are okay. There is absolutely no excuse for him EVER acting violent towards you.

    1490892399
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    kinkynix26 wrote:

    Thanks both for replying.

    There is no one I can talk to about this as my husband has a great job and his reputation is everything.

    The fact he was happy for it to be a secret and livid when it came out makes me worry even more, we've not had any trust issues before, I feel so confused why he'd do this.

    When there is something we argue over or if he does something wrong he goes absolutely mental shouting at me until Im sobbing and feeling bad about whatever it is hes thrown back at me during the argument. I think its a tactic to get any blame for anything away from him, if you see what I mean.

    He did push me over but it is abit worse than it sounds as I was already sort halfway down clearing the kids toys away. Ive got bruises on my arms that Ive covered with a jumper today incase anyone asks.

    Hes never hurt me physically before and I doubt he'll even remember it. When hes mad he usually throws or kicks whatever is infront of him. He is a great dad and husband and I doubt anyone else sees him lose his rah other than me.

    Sorry, waffling again.

    I wondered if alot of husbands visit these places and their wives are okay with it, because he said Ive massively overreacted.

    Literally I am crying first thing in the shower, driving to work, at night. When I had to get this awful pregnant belly out for the midwife yesterday I was sobbing, she wanted to know what was wrong but I cant tell anyone about it.

    Mental abusive behaviour bang out of order, I feel for you, I really wish lived closer I'd take you out shopping, for coffee no not happy reading this.Bruises er no, sorry, doesn't matter you where half way down he still pushed you.

    1490892835
    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
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    Well there is no excuse for violence in any shape or form to another individually, so maybe he needs to see his doctor about anger managment!

    you could always talk to your own doctor in confidence too about any concerns you have...

    Lots of couples have problems during pregnacy, Ive been there, read the book etc

    Just think of the possitives once the baby arrives

    He will be too busy changing nappies to even think about strip clubs lol

    1490893084
    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    *"because he said Ive massively overreacted"*

    Sending a huge cyber hug your way. It's pretty clear to see who overreacted to the situation and it wasn't you.

    Yes many men and women visit strip clubs but they do so without hiding it from their partner and there is absolutely no need to go "ballistic" when asked about it nor lift your hand to someone ever!!!


    I wouldn't be hiding those bruises once you are alone later. He should see them and be ready to apologise for putting them there. He could have hurt you and the baby really seriously not just emotionally.


    You are at your most vulnerable just now with being pregnant and emotions will be really running high. You need kindness and rational behaviour around you not temper tantrums. I know you didn't want to talk to the midwife but could you confide in your Mum, sister, best friend to get some real life support and a shoulder to cry on.


    I really hope you get a chance to sit down together and discuss this later and get a sincere, heartfelt apology from him.


    Take care x

    1490893123
    Delboy1991 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with others. Half way down or not doesn't make it acceptable. He must have pushed u pretty hard to bruise you. I dread to think what could have happened if u had fallen on something. Does he not realise what could happen if the midwife for example was to find out what happened? I'm sorry but a great dad/husband wouldn't have done that , possible risking his unborn babys life.

    I really hope you think of yourself and your children.

    1490893251
    kinkynix26 [sign in to see picture]
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    He can have a bad temper occasionally as he has a very stressful job, Id hate his job!!

    I wish I could talk to mum about this and she could give me a big hug but she'd be too busy ripping his head clean off. Saw my friends today and couldnt tell them either.

    This isnt the happy marriage Id hoped for. Pretty horrified at the moment 🙁

    I asked him to promise not to go back in one of those places and he agreed, for no other reason than it upset me- hes flat out adamant theres nothing wrong with it. Im disgusted with his mates who all got private dances, I know their wives well.

    So now hes promised Im not allowed to talk about it again, and yet even tho he has promised my heart is still broken and I still want to sob for being this unattractive that he would want to visit such a place.

    1490893498
    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
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    kinkynix26 wrote:

    Thanks both for replying.

    There is no one I can talk to about this as my husband has a great job and his reputation is everything.

    The fact he was happy for it to be a secret and livid when it came out makes me worry even more, we've not had any trust issues before, I feel so confused why he'd do this.

    When there is something we argue over or if he does something wrong he goes absolutely mental shouting at me until Im sobbing and feeling bad about whatever it is hes thrown back at me during the argument. I think its a tactic to get any blame for anything away from him, if you see what I mean.

    He did push me over but it is abit worse than it sounds as I was already sort halfway down clearing the kids toys away. Ive got bruises on my arms that Ive covered with a jumper today incase anyone asks.

    Hes never hurt me physically before and I doubt he'll even remember it. When hes mad he usually throws or kicks whatever is infront of him. He is a great dad and husband and I doubt anyone else sees him lose his rah other than me.

    Sorry, waffling again.

    I wondered if alot of husbands visit these places and their wives are okay with it, because he said Ive massively overreacted.

    Literally I am crying first thing in the shower, driving to work, at night. When I had to get this awful pregnant belly out for the midwife yesterday I was sobbing, she wanted to know what was wrong but I cant tell anyone about it.

    What you're describing sounds to me like abusive relationship. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, it took me the clarity of hindsight to see how much I'd lost my self confidence and how much he'd ground me down. Do you have any family you can see or talk to? I think it would be important to be able to confide in someone close to you about these things. As you have said he's set things up to make it almost impossible for you to confront him without risking another violent outburst. I think it would be important for you to feel like you have an ally in your life now. Sending big hugs, I hope things are better for you soon xx
    1490893819
    Delboy1991 [sign in to see picture]
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    Do the other wives know? About the private dance ect? Are you not able to speak to them. Only because they won't be able to judge ( it was a stag and most men do do this ) they might be feeling the same as you.

    I think you and your husband need a good chat. He needs to know how you feel and what he has done. Not remembering is no excuse and all the more reason u need to tell him so this doesn't happen again.

    1490893841
    lmh95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I think although he has said you can't talk about it I do think you really need to get it off your chest as you are still so upset which is not good for you or bump so could you write him a letter letting him know exactly how you are feeling? Seeing it there in black and white may help it sink in and if he reads it alone then he won't be shouting over you when you try to get your point across.


    Stressful job or not this sounds like bullying behaviour.


    He has let you down and broken his promise that he had made. He should be asking you for forgiveness not shoving you about.


    I can totally understand your Mum's reaction if she knew how poorly he had treated her daughter.

    1490894518
    kinkynix26 [sign in to see picture]
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    Two of the wives must know about the private dances as their husbands accidently used their joint account cards to pay over £200 on the club. My husband said what idiots and what a stupid mistake, and Im thinking no thats great they bloody should be found out. Creeps.

    There is no one I can talk to about this, the stag had private dances and his fiancee is one of my closest friends and Id be in HUGE trouble with my husband if I tell her. I think she should know but I daren't say anything 🙁

    Soon we will have 3 little children together and the last thing I want is to seperate, it would be awful. There would be a real fight over our little ones.

    And I do still love my husband very much, even though Im broken hearted 🙁 I want things to get better. I feel I can out up with his odd outbursts and me not being allowed to win any arguments etc. Just not this dishonesty and sleaziness, and being pushed

    1490894895
    kinkynix26 [sign in to see picture]
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    I tried writing down how I felt in an email and got a very brief response saying he loves me lots and lots. I wonder if he feeks guilty about the whole thing.

    He said this morning when I was close to tears that Im stupid for feeling fat and awful and should be enjoying pregnancy. Its hard.

    And now, after everything, I dont believe that he will stay out of those places. He seems so happy to keep secrets.

    1490895156
    Throbinhood [sign in to see picture]
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    all the people on forum can give you advice from what you tell us,

    but at the end of the day its your decison what you do and which way your life goes,

    My ex was abusive and a cheat and it was one of the hardest things I had to do splitting up as it cost me my children so if you can work it out, its the better option!

    all I can really advice is that you talk it over with someone close that you can confide in.

    :)

    1490895696
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    My heart breaks for you he is way out of line in all respect huge hugs please talk to someone you really must

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