• Advice on talking wife in to trying toys

    1489676534
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
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    I've bought some toys, but how do I persuade my wife to start to give them a go either on her own or with me? I'm sure many of you have faced this dilema at the beginning.

    1489677734
    Heidi920 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi and welcome!

    Have you ever discussed the possibility of using toys in the past?
    If your wife is completely new to using toys in the bedroom then maybe start off by introducing a massager, I own a great one from lovehoney which can also be used in more intimate areas of the body without being too intimidating as it is just a massager after all!

    There are some great couples quiz' online that May get her to open up about what she's willing to try.
    Good luck! 😊

    1489678516
    Clublife [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi, what makes you so sure she's not tried toys before or even has some of her own already?

    Do you know if she enjoys some self pleasure without toys?

    The best way is to talk to her xx

    1489678892
    bondagegod [sign in to see picture]
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    Have you spoke with your wife about trying toys before you brought them? If she doesn't want to or she made needs to take her time and you will need to be patient. Or you could go on lovehoney together and let her see which toys she likes and just keep talking about them and decide what you both want to do.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    Honestly, I think you should have discussed with her before you purchased anything. It can be quite difficult to buy sex toys for the first time so I always recommend browsing together and reading some of the reviews first. She might be alright with the idea of using toys but not really be interested in what you've chosen for her which could give her the feeling of being pressured, even though that's not your intention.

    Sit down and talk to her about how you want to enhance your sex life and you think toys are a great way to do this. Reassure her that it's not about replacing intimate time together and she can take things at her own pace. A small Bullet for example is a lot less intimidating to a beginner than a realistic dildo!

    Good luck 🙂

    1489684807
    slinky binky [sign in to see picture]
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    I have to agree with everyone else-communication is the key. In all honesty i would've told hubby where to go if he showed me a pile of sex toys he'd purchased behind my back with the intention of getting me to use them.

    I'd bring the subject up over a couple of drinks or something. Where you're both in a setting pressure free snd can honestly and openly discuss the subject. See as its your wife who'll be using them she needs to do the choosing as theres no one size fits all.

    All the best 👍💗xx

    1489685447
    MrandMrsAndy [sign in to see picture]
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    If it's any help we started with a cheapy throw away cockring and it escalated from there. People do have their own preferences and we have choosen toys together or i atleast tell him before i buy them.

    1489686464
    Mr&MrsA75 [sign in to see picture]
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    I agree with what the others have said, you need to openly communicate with her about using toys and go from there. Discuss what sort of things she's interested in, what she enjoys etc. If she is reluctant, speak about why with no pressure on her to try anything. Browse the site together, think about what she likes in the bedroom and build on that, see if there is anything she would like to try and allow her to decide what sort of toys would be best suited to giving her pleasure :)

    1489756540
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for the advice, recognise I may have jumped the gun here ! Thanks to those that have offered advice on how to start a conversation on this with my OH. Let's see what happens, based on some of the feedback sounds like I might end up being single !

    1489759212
    Mo D [sign in to see picture]
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    Or you could try getting her a toy, wrapping it up nicely, then present it to her AFTER you've made her a lovely dinner with plenty of wine, asked how her day was, cleaned up, run her a candle-lit bath with soft music, and allowed her to chill.

    Bon chance !

    1489760855
    Tony McA [sign in to see picture]
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    Don't set out to talk her "in" to anything, I can't imagine anyone being receptive to that. Just start out talking about toys and finding out how she feels about them and what she thinks, and listen to her without trying to convince her or change her mind.

    1489762825
    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    I had someone purchase a sex toy "for: me once early in a relationship. It was not my cup of tea at all and didn't do anything for me and frankly scared me off toys aside from a vibrating cock ring for a long time. I don't think you can talking her "in" to anything... do not nag or put pressure on her or it will have the opposite affect.

    If there is something you want to try with her discuss it. To be very honest until I attended a sex toy "party" with some friends with a live demo of toys and that was a game changer. Lovehoney does have a great return policy as well. Good luck!

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    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    Hello :)

    I'd definitely suggest browsing on here together. The special offers are great '3 for £10' or '2 for £25' etc. If you want to use them on her then she really should be allowed some input xx

    1489776061
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks everyone, got the message load and clear, as suggested I'll try to see if she will look at the LH site with me. With LH advertising it should be easier for me to raise the topic, that will then have all the advantages around choice etc that have been suggested. Thanks again, got off on the wrong foot, but no damage done as haven't spoken with my OH yet. By the way I've bought a g spot vibrator and a basque and stockings so hopefully will be able to introduce these to her at some point, the basque is too pretty to return plus it makes me feel horny just thinking of her wearing it

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    Start making the bed every day and lay them out on hei pillow like chocolates in a good hotel. She should get the hint.

    1489784834
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
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    You know your wife better than anyone so trust your judgement above all.
    To be honest I wouldn't be offended or bothered by other half buying something for me like that. I would be more bothered about how he communicated it to me though.

    1489849341
    MrandMrsAndy [sign in to see picture]
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    Unless its a massive vibe you could try wrap it up nicely as a gift. shouldnt be too intimidating, you made it sound like you had purchased a huge array of toys. Just make sure she is aware that it's completely up to her if she chooses to use these items and she is under no pressure.

    Also if you do choose not to give her them you prob should return them or your wife might find them or an email about them and think they are fior someone else.

    1493804509
    More Sexy at 50 [sign in to see picture]
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    I just wanted to follow up on this thread and say again a big thank you. The best advice was to talk openly with each other about our sex life and actually, about life and our relationship in general. It's been pretty intense and truth be said its brought out a lot of issues which I will not bore you all with. The thing that I'm very certain of is that my OH is my only true love and my OH says the same about me. It's been beautiful to reaffirm this so positively and in fact I have a tear in my eye right now thinking about how lucky I am and how much I love my OH.

    I think my toy purchase was a cry for help really, I wanted to feel closer and be more intimate, it was a ham fisted approach in retrospect.

    So I did wrap up the couple of gifts and I gave them to my OH with the proviso that these were also treats for me as it's was my birthday back in April, remember there was a basque too. Her initial reaction was not that positive, but talking things through I think she realised how important our intimacy was to me so she agreed to give the vibe a go. She then told me that the lingerie I bought for her around 8 years ago did come with a free bullet vibe, which actually I'd forgotten about, it just got put in a draw or so I thought. Well to my surprise she fessed up that she had used it a few times, what a lovely surprise for me. We have talked about masturbation quite openly now and I've been encouraging her to do more and experiment more. She is still a little reluctant, but is giving it a go. She tells me she would rather do cleaning chores and other mundane tasks rather than take time for herself to enjoy herself, sex or masturbation is just not something that drives her. I have to say that does leave me a little confused as she definitely enjoys sex and orgasms so why not explore and enjoy. Would appreciate some female feedback from the forum members on this. I've tried to find out if it's guilt or some issue holding her back, but I'm not getting far trying to see if there is an underlying reason. I'm worried I'm rushing her.

    Well our sex life and intimacy has improved and she gave "permission" to buy some toys for myself, I was hoping this may "normalise" it for her. I said she could help me chose the toys on the LH website again to to explore this more, but she refused. I did still buy some toys and told her she can look, ask about them, but she hasn't.

    All in all things are improving, but it's a journey we are on.

    thanks again to everyone for putting me on the right track.

    1493809028
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    More Sexy at 50 wrote:

    I just wanted to follow up on this thread and say again a big thank you. The best advice was to talk openly with each other about our sex life and actually, about life and our relationship in general. It's been pretty intense and truth be said its brought out a lot of issues which I will not bore you all with. The thing that I'm very certain of is that my OH is my only true love and my OH says the same about me. It's been beautiful to reaffirm this so positively and in fact I have a tear in my eye right now thinking about how lucky I am and how much I love my OH.

    I think my toy purchase was a cry for help really, I wanted to feel closer and be more intimate, it was a ham fisted approach in retrospect.

    So I did wrap up the couple of gifts and I gave them to my OH with the proviso that these were also treats for me as it's was my birthday back in April, remember there was a basque too. Her initial reaction was not that positive, but talking things through I think she realised how important our intimacy was to me so she agreed to give the vibe a go. She then told me that the lingerie I bought for her around 8 years ago did come with a free bullet vibe, which actually I'd forgotten about, it just got put in a draw or so I thought. Well to my surprise she fessed up that she had used it a few times, what a lovely surprise for me. We have talked about masturbation quite openly now and I've been encouraging her to do more and experiment more. She is still a little reluctant, but is giving it a go. She tells me she would rather do cleaning chores and other mundane tasks rather than take time for herself to enjoy herself, sex or masturbation is just not something that drives her. I have to say that does leave me a little confused as she definitely enjoys sex and orgasms so why not explore and enjoy. Would appreciate some female feedback from the forum members on this. I've tried to find out if it's guilt or some issue holding her back, but I'm not getting far trying to see if there is an underlying reason. I'm worried I'm rushing her.

    Well our sex life and intimacy has improved and she gave "permission" to buy some toys for myself, I was hoping this may "normalise" it for her. I said she could help me chose the toys on the LH website again to to explore this more, but she refused. I did still buy some toys and told her she can look, ask about them, but she hasn't.

    All in all things are improving, but it's a journey we are on.

    thanks again to everyone for putting me on the right track.

    Sometimes, many of us reach that point too, you know in your heart that you've found your keeper, but that something is missing. It takes something like this to lift you out of the comfort of that furrow you've been going along year in year out and to set a new path. What was right then doesn't always apply now, times and people change in time, so nice one on getting to this point.

    I think your toy purchase was a cry for help really, too.It could have been a bad move and retrospect is an easy place to comment from, so don't beat yourself up on this, learn and grow from the experience/

    If you wrap something for somebody its "Their" surprise, for them surely, how they want to use it is for them to decide I'd have thought, but hey, you got something from this, so that's good. But really, if you gift somebody let them have it with no strings attacted otherwise its a suggestion/want for your benefit.

    In this case this part could have been bad, a person on the end of a percieved notion of that they "aren't cutting it, so give this a go" message such intimate gifting suggest, could and often does insult the reciever into thinking that they aren't good enough.

    So using the bullet without your knowledge was happening too, a great surprise, a welcome one. The comments about rather do cleaning chores and other mundane tasks rather than take time for herself to enjoy herself, sex or masturbation is just not something that drives her. It sounds to me like she has confidence issue, maybe suggesting that you both do the housework to create time for a cuddle. Starting to satisfy her needs in being a person first and foremost. Sex is part two, Taking care of part one ultimately see's that those that need the closeness that holding and talking without distraction respond with enthusiasm to sex. She needs to feel wholely wanted, not wanted for her holes, sorry if that sounds harsh.

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    *sexybabe* [sign in to see picture]
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    Sounds like good progress has been made! That's brilliant. Once she's feeling more confident she'll possibly m be on here buying all sorts of toys for herself! Small steps. Hope it works out for you both xx

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