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  1. Feeling odd

    1489608943
    McGlovin [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 72
    • Joined: 6 Nov 2011

    Hi guys I have often come here for advice regarding my sex life. My wife is not adventurous and I have never experienced many of my fantasies, I accept that that is just the way it is as it is not for me to decide what she is comfortable with, I genuinely do accept that. The problem is though that I am losing interest in sex, she is great and tries to offer me a hand job or some oral when she thinks I am horny and sex is off the menu, but I have it in my head now she is only doing it for me instead of making it about us together even if the pleasure is one sided. I tell her I'm not needing the pleasure but it's because it feels like an obligation and that she rensents doing it. Maybe it's not that way but am I nuts to turn her down and deny myself?

    1489609399

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3117
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Tough post but well said.

    No your not wrong to feel that way. If the passion has gone or she does not enjoy it then you will feel that she is just going through the motions for you.

    Try first of all booking a weekend away and explain it to her even suggest some counciling.

    I wish you well

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    Funlover69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 356
    • Joined: 28 Jan 2017

    Definitely a tricky one.Women can go off sex for all sorts of reasons so you should definitely not take it personally.If there are issues weighing on her mind or she is stressed in any way this can have a devastating effect on libido.Before even touching on the sex issue you could try making sure other things in life are not having a bad effect on her emotionally.I've no idea how old you or your wife are but for example even the early stage or early onset of menopause can have a devastating effect on a woman's sex drive so basically any number of things may be at the root of this deterioration.Counselling is an option but making a start yourselves might be enough to open the floodgates.I really wish you and your wife all the best with this journey you have ahead of you.It sounds for you as if things can only get better so stick with it and don't give up.

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    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 498
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2015

    Definitely not nuts for turning her down. Sex is often about an emotional connection, not just a physical one, so it's not surprising that having sexual favours from your partner when she's not feeling like having sex doesn't sound appealing to you. Best idea is to talk to her about it, explain how you feel.

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    captainmeow [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 610
    • Joined: 18 Sep 2016

    I echo the rest in saying that you could try talking to her about it. I'm getting the impression that she's maybe not outright said she's not interested in any form of sexual activity, and that it's something you've deduced? Do correct me if I'm mistaken. But if it is something she's not actually said, then I do think that the best course of action is simply to tell her how you feel, and ask her what she personally thinks about sex and if she's noticed a change in libido herself.

    On another note, I think it's great that you're considerate of her wishes rather than forcing her to do things she doesn't like :)

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