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  1. can anyone help?

    1489357772
    lenahfun3 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 21 Dec 2016

    Hi everyone

    I am a single girl and I'm quite new to sex however I have recently had a bit of an std scare after having a one night stand.

    and yes..I feel stupid and I now understand how important protection is.

    Luckily all the tests came back negative but since then I've spent all my time on Google reading about safety etc, and now I'm very paranoid about catching something..apparently you can even catch herpes from just kissing..!

    How can I tame my anxiety to stop myself from quizzing the next guy I sleep with?

    1489358739
    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6673
    • Joined: 30 Mar 2015

    Firstly I'm pleased everything was negative with your tests, and I'm pleased you are now more aware of the need for safe sex, but it's a matter of keeping things in perspective.

    For example if you drive a car and had to break heavily to avoid a cat, child or something similar, would you never drive a car again? If you were burgled would you move house to a "more secure" place?

    If you have a headache, and decide to take a paracetamol to ease the pain, do you check every possible symptom and side effect? If you did you wouldn't take them.

    What im trying to say is, yes be prepaired, maybe having a condom in your handbag, but leave it at that. There is nothing to be gained by over analysing this aspect of your life. Learn from the experience, and move on. If you analysed every aspect of everyday life this closely, you would be unable to function at all.

    Sorry if I sound patronising, this is not my aim, I'm a fear sly preactical woman, who cares, and wants to help.

    1489360491
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 623
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    Great advice Fun x

    Chalk the scare up to experience, lesson learned etc

    Being prepared is essential and being careful is important for body and soul but over thinking everything will leave you fearful. Trust your instincts, make sure you feel good about what you are doing and try to relax x

    1489362883
    RosyCheek [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2611
    • Joined: 11 Apr 2016

    Hey, first of all it's good the results were negative.

    Like Fun Louise has said, don't let one scare completely control your life. Just be prepared.

    1489366281

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3117
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Nothing wrong with being very carefully about protecting your self. Its not paranoid at all but very sensible. I'm glad your OK .you have learnt a good lesson done your home work now move on.

    If you ask google negative questions then you will get negative worrying answers.

    Now ask google about the joys of healthy sex. Its wonderful and even better when you have it who cares about you very much that they want to be sure your happy to have sex and reassure you its safe to do so.

    Welcome to the forums.

    1489400529
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7158
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I agree with the others its a lesson learnt . If you slip up again of which I don't think you will ,there is always the mornng after pill but IMO this option should only be regarded as a safety net for things like condom failure etc.

    I appreciate I come from a different era when its comes to dating but IMO its better off knowing more about your fella before you both jump into bed. Nothing wrong with keeping the guy waiting as he will hang around if he really likes and cares for you. He should also carry his own supply of condoms and if not you should be asking questions as to why not . Its his responsability .However always have some condoms avaialble just in case.

    Also remember its not a race. I presume you are quite young and have plenty of time on your side before deciding that you want to settle down properly.

    1489402702
    Mr&MrsA75 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 232
    • Joined: 14 Jan 2012

    My only advice would be to reiterate what Louise said. Right now you'll feel panicky and thats to be expected as you've worked yourself up over it, but in time you'll calm down and know to be more prepared next time. The only other thing I will add is, so what if you quiz the next guy? Some guys would be put off or find it cheeky sure, but if it's important enough to you to ask then it will be important enough to the right guy for you, to answer. If a grown man can't have a frank discussion with the chick he's going to sleep with about safe sex then do you wanna be sleeping with him anyway? I mean don't go holding like a whole gameshow based on his sexual history on a first date......or do.....if he's into you he'll find it hilarious

    1489403545
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1368
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    I'd like to add to the thread with see your early experience as a positive. Yes you had a bad time, but at least you used it to find out how to avoid that in future. Once bitten, twice shy and all that.

    Welcome to the forum and hope you stick around.

    1489404576
    Colonel Lube [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 230
    • Joined: 6 Oct 2005

    Whilst Google is useful with health issues it will generally tell you two things.

    1. Someone had a relative he had those symptoms and they died really soon after.

    2. You have cancer

    Make sure you are safe but virtually everything carries some risk and you still need to enjoy yourself.

    1489404945
    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 513
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2015

    Hi there,

    Glad you've been educating yourself, but remember the internet can be a over dramatic place at times (never Google your symptoms). You've had great advise already. Here's my two cents on if you want to be as safe as you can be:

    Use condoms for vaginal, oral and anal sex. You can buy special thicker ones for anal sex, and flavored ones to make oral more fun. Femdoms cover more surface area so protect more skin, but most people prefer condoms. Dental dams can be used for oral sex on women. Get an STD check up after every split condom (and a morning after pill as soon as possible unless you'd like to be pregnant), or when you change partners or just annually if you've been having safe sex with only a few people. This will really help to reassure yourself that you are staying healthy.

    Yes, you can catch herpes from kissing, it's also known as a cold sore, its not dangerous and is nothing to worry about. Most people who have cold sores are aware of it and wouldn't kiss another person while they have the actual sore, making your risk of catching it relatively low.

    If you're doing all these things you will be having safer, more responsible sex than most people out there. You can relax and enjoy your sexual life. Have fun!

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