• Talking about S.E.X.

    1488641956
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 926
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    G123 wrote:

    All this talk off stripping and hotels rooms is making me think off booking a room now. Have fun and let us know how it goes getting him to open up

    Wish I could get away with my hubby...
    1488642361
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 926
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    I agree he may just really get turned on by you taking control. He might also have low self esteem and not want to be turned down. I hope your strip tease and quiz works for you x

    1488642543
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 926
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    Tumaz91 wrote:

    Hi am new here and wasn't sure where to ask this but I have just bought lovehoney delay lube and wondering if anyone knows how long it takes to start working thanks in advance

    Hi Tumaz. Welcome to the forum. I can't answer your question but you may find you get an answer a bit easier if you start your own thread with the name of the lube in the title. Then if someone can help they will see you need it. Good luck I hope you get the answers you need :)
    1488649979
    Tumaz91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 17 Feb 2017

    No problem thanks for the advice

    1488651367
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 678
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    Sounds like he might be on the submisive side of the spectrum. Perhaps you could test him by being a little dominant and see how he reacts.

    1488654042
    G123 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 16
    • Joined: 31 Jul 2014

    I wish we got away more often. But when we do we make the most off it

    1488659901
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2056
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    AshleyOh wrote:

    G123, I've tried messaging before but not had much success. It's almost like he can't put into words (written or spoken) what he likes. I've suggested he show me but he ended up so embarrassed, I had to drop the subject. I'm now starting to think either he is so straightlaced or he has some kink I don't know about and he's too scared to tell me!

    Sounds just like my ex, why alarm bells ring when I first read your post, not long married and this, sorry me putting my foot in it just don't want you to suffer the crap sex life I had with my ex. Are you younger or an older couple, I only ask because it could be the way he's been brought up. If he really won't talk then I'm afraid you've a struggle, huge hugs, apart from toys for yourself and saying this, if he has a problem with this, you got an uphill struggle. My ex refused to admit our sex life was crap, wouldn't even talk about it. His he clued up about foreplay or is it fumbles, same routine everytime, sorry saying this but my heart sinks for you, hugs.

    1488663860
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 623
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    I will just talk about things...often while hubby is driving and we are Aline in the car of course!

    Something simple like "last night was amazing...did you ever think sex could be so amazing" that line opens up so much and raises confidence.

    I find talking about sex freely makes us both much more open with ideas and suggestions and makes us feel so horny in the processes...

    Hope you have an amazing weekend x

    1488822084
    AshleyOh [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 27 Nov 2016

    Thanks, guys. The weekend was good - we didn't get the quiz done (yet!) but he did like my strip tease, although I was so nervous at least I got through it.

    We did get some time to talk (when he was trapped over dinner lol) and I'm happy to report that he did open up to me somewhat but I don't know if I'm entirely happy about his responses. He said he does much prefer it when I'm in charge. Great, I thought, he's just really a bit submissive, I can deal with that. But then he said the reason he likes me to be in charge is because he doesn't feel like he knows what he's doing. Am I wrong to think this is a cop out from actually putting effort in and maybe learning what works and what doesn't for me and him and gaining confidence from knowledge?

    Kittencub, we're both early 30s and your post really resonated with me - does he know what he's doing with foreplay or does he fumble? It really depends on what his mood is. Sometimes he's great and really, really knows what he's doing and other times I literally just have to say 'stop! What are you doing?' - maybe this ties in to what he's saying about having no confidence. But I also think he'd do the usual routine forever and be quite happy about that. I wouldn't!

    One thing he said which I'm really confused about it is that we were comparing 2 times recently when we've attempted sex. One time was great - oh god, I don't care if I look a sweaty mess, this is just too awesome - fantastic! The other time was boring and unimaginative and we just abandoned the whole thing because he was so out of tune with the whole situation. Ok, sometimes that's going to happen BUT what really had me scratching my head is that he says he doesn't get what he did differently to have the 2 outcomes and he got really uptight when I said that he was really into the amazing time and was doing all the right things and the rubbish time was a bit wishy-washy and he didn't seem into it at all. He reckons what he did on both occasions was the same.

    I'm so confused. Sorry for this whole rant!

    On the plus side, he said he's up for doing the quiz and also for using the kinky calendar.

    I can sense that if I don't want to have the same sex until I die, I need to get this right now and I definitely have my work cut out for me!

    1488824962
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2056
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    AshleyOh wrote:

    Thanks, guys. The weekend was good - we didn't get the quiz done (yet!) but he did like my strip tease, although I was so nervous at least I got through it.

    We did get some time to talk (when he was trapped over dinner lol) and I'm happy to report that he did open up to me somewhat but I don't know if I'm entirely happy about his responses. He said he does much prefer it when I'm in charge. Great, I thought, he's just really a bit submissive, I can deal with that. But then he said the reason he likes me to be in charge is because he doesn't feel like he knows what he's doing. Am I wrong to think this is a cop out from actually putting effort in and maybe learning what works and what doesn't for me and him and gaining confidence from knowledge?

    Kittencub, we're both early 30s and your post really resonated with me - does he know what he's doing with foreplay or does he fumble? It really depends on what his mood is. Sometimes he's great and really, really knows what he's doing and other times I literally just have to say 'stop! What are you doing?' - maybe this ties in to what he's saying about having no confidence. But I also think he'd do the usual routine forever and be quite happy about that. I wouldn't!

    One thing he said which I'm really confused about it is that we were comparing 2 times recently when we've attempted sex. One time was great - oh god, I don't care if I look a sweaty mess, this is just too awesome - fantastic! The other time was boring and unimaginative and we just abandoned the whole thing because he was so out of tune with the whole situation. Ok, sometimes that's going to happen BUT what really had me scratching my head is that he says he doesn't get what he did differently to have the 2 outcomes and he got really uptight when I said that he was really into the amazing time and was doing all the right things and the rubbish time was a bit wishy-washy and he didn't seem into it at all. He reckons what he did on both occasions was the same.

    I'm so confused. Sorry for this whole rant!

    On the plus side, he said he's up for doing the quiz and also for using the kinky calendar.

    I can sense that if I don't want to have the same sex until I die, I need to get this right now and I definitely have my work cut out for me!

    Oh Lord my heart knows exactly where your coming from, if he really won't bother about making an effort to learn what makes you tick, I feel very sad. Was he like this before you married, I only married my ex to get away from the family I remember thinking, well I'll never have great sex but at least I'm away from that lot, and yes this was the wedding night. At least he's willing to try the game. But it isn't looking good, huge hugs

    1488826625
    AshleyOh [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 14
    • Joined: 27 Nov 2016

    Ah, kittencub, I hope he does see I'm serious about having better sex. We married quite quickly so we were still in the rip off the clothes and get down to it stage. It's only now I'm starting to feel that there needs to more than what I'm currently getting. Oh, that sounds so bad 😞 I think this will need to be a bigger project than I initially thought. His confidence issues really need to be my starting point, I think.

    Sounds like you were in a bad situation and I'm glad to hear he's your ex now. It just shows that everyone deserves a happy and healthy love life 😊 I'm sure in time mine will be too (fingers crossed!)

    1488829852
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2056
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    AshleyOh wrote:

    Ah, kittencub, I hope he does see I'm serious about having better sex. We married quite quickly so we were still in the rip off the clothes and get down to it stage. It's only now I'm starting to feel that there needs to more than what I'm currently getting. Oh, that sounds so bad 😞 I think this will need to be a bigger project than I initially thought. His confidence issues really need to be my starting point, I think.

    Sounds like you were in a bad situation and I'm glad to hear he's your ex now. It just shows that everyone deserves a happy and healthy love life 😊 I'm sure in time mine will be too (fingers crossed!)

    With my ex I never got excited much, he had no idea how to kiss, me being clueless had no idea things could be better.

    1488840733
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 926
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    G123 wrote:

    I wish we got away more often. But when we do we make the most off it

    We had one night away in January. Our first night away without children in 7 years!!!!!! Problem is my youngest has coeliac disease and multiple allergies so no one wants to look after him :(
    1488840784
    Browncoats [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 926
    • Joined: 5 Dec 2016

    I'm so glad you managed to talk about it. Personally I would say give him a chance but make sure he knows he has to make the effort!!!!!!

    Good luck with it all xxx

    1488843701
    Harlot O'Scara [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 10 Dec 2013

    Hi. Not sure this will help, but speaking as someone who struggles to open up, the issue for me is having the confidence to say what I actually want. We've been together 24 years, but even now I don't feel that I can be totally open in my desires. That's my hang up, not my wife's. So don't be too hard on hubby for never taking the lead, it may be just the way he is. It is with me.

    1488903284
    Tony McA [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 78
    • Joined: 4 Feb 2017

    My wife and I had similar issues. I had trouble initiating sex and being open with what I wanted. For me, it was because of the relationship I had been in prior, where I had been made to feel bad about things, so I kind of clammed up.

    It took a long while for me to open up and get to the point where I felt comfortable asking for things and suggesting things for us to do. We've been together seven years, and really only in the last six months or so have we really figured things out.

    It took her flat out listing out to me all the ways in which she had been reaching out to me and trying for me to recognize that I wasn't meeting her halfway, and that my previous relationship(where everything had to be my ex-wife's way) left me overcompensating by not trying what my current wife asked of me(taking the initiative more). She told me that by making her do all the planning and initiating, I was making her feel like I didn't desire her or couldn't be bothered to put the effort in, and that if I kept not trying, it was going to kill her desire for me and she'd eventually stop trying, too. Big wake-up call.

    Now our sex life is amazing and we both feel really fulfilled and close in our intimacy. Frustrating to hear it may take years, I know, but you don't have to be "stuck" in missionary forever, even if he doesn't open up in the immediate future.

    1488905432
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7108
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    I think some of the problems about opening up is that we take sex too seriously sometimes. Thats one reason we end up doing roleplays to add some humour into our routines with dodgy French accents etc. Ok we end up rolling about on the floor in laughter sometimes instead of rolling about with each other but to bring an element of fun into the proceedings helps people to open up and be more relaxed .

    1489067408
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 678
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    Hello AshleyOh

    Whilst it has been suggested that your Oh may be submissive, from the tone of you're posts I am inclined to think that you may be towards the dominant side and therefore that could be the way to go.

    I have also found that my Oh does not always want the same thing depending on where her hormones levels are (agressive/tender).

    With you're Oh, upbringing may be an issue if it was a hidden subject during his formative years. There are many books on the subject, some good, some not so good but all with an educational element. Mysteron would approve of a school teacher/pupil role play where you bring his education up to date, (lots of homework).

    Obove all have fun in learning.

    1489070794
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2056
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    I really hope he's concerned enough to take interest in all this wonderful advice, how's it going, hugs from a very concerned been there done that friend.

    1489070927
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7108
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Modo wrote:

    Hello AshleyOh

    Whilst it has been suggested that your Oh may be submissive, from the tone of you're posts I am inclined to think that you may be towards the dominant side and therefore that could be the way to go.

    I have also found that my Oh does not always want the same thing depending on where her hormones levels are (agressive/tender).

    With you're Oh, upbringing may be an issue if it was a hidden subject during his formative years. There are many books on the subject, some good, some not so good but all with an educational element. Mysteron would approve of a school teacher/pupil role play where you bring his education up to date, (lots of homework).

    Obove all have fun in learning.

    Certainly for this with your businees attire , it could easily double up as a teacher. You just need something to act as a "badge" of authority ie riding crop,spanking ruler ,paddle etc. Plenty of choice from Lovehoney .

    I would do a bit of digging before hand to see if this is one of his fantasies . It is one of mine by the way but my partner is of the submissive type . She is the one who gets all the fun !

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.