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  1. So my wife told me when she wants to be submissive in bed

    1487517186
    mrwinston [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 19 Feb 2017

    We are both in our mid-thirties, we have been together for ten years, married for three years, no kids. Sex has always been okay/good, more ups than downs, ranging from "okay we'll do better next time" to "mind-blowing leg-shaking orgasms". Recently after a small drop in our sex life, we decided to spend more time talking about it. We realized we were probably not communicating enough (little bit of shyness), so we opened a private sex blog to share fantasies more easily behind a screen.

    As I said, we are both a little bit shy when it comes to sharing fantasies, so I was completely surprised when my wife wrote she wanted to be more submissive in bed. Surprised in a very good way, that she managed to overcome her timidity to share her fantasy with me.

    Once it was shared, we spent a lot of time talking about this fantasy (which seems to be mandatory, and was also easier once it had been written). We agreed on specific things, like spanking or light hair pulling. Communication is of course going to be essential to set boundaries and respect them.

    Now I can't really say that I ever thought about being "dominant" in the bedroom, but it is a path I am ready to explore. And with great power comes great responsibility, right? This is why I am here, to ask for your help to make the best out of it. Please share your experience if you feel like you can give me advice to learn how to be a good dominant husband! Thank you :)

    1487518371

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3117
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Mr W, that's fantastic. You and your wife have just started your journey of sexual awakening. Better still your in the perfect place to get non judgmental advice.

    Your so right communication is the key. Its going to drive and reassure.

    Sub Dom or switch is a state of mind when sexualy aroused few need or actually wntto live their full lives that way.

    Female sub and Dom male is actually quite normal. Just apply the normal physical science of what sex is and how its performed it fits. Man on top woman legs open. Man penetrating the woman. Man inseminatinthe woman.

    To take it to the next step could simply being more vocal and demanding. Like open your legs and I'm going to take you.

    Light bdsm can make the recipient feel dominated just legs held open or arm restained.

    A very dominant thing to do but may not seem it is not to be very active but demand and tell them what to do to you.. Command them.

    Always always kiss cuddle and ask what she liked and did not so you can evolve it.

    Have fun and always respect each other.

    GG

    1487519864
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6187
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    Hi there, after being in a D/s relationship for many years, we found that our desires and wants constantly change and evolve. It's all about your own personal journey, and finding out what you both like, dislike and feel comfortable with. The most important part is communication and respect for each other. Here are some guides that will be very useful to you both, they also include a video from the lovely Jess - good luck in your journey xx

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/buyers-guide/keep-safe-bondage-techniques/

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/buyers-guide/bedroom-bondage-explained/

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/bondage/buyers-guide/bdsm-for-vanilla-lovers-bondage/

    1487598268
    mrwinston [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 19 Feb 2017

    Thank you both for your feedback.

    So far, we made it really clear what we were both looking for. It took me by surprise (and again, a pleasant one) but I have a good feeling about it. After all, if she confessed she wants me to be dominant towards her, she clearly said she enjoys the idea of being submissive, that it is going to bring her a lot of pleasure. As long as we both want it, and both enjoy it, I am willing to try this out.

    I think my main concern is about the attitude I need to have. I feel like I really need to give the impression that I know what I'm doing, that I'm the one in charge. I will also need to find the right balance, and avoid being too "soft". So far, she showed me how far I could go when it comes to spanking or light choking among other things, so I know where to start. I think I need to work on some small scenarios, this might be a good idea. We also got a safeword in case I go too far, even if I am not afraid of going too far at the moment (after all, we are beginners) but we never know what can happen (better safe than sorry).

    Do you have any idea how I could work on my attitude a little bit? Trying things out will of course help me get a better understanding of what to expect, but I am still willing to take any kind of safe advice.

    1487598618
    Lovehoney - Leanne [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    I highly recommend checking out our Vlogger & Bondage expert; Jess on Bondage Gone Wilde

    There is a new video every Friday that may help you both with this journey. 

    You are on a postive track by expressing these interests and communicaton really is key! 

    1487605623
    Troubled Joe [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 302
    • Joined: 19 Jul 2013

    Definitely check out Jess's vlogs. Thanks to her, I've just ordered our first spreader bar to add a bit more kink to our play.

    Also, having got Mrs TJ to watch the video, we were able to talk a t more freely about what we both like. I recently got our first flogger and I tried it out on her the other day and she seemed ok with it but didn't have much to say afterwards. Today however, she admitted that she enjoyed herself a lot, although she's not keen on me getting too firm with it.

    i also suggested we could switch roles, as the idea of being restrained and teased very appealing. And I got a yes!!!!!

    Talking is clearly the key, and being relaxed enough to ignore any shyness or embarrassment.

    1487606096
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2058
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    mrwinston wrote:

    Thank you both for your feedback.

    So far, we made it really clear what we were both looking for. It took me by surprise (and again, a pleasant one) but I have a good feeling about it. After all, if she confessed she wants me to be dominant towards her, she clearly said she enjoys the idea of being submissive, that it is going to bring her a lot of pleasure. As long as we both want it, and both enjoy it, I am willing to try this out.

    I think my main concern is about the attitude I need to have. I feel like I really need to give the impression that I know what I'm doing, that I'm the one in charge. I will also need to find the right balance, and avoid being too "soft". So far, she showed me how far I could go when it comes to spanking or light choking among other things, so I know where to start. I think I need to work on some small scenarios, this might be a good idea. We also got a safeword in case I go too far, even if I am not afraid of going too far at the moment (after all, we are beginners) but we never know what can happen (better safe than sorry).

    Do you have any idea how I could work on my attitude a little bit? Trying things out will of course help me get a better understanding of what to expect, but I am still willing to take any kind of safe advice.

    Sceneries, does she have a film villain or tv character she fancies? Be him and you'll have a wonderful time, safe words ect are very important. Enjoy.

    1487615956
    mrwinston [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 19 Feb 2017

    Thank you everyone!

    Leanne, Bondage Gone Wild is amazing, Jess looks so confident talking about all these things and makes it look completely natural (which it is of course, but I am sure many people see this as "weird" even nowadays)! Most of the things she talks about are way too advanced for us, but it will definitely help if we go further in this direction.

    Troubled Joe, I think this is the most important part: saying that you enjoy something. So far, the subject of being submissive has been brought up, so the possibly embarrassing part is mostly over. I don't think we will switch roles in the near future though. We talked about it when she first shared her fantasy, if it was something she was also willing to try, but she said she does not feel dominant at all.

    Kittencub, I think I misused the term "scenario". I was actually thinking about what kind of things I should do, and then what to do next, etc, to give the impression that I am in control, and that I know what I am doing. But your idea of impersonating someone is definitely something we can keep in mind for the future.

    1487616214
    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2058
    • Joined: 11 May 2013

    mrwinston wrote:

    Thank you everyone!

    Leanne, Bondage Gone Wild is amazing, Jess looks so confident talking about all these things and makes it look completely natural (which it is of course, but I am sure many people see this as "weird" even nowadays)! Most of the things she talks about are way too advanced for us, but it will definitely help if we go further in this direction.

    Troubled Joe, I think this is the most important part: saying that you enjoy something. So far, the subject of being submissive has been brought up, so the possibly embarrassing part is mostly over. I don't think we will switch roles in the near future though. We talked about it when she first shared her fantasy, if it was something she was also willing to try, but she said she does not feel dominant at all.

    Kittencub, I think I misused the term "scenario". I was actually thinking about what kind of things I should do, and then what to do next, etc, to give the impression that I am in control, and that I know what I am doing. But your idea of impersonating someone is definitely something we can keep in mind for the future.

    Glad to help I can't advice on the floggers ect but for me when hubby used to play Maurice Colborne as Commander Lytton best sex ever, loved it.

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