1. Admiration of women


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    ToGildALily wrote:

    Fair points all.

    I guess while what I said does sound like sex was something I found somewhat daunting at first I'll put it into context for my experience at least.

    I'm an 80s kid so sure my attitudes about gender equality are that there should be equality and my parents raised me not telling me I couldn't do stuff because I'm female. In fact my Dad did a lot of stuff most fathers would have not dreamed of teaching their daughter like how to shoot, how to use a bow, how to look after animals send so on.

    Paradoxically my parents were very weird when it came to sex education in that I genuinely learned from a book I bought because my class was learning about the human body and I wanted a book to learn at home as I found it fascinating. We hadn't yet had sex education lessons so I was pretty confused. I quickly learned this wasn't something to ask adults about.

    My sex education was a full on video showing a woman in labour and a brief overview about puberty but I still didn't grasp it, never asked my Mum about periods from what the videos mentioned so it came as a shock when I had my first one and ruined a dress. I had to sit in the car home like that. I was from then on ashamed and hated it. Mum acknowledged that I had started but I was kind of left to myself to figure it out as my folks were too embarrassed to try and talk to me about it.

    So unsurprisingly my viewpoint on sex was pretty skewed. I had many changing views but largely when I left secondary school I had little real idea besides the rather inadequate lessons at school. They never touched on the emotional or pleasurable side, the relationships and I figured my parents wouldn't want to talk about that either. So my view was that it was some embarrassing, disgusting, shameful dangerous thing to do. All because nobody could get over their embarrassment to explain something to me and the changes as a teenager. I had no siblings or friends to tell me either. On top of all that I was chronically lacking in self-confidence. I could barely look people in the eye when I left school.

    When I went to uni then I chose to find out a bit more and shed some of the bad feeling about it. I still felt uncertain about it. I even thought I'd only do it for reproduction purposes at one stage! So yeah my first time I did have a lot to work through and I had a lot of stuff to get rid of to be where I am in my sex life. To go from it being something I'd been taught was negative to being able to accept that I do really enjoy it, ask for it and to be unafraid to explore it and to have somebody in my life who recognises that confidence and surety in that part of my life now, it's taken a fair bit of re-education, patience and soul searching.

    I'm lucky I wasn't taken advantage of because of how I learned and the perceptions I formed as a result. That could have easily happened and that's scary. That's why if I ever have kids I will not follow in the examples I had when it comes to talking to them about sex. So no I don't hold old fashioned ideas and concepts on it, but the way I was introduced was and I cannot be the only one who had similar experiences, male or female.

    Thank you so much for sharing and its my hope in doing so, in some small way helps you find the happiness we all deserve from a satisfying sex life.

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