• Wait! We think you’re in the US - Lovehoney.com is a better site for you.
    Shop there and get 10% off!
    United States Flag
    Go to Lovehoney.com
  1. Admiration of women

    1487516581

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3117
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Its long been an admiration of mine thata woman particularly a virgin or inexperienced woman. Even a woman about to have penertrative sex with a new partner. Is able to over come all the anxiety and confidence issue to allow herself to be penetrated.

    Just the physical side of opening their legs naked, to expose their most intimate and sensitive body part to a man. Who himself might be inexperienced. Fumbling rough and over eager to get his own pleasure must be very daunting.

    It fills me with admiration that you re able to over come these issues and the mental ones o how do I look feel, taste and smell to him.

    I'm I doing it right or is it going to hurt. Even though I think it might I have to let him do it.

    So its more of an appreciation of what some women have to go through to become sexual with a man butid love to hear other's opinions and experiences.

    Thanks GG

    1487525808
    Goodvibrationz [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 392
    • Joined: 2 Jan 2017

    Its an interesting question GG. You ask what some women have to go through to become sexual with a man but can I answer what its like to becomome sexual with another woman for the first time? GV XX

    1487532489
    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 138
    • Joined: 24 May 2016

    I guess in a lot of ways for me the confidence I have has taken years to build up, both self-confidence and confidence in myself when I am with somebody. The two kind of link but do separate in some regards. I wasn't very comfortable with myself and thought I wasn't very attractive. But as I got on through my 20s I became more confident in myself and my sexual confidence did follow but that took a lot of work.

    The first time I got intimate with somebody was actually really memorable as the young man actually cared about making it an enjoyable experience for me. I won't say exactly what he said but he did communicate what he thought of me physically, good things so that was reassuring. He was more experienced, that was my first time. The thing that struck me was he was more open about sex whereas I was still very much in a very reserved mind set. I chose to challenge that from then on and understand why I and so many people are so prudish and uncomfortable about what is one of the most pleasurable and intimate things you can do with another person. I'm glad I have that attitude and I was lucky to have met such a person.

    As for when it is somebody new, it has always been different as I was gaining confidence. I can easily say that with my fwb I am totally comfortable, confident and feel there is no problem for us to talk about things. I know some people think the fact that it's fwb cheapens things, believe me if we lived closer it'd not be this way, but the first time we slept together we both said to each other that we should have done it a lot sooner and when we had been in the same area geographically. There was little awkwardness, but most importantly we both felt that we just had some connection and it felt right. He almost celebrates that I have found my confident place and describes it as an aura. Everybody before except for that very first time had just been a bit bland and didn't seem like they had the same attitude to sex as I have which is that it's nothing to be ashamed of, it isn't "dirty" or bad and I felt that I had been hiding away from a part of who I am by not expressing myself sexually. So yeah I know now what it takes; friendship, caring, being equal, being curious, sharing of pleasure and making sure nobody feels unfulfilled.

    1487540858

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3117
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Goodvibrationz wrote:

    Its an interesting question GG. You ask what some women have to go through to become sexual with a man but can I answer what its like to becomome sexual with another woman for the first time? GV XX

    Yes I did consider this but thought that the understanding between two women would be more understanding of each other. The concerns of penertration are far less I felt.

    1487541569

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3117
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    ToGildALily wrote:

    I guess in a lot of ways for me the confidence I have has taken years to build up, both self-confidence and confidence in myself when I am with somebody. The two kind of link but do separate in some regards. I wasn't very comfortable with myself and thought I wasn't very attractive. But as I got on through my 20s I became more confident in myself and my sexual confidence did follow but that took a lot of work.

    The first time I got intimate with somebody was actually really memorable as the young man actually cared about making it an enjoyable experience for me. I won't say exactly what he said but he did communicate what he thought of me physically, good things so that was reassuring. He was more experienced, that was my first time. The thing that struck me was he was more open about sex whereas I was still very much in a very reserved mind set. I chose to challenge that from then on and understand why I and so many people are so prudish and uncomfortable about what is one of the most pleasurable and intimate things you can do with another person. I'm glad I have that attitude and I was lucky to have met such a person.

    As for when it is somebody new, it has always been different as I was gaining confidence. I can easily say that with my fwb I am totally comfortable, confident and feel there is no problem for us to talk about things. I know some people think the fact that it's fwb cheapens things, believe me if we lived closer it'd not be this way, but the first time we slept together we both said to each other that we should have done it a lot sooner and when we had been in the same area geographically. There was little awkwardness, but most importantly we both felt that we just had some connection and it felt right. He almost celebrates that I have found my confident place and describes it as an aura. Everybody before except for that very first time had just been a bit bland and didn't seem like they had the same attitude to sex as I have which is that it's nothing to be ashamed of, it isn't "dirty" or bad and I felt that I had been hiding away from a part of who I am by not expressing myself sexually. So yeah I know now what it takes; friendship, caring, being equal, being curious, sharing of pleasure and making sure nobody feels unfulfilled.

    I m so glad you understood the way in which my question was asked and chose to share your personal experiences.

    Thank you so much. GG

    1487541909
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 623
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    It is not just being a virgin or inexperienced.I remember the 1st time after being divorced and single for a few years.

    I was so daunting, it was impossible not to wonder if you were being compared to his ex or worry about the extra lbs I was also carrying.

    In fact, I can honestly say it turned out to be amazing and not what I expected at all and something I had never done before.

    1487641241
    Latebloomer70 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 5 Nov 2013

    As you can probably the from my name I was a very late starter indeed.

    I remember the first time I had sex. My partner at the time was very understanding and didn't pressure me in any way as he wanted to make sure I was relaxed and comfortable. I do remember having various insecurities about my body and how I looked but they were things he loved. I don't think I realised that it might be painful initially as he entered me as I hadn't realised how big he was.

    I'm glad to say that my first experience did not put me off having sex again lol. Sadly I couldn't give him all the time he wanted and we split up a number of months later. He now has a new partner.

    I can only imagine the nerves if and when I meet a new partner.

    1487658770
    Novicebdsm [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 24 Jan 2017

    Hi folks I'm new to love hunny, I only discovered the website a month ago, I've turned into an avid reader of the forums. :)

    To answer the question for me it took a lot to allow myself to have intimacy with someone let alone penetrative sex. I'd had a pretty grim separation and didn't have any sex for over a decade!

    Then end of last year I surrendered and dated someone I'd known for a long time. A few dates later after copious alcohol and *removed by moderator*  I instigated proceedings (Dutch courage) he asked permission to penetrate which was very kind of him. He knew how scared I'd become of having sex and intimacy.

    For me it was the time, the place, the person, the right situation to cross the barrier.

    Now at the ripe old age of 50 something I'm having truly amazing sex. Thought I'd had some good sex in the past but this is another level having never previously truly lost myself in the moment.

    1487675521
    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2148
    • Joined: 30 Nov 2012

    Whilst I appreciate this thread was meant as a compliment, I personally find it incredibly offensive. This thread makes the assumption that women aren't sexual beings and that we only "open our legs" to satisfy a man. It also assumes that we're all caught up in the way we look, taste or feel or that we all have confidence issues / anxiety surrounding sex.

    I didn't have to "overcome" anything in order to have sex. I like sex! I want sex! And I definitely wanted it the first time I did it. I find that if you want something enough, any worries surrounding it disappear (this goes beyond sex). 

    If I had to overcome an "issue" in order to have sex with someone, then that's a huge sign that I shouldn't be having sex with them (either because they're not right for me, or because I'm not ready to do it with them).

    It's also not that complimentary towards men as it assumes that he has to do all the work in the bedroom. We don't just open our legs and let him do all the work. Surely sex is about two people fumbling around in bed together? And do guys not also worry about how they look, taste or feel? Or have anxiety around sex? 

    Also, what do you mean by "I have to let him do it"? 

    1487675995
    Lovehoney - Sammi Cole [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 114
    • Joined: 1 Oct 2015

    While I think that this thread was meant as nothing but complimentary, I'm afraid that it could come across as a little patronising. For every woman that is nervous about their early sexual experiences, there is a woman who can't wait to explore her sexuality, and that's not necessarily because of anything that a partner has shown them. 

    Not every woman has to 'overcome' something just to enjoy sex, and if you're concerned that a man is going to be 'over eager to get his own pleasure', you probably shouldn't be having sex with him anyway. 

    1487676280

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 4025
    • Joined: 4 Dec 2012

    I felt uncomfortable about this thread when i read it over the weekend, glad I'm not alone.

    Sexual anxiety in men - yes right here!

    My now-wife was more experienced than I when we got together, but we have since, together and jointly opened the door to kink and sexual exploration.

    1487677122
    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7151
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Lovehoney - Jess Wilde wrote:

    ...... And do guys not also worry about how they look, taste or feel? Or have anxiety around sex?

    Also, what do you mean by "I have to let him do it"?

    From my own experience a resounding yes. I have been mismatched with a previous partner. A stunning woman but very powerful and demanding in the bedroom. Rather too much for me as I am more of a romantic and sensual type with perhaps a low-medium sex drive .I didn't enjoy sex at all with this partner . Needless to say the relationship was probably one of my shortest .

    Again speaking of myself i do worry about how I look and taste .Perhaps less so as I have lost weight but never the less the anxieties are still there .

    I am quite sure the OP had no intention of coming over as patronising but its too easy to stereo type people even if the intention isnt there .

    1487677749
    Stuburns [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1477
    • Joined: 23 Nov 2011

    Pops in. Oops quickly leaves 😁

    1487699063
    Petrichor [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 99
    • Joined: 19 Jun 2014

    I wouldn't exactly say "it's something women have to go through to become sexual with a man!" I think it kind of sounds like you expect women generally to just jump from zero to penetration without any control over it. My experience hasn't been just deciding I wanted to open my legs and allow someone in, I like to build up with kisses and touching and fingers first, and usually at least some of these aren't in a position where I'm giving up control.

    Even on the bottom, you can use your thighs to control depth and speed a lot, and if it's something I'm concerned about (e.g. size wise with a new partner!) I'll happily go on top and tell them not to thrust! In terms of experience, I'm pretty sure the men I've been with that were virgins felt a lot more vulnerable than I did; it's a pretty intense thing, even if you don't have the penetration aspect to be overwhelmed by! Besides, you can get experience with penetration without ever needing to involve a guy to adjust to it ;)

    1487699995
    Modo [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 760
    • Joined: 20 May 2015

    I think that at the heart of this is a generation problem.

    The young ladies who have quite rightly taken umbrage at some of the statements above have been brought up in a society that gives them so much more freedom and encouragement to find their sexual selves.

    Previous generations went to great lengths to keep women in their place, quite often with the active encouragement of their own sex. At this point a should say that clearly there were some good nuns lol.

    Whilst it is clear that in earlier generations women suffered the most, some men also had a hard time quite often at the hands of women (those nuns again). Boys brought up in a male dominated enviroment were less likely to suffer in this way.

    While GG ment no harm in his comments I am sure he is wishing he had phrased it better lol.

    1487700012
    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3588
    • Joined: 29 Feb 2016

    I agree with Jess and Sub, also felt uncomfortable reading this. It just don't think this reflects how the majority of women feel.

    1487706811

    [suspended user]

    suspended user
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3117
    • Joined: 12 Sep 2010

    Firstly I apologise unconditionally ifi have upset anyone. It was never intended to be nothing but sympathetic and appreciative of women's feelings

    I understand that most modern young women don't want or feel anything but equal as it should be, but this is a very modern idea and it was never my intention to undermine feminism.

    Its also why I used the phrase some women , understanding its not how all feel.

    I spent a very long time deliberating over the terminology and except it could of been worded differently.

    As many who know me I do like to air difficult subjects for debate and opinions. The fact that some may find it uncomfortable and difficult to discuss I feel that Lovehoney is one of the only forums where such topics can be and are discussed..

    Finally 4 members understood my post and answered in some wonderful ways enlightening us about there experiences . sharing some difficult and long term insecurities. I also understand that many women on Lovehoney are sexualy confident and some even dominant.

    GG

    1487708340
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1127
    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    Pleased that some challenged this with an alternative view. I too read this at the weekend and felt that it was generalising and almost presumptive that all women go through this.

    I didn't open my legs to 'allow myself to be penetrated", I did so because I wanted the pleasure just as much as my OH did.

    1487709337
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1366
    • Joined: 9 Nov 2016

    Gentle giant wrote:

    Firstly I apologise unconditionally ifi have upset anyone. It was never intended to be nothing but sympathetic and appreciative of women's feelings

    I understand that most modern young women don't want or feel anything but equal as it should be, but this is a very modern idea and it was never my intention to undermine feminism.

    Its also why I used the phrase some women , understanding its not how all feel.

    I spent a very long time deliberating over the terminology and except it could of been worded differently.

    As many who know me I do like to air difficult subjects for debate and opinions. The fact that some may find it uncomfortable and difficult to discuss I feel that Lovehoney is one of the only forums where such topics can be and are discussed..

    Finally 4 members understood my post and answered in some wonderful ways enlightening us about there experiences . sharing some difficult and long term insecurities. I also understand that many women on Lovehoney are sexualy confident and some even dominant.

    GG

    I really like the fact that you are standing up to the plate on this and have always found that you've a view that adds to any discussion with value.

    However, without wanting to come across as another band-wagon joiner, I too have had trouble reading this original start of a thread. It strikes me that this is a subject that needs to be written in the first account, rather than as an observational stance that can be generalised. Its fair to say that as a well meaning article, it should be recognised that it comes over as an old-fashion view of how many relationships were forged back in the day.

    I'm not saying things are or aren't like this these days, many women STILL have to work damn hard to treated as an equal, but I'd like to think many (a significant majority) of these femails do so on their terms. They also do so with the same performance issues as a male virgin and preconcieved notions of what is "great sex" The truth I believe is somewhat revealed years later after the event, when in hindsight (that great place of wisdom) kicks in and the realisation for many, popping your cherry wasn't that great and a great disappointment.

    1487719202
    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 138
    • Joined: 24 May 2016

    Fair points all.

    I guess while what I said does sound like sex was something I found somewhat daunting at first I'll put it into context for my experience at least.

    I'm an 80s kid so sure my attitudes about gender equality are that there should be equality and my parents raised me not telling me I couldn't do stuff because I'm female. In fact my Dad did a lot of stuff most fathers would have not dreamed of teaching their daughter like how to shoot, how to use a bow, how to look after animals send so on.

    Paradoxically my parents were very weird when it came to sex education in that I genuinely learned from a book I bought because my class was learning about the human body and I wanted a book to learn at home as I found it fascinating. We hadn't yet had sex education lessons so I was pretty confused. I quickly learned this wasn't something to ask adults about.

    My sex education was a full on video showing a woman in labour and a brief overview about puberty but I still didn't grasp it, never asked my Mum about periods from what the videos mentioned so it came as a shock when I had my first one and ruined a dress. I had to sit in the car home like that. I was from then on ashamed and hated it. Mum acknowledged that I had started but I was kind of left to myself to figure it out as my folks were too embarrassed to try and talk to me about it.

    So unsurprisingly my viewpoint on sex was pretty skewed. I had many changing views but largely when I left secondary school I had little real idea besides the rather inadequate lessons at school. They never touched on the emotional or pleasurable side, the relationships and I figured my parents wouldn't want to talk about that either. So my view was that it was some embarrassing, disgusting, shameful dangerous thing to do. All because nobody could get over their embarrassment to explain something to me and the changes as a teenager. I had no siblings or friends to tell me either. On top of all that I was chronically lacking in self-confidence. I could barely look people in the eye when I left school.

    When I went to uni then I chose to find out a bit more and shed some of the bad feeling about it. I still felt uncertain about it. I even thought I'd only do it for reproduction purposes at one stage! So yeah my first time I did have a lot to work through and I had a lot of stuff to get rid of to be where I am in my sex life. To go from it being something I'd been taught was negative to being able to accept that I do really enjoy it, ask for it and to be unafraid to explore it and to have somebody in my life who recognises that confidence and surety in that part of my life now, it's taken a fair bit of re-education, patience and soul searching.

    I'm lucky I wasn't taken advantage of because of how I learned and the perceptions I formed as a result. That could have easily happened and that's scary. That's why if I ever have kids I will not follow in the examples I had when it comes to talking to them about sex. So no I don't hold old fashioned ideas and concepts on it, but the way I was introduced was and I cannot be the only one who had similar experiences, male or female.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.