The Big A

so me and my girlfriend are going away for a special trip for valentines day and I've been trying to bring up anal with her but she shies away from it. she has said to me that we have one whole day of they yes man game where we have to say yes to everything. I have brought a cute little butt plug and anal lube to help. what should i do go for it and ask her on the day of yes man or sit down and talk about it first ???

Definitely talk about it first. Consent is very important in all kinds of sex play, and I'm sure you want her to enjoy herself too :) You don't have to rush straight to anal, you can start with just touching around the area, using a finger etc., depending on what she's comfortable with. And if she does like it, then you both can see if she'd like to explore further. Neither of you should have to feel pressured into doing something you're uncomfortable with.

When you says she shies away from it, have you actually talked about it before? If so how did she respond.

Definitely think you should talk. Explain why it turns you on etc and give her opportunity to tell you how she feels. she may just feel apprehensive but equally it may be a hard limit for her. 

I don't think it sounds like a good idea at all to pressure your girlfriend into anal during a game where she 'has' to say yes. Bring up the discussion again, and there are ways to make her feel more comfortable with the idea, but in the end you'll need to respect her decision either way.

Also (and importantly) anal sex can require a good deal of preperation, especially for a first timer, so it's definitely not something to spring on her impulsively.

Talk about it. Don't just say "do this" during a tome she would feel obliged. That could break the trust and kill the relationship.

Sit down and talk to her.

I said no to it for 10 years before I was ready to give it a go. She may never want to go down the rite of the back door, there's nothing wrong with that, you will just need to respect her decision.

I agree with everyone else. In my opinion it's wrong to mention it when she has to say yes. She will either say yes because she feels like she has to, or she will say no and feel like she let you down on her "yes-day".

All sexual activites are based on consent. If you girlfriend doesn't want to, it's her decision. What about pegging? That way you guys could experience anal, but with you on the receiving end.

Why don't you ask if you can use your mouth around that area on the yes day. Be sensuous with it though. Incredibly sensitive area, the ripples of pleasure as you use your mouth down there, kissing and using your tongue, could make her realise that anal doesn't have to be brutal, and that Infact un can be quite intimate, allow the trust to develop so as she knows that were you to ever actually have anal sex, it would be slow and gentle, unless she begins to enjoy it more and wants frenzied sex there. Don't do something that she will regret doing. This will become a deep rooted grievance for her. It could result in her lodging trust in you having loving feelings for her, as she knows that you know she isn't keen because she shys away. Anal intrusion can be a daunting experience and thought.
Be a gentleman and respect her body like she does yours and it will build trust.

Good luck.

Losing not lodging

My first thought to this is something you can't just try on a yes day it has to be something that is spoke about first and how far she does want to go with anal and if she does then the first time how much she wants to experience and if the butt plug you have brought is suitable for her personally.

If my boyfriend tried pressurising me to do something he already knew I wasn't comfortable doing on a 'yes day' I'd tell him to shove something up his arse. Sorry to be blunt but if she isn't keen you just have to accept that or move on.

A day where you 'have' to say yes is never going to be a good time to introduce something you know your partner isn't 100% up for. If she can't say yes to a particular sex act without a game forcing her to, she isn't saying yes!

You could test the waters (not on 'yes man day', where tbh I don't think you should be trying anything you haven't already talked about in case she feels she can't say no) with the butt plug to see if she likes the sensations. Just the butt plug though, a small butt plug in no way prepares you for a penis straight away. If she likes it take it from there, if she doesn't respect it's not happening right now and find other things you'll both enjoy :)

'Yes man day' is not the time to bring up something she has expressed no interest in or hasn't agreed to previously. She might feel as though she can't say no, so it would be coerced consent. Getting a legitimate, meaningful yes is so important when it comes to trying something new in the bedroom. Keep the yes day for things such as new positions or new sex locations, not acts you haven't done before or communicated openly about :)

NatandTom wrote:

'Yes man day' is not the time to bring up something she has expressed no interest in or hasn't agreed to previously. She might feel as though she can't say no, so it would be coerced consent. Getting a legitimate, meaningful yes is so important when it comes to trying something new in the bedroom. Keep the yes day for things such as new positions or new sex locations, not acts you haven't done before or communicated openly about :)

This.

Leave anything new until you're both able to have the time and inclination to sit down and discuss it properly first xx

I fully agree with everyone else this needs talking about and to be fully consented rather than coerced or pushed into.

I can remember when my husband 1st bought anal sex up my initial reaction was being unsure but we talked and read lots, some factual stuff some erotic fiction.

The more we talked and read the more my interest pique, I felt it was important that the decision really was in my hands.

If my husband had bought this upon a YES day I would have felt incredibly uncomfortable and wondered if he was thinking about how I felt tbh.