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  1. Awkwardness

    1483555752
    tj10699 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 98
    • Joined: 11 Jan 2015

    We are looking for a bit of advice on how to overcome awkwardness and body confidence issues.

    Mrs tj and I have never been more open and communicative about what we want/like than we are right now (which is of course, fantastic), however we have real difficulty talking about it during the day, especially face to face. Mrs tj in particular finds these kind of exchanges terribly awkward and embarrassing. We have tried me initiating chat via WhatsApp but it still doesn't really feel comfortable for her. I naturally fall into a more dominant role (which works for us as mrs tj is more sub and we both enjoy rough play) so we would like to find a way of me taking control and leading the way so to speak but where she feels comfortable and able to engage.

    The other thing we would appreciate some advice on is Mrs tjs lack of body confidence. She has begun losing weight recently and it's going well for her but she is by her own admission a long way from being happy with her body. For the record, I love her body and tell/show her this as often as possible. But that said it would be amazing if there were some things we could try to help her feel more confident in her own skin. Sexy underwear doesn't really help because she doesn't have the confidence to wear it.

    Thanks in advance!

    1483556293
    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 6 Jun 2015

    I have an ed, so I'm full of hate for my body and have very low self esteem, but lingerie does wonders. I started out thinking that it would make me look worse and I wouldn't feel confident wearing it, but once it's on, it provides the confidence. She might find the same thing if she tries it. I would suggest her trying on her own though, without the pressure of being seen by you and her wanting to look good for you etc. I now have over 200 pieces and its becoming a bit of an addiction!

    Other things that can be beneficial can be her putting make-up on, doin her hair or wearing her favourite perfume, little things that make her feel better about herself are important.

    1483556584
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    Completely agree with Nat. Wearing some underwear on her own and maybe moving onto sending you a pic when she's ready. Doesn't have to be a fully lingerie set, start with knickers or a nice bra, cami set etc

    First time I wore lingerie for my other half in September I paced the bedroom for 15 minutes before I got the courage to call him in. His reaction has really encouraged me. Not just want he said but the look on his face.

    1483556684
    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 6 Jun 2015

    Doing*

    Sorry, it posted before I had finished.

    Positions where she doesn't feel the areas she's least comfortable with are on show, such as from the back to avoid a stomach view etc and mood lighting can be extremely helpful too.

    Some people have issues with talking about sex and that's just the way it is but I feel like this could get easier for her as she gains some confidence within herself. That might be something that just needs time.

    Do you have safe words and/or signals in place? That's a great way of communicating what she is and isn't comfortable with during play and will let you know how she's feeling in those moments.

    1483557341
    tj10699 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 98
    • Joined: 11 Jan 2015

    Mrs tj here.

    Just picking up from the underwear comments, I'm very over weight at a size 22-24 and have a very large chest 44G so finding things that I'm comfortable in and that fit is a tall order. 99% of the time I have to have a tshirt on and be under the covers for fear of being seen. But I'm trying I'm really trying!

    1483559150
    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 593
    • Joined: 11 Dec 2014

    Mrs TJ why don't you try some hold ups to ease you in gently and help you to feel sexy but keep you Tshirt on so you're comfy too while you gain confidence xx

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32646

    then you could try something that feels a bit softer and sexier to touch for you to enjoy... Maybe try masturbating in something like this .... http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31039 or I think this is beautiful http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36135

    As for communicating then if that's really a struggle you could try finding porn clips that show the kind of things you'd like to say/ hear or new things to try. This way the other person can watch in their own time and then message back if they liked any aspect or really wouldn't want to do a particular act etc xx

    1483559190
    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 593
    • Joined: 11 Dec 2014

    Mrs TJ why don't you try some hold ups to ease you in gently and help you to feel sexy but keep you Tshirt on so you're comfy too while you gain confidence xx

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32646

    then you could try something that feels a bit softer and sexier to touch for you to enjoy... Maybe try masturbating in something like this .... http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=31039 or I think this is beautiful http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36135

    As for communicating then if that's really a struggle you could try finding porn clips that show the kind of things you'd like to say/ hear or new things to try. This way the other person can watch in their own time and then message back if they liked any aspect or really wouldn't want to do a particular act etc xx

    1483562115
    tj10699 [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 11 Jan 2015

    Thank you so much for those Gem! Exactly the kind of thing I would go for.

    Much appreciated! X

    1483562553
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    The 2 baby dolls are lovely, I have both and they really skirt over your curves.

    1483563673
    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 13 Jan 2012

    Welcome to you both 😊

    I think this would be really beautiful on you
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=36703
    Paired with some stockings and a gorgeous robe.

    You would still feel covered but with a lovely fabric to get you in the mood.

    I have been all sizes between a 20 and a 6 and I would wear this at all sizes.

    As for bdsm there is an online checklist for bdsm (Google it) which could help you both find out what you may like to do. 😊

    1483564112
    ScottishSweethearts [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 16 Jun 2014

    Trust is a major component in relationships, and communication is key to obtaining it. I've found the best way to come out of my shell is to establish a safe, judgement free conversation where you can express your feelings individually. For example, I really enjoy pegging but it's act that I'm incredibly reserved about. Whenever I have a new partner, when I feel it is time I'll preface the conversation with something like:

    "Listen, there's something I like sexually that I wanted to share with you but I want you to know that I won't ever expect anything of you and I respect your opinions on the subject whether they're postive or negative."

    This gives me the confidence to get something of my chest without feeling judged. Most of the reason that I'm scared to propose it is because I'm afriad the other person will go along with what I want despite it not suiting them. If you can create an encironment of 100% honestly it means you don't have to figure out the other person's true feelings.

    Also, appreciate the fact that you won't ever be able to completely change who you are. Talk about what you want to change, what you want it to change to, and possible ways of reaching that goal. Make sure that you both properly understand the other person's views, desires, and reservations - that way you can respect all of them. I wish you both the best in the future, it's a tough journey but an important one!

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    ToGildALily [sign in to see picture]
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    Mrs tj I know of a brand that makes lingerie in that size range but can't mention it here without breaking the forum rules. I referred a friend of mine who is a larger lady to them as she told me she had the same problem finding lingerie in her size.

    But as others have mentioned there are plenty of things to wear that don't have you so uncovered that are still gorgeous. Plus having layers to take off will help you get more comfortable but also can be turned into part of the fun of it by showing glimpses parts of your body to your partner, removing items in a teasing manner and with that and seeing their reaction will perhaps boost your confidence.

    1483614535
    tj10699 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for all of the replies, all very much appreciated. Some great clothing suggestions too - will definitely be investing in one of those babydolls on payday. Also love the suggestion of some holdups with a t-shirt (for some reason I love that idea!).

    The sharing little porn clips is something we've been doing and it's been really helpful, particularly for understanding what mrs tj enjoys. One of the things I'd like us to build to would be a little bit of day time teasing to build anticipation so hopefully this will help.

    I've also had a quick look at the bdsm list (thanks for the suggestion) and while there are a lot of hard limits on there I'm sure we can find a couple of things we would both enjoy trying.

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    cobra1987 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi and welcome i would say its only natural to say i don't like my body or body parts but for me you have to love the body you're in wether big or small or petite. As long as your happy and you look good to your partner then nothing else matter.

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    WillC [sign in to see picture]
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    It often frustrates me how women lack confidence in their bodies despite us men saying we love them as they are.As a 50-something male,i know my body isn`t perfect,but as there`s little i can do about it,i accept it.Why can`t women do that and focus on the good points?

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    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
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    WillC - I have had various eating disorders for serveral years so not liking my body is deeply rooted and I don't see myself ever feeling happy about my body. Accepting yourself is not as easy as you make it out to be.

    1483622355
    tj10699 [sign in to see picture]
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    I couldn't agree more Sxleksaker. I suffered with an ED for a number of years. I would say now that my relationship with food has improved immeasurably and I am comfortable with the way my body looks in front of Mrs tj, I am a long way from being the kind of person who can comfortably and confidently walk around shirtless on the beach or at the pool. Self acceptance is not at all easy to come by.

    (Mr tj)

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    captainmeow [sign in to see picture]
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    @WillC

    I've never had an eating disorder and wouldn't say I hate my body, but I don't have a model's body and have a skin problem, both of which made me feel very self-conscious at various times. It's taken a lot of conscious effort to not be bothered by what other people might think, but it still surfaces every now and then. A lot of it has to do with the way media is geared towards wanting women to look a certain way. Even celebrities aren't allowed to age or put on weight without someone picking on it. And as Mr TJ pointed out, men can struggle too. 

    But as a man, there's a lot you can do! I found that I gained a lot of confidence when my bf told me simply that I'm beautiful, and it was so unsolicited and so unexpected that it made me feel so much more certain about myself. Don't just say that you like them the way they are, tell them that you actually think they're beautiful.

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    Lil_Red_Kinkyboots [sign in to see picture]
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    Willc - if only it was that simple I too suffer/have suffered with ed and it surprisingly isn't all about body image although it is linked it is more to do with control or lack of. It has nothing to do with how others see us but all about how we see ourselves. There is a whole lot more to it if only it was as simple as wanting others to find us attractive and accepting that others do ☹️

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    WillC [sign in to see picture]
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    I don`t claim that it`s simple,it just seems to be a mostly a female foible,when i was younger i didn`t like aspects of my appearance,i have grown to accept that which i cannot change,i have a gorgeous wife who loves me.My gorgeous wife has very low body confidence,despite me constantly assuring her that she is gorgeous.That is what frustrates me!

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