• Women learning to masturbate later in life?

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    EngAz [sign in to see picture]
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    Ladies - What age did you discover masturbation? My wife is 35 and has never done it. I've hinted that I would like her to learn as a way to help us as a couple. Amy suggestions for encouragement?

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    I was a lot younger than 35 - in my teens probably, no toys just me.

    I would say if she isn't interested don't try to force the issue, it is far less likely to happen if you do xxx

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    [suspended user]

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    Its not that uncommon suggest to her you'd find it very erotic. Shes very sexy you'd love to watch her show herself off to you..

    Be gentle , nice and complimentary about her body helping her to build up her confidence.

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    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    lovingnewtoys wrote:

    I was a lot younger than 35 - in my teens probably, no toys just me.

    I would say if she isn't interested don't try to force the issue, it is far less likely to happen if you do xxx

    +1

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    EngAz [sign in to see picture]
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    You say don't force the issue, but if I do nothing it won't change. I'm trying to improve our sex life and virtually every female friendly site indicates that this is step 1.

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    If you do force it, she may grow to resent you. Feeling pressured into doing something, regardless of what it is, is not a nice feeling. Being pressured to do something of a sexual nature can feel like a huge violation. If she starts to feel that way, you risk making her extremely uncomfortable and resistant within all areas of sex.

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    NatandTom wrote:

    If you do force it, she may grow to resent you. Feeling pressured into doing something, regardless of what it is, is not a nice feeling. Being pressured to do something of a sexual nature can feel like a huge violation. If she starts to feel that way, you risk making her extremely uncomfortable and resistant within all areas of sex.

    +1

    I was just about to reply but you said it for me xxx

    Of course you know your wife better than any of us so are in a much better position to gauge what her reaction would be.

    Just consider her feelings in all this xxx

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    EngAz [sign in to see picture]
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    Not that I'm ungrateful for your replies, you took the time to read think and reply. However, I have tried 'doing nothing' and it clearly isn't working.

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    There is always the option of looking through the LH site together and see if any things sparks an interest xxx

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm not saying do nothing, but do be cautious of pressuring the issue. If it's something she shoots down whenever it's mentioned, it sounds like she's made her decision and it won't change anytime soon. If it's something she seems unsure of, then it may be a possibility.

    Has she ever spoken about why she doesn't masturbate?

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    VioletWolf [sign in to see picture]
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    Ask her why she doesn't. Sometimes it's deep rooted - maybe it was a taboo in her household, maybe she thinks she can't own her own body, maybe she's left it so long she doesn't know where to start now. Find the root of the problem, then look for a solution 👍🏻 Just remember sometimes these things can take time, if she's adamant she doesn't want to do it then that's her choice and you just have to deal with it.

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    EngAz [sign in to see picture]
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    In the past when it's come up she says she had never felt the need to do it. I strongly suspect it is family background and religion that are the culprits here. A little info: Neither of us have ever slept with anyone else and her parents are quite religious and conservative. After 12 years of marriage and 2 kids you would think this wouldn't be a problem, but it seems deeply rooted. Really I want to be able to please her and if she doesn't know how to please herself how am I supposed to help?

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    OK - has she ever suggested that you don't please her then?

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    EngAz [sign in to see picture]
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    No, I want to grow and experiment based on my internet travels and am more than ready to explore. I'm also somewhat tired of just PIV sex, it's all quite vanilla. In all honesty I'd say her last orgasm was about 10 years ago. Whether she says anything or not as a partner that can hurt the ego.

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    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    EngAz wrote:

    No, I want to grow and experiment based on my internet travels and am more than ready to explore. I'm also somewhat tired of just PIV sex, it's all quite vanilla. In all honesty I'd say her last orgasm was about 10 years ago. Whether she says anything or not as a partner that can hurt the ego.

    I understand that could affect your ego, and could and by the sounds of it has become frustrating for you.

    It's very difficult to advise when you don't know the person involved.

    When you say 'internet travels' has your wife been part of this? Or is this something you have been experiencing on your own?

    I do think she should have a look through the LH site as I am pretty sure there will be some things that stir her curiosity, I know it worked for me, and it's such an easy site to navigate through, and in no way intimidating or 'seedy' if that is something she is worried about.

    Xxx

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    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    It's certainly plausible that religion and upbringing are the root cause. If she was introduced to masturbating under the impression that it's dirty and wrong, that can be quite hard to challenge. My partner has an overtly religious mother, who was upset when she discovered he'd masturbated as a teen and wouldn't even discuss the idea of it with him, which lead to him feeling some shame and guilt. It has taken lots of reassurance from others to ensure him that there's absolutely nothing wrong or sinful about it.

    Reassurance, patience and communication are your best bets to starting a more fulfilled sex life

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    Captain Cave Man [sign in to see picture]
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    Masterbate together, touch each other to turn each other on and enjoy the moment. Watching my wife masterbate is a hugh turn on.....tell your wife that you are turned on by her doing it and she will become more comfortable doing it in front of you.

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    SmokingHotLove [sign in to see picture]
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    It sounds like even the mention of pleasuring herself fills her with complete embarrassment and almost disgust! As you mentioned she is from a religious family and I suspect something (so natural to most) as simple as self exploration has been, for her almost classed as "dirty" or "sinful" and something she should not do. You're in a difficult situation trying to convince her to try something that goes against her beliefs.

    Personally I experimented in my early teens and it just came naturally. I enjoyed it so continued as and when the need took me.

    One thing I will advise is (like others) do not pressure her into something she is clearly not comfortable with, just because you think it's the right way to go. This needs to be her decision and she needs to do it out of curiousity and not just to please you, as it will be forced and not enjoyable.

    Masturbation is such a natural act and should be an experiment of finding out what your body enjoys. Not a forced, pressured into for someone else needs experience. Gentle coaxing, suggestions are more likely to put the thought in her head, rather than peer pressure.

    One last thing, how are you 100% sure that she isn't already doing it and out of embarrassment for her can't tell you????

    If she hasn't, such a shame for her to be missing out!

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    Katie79 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi.

    It's not unusual for her to have reached 35 and to have either not tried masterbation or at least to not admit to it.
    I don't come from a religious family but we weren't an open family either and sex was never spoken about.
    I had sexual partners throughout my teens and 20's but mostly short relationships with very 'vanilla' sex.
    Although I tried masterbation privately on occasions I had no idea what I was doing and never achieved any satisfaction. So I didn't persevere with it.
    Having spent the past 4yrs single it's something I've worked on more, internet videos, forums etc. and eventually I worked out what worked for me.
    So I would say only now, at the age of 37, have I mastered the art and gained the confidence with it. I know I have the confidence to take this 'skill' into a future relationship.
    So I would say it's never to late to learn. But confidence and need play a big part. And perhaps that's what you need to work on for now. Rome wasn't built in a day.

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    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
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    Ok I hope this helps, you seem pretty defensive but as someone who grew up religious I did not get comfortable with toys and masturbation until I got older. BUT I had to get there on my own, if I had a partner pressuring me I know I would have got resentful towards him.,

    Take a step back... Is sex even important to her? Obviously it is important to you but she may see it as only something you do to have babies. If that is the case you need to speak to her why intacmy in general is important to you and how you want to express your desires WITH her,

    If you start to bring up watching porn, reading online stuff, etc she will get defenisve and upset most likely.

    If you are looking to introduce toys I would consider things like massage oil / massage candals and expand on your sexual sessions as they are today but introduce more foreplay and extend the time you are together. A massager or wand is also a non threatening toy that can be introduced as a simple massager for shoulders, lower back, etc. but can definately be used on her clit for serious external stimulatuion.

    She may also not have confidence in her body post babies, have low hormonal levels or depression that can affect her sex drive in general. Massage and extended foreplay can help her feel more desired as well if you can start there slowly.

    Will she allow you to manually stimulate her with your fingers? If she sees you doing it and pleasing her she may be more open to touching hersel fin the future...

    those are my immediate brainstorms.

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