1. Husband has gone off sex.

    Dirtyqueen [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi guys.

    I really need help, my husband has lost his sexless drive and I'm really struggling! We have discussed it and he gave me reasons, none of them that I can change but the trouble is my sexless drive hasn't gone and I still need it!!

    Any advice for me?


    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    Firstly do not blame yourself. So many women think that they are not desirable any more or even think they are doing something wrong. This just is not true.

    Some men's sex drive does just drop I'm sorry to say.

    Indulge yourself here at lovehoney vet some great toys like a wand and rediscover your body.

    Keep talking to your husband try to encourage him to seek help either together or alone .

    I admire your honesty so much for posting here and hope you can resolve it soon.

    Lovehoney - Sparkle [sign in to see picture]
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    Gentle Giant is right, there is no need to blame yourself. As humans our sex drives do come and go and there are a lot of reasons why really. Big life events, medications, or just our general feelings.

    Communication is always key and if you do feel like it is a serious issue, talking to a doctor can definitely help. If you are not able to change the reasons (it is hard to say as I don't know the reasons) maybe time will be the best option currently.

    Maybe it's a good time to treat yourself to some Lovehoney goodies for yourself, there is plenty out there which can help!

    Best of luck x

    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    Medication is possible cause, take a look at forums for any drugs he;s on and do a search on them for sexual compatability you might find something to discuss with your GP there, some Anti-depressents are notoriously repressive in the sex drive department.

    PS there's a word of hope for you here, I was in a state of non-sexual interest for almost 2 decades, not anymore

    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    If he's given you reasons, then I think you should give him some time to work on those things. I understand that it can be difficult for you, but he's probably having it rough too. Whilst he's having that time there's masturbation and so many different toys available to get you through!

    testrider [sign in to see picture]
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    thats horrible news im really sorry to hear it. how about introducing a third party ? either male or female just a thought but it could be opening a whole new can of worms.
    keep us posted and if theres anything I can help you with please ask

    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
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    +1 Nat

    cobra1987 [sign in to see picture]
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    I am sorry to hear that also. I don't believe his sex drive is dead i think you need to spark it back to life. Its not your fault so don't blame yourself. I think you need to find out how to put the spark back in sex drive. Their some idea try to mebe wear sexy clothes or try to play foreplay with him. I am not sure in what to recommend as you know your husband best so I am sure you can put his spark back in sex drive. Keep working on him and don't give up and don't surrender.

    Pomlady [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi dirtyqueen I was on ssri's for over 20 years and my hubby and I didn't have sex a lot but it was lucky my hubby has never had a high sex drive but since I have come off these now my sex drive is very high so I use sex toys and masturbation during the times my hubby is not up for it he enjoys watching me masterbating and that can get him going he has bought me sex toys as he knows my sex drive is high I am always open with him about using my toys and masterbating myself. My husband suffers with ED he takes a tablet once a week so we can have sex then the rest of the time we play with each other or bring ourselves to orgasm together. I use my toys mostly twice a day to orgasm I know it's not like having the real thing but sometimes I prefer to orgasm with my toys as I don't feel rushed so I would buy yourself some toys and have a good sex life with them even suggest to your husband if he would like to watch you that could get him going like it does my husband

    kittencub [sign in to see picture]
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    We both have health issues, it took a lot of talking to get where we are today, Hubby loves me and told me yesterday I always look stunning, I'd brought a dress, sex doesn't happen now very often it has been hard but toys help, if wanted, meds are the reason also FND, if that's the cause. Me it's arthritis again if diagnosed. Buy pretty underwear for yourself hugs, sorry not putting this well today.

    ShannonMarlene [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sorry to hear about that.

    Most importantly, as everyone has said, don't blame yourself. There's so many reasons for short term loss of libido, from stress at work to age to health. The most useful thing you can do is keep that communication going and be patient with him. It's probably just as horrible for him too, feeling like he isn't standing up to the plate.

    scarab9 [sign in to see picture]
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    One thing to add,
    It can be very stressful feeling like you're expected to perform, or that you can't, and the pressure to do so can make things worse.
    Try focusing on intamacy and the romance side of the relationship for a while with no expectations for it to lead to sex. You'll quite possibly find the sex comes naturally from there.
    Other than that, communication, honesty, understanding. It's not unusual for sex drives to go up and down now and then

    justanotherlover [sign in to see picture]
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    I would agree with everyone above though in saying that you should not shoulder any blame for this at all!
    Honestly one of the best things you might be able to do is to try to let him lead. He might feel like the pressure to have to perform could be making him shy away from it. Stress in these situations is difficult to avoid but it might be contributing to part of his loss of libido. Just try focusing on the relationship as a whole for a few weeks or so and see if that lack of pressure helps. It may be stress from areas of his life that he doesn't realise are causing it. If not try a change of scenery and see if that helps.

    Quiet ones are worse! [sign in to see picture]
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    I got married to my wife at 30, the only person I've slept with, I'm way less horny now at 50 than I used to be, and its only age thats a factor, so if he says its his age BELEIVE him, to a degree.

    Ads:-) [sign in to see picture]
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    I've not a sex with my wife for a while due to her mental health issues and some physical issues it's tough you have my sypathies. ... what you doing later ? ... that was a joke btw x

    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
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    Ads:-) wrote:

    I've not a sex with my wife for a while due to her mental health issues and some physical issues it's tough you have my sypathies. ... what you doing later ? ... that was a joke btw x

    Ads in relation to your thread I have to step in here. If you cheat on your wife who is already struggling with mental health issues then you would just be really out of order. Finding out her husband cheated on her (truth always comes out) i cannot imagine how much that would exacerbate her already damaged mental health. You just simply cannot do that to her. As i said, communicate.

    Also this is not a dating/hook up/swingers/etc forum. I know you said it was a joke, but its still against the rules. Take a look at the forum rules and I hope your situation gets better.

    Dirty queen - Invest in some toys that can see you through this patch, give him time and space. good luck.

    Ads:-) [sign in to see picture]
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    Good points well made squirty

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