• Help - struggling to have sex

    1481639518
    good at being bad [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 12 Dec 2016

    Hi,

    This is the first time I've been on this forum despite using love honey many times. I'm just desperate for help from anyone who has ideas on how to improve my sex life, or from anyone who's been through the same thing.

    I've always enjoyed sex and considered it to be a normal and healthy part of a relationship. However for over a year now I've been unable to have penetrative sex. I do not loosen up or get wet, and so vaginal penetration is incredibly painful and difficult. (Anal is also a no but for other reasons).

    I have been to the doctors who say it is a normal side effect of the very strong medication I have to take daily. I have no option to come off the medication or change to a different type, so I worry this is going to continue for the rest of my life. All the docs /nurses suggest is to use lube. This doesn't help with the tightness though (I don't expand at all so anything more than the very tip in and it hurts inside and feels like it's pushing into something) and my OH finds lots of lube makes him go floppy.

    There are of course other things we can do but after a year of oral/hands it's getting rather samey. Plus we're regularly going 2/3 weeks without doing anything which was never previously normal for us and not something I'm happy with. I just feel guilty initiating sex when I know I can't go through with normal intercourse, and my OH would rather leave me to initiate as he knows how upset I get about the whole situation. So we end up laying next to each other in bed both wishing the other one would start something and thinking there's something wrong when they don't.

    I don't know what to do. If I can't find a way to have full penetrative sex then I still want to have a regular, fulfilling and varied sex life. If anyone has any ideas with either I'd be very happy. I just feel so upset about it. My partners been so understanding but I just feel a failure that I can't manage to do something so normal. My friends tell me to just ignore the pain for his sake but it's agony. Plus I want to enjoy sex too!

    Sorry for going on but any advice or tips would be great.

    1481640037
    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    Hi and welcome 😀

    First of all, don't listen to the "advice" from your friends. Ignoring or putting up with pain should never be recommended, especially during sex. It's supposed to be an enjoyable activity for both parties, not just something you do for "his sake" and I'm glad you feel that way too.

    Secondly, have you been told about or looked into dilators? They are often used by people suffering with medical conditions such as vaginismus and can help greatly in the quest for pentrative play. This may be an option for you. Here's an example: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=37119

    Thirdly, what about external play with sex toys? This makes a change from just using hands and as there are so many different types of vibrators to experiment with, there will definitely be some variety. I don't know what types of things you're into so my advice is limited but I'm sure there will plenty of suggestions to follow.

    1481641470
    Eager-2-Please [sign in to see picture]
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    (Anal is also a no but for other reasons).

    Are these reasons as difficult to tackle/solve as your vaginal issue?

    My friends tell me to just ignore the pain for his sake but it's agony.

    I think you need new friends. I mean, wow, really?

    1481642523
    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6063
    • Joined: 18 Dec 2007

    NatandTom wrote:

    Hi and welcome 😀

    First of all, don't listen to the "advice" from your friends. Ignoring or putting up with pain should never be recommended, especially during sex. It's supposed to be an enjoyable activity for both parties, not just something you do for "his sake" and I'm glad you feel that way too.

    Secondly, have you been told about or looked into dilators? They are often used by people suffering with medical conditions such as vaginismus and can help greatly in the quest for pentrative play. This may be an option for you. Here's an example: http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=37119

    Thirdly, what about external play with sex toys? This makes a change from just using hands and as there are so many different types of vibrators to experiment with, there will definitely be some variety. I don't know what types of things you're into so my advice is limited but I'm sure there will plenty of suggestions to follow.

    +1 Some great advice here xx

    1481642584
    good at being bad [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 12 Dec 2016

    Thanks for the comments.

    No I had only seen Anal dilators before NatandTom so they are definitely worth looking into. Thank you for that.

    Vibrators is a good point. We have used them before but not for a while so I think it's time to update my collection.

    My OH has never been experimental before so I find it hard to introduce him to anything too different or out there but I'm happy to try pretty much anything. Only issue is not having a lot of money to spend on things like toys & equipment as currently trying to buy our first place. Doubt the stress of that's helping with the whole situation either lol.

    Eager-2-Please the main issue with Anal is I get a lot of haemorrhoids. Sexy I know 😂 Neither of us were that keen on it before though but probably worth trying again. We were probably just doing it wrong as he never seemed to be able to get it in very well. His cock would just bend when he tried to push it in. Would using a butt plug before to open my ass up help this do you think?

    Also anyone got any ideas where I can find new friends, it's a good point 😂😂😂

    1481643690
    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    +1 to NatandTom, those dilators are definitely worth looking in to. They are often used to treat vaginismus (involuntary tightening of the vagina). Did your doctor mention anything about vaginismus to you?

    I have had similar symptoms to what you describe when taking hormonal contraception and after giving birth whilst breastfeeding. I know that some medications like antidepressants can have an effect too. Hopefully with a change of medication you might see some improvement. :)

    You definitely shouldn't have to put up with the pain for your partners sake. I think there's something wrong with any man who would willingly allow someone they love to be in agony for their own pleasure (unless it's part of a consensual BDSM role play!), so I doubt your partner would even want you to do that. If I'm in pain my partner can tell and he stops sex right away as neither of us can enjoy it.

    If you are still having issues do go back and see your GP. I find that some doctors don't care much about women's sexual issues but it IS important and you deserve to find answers, and hopefully solutions.

    1481645900
    lovingnewtoys [sign in to see picture]
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    Nothing really to add to the great advice you have already received - so, welcome to the forums and hope you get this sorted xxx

    1481655227
    Tiger Dick [sign in to see picture]
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    good at being bad wrote:

    Hi,

    I have been to the doctors who say it is a normal side effect of the very strong medication I have to take daily. I have no option to come off the medication or change to a different type, so I worry this is going to continue for the rest of my life. All the docs /nurses suggest is to use lube. This doesn't help with the tightness though (I don't expand at all so anything more than the very tip in and it hurts inside and feels like it's pushing into something) and my OH finds lots of lube makes him go floppy.

    Sorry for going on but any advice or tips would be great.

    A couple of things spring to mind here.

    Firstly the meds, this is where you need to do some self research, and look at alternatives. Generally there tends to be many forums dedicated to various drugs. This was the basis from moving on from where I spent the best part of this century and the end of the last, to a better place in the past few months.

    The second is ask to be refered to a gynocologist, again do a bit of research here and if you find one that fits the bill ask for them specifically with your GP.

    Its tough I know, but hang in there, there is plenty of support here free of judgement and hopefully somebody whose had similar issues to you (and over-come this) can offer you a step in the right direction sooner rather than later.

    And on that note I welcome you to the community and hope you stick around and benefit eventually from fulfilment in your lovelife.

    1481667685
    cobra1987 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 170
    • Joined: 1 Dec 2013

    He has maid a very good point here also look at some sex toys. I know its hard but stick in there a solution will come up ones you look for gynocologist and lets see what he said.

    Don't give up hope and stay strong and if you needs any more help reply back to post and we are all here to support you. Their as been some good suggesting here.

    Tiger Dick wrote:

    good at being bad wrote:

    Hi,

    I have been to the doctors who say it is a normal side effect of the very strong medication I have to take daily. I have no option to come off the medication or change to a different type, so I worry this is going to continue for the rest of my life. All the docs /nurses suggest is to use lube. This doesn't help with the tightness though (I don't expand at all so anything more than the very tip in and it hurts inside and feels like it's pushing into something) and my OH finds lots of lube makes him go floppy.

    Sorry for going on but any advice or tips would be great.

    A couple of things spring to mind here.

    Firstly the meds, this is where you need to do some self research, and look at alternatives. Generally there tends to be many forums dedicated to various drugs. This was the basis from moving on from where I spent the best part of this century and the end of the last, to a better place in the past few months.

    The second is ask to be refered to a gynocologist, again do a bit of research here and if you find one that fits the bill ask for them specifically with your GP.

    Its tough I know, but hang in there, there is plenty of support here free of judgement and hopefully somebody whose had similar issues to you (and over-come this) can offer you a step in the right direction sooner rather than later.

    And on that note I welcome you to the community and hope you stick around and benefit eventually from fulfilment in your lovelife.

    1481670235
    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3514
    • Joined: 29 Feb 2016

    Here's another set of dilators :)
    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35782

    I would recommend you to go back to your GP for you to be referred to a gynaecologist. Sometimes doctors can be wrong and it might be something else than your medication causing this. It might be a combination of your medication and some other issue. I think you should follow this up because you should not be putting up with pain. Please look into it, most doctors care a lot about their patients and want the best for them.

    1481759509
    good at being bad [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 12 Dec 2016

    Thank you very much for the great advice and comments everyone. I'll definitely go back and speak to my doctor again and I will definitely look into those dilators and I'll let everyone know how it goes. Just having a couple of options to pursue makes me feel much more positive so very grateful 😊

    1481760085
    MattB [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
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    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    good at being bad wrote:

    Would using a butt plug before to open my ass up help this do you think?

    Definitely!

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