I get what you're saying Gyrator, but in spite of the anonymity on here I’m not willing to ‘share’ the personal circumstances of what the catalyst was for my wife suddenly stealing my car and wandering off into the distance with it only to send me a “I’m leaving you” text.
Suffice to say, there was a hell of a lot of misdirected anger at me for certain circumstances and events beyond my control.
For around 3 months, we spoke on the phone every night and we did talk things through.
Purely from my own point of view, in hind sight I did have fun. I didn’t get the “looks” when I came home with a takeaway, I didn’t get the “look” if I did something really stupid, (as I often do), I was able to be myself which in essence is not a nice person but a decent person with morals and standards I set myself. Basically I was a nice guy who’d do anything for anyone but cross me and I would unscrew your head without any hesitation.
At that time, I had my own space, I could come and go as I pleased. I had more money in my pocket, (I ALWAYS had at least £300 in my wallet and most of my credit cards were paid off), and I lived how I saw fit.
I had no strings, no ties, no obligations. I worked when I liked, I went out when I liked, I saw who I liked and I had a social life. I was seeing two women, as I say I couldn’t keep up with one sexually and I had the feeling there was a working away husband somewhere in the background. The other wasn’t that great if I’m honest in or out of the sack. Yeah she was nice to look at but required so much maintenance and attention, I felt drained after spending a weekend with her. To be brutally honest she was the “back up” for when ‘girlfriend No. 1” wasn’t available.
Such a statement may make me look a real barsteward and a complete twonk but hey! What am I gonna do? Lie? Sorry but that’s not me, I’ve always had an honesty policy.
These days I’m more or less perpetually skint, the cards are on their limits and I’m working to keep our heads above water.
So after reading the above the one question that may be asked is why the hell I got back together with my wife when life had improved so much for me without her?
Well it’s simple really, I didn’t choose to fall in love with her and I can’t help loving her to bits. While my wife is not exactly what you would call slim, for whatever reason whenever she starts getting undressed for bed I always feel like a kid at Christmas opening his presents. Many may wonder what the hell I see in her, if I could tell you that I’d be astonished because even I don’t know what it is.
All I do know is she’s the woman I want to live with, grow old with and die with. She is my best friend, my lover, my wife, my soul mate and my whole world.
Both the women I was with last year were younger, slimmer and prettier than my wife, (I have to confess I was astounded I managed to pull ‘girlfriend No. 1 because she really was a stunner), but when I was with them I wanted them to be my wife not who they are/were.
I have no concept of what the driving force is behind the feelings I have for my wife but I cannot fight it no matter how hard I try.
While to others the answer to something would be “Get stuffed” to her I cannot say no. Yes I realise this is probably borderline obsession on some levels and I could probably use a really good therapist but still with my wife I’m happy. I can’t explain why I’m happy or what’s making me happy I just know I am.
I’ve made a number of sacrifices to be with my wife, the main one being I was offered a job doing what I used to do almost 30 years ago where I would get to travel the world and I would be paid £2k a day for my ‘services’ but I chose my wife over that.
I’ve made a choice to be in debt, to give up my social life, to work hard and make a huge effort over the option of a very easy life where money would be no object and I could go out power drinking with my mates, (who I rarely see since I’ve had to move more than 150 miles away from them), and try my luck with anything in a skirt.
Don’t get me wrong, the job is there any time I would like it and all I have to do is make a phone call then within 24 hours I’d be in some far away location doing my thing. BUT I’ve made the choice I know and feel is right for me because being with her just feels right. Everything feels wrong without her even though on the face of it, things seemed better.
Sorry for the rambling here, but there is a certain degree of cathartic therapy in writing this stuff down and getting some feedback on it. I’ll finish now by saying my ‘drive’ isn’t wanting something I can’t have as I have what I truly want, I just want it to be better.
I guess what I'm ultimately looking for is hints, tips, suggestions to make that spark again and entice the enthusiasm back into our sex life ad exit the rut it's currently in.