• Love life was dead before it started. Any help?

    1262974328
    Columbus [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 403
    • Joined: 19 Aug 2009

    Ooo hugs for her!! Now's the time to do your knight in shining armour routine though and give her some TLC

    1262976038
    shadowking [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 28 Jan 2007

    it was about 4 months ago and i certainly tried. Took the day of work to wait on her hand and foot so to speak...

    1262980077
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 1265
    • Joined: 22 Aug 2009

    spankmebaby wrote:

    If she has a mirena coil fitted, be aware that one of the biggest ( and unadvised by the medcal profession ) side effects is total loss of libido.

    Wow! I have a Mirena coil fitted and my libido is STILL through the roof...I dread to think what it would be like without it!

    I think there's different contraceptions to suit different people at different times of their lives. I have had the coil for 6 years and never had a problem with it but that's not to say it would be good for everyone. I think the best thing to do is go to the GP or GUM clinic and just have a chat and maybe a trial till you find one that suits you.

    xxKPxx

    1262994670
    shadowking [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 28 Jan 2007

    I really don't think the contraceptives are the problem. She was on the pill for years with lengthy periods of no contraception. It did not affect her sex drive in anyway. The fundamental problem has not changed regardless of method.

    1263033584
    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1796
    • Joined: 1 Dec 2008

    Shadowking dude. I feel for you mate. No matter what anyone suggests seems to be not going to work. It maybe something you've just got to live with and it's the way she is, it's only a problem for you and not for her as that's the norm for her. Is she happy with the way things are now? If yes, why would she want to change? As bad as this may sound but sexually you don't seem to be compatible at all.

    I wish you all the luck in the world fella.

    SG69

    1267404951
    shadowking [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 28 Jan 2007

    Folks many of you have posted great ideas and advice to me a few weeks ago. I just want to say thanks to you all.

    We sat down about a month ago and talked over our issues for about 4 hours and we have resolved some of the more significant ones over the last month or so. Things are not prefect but we are making good steps to resolve our problems. I can thank you folks enough as some of your advice was right on the money. We have a way to go but things are most definitely improving!!!

    Cheers people

    Shandowking

    1267419140
    SEXYGET 69 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1796
    • Joined: 1 Dec 2008

    Nice one SK *thumbs up!* SG

    1267436805
    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 526
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2009

    Shadowking thanks for letting us know how you are getting on. It's nice to hear that you are both working through things. I hope that it continues. Good luck with the future. x

    1267455636
    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 999
    • Joined: 12 Jan 2010

    Great to hear that, it's fantastic news. The best sex tip is always communication.

    1267459736
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1659
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    as i started to read this thread, it began to sound very familiar, and rang alarm bells for me. the fear of getting drunk, and loosing control, while drunk, not wanting to talk about what is wrong, as well as not wanting to feel sexy, and only allowing sex occasionally, or not at all, as in my case. they are all symptoms of someone who has been raped while feeling drunk.

    we blame ourselves think that we are to blame because we felt attractive at the time and so made them do it, and or we felt out of control and should have stopped it, if we hadn't have been intoxicated it wouldn't have happened therefore it was our own fault.

    to someone who hasn't experienced it this sounds like a stupid way to think, but it is what happens to the mind that causes all the damage.

    People don't like to talk about this subject, but it is the best way to combat the damage these bastards do.

    Glad i was wrong,,,,,, but this is a sore point for me (understatement of the century) if you have read some of my other posts you will know why.

    1267464518
    shadowking [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 28 Jan 2007

    Alone4ever: I have gone and read your other posts. No words will ever change what happened to you and nothing that is said will ever heal the wounds that were caused to you. I am truely sorry for what happened to you.

    Thankfully for me my issues with my wife where alot more straight forward and simple. When talking 2 main issued presented themselves:

    I discovered something that i would never have believed in a million years:

    The main issue (No. 1) that caused so much pain to me in our relationship was that my tall, sexy, beautiful wife had serious body issues with herself. I look at her everyday and think how lucky i am to have her and she looks at herself and see's something different to almost everyone else on the planet.

    Believe it or not this was solved relatively easily. I have a gym in work that i use 4 days a week but my wife does not have this Luxury. She and i have now both joined a local gym and train together after work most days.

    She has rediscovered a love for swimming and has become alot happier with herself almost immediately because she was able to do something about her body ( there is nothing wrong with it at ALL) other than going for a walk once or twice a week when i am off.

    The other issue (No. 2) is that my wife does not have any sexual imagination at all! Seriously!!! She has only ever had me for a sexual partner, has never read or seen pornography and only ever had one other boyfriend before i came along (She had lots of requests including 2 of my friends but alway politely declined). Again this has been relatively easy to solve:

    I asked if she would like to see some pornography and she politely declined. I did not force the issue and did not mention it again.

    I bought her a book: Sensational Sex by Dr Pam Spurr ( chosen with care: Female author, doctor, well respected in her field as these are all the things my wife would look for) and gave it to her as a present. To my delight she has read it and become a little more adventurous over the last month.

    I then tried something a bit out of my own comfort zone last week:

    I wrote down six different things i would like to try and a step by step guide on how to do them. Each is handwritten on nice paper and put into an envelop ( i didn't seal them but each looks a little like a wedding invitation type display (my wife can be quite arty and loves that kind of thing). i then put them together with a cover note into a nice package explaining that these are some of the things i would like us to try but only if she wanted to. It said that i would never mention them again unless she did first and i hoped for the best. I bought her some flowers and gave her the note and the flowers. She read the cover note and said she would have a read.

    30 minutes later i was greeted by my wife walking into the living room in her sexiest underwear and dragging me off to the bedroom. She loved her "instructions". We are now 2 down and 4 to go. 2 months ago sex twice a week hadn't happened since our honeymoon!

    There were a few other issues that came out that we are still working on but i thought it best to let everyone know how it went and also what i did to correct my problems.

    Cheers Folks

    Footnote to Columbus: Your previous post on massage was the 1st one on the list we tried but in a slightly different variation. Thankyou!

    1267465564
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1659
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    well done you, I am so happy to see your words describing your success i am sure now you will have a long and very happy marriage, and lots of bliss full sex.

    words cannot describe the joy i felt when i reached the end of the thread, such relief only usually comes in those first moments after one has just orgasmed.

    hope you have got a great sexual imagination, and your wife continues to take your lead. the letters thing was inspired. if you get stuck anytime, just ask, i have had 25 years to think of all the ways i would pleasure a woman should i ever be able to, or indeed get the chance. its all DIY these days even gay mates find mr right and leave you alone, and too right they should.

    1267494814
    sexy little minx [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 526
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2009

    Shadowking I know I posted earlier but had to post again just to WOW! It seems like you are really getting there, the letter idea was brilliant! Who knows in the future your wife might do the same for you one day. It was nice to hear what you did to try resolve the problems. Good luck for the future, both of you. x

    1268505021
    Ilovemyman [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 614
    • Joined: 7 Dec 2009

    That's fantastic, i'm so pleased for you! xx

    1269296143
    shadowking [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 28 Jan 2007

    She has just sent me a wish list! How cool is that!

    1269296448
    Tigerlilies [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 999
    • Joined: 12 Jan 2010

    shadowking wrote:

    She has just sent me a wish list! How cool is that!

    Fantastic! This wish list is a great tool to add to your communicating.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.