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  1. Problems ejaculating

    I wish xoxo [sign in to see picture]
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    I've thought about if this is the right place to talk about this, but thought what harm can it do?

    My OH has never ejaculated when we've had sex, it's a bit of a 'we don't talk about it subject' but I've tried occasionally but I think he's quite embarrassed about it.

    It's now having an impact on our sex life, I think this is one of the factors in my lack of confidence as well. Am I not good enough? Not doing something right?

    Anyone had any experience of this? Anything we can try to help?


    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
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    A few years ago I dated a guy that couldn't come during sex, he told me it was because he was nervous because he liked me so much. Maybe you OH is in a negative spiral, because not being able to come makes him nervous and his nervousness makes it even harder to come.

    It does not have anything to do with your attractiveness, so don't worry about that.


    [suspended user]

    suspended user
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    Sorry to ask but is he circumcised?

    This can chase sensitivity issues

    lambie123 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm at the other end of the scale and cum too quick, fortunately there's a spray for that. I'm not sure if there is for your hubby. My problem is I get excited too quickly I think.
    Don't get me wrong i wouldn't say you don't excite him but is it just intercourse he cant cum? How about oral, wanking to porn or you giving him a hand job? Has he been to the doctors. My opinion would be its a physical condition rather than a phycological one so the doc would be my first port of call.
    Sorry I can't be more help.

    I wish xoxo [sign in to see picture]
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    No he's not circumcised.

    Thanks for all the advice, I'm sure it will come with time and maybe a wee trip to the doc's if things haven't improved in time.

    WillC [sign in to see picture]
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    How old is he? As you get older,it sometimes gets harder to cum on demand,alcohol can affect it too.As long as he`s happy and he makes you come don`t let it matter! If you make an issue of it,it will make things worse!

    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    During the start of our relationship, my partner rarely came through sex. He was really nervous for the first few months, as he's quite reserved generally and puts a lot of pressure on himself to be good at things, which gets to him. It's been about a year since this happened and it's got much better, but it still affects him from time to time where he can't get it out of his head and puts too much pressure on himself to perform. I've found distraction, patience and reassurance is key to working through it!

    matnem [sign in to see picture]
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    As a guy, there is an insane amount of pressure to "perform". I too "suffered" from not being able to cum for my partners. (Quotes around suffered, because it turned out - it was all in my head!). It frequently turned weird and akward and my previous partners would ask the same questions you are. Truth be told, yes - I have had a number of abusive partners (despite normally being the dominant one in the relationship) this has messed up my head.

    In all honesty though, it comes down to this - I LOOOOVE sex. Cumming means sex is (usually) over. So I don't. sometimes I want to, but I can't. Usually a "quickie" is a 30 min session. A session is usually over an hour. I'm used to stopping because my SO has worn herself out!

    Stuff that helps:

    Not making it a big deal. (Then suddenly it isnt)

    Talking about how great sex was afterwards (also the bits that weren't great)

    Lots of hands on foreplay

    Allow him to live out some of his fantasies (this may simply be holding you in a certain way)

    Going on a forced break (keep the sex, ejaculation not allowed, pants stay on. No masturbation)

    Bum stuff ;) (honestly)


    Porn breaks (ie a break from porn, not a porn holiday!)

    Not needing to cum inside my partner (even with a condom - a previous relationship turned this into a massive head fuck. When my SO and I started talking about it, she was like "I don't care if you come inside me or just, Come on me!)

    I'll add other advice when I think of it!

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