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  1. Being shared by my partner

    1481885153
    Justin_Sydew [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 6 Oct 2015

    Hmmm, I think some people view this in a bit of a narrow way, granted no one should do things they're not comfortable with regadless. Based on my limited experience many of my friends openly admit that even though they love their wife and don't want to leave her, they also cheat and for many people cheating isn't necessarily about the other person but whatever is going on with the cheater or their lack of control of their desires. I think this is so prevelent that I actually think people should be more open about what they need in their sexual life. To that point, I had a very open disccusion with my OH that I am just not a monogomous person. One woman has never ever been enough for me sexually no matter how much great sex we have and I wanted her to work with me to figure out how can we stay together with that realisation. It is a work in progress. We started swinging a bit and it absolutely helps so we'll see how it goes but to be perfectly honest: I dread the thought of leaving her and she makes me very happy however if she totally closed her mind to sharing, I would have just cheated so sharing likely saved our relationship. I recognise this won't work for everyone though, just giving another perspective.

    P.S. Yes I am fine sharing her also as she has desires that need to get out

    1481887838
    Jezebella [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 513
    • Joined: 7 Jun 2015

    Justin_Sydew wrote:

    Hmmm, I think some people view this in a bit of a narrow way, granted no one should do things they're not comfortable with regadless. Based on my limited experience many of my friends openly admit that even though they love their wife and don't want to leave her, they also cheat and for many people cheating isn't necessarily about the other person but whatever is going on with the cheater or their lack of control of their desires. I think this is so prevelent that I actually think people should be more open about what they need in their sexual life. To that point, I had a very open disccusion with my OH that I am just not a monogomous person. One woman has never ever been enough for me sexually no matter how much great sex we have and I wanted her to work with me to figure out how can we stay together with that realisation. It is a work in progress. We started swinging a bit and it absolutely helps so we'll see how it goes but to be perfectly honest: I dread the thought of leaving her and she makes me very happy however if she totally closed her mind to sharing, I would have just cheated so sharing likely saved our relationship. I recognise this won't work for everyone though, just giving another perspective.

    P.S. Yes I am fine sharing her also as she has desires that need to get out

    Me and my husband are polyamorous, or openly non monogomous (whatever you want to call it, these terms don't really capture the complexity or individuality of relationships), so it can happen and be a functional relationship. We have always been this way, and honest about it from the very start of our relationship. I was like you and found monogomy didn't really work for me. My best advice would be to communicate honestly and often with your partner. Find out how they truly feel and the best way to make them feel secure in the relationship. Set rules and boundaries that you both agree on. For us we have obvious rules like no sex without condoms, and more complex ones about the amount of info we want to know (eg I want to know when he will be with other people, but that's it, I want no details). Most importantly, make sure you treat your partner with a lot of love and affection so she knows she is appreciated. Having said all that I know this lifestyle doesn't appeal to most people. I would respect anyone's decision to stop a relationship with me because of it. It can be hard but for me I think its a much more honest and happy way of living than what I used to do, which was cheat on people. I feel very lucky to have found a kindred spirit in my husband. I hope you've found this helpful. I wrote a blog piece on it too if you're interested in more of my particular story. There's lots of people blogging about ethical non monogomy / polyamory now which might have useful advice about communication and navigating multiple relationships.
    1481909602
    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1127
    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    I don't think that people are viewing the practice of sharing in a narrow way at all, they're voicing their opinion of what they feel and believe.

    Having been cheated on myself the thought of my OH being with someone else breaks my heart. In my view if you know a monogamous relationship doesn't work for you but sharing isnt what your OH wants then you should finish things not cheat.

    However that said if both parties are happy with the relationship then then should go for it.

    1481910420
    JayBee_x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
    • Posts: 67
    • Joined: 9 Mar 2013

    Personally I think a fantasy should stay as it is 😊 I certainly wouldn't share

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    Justin_Sydew [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 6
    • Joined: 6 Oct 2015

    @NaughtyNerd I agree for the most part, I'm more making a point about the fact that cheating is pretty common at least where I'm from. I obviously don't have stats but I wouldn't be surprised if at least 25% of marriages had an unfaithful member in its history. I'm speculating of course (based on anecdotes) but I wonder if for some of those people, they may deeply love their spouse but have other desires they feel compelled to satisfy. In which case they should of been open initially but most people would not risk losing their OH (yes it's selfish) so they keep that to themselves. I don't agree with cheating and it is immoral but based on this comment section and society I understand why SOME people might do it. I guess I was trying to convey to others that their spouse may just fall in this category and if you never have, you at least should be open to discussing it. Your position may remain the same but at least you know what you're working with. However if you think all people are suppose to be monogamous by default you haven't been paying attention to the world.

    Me personally I would much perfer a world where people would be more open to the idea that monogomy is just not for everyone as a perfectly acceptable way to live and thus can be discussed and worked out like Jezebella indicated. I think there would be a lot less hurt even if relationships end just as frequently.

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    NaughtyNerd [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 16 Aug 2016

    No one is supposed to be anything that they haven't chosen to be. I'm not that naive that I think we all live a cookie cutter life, every person and relationship is different and I'm all for that. The world would be a very boring place if everyone was the same.

    I completely agree that people and couples should be more open. It would save a lot of hurt in the long run I suspect. However a polygamous (or whatever term you wish to give) relationship is not for everyone in the same way a monogamus one isn't for you. Neither should be labelled as viewing the world in a narrow way for saying what they feel.

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    MattB [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 20 Jan 2014

    WildYoungScott94 wrote:

    A very big fantasy of my partners was to allow me to be shared , we now do it often ..! Do any other men fantasise of this or even do it?? Love other people's input

    I love the idea, although still not sure if my OH will ever go for it (although she does occasionally hint at the idea of a threesome)

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    Wrinkly [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 27 Feb 2013

    Great fantasy but too dangerous for our blood. Wouldn'the dream of fetching up the subject with my OH.

    1482186623
    Still at it at 50 plus [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Captain
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    • Joined: 30 Aug 2015

    You mean , sharing with your OH there, or out on your own with someone else

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    hornyleekbloke [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 165
    • Joined: 27 Dec 2012

    It's a great fantasy, but I'd always advise anyone to tread carefully.

    We've experienced this a few times in the past and it was great, but you have to be a bazillion percent sure of yourselves and your relationship.

    That being said, to quote Wayne (from Wayne's World) "Schwing!"

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    Saali [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 20 Dec 2016

    We were discussing the idea of another women i think it really turns us both on however I don't think any of us really have the guts to say let's do it
    The other thing would be where wouldyou find someone who was willing to participate in our fantasy

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    Shelland [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 28 Jan 2016

    Other half loves sharing me and I get to try new young men with oh watching. Great turn on for both of us.

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    gail and dai [sign in to see picture]
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    shellyboo wrote:

    I'd love it, and have discussed it with past partners - it's never happened though. I can see it happening in future, as a compatible partner for me would have to be open to group sex and being monogamish!my partner loved to see me with another women

    my better half loved me with another woman and she wants to do it again what fun it is

    1482460271
    gail and dai [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
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    • Joined: 22 Dec 2016

    my better half just told me she wants another 3 some so she gotta start looking happy days xxxx

    It's fun 

    **EDITED BY MODERATOR** 

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    InOrbit1971 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 19 Jun 2016

    My OH is adamant she would never want anyone joining us in bed, but she does say she would be VERY happy if I could find a way to clone myself a couple times. I suspect that will stay a fantasy though...

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    testrider [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 9 Oct 2014

    I fantasise about sharing my partner but I don't think I could go through with it. I'd get too jealous, but never say never!

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