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  1. How long have you gone without sex?

    1235643551
    Darth [sign in to see picture]
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    About 4 years, though the year before that I lived with my then-bf and it was frustratingly sparse. My libido was MUCH higher than his but he'd found a way to turn that back onto me - as it was obviously my fault for not being attractive enough.

    After I got out of that it was a drought because of not meeting the right guys and not having the confidence to do something about it. Once I was out of the relationship I noticed that my libido sort of went dormant - I must have gone months without so much as masturbating. Once sex was no longer on my mind so much (in frustration) it stopped featuring for a long time.

    Of course, when I met someone after that the libido came back with a veangance!

    1235647132
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    tallboy247 wrote:

    Lubyanka wrote:

    Since that was what I wanted, why would I need anything to compensate for that?

    Well l am guessing you would have had time to spend on other things Lubyanka, whether it was gazing whistfully into Kvetch's eyes across the dining table, to blog maintenance, macrame, jigsaws, knittin whatever.....not saying it was conscious, but there must have been something, and compensate as in replace!

    I've been thinking about this question, tallboy247. The question was bothering me, and it took me a little while to figure out what the problem was.

    I think that your question expressed your assumption that every person always needs sex, and without it, a person must require a replacement for or distraction from that need. And what bothered me was that this assumption, for me at that time, was incorrect.

    During the time I chose to be celibate, I didn't feel any need or desire for sex. I did not choose celibacy because I was suppressing, avoiding, or repressing any sexual needs. I chose celibacy because that was how I felt at the time.

    As a human being, I spend most of my time on activities other than sex. I eat, I sleep, I read, I write, I play music, I talk, I listen, I socialise. During my chosen time of celibacy, I did all of these things just as I had before. The only difference was that I didn't take time out from those activities to have sex.

    Asking me how I compensated for not having sex during that time felt to me sort of like asking me how do I compensate for not being 6 years old. I've previously experienced being 6 years old, and now I'm not anymore. That's it. I had previously had desires for and participated in sexual experiences, and during the time I was celibate I simply didn't anymore. That was all there was to it. I had no need nor want of any special compensation or distractions. I don't eat when I'm not hungry. I wasn't feeling sexual, so therefore I wasn't being sexual. If I'd wanted sex, I'd've had some, simple as that. I didn't, so I didn't. End of story. I find it interesting that you needed this explained.

    If I may make a personal observation, I've noticed that when a person wants something and they persistently don't get it, their desire for whatever it is grows and grows until ultimately, it occupies every waking thought. That state of affairs will continue until that desire is satisfied. I suspect that the reason you find it difficult to imagine being without your desire for sex, is because I suspect that your sexual desires have gone unsatisfied for a really long time.

    If that's true, I feel really bad for you. I think you might like to take note of the fact that your state of mind might possibly be distracting you from being able to appreciate that other people's outlook on sex and sexuality might differ to yours. You said there must have been something to compensate or replace sex in my life. Why must there have been something like that? Because for you, that's how it would have to be? Ok, that's cool. For me, that statement is not applicable.

    I hope that answered your question.

    1235672381
    tallboy247 [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes thanks Lubyanka, l fear l might be in even worse trouble than even you suppose though Lubyanka, and l fear it may be hereditary.

    TB

    1237317005
    donkey77 [sign in to see picture]
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    this a bit of the subject but would like advice i am a male 31 just been made redundent, and feel down like, have lost intreast in sex with the missus, money worries and that, but she thinks it her, and bless her trying everything to make it right between us, we had a very active sex life but no i do feel low and it hard parden the pun there, to be in the mood , i love her to bits and that we kiss and cuddle a lot but, i cant really relax propally, i keep telling her i love her and it just a phase i going through, b ut it is causeing tension any advice would be welcome thank you

    1237327077
    DanielleMarie [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 30 Sep 2008

    The longest I've gone was....about 4 months. Heh.

    1237470720
    Rocket Love [sign in to see picture]
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    right now, it has been 15 months.

    i get very frustrated about it sometimes, but in a way i dont care because I am waiting to meet someone who i can have a passionate, sexual relationship with. I am 22 years old, lost my virginity at 16, and afterwards I went a bit wild and had sex in a lift, telephone box and photo booth. Now my friends consider me a boring person.

    I don't want to go, get drunk and have a quick shag with a guy.

    Any suggestions?

    x x x x

    1237476060
    lustylou [sign in to see picture]
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    It varies but can be anything up to 6 months or so before my husband gives in to me. Then he wants it 3 or 4 times over a couple of days then nothing again for months

    1238442598
    wildkitty [sign in to see picture]
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    about 6 month of no sex or masturbathing just kissing and cuddling the worst 6 months of my life. the only good thing was the great sex after that the best sex i have ever had

    1238449609
    Spector [sign in to see picture]
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    Let's just say it's been several years for me... and annoyingly i'm stuck at 2nd base (kind of), although if things don't go to plan i may get some soon...

    but that's another story all together :)

    1238508805
    angelarwen [sign in to see picture]
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    About 6 months I think. Maybe a little longer. It's hard to judge as my boyfriend and I lived 200 miles apart for several years and only saw each other every few months. I think 6 months is the longest since we've been living together though, even though that's still pretty bad

    1238524991
    Zelda [sign in to see picture]
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    6 months, it didn't bother me at the time, now I've been with my current boyfriend I can't imagine going without sex for more than 2 weeks! We're both really busy and sometimes simply don't have time to do it. But after a couple of days I go a bit crazy and he'll usually give me what I want :P

    1238567246
    bbn [sign in to see picture]
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    donkey77 wrote:

    this a bit of the subject but would like advice i am a male 31 just been made redundent, and feel down like, have lost intreast in sex with the missus, money worries and that, but she thinks it her, and bless her trying everything to make it right between us, we had a very active sex life but no i do feel low and it hard parden the pun there, to be in the mood , i love her to bits and that we kiss and cuddle a lot but, i cant really relax propally, i keep telling her i love her and it just a phase i going through, b ut it is causeing tension any advice would be welcome thank you

    Hi Donkey - well done for feeling that you could share with us and understand how worry will mess your moods around and hit your sex life. Main thing is for you and your Missus to concentrate on the key priorities - getting back into work (easy to say not to do) - try not to make sex the big issue - clearly you love each other, so you will work this through together - It is natural for the drive to go when things get tough, but having been made redundant you can take the opportunity to rebuild together. And - as part of your refocus - why not go to see your Doc and have a full all round check up and talk it through - as soon as you get a joint plan to move forward (which is your real job now) - the sooner things will start to happen - possibly for a much better future. Good luck - Thinking of you as I am sure we all are here

    1238567323
    bbn [sign in to see picture]
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    Lubyanka wrote:

    tallboy247 wrote:

    Lubyanka wrote:

    Since that was what I wanted, why would I need anything to compensate for that?

    Well l am guessing you would have had time to spend on other things Lubyanka, whether it was gazing whistfully into Kvetch's eyes across the dining table, to blog maintenance, macrame, jigsaws, knittin whatever.....not saying it was conscious, but there must have been something, and compensate as in replace!

    I've been thinking about this question, tallboy247. The question was bothering me, and it took me a little while to figure out what the problem was.

    I think that your question expressed your assumption that every person always needs sex, and without it, a person must require a replacement for or distraction from that need. And what bothered me was that this assumption, for me at that time, was incorrect.

    During the time I chose to be celibate, I didn't feel any need or desire for sex. I did not choose celibacy because I was suppressing, avoiding, or repressing any sexual needs. I chose celibacy because that was how I felt at the time.

    As a human being, I spend most of my time on activities other than sex. I eat, I sleep, I read, I write, I play music, I talk, I listen, I socialise. During my chosen time of celibacy, I did all of these things just as I had before. The only difference was that I didn't take time out from those activities to have sex.

    Asking me how I compensated for not having sex during that time felt to me sort of like asking me how do I compensate for not being 6 years old. I've previously experienced being 6 years old, and now I'm not anymore. That's it. I had previously had desires for and participated in sexual experiences, and during the time I was celibate I simply didn't anymore. That was all there was to it. I had no need nor want of any special compensation or distractions. I don't eat when I'm not hungry. I wasn't feeling sexual, so therefore I wasn't being sexual. If I'd wanted sex, I'd've had some, simple as that. I didn't, so I didn't. End of story. I find it interesting that you needed this explained.

    If I may make a personal observation, I've noticed that when a person wants something and they persistently don't get it, their desire for whatever it is grows and grows until ultimately, it occupies every waking thought. That state of affairs will continue until that desire is satisfied. I suspect that the reason you find it difficult to imagine being without your desire for sex, is because I suspect that your sexual desires have gone unsatisfied for a really long time.

    If that's true, I feel really bad for you. I think you might like to take note of the fact that your state of mind might possibly be distracting you from being able to appreciate that other people's outlook on sex and sexuality might differ to yours. You said there must have been something to compensate or replace sex in my life. Why must there have been something like that? Because for you, that's how it would have to be? Ok, that's cool. For me, that statement is not applicable.

    I hope that answered your question.

    Well said - and well written - bbn

    1240508404
    purple_bonsai [sign in to see picture]
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    The longest I've gone has been practically a year.

    I've always had a high sex drive but couldn't get my head around screwing for the sake of it and with someone I didn't really know or trust on some level.

    All I can say is god bless the vibrator, can you believe those things were invented before washing machines?!

    1240517589
    GrayMatter [sign in to see picture]
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    2 months.

    It seemed a long time.

    1240529050
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
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    Not the longest but I'm going 3 weeks at the moment, my girfriend is on holiday and back tomorrow!

    Before that It was a long distance relationship so I was used to waiting a month or longer after only 2 days together but this time was soooo bloody hard!

    The more you get I think the hornier you get. I didn't masturbate for 4days (a long time for me), i think my body was in shock wondering where she'd gone! Then I went at it like a rabbit with a terminal illness on viagra offered a 2 week long orgy with the bunny version of girls aloud... only alone... no where near as fun.

    So the longest? Probably 2 monthes since I was sexually active, by far the hardest was the last 2 weeks.

    Wow I'm grinning like I've just bathed on morphine!

    1240669296
    Mucky Duck [sign in to see picture]
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    Since I lost my Virginity at 17 my longest drought has only been about 6 months, that was when my wife was pregnant. I met Mrs Duck early on so at 19 I was with the woman I'm spending the rest of my life with & I have always been faithful. some say I settled down too early & have missed out but when I look at my life & what a loving family I have.. I regret nothing. So my tall isn't mega high... big wow!

    1240670220
    AndyC [sign in to see picture]
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    I've been working at sea for nearly 13 years now doing a month on and a month off, doesnt sound a long time to go without but it can be sometimes. I certainly make up for it when i get home though. I'm half way through a trip right now, 2 weeks to go yeeha!!!!!

    1240671371

    [suspended user]

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    10 long weeks whilst working at sea cor i thought it would have dried up but it was sure worth the wait .

    1240771516
    mamamia [sign in to see picture]
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    18 months - and not through choice!!!!!

    now ive seperated from my partner and am 'finding' out all about sex again!!!!

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