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  1. Learning to trust...

    diasub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 20 Jun 2015

    So my boyfriend who i've been with for nearly 10 months now has really opened my eyes to some sexual awakenings but one issue I sort of struggle with is trusting him when it comes to Anal.

    Ok i do trust him and we've experimented with a lot of different things which i've never done with any of my previous partners is showing a level of trust right? just with anal after a really bad experience with someone everytime he brings up the subject i get a little tense.

    We did do a little anal play after a night of sub / dom play few weeks back but even then i was a little uncomfortable and we did stop when i gave our safety word ... Just wasn't expecting such a bum rush if you excuse the pun.

    Has anyone else felt like this after a really bad experience and if so how did you overcome it?

    AsYouWish! [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1695
    • Joined: 9 Oct 2012

    Get a strapon and show him how you expect to be treated. You need to make sure you don't get carried away though!

    Gem276 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 595
    • Joined: 11 Dec 2014

    Why don't you go on top? For me it's slightly harder to get the angle and relax but at least then you know you can control the entry and tempo x

    loganlogan [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 355
    • Joined: 21 Dec 2014

    It's all about feeling comfortable, relaxed and having openness enough to say yes or no its not working for you.
    Build up to gradually over time.both of you getting to know what you enjoy and building on it and introducing new elements to your play

    Sxleksaker [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3523
    • Joined: 29 Feb 2016

    I would suggest that you wait a bit with anal sex until you feel even more comfortable and trusting with your partner. It is no stress to begin with anal sex. Continue to explore other things with him and get even more comfortable and relaxed. Then you could try again.

    You might want to start with butt plugs or slim anal dildos so you get used to the sensation. One tip is to try it on your own so you know whether you like it or not when you do it in your own pace. Then you could let your partner use the toys on you and eventually continue with anal sex. And don't forget - it's better with too much lube than too little :)

    Orangeboom [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 19
    • Joined: 1 Mar 2016

    I misread the thread title as learning to thrust... pegging on the brain!

    Lilmisshottie [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 320
    • Joined: 24 Sep 2015

    I totally agree with Sxleksaker.

    My OH and I have been together 9 years and anal plays a major role in our sex life, but it has been a journey in trust, intimacy and trial and error! Finding what feels good, preparation etc I do understand the fear factor following a bad expereince and I shared mine with my OH and he was very patient with me, (even now he will verbally check all is ok and I through gritted teeth will tell him harder!) he reassured me that whether it was something I wanted to do again or not made no difference, but was honest in saying it was his fantasy and would be the icing on the cake! The sexual chemistry we had from the start and my trust in him led me to try and I am so glad I did :)

    My point I suppose is that if this negative memory has put you off altogether or do you want to try to get over and embrace the possibilty of enjoying it? Start slow and maybe some online research on your own about anal sex especially written from the female perspective might help.

    Happy to answer any questions, although you will not be short on help/advice here :)

    lilmiss x

    diasub [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 3
    • Joined: 20 Jun 2015

    Well i've been with him for nearly 10 months now and within those months the sexual experience are nothing like i've had before.

    As for my OH he is fully aware of the bad experience and assured me whatever pace I want to take it he will go at that pace however, as for the anal situation he is a lil fixated on the idea... he respects my limits and goes at my pace when it comes to trying new things but it is a fantasy of his that he would like to experience it and with the anal beads we have they did help warm me up to the idea which i was like " Ok this isn't too bad" but kept getting flashbacks of the bad experience i had which sort of made me tense up.

    As for your ideas I'd be very interested if anyone had hints or tips to this situation :) x

    Lilmisshottie [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Brigadier
    • Posts: 320
    • Joined: 24 Sep 2015

    As a beginner in anal and your past experience I would suggest looking through LH for a good anal relaxant and lube. My personal choice is pjur back door comfort spray, I am sure they now have a new serum version which I will buy next, and pjur analyse me lubricant. Have a good nosey at all the different ones I chose mine based on previous reviews 😉 I would also suggest investing in an anal douche for obvious reasons. I also use a butt plug and Wear it for about 2 hours prior to anal play. I think lots of anal foreplay helps and I love when my OH goes down on me stimulating me with his tongue while his fingers play in my derier....... Heaven! It sounds like your OH will respect your pace so experiment and have fun!

    Lilmiss x

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