£1.99 Next Day delivery! Hurry ends in ...
  • Wait! We think you’re in the US - Lovehoney.com is a better site for you.
    Shop there and get 10% off!
    United States Flag
    Go to Lovehoney.com
  1. Advice guys !?!

    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 736
    • Joined: 5 Mar 2016

    So been on loads of dates with this guy i originally met on a dating app in November, always pays for food and drinks and stuff. And went away over Valentine's Day weekend and said to me 'need to decide if u want to make it official' which I am quite a chilled person and don't want the pressure of labelling a relationship. Anyway that was the last time I saw him.

    Now, the problem... He told me that years ago he had met this girl off a dating app too (think he's a bit of a serial dater but never finds anyone). This girl he met with for one date and didn't get on but apparently stayed friends since. Apparently always talk to each other about relationships and giving advice and stuff.

    Annoys me that he has met her several times since I have been seeing him for lunch as friends. Apparently she has been tryin to get back with her ex but he isn't rly interested and also had a date too but this guy hasn't been in contact with her since.
    Like why would u keep seeing some random u met off a dating site when it's not even a date, plus she keeps tryin to give him advice which rly annoys me when she has no clue about her own relationship.

    So yeah hardly Talked to him since cba rly plus he uses the comeback of 'u still go on dating app' which I do sometimes but noT to meet anyone just purely out of boredom.

    Sorry for the rant just rly been annoying me ha

    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2908
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Is he not allowed to have a female friend? Doesn't matter how he met her if it is strickly platonic? But if you think there is something more there I can see where it would bother you.

    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1972
    • Joined: 24 Oct 2012

    Because she is not 'some random', she is his friend. They didn't get on in a boyfriend/girlfriend manner, but they did as friends. Just because they met on a dating site doesn't mean their friendship has less value.

    With regards to giving advice, you don't need to be in a perfect situation to be able to advise others. It can be far easier to see/help with others problems than to deal with your own. I'd say he finds her advice helpful, regardless of how her relationship/lack there of is going, or he wouldn't bother asking for it.

    Plus really, why let it annoy you. You're the one who didn't want you and him to become an item, what's it to you if he meets up with a female friend? What's it to you if he dates other females? You pretty much told him you don't want him, or at the very least you don't want to 'make it official', which means you don't exactly get to keep dibs on him and you certainly don't get to control which friends he sees through expressing annoyance at his choice of company (not that you get to do that in a relationship either, mind you). It's not like she is a threat in any case, as he has clearly stated he wants to be with you and he didn't like her in that way. They had a chance to be together, they chose not to be. They could have tried again anytime in the years they've known each other had they been of a mind. Bit unreasonable to be annoyed at the poor chap for meeting up with his friend just because they happened to have met on a dating site years ago!

    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 736
    • Joined: 5 Mar 2016

    I know he can have female friends but don't like her knowing everything espec when i feel like she's manipulating the situation. Plus nobody has ever treated me in this way before and I don't tolerate being told what to do.

    Fredster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 76
    • Joined: 10 Mar 2016

    Couple of years ago I met a woman on a dating site too.. She wasn't my type as a partner and we both agreed on that but we still today remain great friends and we meet up every couple of months for a meal and a drink and a catch up..she is now living with her new fella that she also met on the same site and we are all friends ..

    i now have my own Oh and I won't stop. Meeting up with my friends.. All my friends are women ..and are all over the world..I visit on many ocassion and meet up when we can..if my OH didn't get on board with that then she really wouldn't be my OH for very long..

    Some men can have many female friends and would never cross the friendship line.. You obviously have trust issues.

    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 736
    • Joined: 5 Mar 2016

    I trust him, just wouldn't trust her and her 'relationship advice' God knows what she's saying

    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1757
    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    You dated him loads and he always payed, then when he wants commitment you turn him down.

    He trusts and respects the woman had only one date with because she was up front with him on the first date, now he goes to her for advice to see what he is doing wrong for some one to refuse commitment. Seems like a guy with his head screwed on the right way to me.

    Fredster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 76
    • Joined: 10 Mar 2016

    And you're on a forum asking complete strangers advice !!!!

    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 736
    • Joined: 5 Mar 2016

    Just the principle of it

    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 12460
    • Joined: 20 Aug 2014

    Shes his friend. I really don't understand what your problem with this is ?

    You won't commit to anything with him. He's allowed to do what he pleases surely ?

    The principle of what ? I can't see that he's doing anything wrong .

    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 736
    • Joined: 5 Mar 2016

    Hmm ok I will chill a bit and think things over, thanks guys :-)

    Lupina [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 96
    • Joined: 8 Sep 2014

    To be honest, I am that friend that loves to sit with chocolate and duvets and find out all the latest relationship gossip with my friends, male and female.

    So I don't really see it as a problem but maybe for you it's new and worrying that she knows everything and I get that too.

    Do you do this with your friends though? (Like get advice and stuff like how he is with her) If you are someone who doesn't I can understand your frustration a bit more but it's probably harmless if he's with you now - Otherwise they'd be together already ;)

    SquirtyPanda [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1741
    • Joined: 18 Oct 2015

    Seems a little petty, neither of you are committing so why waste your time on each other if you aren't taking the effort to be friends? Ever thought that he may be annoyed that he went away with you over V day and asked you regarding relationship status and it appears to me you blew him off? Don't quite understand why you're moaning.

    M41 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 10
    • Joined: 7 Mar 2016

    Seems to me like you've both built up a certain level of trust with each other. He has acted on that trust in that he feels like hes ready for a bit more commitment and obviously thought you may have been the same way inclined.

    Here's what's bugging me though. If your not ready for the next step then why do you question who he confides in. Hes allowed to have friends that are girls but what I'm getting from reading the post is that even though you may not admit it , seems to me that you may be a wee bit insecure and a wee bit jealous of this other girl. Which is fine but if your not ready to commit a bit more then obviously, like has been said he will want to get advice from someone at some stage as he is maybe questioning his own beliefs.
    Seems to me like her a pretty genuine lad. Which are probably few and far between these days. either way I hope it all plays out ok for you. 👍

    kalekalliope [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 42
    • Joined: 26 Oct 2014

    Hi honeybun, seems like you've received quite a bit of tough love!

    I know what it's like not wanting labels, my OH and I were together for about 4 months before we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend, more than two years on we've never quite made it to facebook official.

    As it's a month since you last saw him and you're still hung up on it, I'd ask myself, do I genuinely want to be with anyone else, or just him? It seems like you might like him more than you're willing to admit to yourself. If you don't, it might be best to let him go or decide on just being friends.

    I will also say that I was on the guys side in your situation! Once I'd made it clear that I wanted exclusivity, and didn't get a stellar reaction, I both needed a lot of advice and was drawn to the company of the opposite sex. I think wanting to create a bit of jealousy at that point is a natural reaction. I didn't want to be with anybody else, so didn't do anything physical, but just wanted to make it clear that I was a desirable girl that wouldn't hang around indefinitely.

    Perhaps if it's bothering you this much you should consider the label? I promise you they're not that terrible!

    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7166
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Sometimes guys do have mates who are the opposite sex. I have had quite a few including sleeping with one in the same bed (only sleeping) None I have dated but have given me advice on people I have dated. It's just one of those things and you may just have to accept it .

    tallguy1975 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 39
    • Joined: 7 Mar 2016

    Sounds like maybe there is a little bit of jealousy as they have such a good friendship where they can talk about anything, whereas you and him maybe dont have that same openess but still fancy each other which is something they dont have as just friends (hope that makes some sense).

    Notice your profile says you are going steady too - is that with the guy you are speaking of?

    Goodie2shoes [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 22 Jun 2015

    I don't understand what you want advice about; Meeting him again or allowing him to have a female friend?

    honeybun91 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 736
    • Joined: 5 Mar 2016

    I meant if I should speak to him / see him again. And yeah it was Altho might change that status!

    MissNoir [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 790
    • Joined: 30 Jun 2014

    This was the reason I ended my relationship with my first boyfriend, my best friend & I talk about everything and I had a thing for him before meeting my ex but we stayed friends, my ex hated us talking/seeing each other and gave me the ultimatum to choose him or my friend.....I chose my friend, no relationship is worth losing a good friend over.

    I understand where you are coming from about the lable thing but if you are not officially together then he is entitled to see/go out with who he wants, even in a relationship he still is entitled (sorry if that sounds nasty), but trust him, he has spent time with you and has shown he'd like to make more of it so I wouldn't feel threatened, trust him and see how things go. This stage before relationships is a real mind confuser, try not to look into things so much and enjoy the time you spend with him and see where things go ^_^

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.