• How to get my boyfriend to change his mind about anal?

    1454858257
    katiexx1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 12 Jan 2016

    I'm new to the community! hey!

    I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years but we've still not tried anal properly. We tried to do it once before but i don't think we used enough lube and it hurt a little. I think because there's been a large build up, when we have started to try and introduce it into our sex lives we both tense up and can't relax. Since i've mentioned it again, he has said he doesn't really like the idea of it. I want to try again with him but he seems reluctant to. Has anyone got any tips for reassuring him and also tips for beginners. I find it quite painful but my friends say they sometimes have better orgasms through anal then sex so i want to give it another go. How can i get us both to relax and enjoy it??

    1454859476
    hotchocolateandcream [sign in to see picture]
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    me and my girlfriend really wanted to enjoy bumsex but couldnt for all we tried at the start, but then we started using plugs http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30704 and then on to a medium sized one(with lots of lube) :) and it felt kinky and easier after a couple months. watching amateur movies might be worth a try to get all horny. Now when we spoon she always wants it : ) good luck.Have fun x use a clit vibe at the same time will make it less hurt im sure

    1454859488
    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    start warming up with fingers or smaller toys to get yourself used to having something there. It should never be painful!

    1454860705
    katiexx1 [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for your advice! I have just bought my first butt plug now and some anal lube to go with it. I think that may have been the reason we didn't have the best experience before. I think i'll try the anal foreplay to begin with before trying the plug though as you suggested.

    Also, is there a particular position that you think is best for trying it for the first time? I've heard spooning is more comfortable than doggy position?

    1454861004
    Ashley22 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 29 Jan 2016

    Hey Katie, welcome to the community.

    I don't think I can offer much advice as I'm kinda in the same situation. I would like to try anal with my boyfriend but I don't want to make him do something that he doesn't want to do, so I'm thinking about picking up a few things to maybe give it a go on my own. It might get him a little interested but if not, that's okay too.

    Maybe you should have a chat with your boyfriend - find out why he doesn't want to do it & make sure he knows that there are plenty of things you can use to make it a more hygienic & pleasurable experience.

    1454862489
    Hanky Spanky! [sign in to see picture]
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    Just remember. Use plenty of anal lube... It will get easier. Good luck.

    1454863231
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    There are loads of threads about anal sex and how to enjoy it, so I will let you search for that. As a guy who prefers being pegged by a woman to giving her sex, I know how many guys think it's gay but it's not, there are guys who worry that if they want to have anal sex even with a woman that it may be a sign that they are gay. So many men have to listen to the views of other load mouthed men on the subject of (if you like this you must be gay, and I will hate you) that it's easy for a man to get a distorted view and end up wondering if his girl is trying to find out if he has any gay inclinations.

    So talk to him and reasure him that you want to work on this, even though you are finding it a little painful at first, you know that it can be so good when you get the hang of it, so not to worry, if that's what bothers him about it. If he does mention the gay thing stamp on it, say something like hey I'm a woman aren't I, and you are my man,what does it matter which hole I want you to please for me; I don't think you are gay. But don't tell him it wouldn't bother you if he was bi, it could make him feel you are harbouring doubts, and make him neurotic about it. though I don't know how you feel about bi men.

    Just one tip for you if you get him there, start with you on top so it's you pushing on to him. It will give you control over the how fast how deep issue, and show him how much you want it.

    Good for you on not giving up and trusting your friends on how good it can be; have you asked them on how they got passed the discomfort phase. Doing it on a regular basis once you get there keeps the muscules receptive to the idea, and saves going through the discomfort phase again. Good luck.

    1454867967
    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1311
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2015

    hotchocolateandcream wrote:

    me and my girlfriend really wanted to enjoy bumsex but couldnt for all we tried at the start, but then we started using plugs http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30704 and then on to a medium sized one(with lots of lube) :) and it felt kinky and easier after a couple months. watching amateur movies might be worth a try to get all horny. Now when we spoon she always wants it : ) good luck.Have fun x use a clit vibe at the same time will make it less hurt im sure

    No no and no.

    Make sure you absolutley warm up. Use plenty of lube, ideally one that is made for anal in mind, I just used to use regular lube until I purchased a bottle of anal lube from here, it is alot more comfortable. There are various threads on here for recommnedations for anal, but my favourite and most comfortable position is spooning. Make sure you are nice and relaxed before hand, and maybe just try a finger or two before moving on to a toy, and then onto his cock.

    Although I'm a "seasoned" anal fan, I was actually sent this to test and it is now probably one of my favourite toys. It is ideal for a beginner, and I actually feel no discomfort from this at all. This could be something good to move to before trying sex. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35164 I also pointed out in my review that it is great if your partner can get jealous, as the colour isn't realistic at all. It is very slim but I thoroughly enjoy this toy. I find the more you do anal, the more comfortable it can get. At first it can hurt, but if you just relax and try to move past it, it will be better and more pleasurable. Try some solo anal play to begin with maybe.

    As for the "using a clit vibe will make it hurt less". I highly disagree with this, just because you have a vibe on your clit does not mean you are ready for anal. You both have to be ready for it. Orgasming first can help to relax you before hand, so if he is worried about hurting you, being relaxed before hand will help you alot. Communication is key, have a safeword too in place incase he is worried he will go too far too quickly (this is always something my OH is very concious of when we have anal)

    Good luck dear! Keep us posted x

    1454880490
    katiexx1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 12 Jan 2016

    alone4ever wrote:

    There are loads of threads about anal sex and how to enjoy it, so I will let you search for that. As a guy who prefers being pegged by a woman to giving her sex, I know how many guys think it's gay but it's not, there are guys who worry that if they want to have anal sex even with a woman that it may be a sign that they are gay. So many men have to listen to the views of other load mouthed men on the subject of (if you like this you must be gay, and I will hate you) that it's easy for a man to get a distorted view and end up wondering if his girl is trying to find out if he has any gay inclinations.

    So talk to him and reasure him that you want to work on this, even though you are finding it a little painful at first, you know that it can be so good when you get the hang of it, so not to worry, if that's what bothers him about it. If he does mention the gay thing stamp on it, say something like hey I'm a woman aren't I, and you are my man,what does it matter which hole I want you to please for me; I don't think you are gay. But don't tell him it wouldn't bother you if he was bi, it could make him feel you are harbouring doubts, and make him neurotic about it. though I don't know how you feel about bi men.

    Just one tip for you if you get him there, start with you on top so it's you pushing on to him. It will give you control over the how fast how deep issue, and show him how much you want it.

    Good for you on not giving up and trusting your friends on how good it can be; have you asked them on how they got passed the discomfort phase. Doing it on a regular basis once you get there keeps the muscules receptive to the idea, and saves going through the discomfort phase again. Good luck.

    Hi alone4ever,

    Thanks for your post. I've never tried pegging either. I only came to hear about it through reading 50 shades of grey! I don't think he thinks it's gay, i just think he finds the idea a bit unhygenic?? I have been paranoid as it can make me feel like a need to go? I guess that is a sensation that you get used to over time?

    Re being gay/bisexual - His brother is gay and his family are very liberal about it so we have spoken in depth about sexuality in the past. I think if this were the case then he would be honest about it. His brother is very open about his sexual relationships and my boyfriend is comfortable discussing it so i dont think this is the issue.

    My friend who loves it is a bit more wild than me! She is into 3somes with her partner and she works as a glamour model/in a strip club so is more comfortable with the subject than me. We've not discussed at length but i may ask now!

    I will hopefully try it out on the weekend and let you know how i get on! :)

    1454880602
    katiexx1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 12 Jan 2016

    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    hotchocolateandcream wrote:

    me and my girlfriend really wanted to enjoy bumsex but couldnt for all we tried at the start, but then we started using plugs http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30704 and then on to a medium sized one(with lots of lube) :) and it felt kinky and easier after a couple months. watching amateur movies might be worth a try to get all horny. Now when we spoon she always wants it : ) good luck.Have fun x use a clit vibe at the same time will make it less hurt im sure

    No no and no.

    Make sure you absolutley warm up. Use plenty of lube, ideally one that is made for anal in mind, I just used to use regular lube until I purchased a bottle of anal lube from here, it is alot more comfortable. There are various threads on here for recommnedations for anal, but my favourite and most comfortable position is spooning. Make sure you are nice and relaxed before hand, and maybe just try a finger or two before moving on to a toy, and then onto his cock.

    Although I'm a "seasoned" anal fan, I was actually sent this to test and it is now probably one of my favourite toys. It is ideal for a beginner, and I actually feel no discomfort from this at all. This could be something good to move to before trying sex. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35164 I also pointed out in my review that it is great if your partner can get jealous, as the colour isn't realistic at all. It is very slim but I thoroughly enjoy this toy. I find the more you do anal, the more comfortable it can get. At first it can hurt, but if you just relax and try to move past it, it will be better and more pleasurable. Try some solo anal play to begin with maybe.

    As for the "using a clit vibe will make it hurt less". I highly disagree with this, just because you have a vibe on your clit does not mean you are ready for anal. You both have to be ready for it. Orgasming first can help to relax you before hand, so if he is worried about hurting you, being relaxed before hand will help you alot. Communication is key, have a safeword too in place incase he is worried he will go too far too quickly (this is always something my OH is very concious of when we have anal)

    Good luck dear! Keep us posted x

    Thank you for the tips! I think i'm going to start with spooning and see how we get on from there! :) I have ordered the glass butt plug on the site. Do you think it's probably too large for a first time?

    xx

    1454880788
    katiexx1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 8
    • Joined: 12 Jan 2016

    Ashley22 wrote:

    Hey Katie, welcome to the community.

    I don't think I can offer much advice as I'm kinda in the same situation. I would like to try anal with my boyfriend but I don't want to make him do something that he doesn't want to do, so I'm thinking about picking up a few things to maybe give it a go on my own. It might get him a little interested but if not, that's okay too.

    Maybe you should have a chat with your boyfriend - find out why he doesn't want to do it & make sure he knows that there are plenty of things you can use to make it a more hygienic & pleasurable experience.

    Hi Ashley!

    We have attempted to do it before but because it didn't go so well i think it may have put him off. He is quite open to trying new things in the bedroom normally so i am hoping he may change his mind when i say i've researched it and got advice from other people. I would never force him into though, of course.

    Thanks for your advice x

    1454882946
    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1311
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2015

    katiexx1 wrote:

    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    hotchocolateandcream wrote:

    me and my girlfriend really wanted to enjoy bumsex but couldnt for all we tried at the start, but then we started using plugs http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30704 and then on to a medium sized one(with lots of lube) :) and it felt kinky and easier after a couple months. watching amateur movies might be worth a try to get all horny. Now when we spoon she always wants it : ) good luck.Have fun x use a clit vibe at the same time will make it less hurt im sure

    No no and no.

    Make sure you absolutley warm up. Use plenty of lube, ideally one that is made for anal in mind, I just used to use regular lube until I purchased a bottle of anal lube from here, it is alot more comfortable. There are various threads on here for recommnedations for anal, but my favourite and most comfortable position is spooning. Make sure you are nice and relaxed before hand, and maybe just try a finger or two before moving on to a toy, and then onto his cock.

    Although I'm a "seasoned" anal fan, I was actually sent this to test and it is now probably one of my favourite toys. It is ideal for a beginner, and I actually feel no discomfort from this at all. This could be something good to move to before trying sex. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35164 I also pointed out in my review that it is great if your partner can get jealous, as the colour isn't realistic at all. It is very slim but I thoroughly enjoy this toy. I find the more you do anal, the more comfortable it can get. At first it can hurt, but if you just relax and try to move past it, it will be better and more pleasurable. Try some solo anal play to begin with maybe.

    As for the "using a clit vibe will make it hurt less". I highly disagree with this, just because you have a vibe on your clit does not mean you are ready for anal. You both have to be ready for it. Orgasming first can help to relax you before hand, so if he is worried about hurting you, being relaxed before hand will help you alot. Communication is key, have a safeword too in place incase he is worried he will go too far too quickly (this is always something my OH is very concious of when we have anal)

    Good luck dear! Keep us posted x

    Thank you for the tips! I think i'm going to start with spooning and see how we get on from there! :) I have ordered the glass butt plug on the site. Do you think it's probably too large for a first time?

    xx

    Which plug have you purchased? I would be very wary of anything too large to start with

    1454883616
    Alicia4Ever [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 27 Feb 2010

    Hi Katiexx1

    I'm glad you found something of use, if only to eliminate it. It is nice of you to let people know how you are doing, we do care I'm sure.

    The need to go thing does go away, having something in there thats not moving your body is bound to feel it is time to part with it. My friend says it feels like having a poo go back up, and it's totaly weird, she loves giving it to me though, and I love the intimacy of her being in me. It's not for every one, but it did make me see things from a womans point of view, and I'm glad for that.

    I'm also glad his family is OK with gay, even if it's not his issue. so many people are so up tight about it.

    Theres nothing wrong with a guy who is hygiene concious, a condom for him and douche for you, should keep away those issues if you do get him in to it.

    A butt plug will give you that feeling of wanting to go the longer it's in, I prefer to use a glass dilldo for a few minutes from time to time, and keep it moving, for that reason, but each to their own. do take advantage of other threads on the subject .

    1454883666
    katiexx1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
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    • Joined: 12 Jan 2016

    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    katiexx1 wrote:

    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    hotchocolateandcream wrote:

    me and my girlfriend really wanted to enjoy bumsex but couldnt for all we tried at the start, but then we started using plugs http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30704 and then on to a medium sized one(with lots of lube) :) and it felt kinky and easier after a couple months. watching amateur movies might be worth a try to get all horny. Now when we spoon she always wants it : ) good luck.Have fun x use a clit vibe at the same time will make it less hurt im sure

    No no and no.

    Make sure you absolutley warm up. Use plenty of lube, ideally one that is made for anal in mind, I just used to use regular lube until I purchased a bottle of anal lube from here, it is alot more comfortable. There are various threads on here for recommnedations for anal, but my favourite and most comfortable position is spooning. Make sure you are nice and relaxed before hand, and maybe just try a finger or two before moving on to a toy, and then onto his cock.

    Although I'm a "seasoned" anal fan, I was actually sent this to test and it is now probably one of my favourite toys. It is ideal for a beginner, and I actually feel no discomfort from this at all. This could be something good to move to before trying sex. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35164 I also pointed out in my review that it is great if your partner can get jealous, as the colour isn't realistic at all. It is very slim but I thoroughly enjoy this toy. I find the more you do anal, the more comfortable it can get. At first it can hurt, but if you just relax and try to move past it, it will be better and more pleasurable. Try some solo anal play to begin with maybe.

    As for the "using a clit vibe will make it hurt less". I highly disagree with this, just because you have a vibe on your clit does not mean you are ready for anal. You both have to be ready for it. Orgasming first can help to relax you before hand, so if he is worried about hurting you, being relaxed before hand will help you alot. Communication is key, have a safeword too in place incase he is worried he will go too far too quickly (this is always something my OH is very concious of when we have anal)

    Good luck dear! Keep us posted x

    Thank you for the tips! I think i'm going to start with spooning and see how we get on from there! :) I have ordered the glass butt plug on the site. Do you think it's probably too large for a first time?

    xx

    Which plug have you purchased? I would be very wary of anything too large to start with

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32887&reviewpage=1#customer_reviews

    this one?

    1454884937
    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 623
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    Hi Katie,

    I can understand where your bf is coming from as when my husband bought up the subject of anal sex I was not keen at all which is defiantly not the case now...

    We chatted about it for ages and after reading a few things I decided to give it ago.

    My advice is to start off slow, fingers then butt plugs and build up, I found playing with my clit really helped me relax and enjoy everything else.

    Use plenty of good quality lube and take your time.

    x

    1454888668
    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1311
    • Joined: 16 Feb 2015

    katiexx1 wrote:

    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    katiexx1 wrote:

    sugarboobies2232 wrote:

    hotchocolateandcream wrote:

    me and my girlfriend really wanted to enjoy bumsex but couldnt for all we tried at the start, but then we started using plugs http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=30704 and then on to a medium sized one(with lots of lube) :) and it felt kinky and easier after a couple months. watching amateur movies might be worth a try to get all horny. Now when we spoon she always wants it : ) good luck.Have fun x use a clit vibe at the same time will make it less hurt im sure

    No no and no.

    Make sure you absolutley warm up. Use plenty of lube, ideally one that is made for anal in mind, I just used to use regular lube until I purchased a bottle of anal lube from here, it is alot more comfortable. There are various threads on here for recommnedations for anal, but my favourite and most comfortable position is spooning. Make sure you are nice and relaxed before hand, and maybe just try a finger or two before moving on to a toy, and then onto his cock.

    Although I'm a "seasoned" anal fan, I was actually sent this to test and it is now probably one of my favourite toys. It is ideal for a beginner, and I actually feel no discomfort from this at all. This could be something good to move to before trying sex. http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=35164 I also pointed out in my review that it is great if your partner can get jealous, as the colour isn't realistic at all. It is very slim but I thoroughly enjoy this toy. I find the more you do anal, the more comfortable it can get. At first it can hurt, but if you just relax and try to move past it, it will be better and more pleasurable. Try some solo anal play to begin with maybe.

    As for the "using a clit vibe will make it hurt less". I highly disagree with this, just because you have a vibe on your clit does not mean you are ready for anal. You both have to be ready for it. Orgasming first can help to relax you before hand, so if he is worried about hurting you, being relaxed before hand will help you alot. Communication is key, have a safeword too in place incase he is worried he will go too far too quickly (this is always something my OH is very concious of when we have anal)

    Good luck dear! Keep us posted x

    Thank you for the tips! I think i'm going to start with spooning and see how we get on from there! :) I have ordered the glass butt plug on the site. Do you think it's probably too large for a first time?

    xx

    Which plug have you purchased? I would be very wary of anything too large to start with

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=32887&reviewpage=1#customer_reviews

    this one?

    Oh this looks lovely! Glass certainly gives a really different sensation than other materials. Have fun and enjoy, get yourself some anal lube too! Make sure you're nice and relaxed when you start using it.

    Just to clarify, in the part I highlighted in bold, I meant that I wouldn't just rely on a clit vibe only will not make it hurt less, you've got to work your way up slowly. Make sure you're fully fully relaxed and aroused, "you can't just walk through the gates of mordor!"

    1454893382
    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 808
    • Joined: 1 Mar 2014

    There is of course the possibility that he's made up his mind and there is no "convincing" him. Have you discussed with him the option of buying a butt plug or are you going to just spring it on him by pulling it out during foreplay one day? Personally the "surprise" route seems inconsiderate to me, as it's not giving him equal oppertunity to share his feelings on the subject first and is suggestive your feelings/desires are more important than his. You may well end up having to accept he is not willing to persue this any further.

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