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  1. Fantasy too extreme? Advice needed!

    MrsELL [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 4 Feb 2014

    Hi all!

    I am hoping to get some advice...?!

    My husband & I are usually quite open & honest with each other. That was until recently. Here's the story...

    We were laying in bed after a cheeky bit of fun when I asked him the same question I have asked since the start of our relationship... "What is your fantasy?" Simple enough right? I have always done everything within my power to make his sexual dreams come true... As he does with me!

    He gave me the usual answers - police woman, school girl, army girl, etc - which I LOVE!

    So, on this day he asked me my fantasy (something I have never told anyone, not even him) but we were in such a good place and I felt safe in his arms, so I told him... My fantasy/fetish is the Daddy/Daughter sinario...

    Immediately he moved away in horror - only an inch or two, but enough for me to know he was freaking out while trying to keep a polite face!

    Since that day (roughly 2 months ago) we have had very vanilla sex and he still can't look me in the eye! I've tried all his favourite things to get back to where we were but nothing has worked! I even tried to address the awkwardness but that seemed to make things worse!

    Can anyone give me advice on what to do? And is that particular sinario really that bad??

    Thank you so much
    Much love

    Ghostly82 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 43
    • Joined: 2 Feb 2016

    Hi, I guess it's a taboo subject for many people and could be taken as extreme.

    personally I think everyones own fantasies are extreme to other people. However it's only a fantasy, but if he is that concerned by it I think he should have discussed it with you.

    I have been with people who have had some very dark fantasies, but the key was talking openly about it and reassurance at the time.

    It is a subject that could be close to him though, as I had a friend who went through a similar situation. My only suggestion would be give him time and let him discuss it when he is ready.

    I know it may be frustrating but it's one of those situations where conversation is key.

    things will return to normal but I understand your concerns.

    I wish I could be more help.

    M101 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 41
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2011

    I hesitated before commenting. Father/Daughter is taboo even you are both adult. Older man/younger woman is fine. Or even v.v.!

    I agree with the comment above. Talk it out.

    LadyS [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 914
    • Joined: 4 Jul 2012

    Good Morning,

    Don't panic, or feel bad.

    I spend most of my online browsing time on Fetline and The Daddy/Babygirl thing is huge. There are more people in groups for that than there are in Dom/sub groups. So you are not alone in this fantasy.

    Done between two consenting adults, it is just like any other fetish/kink/roleplay. The issue you have here is your husband currently isn't on board, probably because he doesn't understand the thoughts behind it. Which is okay, lots of us don't understand lots of things.

    My advice would be to talk to him as others have said, get a firm understanding of why it is you like the idea of it, so that you can better explain to him and if you feel comfrtable with it, Fetlife might be a great resource for helping him see that you are not alone in your fantasy.

    Good luck, and I hope things settle for you soon x

    The Odd Couple [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 67
    • Joined: 21 Oct 2014

    The Daddy/Daughter scenario really is a divisive one, and can put a strain on relationships if it's a one-way fetish. More often than not, it's the female side of the partnership which suggests/fantasizes about it, and are often the ones to get the most out of it. I have "met" two such women who have been into this particular branch of roleplay, one of them being married and having to seek out "Daddies" because her husband just didn't like the whole thing.

    This particular woman (who was 26 at the time) told me how she started out kept it for special occasions, and her hubby initally  played along, but grew increasingly uneasy when she wanted it more often. She got to the stage where she was 24/7, and this was too much for her other half, who (under duress) gave permission to seek out others. From what I saw, they reallly didn't have a healthy relationship, so it might have been that she was using the daughter role to escape the reality of a dead marriage.

    From my personal experience, the Daddy/daughter scene betweeen two consenting adults can be a really exciting one, but I have found that it only works in short bursts, and that both parties keep this particular roleplay strictly in the (metaphorical) bedroom, as it quickly becomes weird when it seeps into domestic life.

    When it comes to roleplay and other fantasies, you REALLY have to talk it out with your other half to see if they would be entire happy with your desires. It might even be appropriate to use either a safeword of the S&M "traffic-light" system when playing out more unusual scenes with an uneasy partner.

    As far as what you could do,being gentle, understanding and persistent in talking about it is the way to go, even if it might be met with resentment or hostility. You could try getting him to pick out something in the bedroom he thinks you would never agree to in a million years (as long as it is just between the two of you, as bringing a 3rd or 4th party would do more harm than good) to even things up. If none of this works, then it might just be time to try and agree that the whole thing never happened, and try to get around it that way.

    Hope things work out for you two.

    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2130
    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    you definitely need to speak to him about this. If speaking about it is too hard, write a letter and put down all your feelings not just about the fantasy, but also about his reaction and how since that day youhave noticed a change in your sex lives. By writing it down, you can make sense and not just blurb everything out and overload the situation.

    No doubt he too is aware of the change and seems to me that since then there has been a lack of spark and chemistry.

    the longer you leave it, the longer the problem will fester away and may escalate.

    This really doesnt have to be an issue at all and seems to be that youre both actually on the same lines with the role plays as part of a fantasy so could be having a lot of fun indeed instead of a lot of stress right now

    MrsELL [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major
    • Posts: 5
    • Joined: 4 Feb 2014

    Thanks for the great messages everyone! I think I'm definitely going to write him a letter so he can read it at his own pace!

    Thank you again, you're all great :)

    smirnoff09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 621
    • Joined: 22 Apr 2010

    This is not an unsual fantasy a it seems as I have been looking for some bdsm jewellery that can be worn every day without much notice and I am amazed at how much "daddy and little girl" stuff there is.

    I have to say not my bag but it is defianlty not unsual.

    Hope this soon smoothes itself out for you x

    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    I havn't seen this until now but I think the guys have given great advice without the need of any further input.

    It is a fantasy and it is getting more common or moving into mainsteam. There is a little bit of that in the "horror" film knock knock .Its not my cup of tea if being honest but definiately far ffrom unusual.

    As far as I can see there are 2 possible avenues here. One is you both move on and forget about it and just have it as an unacted fantasy .

    Or you could try something similar in a role play situation of which both of you play characters and NOT yourselves.

    Ashley22 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
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    • Joined: 29 Jan 2016

    I don't really have any additional advice to give as I agree with writing it down & just being patient but I just wanted to say that I hope that you & your husband get things back to normal soon.

    popk1n [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 7 Dec 2014

    if it's specifically daddy/daughter, then I can see his hesitancy. Tbh yeah I would find that extreme to actually play out. There is plenty of incestuous porn out there, but to actually engage in that type of play would be difficult and downright disturbing for some - I couldn't go there tbh, no matter how much I loved my partner.

    If you mean more of a daddy(older gemtleman) who looks after a babygirl(younger lady) in more of a sugar-daddy/non-incestuous type way, then I would explain that to your partner, since I don't believe that's actually that taboo and would view that as more of a d/s branch of roleplay. It might be a bit cringey to literally lay down in words, but I would be specific about what your fantasy would actually entail - for something like this, absolute clarity between you two about what you are asking is key.

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