FREE 1 Day Delivery - Spend £50 and 24-hour tracked delivery is FREE
  1. Men who view porn in a committed relationship or married.

    1284900052
    telemachus [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Colonel
    • Posts: 314
    • Joined: 10 May 2010

    WandA wrote:

    I agree with what you say Tele but I'm more posting this to say I you! Even when I disagree with some of the things you say I admire the to-the-pointness and honesty of your posts.

    well... I do try <preens>

    1284901026
    sexynurse09 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 736
    • Joined: 21 Sep 2009

    david1664 wrote:

    so as long as the other person knows what you are upto it's ok ?

    In our opinion yes, even better if partner can join in. But not everybody is like us

    1284902308
    Vampyrewillow [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 416
    • Joined: 26 Jan 2009

    telemachus wrote:

    Vampyrewillow wrote:

    I agree that nobody should tell you that you can't masturbate, but i think an occasion when somebody has the right to be upset is if the habit changes suddenly or if someone is choosing porn or masturbation over being with their partner!

    if my partner ever told me i couldn't do something (unless it was stick my finger up his bum or something that relates to him) i would tell him where to go!

    but as i said neither of us do really masturbate, however we do reserve the right to masturbate if we choose to!

    VW x

    But regardless of what his habits might have been before, it is HIS body, not yours and he can do with it as he pleases! You don't even have a right to know if he is masturbating. If he decides he doesn't want to masturbate for a month and then does it 4 times in one day...well then that is his perogative. Really - it is his penis, he can touch it if he wants.

    disclaimer - my post assumes that this is not affecting your relationship in an adverse way. VW - you refer to choosing it over your partner and of course that is different, not accpetable and needs discussing, of course someone would be uspet over that.

    You cannot fairly control what your partner does with their body. It's not about self control - it's about you controlling them.

    I feel somewhat similar to WandA, though not totally - Your partners body is theirs to do with as they wish. If they want to touch it, then they can. The one that doesn't have any rights to their body is you. You can have sex with them, touch them, if they allow it, they decide who else touches them - what they can always do is touch themselves. You cannot control what they do with their body as it is not yours to control.

    If they want to masturbate 20 times a day, well then, that's up to then. It is then up to you to decide if you want to stay with someone that wanks all the time and never has sex with you. If someone changes their habits, then that's up to them. Of course you can be upset, that's up to you. But it's wrong to tell someone that they should masturbate less because it upsets you because they never used to do it. Your emotions are your own - and your partners body is theirs.

    When i said if the habit suddenly changes i mean the fact that he has barely masturbated for the whole 3 years of our relationship, so i would be upset if he began to do it REALLY frequently, i would think something had changed so i think a discussion is the least he could do even if it was just to reassure me, i understand that it is his body but if something upsets me then surely he should let me have my say, if i wanted to shave my head i would talk to him first!

    masturbation isn't even an issue in our relationship, both of us have said we find it depressing and lonely to be masturbating alone (however we do do it in front of each other) but like i said, we reserve the right to masturbate if the need takes us and the other one isn't around!

    i would never tell him not to do something, and hopefully it will never be an issue, but if he did decide he wanted to masturbate i would never stop him, but i would expect a conversation about why, because if the only reason was that his sex driv went up, i would just have sex more.

    pretty much every bit of advice i have ever read on this site has been to communicate which is what i am saying i would expect

    VW x

    1284931734
    pusseypleaser [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 372
    • Joined: 4 Jun 2009

    I only gave my opinion not tell others what they should do or believe

    sexynurse09 wrote:

    Wow i've missed alot here!

    Telling someone they can't masturbate or have fantasies....I just can't understand this at all! Nobody has a right to deny someone that if thats what they want to do. Everyone has fantasies, whether their partner likes it or not, whether they tell you about it or not, they will have them - fact. Because we are all human and have needs.

    I'm actually quite worried PP, this is very unhealthy.

    1284985828
    Seduced [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
    • Posts: 994
    • Joined: 15 Aug 2010

    This is as alien to me as if J told me I couldn't take a dump any more, But thats MY opinion ;)

    Does seem a pretty unhealthy way of thinking though, Emotional Control being over exerted comes to mind...

    1288576143
    WandA [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 6177
    • Joined: 28 Nov 2007

    Aimee wrote:

    This is such an interesting topic because there are so many different views on it.

    it actually popped up in my sociology lecture the other day. And one girl in my class said how disgusted she would be if she thought her OH was watching porn and would be mortified if she walked in and he had it on...and I had to stand up for all the guys out there in the world, and in class, they must have been shy, but i was so shocked at this girls reaction ( i realise some people do feel this way, but i cant personally understand it)

    I don't see how she could possibly be offended? how could she be jealous of someone her guy is never going to meet?...her statement was ''he obviously wouldn't love me if he needed that'' and thats where i jumped in! lol! My OH might not like that fact that he popped up in my sociology lecture concerning sexy stuff lol..but, i said that My oh loves me to bits, he watches porn, heck ill send him a video or picture i'll think he would like..and she got really upset when i mentioned that Her guy has seen her naked like ten million times, in every position...do you think his mind doesn't wander! ...and she said it shouldn't because he loves her! talk about giving the poor guy a break!

    Needless to say she didnt agree with me, and couldnt understand how i thought it was perfectly acceptable. I explained that im currently long distance with my guy, and that the poor dap needs a lil porn when im not around for cam, and pictures of me? all the time? bloody hell id get bord taking them! Let his mind wander, I'd only worry if he was watching himself with another girl or if he never thought of or used me ever.

    So bottom line, Porn is healthy, It's good for you, gives your imagination a chance to work.

    I agree with almost all of what you said, except this. Porn is often for the lazy!

    1288846667
    Mr Monster [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 689
    • Joined: 15 Sep 2010

    For me, most porn is bad. It does precisely zero for me, and often makes me feel uncomfortable. The good kind of porn (not too violent, not too fake, not too weird) should be aesthetically pleasing. It should be rewarding to look at regardless of its sexual content. When I see porn I like, I get turned on physically. I find very little happens mentally, and I have a very limited fantasy life, so it's a visual / physical thing only. That's it. Then, often, I will masturbate, but again, it's a physical thing. me and my body, doing whatever feels right. I don't fantasise when doing it, and I don't think about anyone else during sex either. That's just not the way I'm wired.

    Mrs M says she "understands" that I feel the need to look at porn, but that in itself tells me that she doesn't really understand how I see it, despite me trying to explain. She has her own stimulation in the form of erotic books, and she does use them to get off, which I've never had a problem with.

    A lot of people have made good points, but I'd like to offer an alternative view of the "masturbation instead of sex" debate. Sex is sex. Porn is porn. Wanking is wanking. If what you want to do is touch your partner, would you be satisfied having to DIY? Not really. So why, when the guy wants to touch himself, do people feel he has a duty to have sex with his partner instead? They're not the same thing. I agree, if he's always watching porn and not taking care of his partner that is a problem, but there is nothing wrong with him being in the mood for one and not the other. Maybe he's in the mood for both? Neither? It can happen. I'm told.

    Post a reply to this thread

    Please sign in to post messages to the forum.