1. Unexpected Results - advice please

    Mr Frustration [sign in to see picture]
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    Some of you may know me from previous posts that my wife has never experienced an orgasm, nor feels any sexual pleasure at all apart from the occasional response to a vibrator. We've been married forever and I have no experience outside marriage.

    I was recommended the awfully-named Womanizer, and we used it today. Well, it got her going all right. Jumping around and reacting like I never seen it until she told me to stop it because she wanted to get up.

    When asked she said it was unbearably ticklish and she could not stand it.

    Not the experience I thought it would be - not what I exected. Ladies of experience - what is going on? How can we deal with this? Womanizer reviewers talk enthusiastically about their orgasms. What do I get? A wife who gets ticklish and then wants to call it off. NB she refuses to use it on her own.

    I don't get this. I feel thoroughly p*ssed off. Any ideas muched appreciated. Happy new Year!


    [suspended user]

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    Sounds to me like she can't relax and try to orgasm. Does she really want to experience this? I feel like it is way too much pressure on you to do this FOR her. Self exploration was so important to me achieving consistent orgasms. I am SO sorry here, have you considered a sex therapist?

    Lovebirds_x [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh my. The womanizer does seem to produce quite an intense sensation, which it seems was too intense for your partner as I'd hazard a guess the tickling sensation and resistance to it is coming from being over stimulated?

    Ideas...hm. Well, first and foremost there is the returns policy. Keeping that in mind will reduce the pressure to enjoy the toy as if you don't, no problem, just send it back no problemo.

    Lube, did you use lube? A good dash of lube could help reduce sensation and possibly mimic a more familiar oral sex sensation-assuming, of course, she is familiar with or enjoys the sensation of oral sex. If not, it should at least help reduce the tickling sensation.

    Hmm...has she ever tried to masturbate with any toy? She could need to familiarise herself more with her own body and the sensations different touches/toys provide before she will be able to relax into pleasureable sensations, so I guess my suggestion here would be if she hasn't explored on her own encourage that, and if she has perhaps see about exchanging the womanizer for a more conventional vibrator that she could get used to more easilly? I know it can feel like you are being excluded, but sometimes solo play is the only way to get to know your body as it creates a pressure free, fully relaxed environment. Plus, you kind of do need to learn how to orgasm yourself before you can expect a partner to make you orgasm, so some healthy masturbation is pretty important as part of the learning to orgasm process.

    I can understand why you're pissed off here, sorry I can't think of anything more helpful. Hopefully someone else will pop along with a great idea!

    Mr Frustration [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks for your quick replies. No - no intentions to return the toy, Lovebirds_x - it's the only one to work so far in our extensive collection of toys. We used lube too. We have plenty of more traditional vibes but they are the opposite, they have absolutely no effect on her other that the occasional twitch.

    She won't / can't DIY. She refuses but is happy to work with me with toys. And yes - we had sex therapy but the therapist never addressed her physical issues - in fact just about refused to. So that's out of the window.

    Bex84 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm sorry to hear of your frustration. U have probably thought of this already but she may have a medical problem with the lack of sensation.

    Either way it can't be much fun for either of you and sorry I can't be of more help x

    Platinum [sign in to see picture]
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    Orgasming is an automatic reaction to sensory stimulation but our brains tells us which sensations are arousing. Some people can climax from strange things, one woman was recorded doing so every time she cleaned her teeth and another could just think herself to orgasm.

    If your wife does not find traditional stimulation arousing but wishes to she might be best talking to an appropriate proffesional. Relate might be a good starting point

    Mr Frustration [sign in to see picture]
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    I just bought a desensitising water-base lube from LH - maybe applying some of that might reduce the ticklish sensation and make it more bearable for her. ?? Worth a try I suppose.

    Thanks Platinum. We have a therapist already, and I seriously doubt she would go to another. Sadly she has never climaxed from anything although a good mug of coffee gets close! (lol). She does not feel any sexual sensation - full stop.

    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    Is she on any medication that could be affecting her libido?

    Mr Frustration [sign in to see picture]
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    Nope - not that I am aware of.

    Scorpius12 [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi there, for me personally my orgasms are mostly in my mind. I could play with myself all day, and not come at all if my mind is not aroused. I would enjoy the sensations, and get very turned on, but it is my thoughts that push me over the edge. Have you explored what turns her on, fantasies, role plays, erotica etc.? x

    Mr Frustration [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks Scorpius. Ermm...nothing. If she had such I'd know by now. She does not fantasise, role play nor has any interest in erotica. I once asked her if is asexual - but she assured me she is not.

    thumpingrug [sign in to see picture]
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    I think you should stop trying toys for a while and try to focus on your relationship. Have you considered some couples counselling to look at your sexual relationship. I cant help feel that this issue has become far to much of a barrier between you both and your both trying far too hard to make an orgasm happen for the sake of it. Perhaps you should both back off for a while and reassess the root cause with appropriate support.

    sugarboobies2232 [sign in to see picture]
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    Does she see masturbation as a wrong thing to do? For me, if I didn't masturbate by myself and learn my own body I would not be able to achieve anything and know what I like/dislike with partners. The fact she is refusing to Atleast try it must be so frustrating for you.

    What birth control do you use, if any? My libido has died off completely since I am now on the pill. Some others I tried before had all kinds of crazy side effects. Condoms used to to irritate me so would be put off sex because of them, too.

    Is there anyway of trying a different therapist? It sounds like there is so much pressure to make you do this FOR her, while it seems she isn't helping helping herself. Does she want to experience it? I find it terribly frustrating helping someone who won't help themselves first.


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