Longer term relationships

Hi all,

I've realised that today is the 4 year anniversary for me and the OH! (We're in a relationship, but not married.)

After all that time (which may not seem long to some people, but long to others - this is my longest relationship so far, and I am 23 years old) we still keep it great in the bedroom. Using toys from Lovehoney has certainly kept the spark alive.

I am curious though, what things do you or your partner do to keep the fire going in a relationship (sexual/romantic/otherwise)? Or is there anything you wish you or your partner would do?

I'm new to posting in the forum so apologies if this sort of topic has been covered quite recently. Very keen to hear your thoughts though :]

LadyFiasco x

Hi I've been with my partner 8 years married for almost 6 years, it's our anniversary next week. I think the key to a good long term relationship is to make time for one another. We both work and have a child but we make sure once a month we have a date night. I also like to send him a cheeky text or pic whilst he's at work, defiantly keep him interested lol.

Something I forgot to mention... Throughout most of our relationship we have been apart - physically. We're in a long distance (ish) relationship.

For most of the first year we were in the same city. Then he moved and was 158 miles away for the next two years. For the last year, he has moved closer, but is still 54 miles away. So we only tend to see each other once every 3 or 4 weeks!

So far it seems to be working okay for us! Obviously there are times when we really miss each other and would do anything to be together. But I think we also both like having some independence.

Does anyone else have experience of long distance? What impact do you think it has?

We have been in a long-distance relationship 844 miles apart for the first year that resulted in us getting married way too soon in the relationship just to be able to stay together - so it depends on how you see it whether it worked for us or not quite! Mind you, we have not regretted it yet, and this was almost ten years ago. In the last couple of years (and for some to come) we have been (will be) in a long-distance(ish) relationship simply because he travels for months in a row for work far far away. We deal with it, as it is a means to an end, but we much prefer living together.

I think long distance can be tricky. I am literally witnessing a friend of mine's marriage falling apart due to living on different continents for now and her saying "I'm a married single mother". You need to find ways to stay in touch, not just for everyday issues (like what did the kid do today?), but with yourselves as a couple (we for example still have dinner together over Skype sometimes - me at home, him with room service, talking, enjoying a drink and whatnot), have our own habits that work even thru noticeable time differences, and still have a very active sex life (mail, chat, video calls, photo exchanges, sms, you-name-it). It all depends on the commitment and the connection between you two.

I have been with my OH for 11 years now, and engaged fro 1 year. We don't have kids but that is our choice, they are not on our life plan. We have a dog. Unconditional love!

We keep things special by making time for each other, and making an effort. This sounds very silly, but when you have had a shift from hell and you walk out to see your OH in the car to pick you up and take you home, sparring you a 30 min walk in the rain. It really is the little things that make the difference. But that is the love side of things.

As for sex, well I am known for starting things. I buy all the toys, and book our weekinds away. We have regular weekends in cottages around England, and I try to wear something new and sexy for him, maybe throw a new toy in to the mix. Once provided with the tools he does take the initiative.

We both have stressful jobs but nothing that a cuddle a massage or a blow job can't fix.

Dont have the distance problem that you have, I cant even imagine how hard that would be.

Busy lives keep us busy and conflicting shift working, however, we just try to make date night a thing every couple of weeks, getting time just to talk and cuddle in the mornings is a big thing for us!

Hi LadyFiasco, congrats on your anniversary! My OH and I will have been together a year after New Year's and everyday is an experience for us, whether we're together or apart! I think flirting gets forgotten after the early stages of a relationship, which is sad! And also it is important to reassure your partner than you still fancy them looks-wise, compliments are key here as long as they're sincere!

In terms of a romance a love letter can go a long way, and it's free! Being romantic and spontaneous is very important too, I'd LOVE my OH to surprise me romantically one day for no reason, like booking a day out for us... One time he bought me some cookies, just a simple bag from our local supermarket, but it was this heartfelt notion that made me love him more. He remembered what type I liked and everything! These little gestures mean a lot for me, he's my true soulmate.

Sexually I know that communication is the most important thing in relationships. You can whip out some handcuffs and a swinger's guide book but at the end of the day a long chat can go much further than just buying props. My OH and I are still in the experimenting stage of our relationship and we're happy with the vanilla sex just as much as the 'kinky' sex... The cuddles after are the best bit!

I suppose at the end of the day it's all about trust, respect, communication and bonding. You can know your partner for fifty years and still be discovering new things waaay into the future! Good luck and congratulations!

Well its our 20th wedding anniversery next year ( modern Platinum) . I am thinking of getting her a platinum wedding band .

Our relationship in total has been going for around 26 years . Sex spark as has been up and down with kids and aging I suppose. Despite this there is always time for cuddling,kissing and going out together .Also keep the romance going , buy her flowers and if possible take her way for a surpise weekend .

If you never lose sight of that then your relationship should always keep going even if sex is off the menu.

Those are my tips for a long relationship.

I have loved reading all of your responses! Romance certainly isn't dead

We have been together for well over 40 years and after all that time - more than 2/3ds of our lives - it's as if we have never existed as separate people at all and that not being together is totally unthinkable. We have certainly reached the point where doing what the other wants (not just in the bedroom but generally) is more important than doing what you want. It gives rise to a silly form of argument - the sort where I won't watch the last GP of the season because she needs something from the garden centre and she won't go to the garden centre because she wants me to watch the GP... Pathetic, isn't it?

Perhaps younger people will be pleased to know that, from our experience, it all gets better as you get older. Even the things you might think would put a damper on ones sex life (dickey joints, ED, etc) really are an opportunity not a difficulty - a good excuse to explore different and often more exciting things to do and treat yourselves to the sex furniture, the positioning aids, the his 'n hers strapons, the electro toys, etc, etc that are clearly just kinky when young but 'essential' when you are older.

You might just be surprised at what we wrinklies get up to - it's a lot of fun!

Congrats to Gyrator53 who seems to hold the record here.

We are 34 years together and 31 married.

Not all perfect, but the vast majority very good. We did have a bad few years and even ended up at Relate once, mainly because of our inability to deal with mismatched sex drives, but that was a long time ago now and before we had a LH account.

I'd offer two bits of advice.

One - You've got to learn to compromise. You are never going to be able to always get exactly what you want, sexually or otherwise. But unless you are really unlucky, the world isn't going to end tomorrow so it's not really a big deal if you don't get that blow job tonight or she won't wear that outfit you got her, chill out. Chances are, she'll do it next time.

Two - Things change and not always for the better. You've got to accept that and do the best you can at the time. You might have great sex now while you live in your own flat and have two jobs and good money coming in, but in 10 years time, you might have a bigger mortgage, one job, two young kids that take all her time and energy. You cannot seriously think that that won't change things.

Oh, and do not suffer in silence! You got a problem, talk about it now while its a little problem before it gets to be a big problem.

We have been together for 12 and married for 3 and both hitting 30. The longer it goes on, the more you know what each other like and the more you are able to please each other.

is there stuff I wish she would do, yeah of course. She doesn't feel comfortable being sexy. I would quite like a tease or some pics every now and then but you know what, she is who she is. We have a great life and we are always both sexually pleased and we both go out of our way to do things the other likes.

basically long term equals better sex I would say.

I'd definitely have to agree with the above ...I think sex can keep on getting better the longer you are together if
you both make the effort.
Me and my husband have been together for 34 years and married for 32 and we are far more experimental now than we were at the beginning of our relationship.
I think most of that comes from trusting and knowing each other so well after all these years but we still make an effort to try new things to keep the spark alive.
I feel sad when I hear about couples who's sex life has dwindled away over the years never to return but it doesn't have to be like that. The main thing is being willing to give and take, that's what works for us :)

Definitely long term = better sex , you get to no each other's bodies , likes & needs we've recently started ( thanks to lovehoney) experimenting with strap ons , light bondage & oh is into prostate massage which I am happy to assist with .

Hope you had a great anniversary , were 8 years in and things seem to only be getting better x

Been together 17 years. Still love each other the same as when we met.

No real secret, lots of compromise, put each other ffirst, talk a lot and most importantly make time for each other which is bloody hard with kids. We can go for a month or two with no sex with illness, elderly parents and other of life's interruptions but as soon as we can we make time for each other. But God am I desperate by then.

As for sex, I goes up and down (excuse the pun) depending on curcumstance. I still fancy the pants of her though. We have been together so long we are comfortable with each others bodies, really none of the awkwardness you get when you are younger. Life gets better with age I reckon

23 is just a wee baby though. Have a good anniversary.

50Guy wrote:

Congrats to Gyrator53 who seems to hold the record here.

We are 34 years together and 31 married.

Not all perfect, but the vast majority very good. We did have a bad few years and even ended up at Relate once, mainly because of our inability to deal with mismatched sex drives, but that was a long time ago now and before we had a LH account.

I'd offer two bits of advice.

One - You've got to learn to compromise. You are never going to be able to always get exactly what you want, sexually or otherwise. But unless you are really unlucky, the world isn't going to end tomorrow so it's not really a big deal if you don't get that blow job tonight or she won't wear that outfit you got her, chill out. Chances are, she'll do it next time.

Two - Things change and not always for the better. You've got to accept that and do the best you can at the time. You might have great sex now while you live in your own flat and have two jobs and good money coming in, but in 10 years time, you might have a bigger mortgage, one job, two young kids that take all her time and energy. You cannot seriously think that that won't change things.

Oh, and do not suffer in silence! You got a problem, talk about it now while its a little problem before it gets to be a big problem.

Good advice 50Guy.

Compromise is so important. If you're not prepared to meet each other halfway, resentment will start to build.

Things do change...and sometimes in unexpected ways. When I was child-free in my relationship (we've been together 13.5 yrs, married 5 of them), I had the chance to have loads more sex, but ironically didn't as my sex-drive was nearly non-existent.

Roll onto now, where we have a 6-month old baby, and I am gagging for it most days, while OH is struggling to keep up with my pleas for sex!

But definitely talk about small things before they become big things.

10 years with hubby and still sane, always be bi at heart, so we window shop together lol

I think the key is to not put pressure on yourself or each other to be having lots of sex or expecting mega sex sessions all the time. In my experience ( we have been together 32 years ) sex naturally ebbs and flows but as long as you are ok in other parts of your relationship then you will keep the spark alive as you put it.