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  1. Body confidence

    chocolate-milk [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 66
    • Joined: 10 Jun 2012

    As I am getting older, I am definatly getting confident and wiser in my work, personal and sex life. Which is fantastic, as I'm becoming overall happier with life. However, I have noticed that I have put on weight. My BF says that he loves me no matter what and finds me sexy without my clothes on. But I do find that I'm not liking being naked as much lately, as I feel ugly. My BF does treat me like a sex goddess in the bedroom, but I do have these niggles lately.

    I am thinking about changing things, such as being active and being that more healthier so that I can continue with enjoying my 30's! Change is hard, and will get through this with my loving BF.

    Has anyone else (boys aswell as gals) experienced/experiencing anything like this? And how did you get through it so that you're back to feeling the sex god/dess that is within us?

    NatandTom [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 6 Jun 2015

    You should do whatever makes you feel confident in yourself again, if that is exercising and eating healthier then go for it! (I'd recommend eating smaller amounts but more frequently - five or six small meals a day can boost your metabolism!) as for the bedroom, body stockings may help! If you're not keen on being naked it's a great way to look sexy and also feel sexy, I personally find them very slimming! I'm sure you're perfect the way you are already but do what makes you happy :) x

    delilahxx [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 12 Mar 2013

    I had the same problem a couple of years ago, I just didn't feel sexy at all.

    So I started eating healthier, sometimes all that's needed is small changes. I also started exercising, seeing myself getting more toned really helped.

    I also took pics of myself in sexy lingerie I had bought from LH, this let me see myself more objectively and made me see how I really looked rather than how I thought I looked.

    And in no time at all I looked and felt sexier then ever and I've never looked back :)

    Just Jenson [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 19 Dec 2009

    Definitely has increased for me since I started exercising again. Keep it very simple as right now I dont have time for the gym (or rather dot wantto make the time). I do one exercise a day at home, and go to yoga 3 times a week.

    the other thing that helped me overall was going to a naturist club a realising that body image isnt the be all and end all.

    Briona87 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
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    • Joined: 29 Jun 2014

    I have been trying to convince myself that actually being able to wear size 14 (sometimes 12, sometimes 16 but anyway...) lingerie should make me feel better about my body (I used to be size 28ish and I have also gone through loads of frantic dieting, starving and manic exercising) but I have not quite succeeding in that task just yet... I realize it is probably pretty silly but I suppose that never being asked out and hearing loads of nasty comments about my weight an appearance just does not help me to become more, erm... definitely not happy but perhaps "just about okay(ish)" with the way I look..

    tider [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 232
    • Joined: 17 Nov 2014

    iam size 22 so iam fat and ugly but go to the point i do not give a damn the rest of the world can stick it right up there bum not sure if the is confidence or been arrognant so that it

    Purring-Pussy [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3382
    • Joined: 11 Jun 2012

    My weight has been so up and down over the last 3 years, that my skin is becoming saggy. My tum hangs over my Cesarean scar, the tops of my arms are fat but saggy and I'm just huge full stop. Getting concious again of what others think of me and it gets me so fed up and down.

    HappilyExperimenting [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1635
    • Joined: 14 Feb 2012

    There are so many people who suffer from body confidence issues here :'(

    All I can say is if losing a few pounds will make you feel better, go for it! Just do it healthily :) Cutting out unnecessary snacks was difficult for me but I am getting there, day by day. I have bad days where I fall down on the snacks train but I try again the next day, just try, try again!

    I am a size 16 but I hope I look sexy. My OH is always praising my body, saying it's gorgeous and my boobs are perfect, my bum's so sexy... Yet I have that voice inside saying "Your stretchmarks and varicose veins are hideous, your face is fat and your boobs are saggy" I try to shut it up but sometimes it doesn't work. I have things I hate about myself too and even though my OH loves me and my body I sometimes have doubts. Any tips?

    WillC [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Major General
    • Posts: 764
    • Joined: 28 Jul 2012

    Nobody is perfect,you should all be confident in the fact,that there is someone out there that will love you for who you are.You larger ladies are much more attractive to most men than size 8`s Trust me! Also,there`s nothing sexier than a woman who is confident in her body no matter what.

    Zerlina [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 41
    • Joined: 4 Jun 2011

    I've had this, it's apparently really common to put on weight in relationships. My previous partner was a prat about it and said "I'm not as sexually attracted to you now", though we were still sleeping together. I ended up losing the weight, nothing to do with him, and it made no difference in how he treated me. When we split up, he promptly got together with a woman who was basically a ten years younger version of me, and who was about the shape I'd been before I lost the weight. So some people will just be horrible about this. My current partner, who is probably a smidgen overweight himself and who makes me purr just by taking his top off, has never stopped telling me how incredibly sexy I am, and couldn't care less about my weight fluctuating a bit since we've been together. Bodies are awesome and we have a great deal of fun with ours together. Being happy, enthusiastic, affectionate and good at communicating is what makes for great sex, not being a certain shape.

    There's a lot of feminist writing about body positivity around, you might find it's helpful to read that. Let's face it, most people's weight will fluctuate during their life, it's entirely normal. I've lost a few pounds lately and have a nice wrap dress in my wardrobe which is now too big, but I'm leaving it there, chances are it may well fit again one day. We are constantly being fed photoshopped images of underweight teenagers as if they were the norm, and it's hard not to feel fat in comparison with those. I found it really helpful to look at photos of gorgeous curvier women, to reset my subconscious idea of what "normal" and "sexy" look like. (There's not really any such thing as "normal", and "sexy" is entirely subjective, but you know what I mean.)

    Try looking at the models on Curvety http://www.curvety.com/. It's a website selling plus size clothes that are really lovely, and the models are not only truly plus size, which is weirdly rare, but look amazing. For some reason, far too many plus size ranges take women who are an average "healthy" weight, who are bigger than conventional models but nowhere near plus size, and then put them in tents. The Curvety models vary a fair bit in terms of size and shape, and several are also women of colour, which again is far too rare. I spent ages looking at the dress section on Curvety when I needed an evening dress for a wedding, not because I was planning to buy them (I'm around the upper end of the "healthy weight" range at the moment, and short enough that standard clothing ranges still cover me when I'm a lot heavier, plus they were above my budget), but I'm bosomy and these women look far more like me than conventional models do. So it gave me a good idea of what sort of dresses would suit my shape, and generally cheered me up. Cleavage, for instance! When you're heavier, you are generally rocking fabulous breasts. Enjoy them! I bet your partner does! Another place that shows positive images of people in a variety of sizes looking sexy and happy is the Oh Joy Sex Toy comic. You may need to browse back quite a bit, there are guest comics and other topics and so forth, but here's an example of a sex toy review with a lovely curvy lady: http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/wevibe-tango/. (Awesome toy, incidentally.)

    And then if you want to and can afford it, get yourself some lovely clothes that make you feel great, that you think you look great in. Don't worry about all those articles telling you that you can't wear X or Y because it won't be "flattering", go for something that makes you feel awesome. Colours that cheer you up just to look at them, fabrics that feel fantastic, maybe something that's really comfortable so that you can relax (I have to be really careful about this due to chronic pain, I have a lot of tunic tops that you can hide a TENS machine under and live in stretchy maternity bras because they're the only ones that don't hurt, and I still look damned sexy), or something structured like a corset if that turns you on. Curvety is on the pricier end, but there are still quite a few options out there. Bravissimo have a clothing range which varies but has a fair amount of gorgeous stuff, and you can find older stock more cheaply on eBay too. They're also the best people to go to for finding a bra that fits properly and have a good range of pretty bras in larger cup sizes, since high street stores have a ridiculously small range that only really suit smaller-breasted folks. Lovely lingerie is a mood-lifter for lots of people!

    I wouldn't go for a bodystocking to hide your body during sex, you want to be enjoying your own skin. Maybe lower lighting while you get used to feeling more confident about your body again? Romantic lighting is always enjoyable, you can get really lovely fairy lights and candles and such. Or perhaps get yourself a fun toy that you can use together? There's nothing like a nice intense orgasm to take your mind off other things, and I'm not the only one whose partner thinks I look incredibly hot using a toy, especially when I'm thrashing around and making all sorts of happy noises.

    As for exercise and weight loss, you do whatever makes you feel happy. Exercise is usually a good thing, so why not. Find something that you enjoy and will keep doing regularly, rather than worrying about what will burn most calories or target whichever muscles. Exercise is for fitness rather than weight loss anyway, realistically. With regard to weight loss, don't get stuck in a miserable dieting mentality, that's quite easy to fall into. The 3 Fat Chicks forum is a sensible one, and Intuitive Eating is a particularly good approach. That's about learning to work with your body, unlearning bad habits such as the deprivation-binge cycle, that sort of thing. I wasn't one for the deprivation-binge approach, but I did need to work on stress eating, mindless snacking and such, and it's helped me with that.

    Best of luck, and I hope you are soon feeling happier and having a great time!

    BigBouncyBunny [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 2 Jul 2015

    tider wrote:

    iam size 22 so iam fat and ugly but go to the point i do not give a damn the rest of the world can stick it right up there bum not sure if the is confidence or been arrognant so that it

    +1. I'm on the large side if you want to call it that, curvy, voluptuous, obese, whatever. Pigeon holeing me doesn't make me who I am. Yes, I'm trying to lose weight, I joined Slimming World nearly a year ago, I've lost 4 stone, I've still got a pretty negative opinion of myself but I'm trying. I've made notes to myself about behind less unkind to myself & I've stopped buying predominately black clothes. I try & wear perfume every day & try to wear lippy everyday - this is just for me, no-one else. Yes, I'm bigger than a lot of people but they don't have the right to judge me.

    I got fitted properly for a bra and my boobs are wear they should be now! Makes a hell of a difference. I go on Pinterest and look for photos of plus sized women wearing outfits that I could wear or should wear. There's lots of us about! Lots of photos to inspire you. Even big girls can do boudoir photos.

    I joined LH in August of this year, made several purchases since then just so that I can put some spice into our bedroom as it's been lacking in recent years due to my depression (illness/lost my job etc). OH doesn't mind me as I am, he's happy for ME that I've lost weight but he liked me before.

    Treat yourself to some nice undies, if you're still not confident, buy a baby doll so that your tummy is covered, french knickers if you're not happy with your bum. Even if you're just wearing stockings & high heels, you'll still feel good though. Light some candles and get your OH to massage you, it will make your skin glow & you can return the favour.

    You owe it to yourself to be nice to yourself. xxx

    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    tider wrote:

    iam size 22 so iam fat and ugly but go to the point i do not give a damn the rest of the world can stick it right up there bum not sure if the is confidence or been arrognant so that it

    +1 ( except size 18/20)

    Emilyyy [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 19 Mar 2015

    I just finished my first year at uni and gained a stone! I felt so gross infront of my boyfriend that I started making him turn the lights off when anything was happening, but then I realised that it doesnt matter if I have a little weight. he didnt love me because I was skinnier he loved me because it was me. So i felt more confident infront of him and we are fine now

    However, I am still wanting to change because I dont feel sexy. Dont do it because you feel you have to change. Do it because you want to!

    bharool [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant
    • Posts: 47
    • Joined: 11 Oct 2012

    There was a young lady at the club I went to Friday who was so confident in herself that she was happy to walk around absolutely stark naked. She origonally started off in a kind of crotchless fish net body stocking where the holes were so big a salmon could have got through but soon discarded the whole lot.

    I found her attitude and confidence extremely sexy.

    I was a bit shocked though when she walked up to me naked as the day she was born in the locker rooms asking if I had seen her ciggies. I am wondering now if that was a euphemism and I completely missed the point.

    pr4wnst4r [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 10 May 2013

    I used to feel like this, regardless of how many compliments I recieved from my boyfriend it didn't change my own feelings. so one day I decided to start working out and eating healthier and i've never looked back. Working out makes you feel great about your body! I can now say I'm happy with my body and I love buying clothes now as I don't feel insecure about how i'll look in them.

    bluemumma [sign in to see picture]
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    • Joined: 9 Feb 2015

    After 3 children all through c/section due to heart issues, and open heart surgery I was left with huge scars on my tummy and right down the middle of my chest I ended up a size 22-24, and as I breast fed all babies to 2yrs I was left with empty boobies and a tummy overhang.... tmi.... sorry! I just wanted to explain why my sex drive was zero :/

    In Jan I signed up for 2 big walks (a 25k which I did in July and a 50k which I'm doing in a few weeks) to raise money for a special needs centre where we go as my youngest is disabled. This has mean doing lots of walking and I've lost over 2 stone and I'm now a size 18-20 and all that sexy is coming back :) yayyyy!!!!

    I'm now making the most of love honey's plus size range and it really does help me to feel sexy again :)

    I am going to try and continue to lose weight but it's now mainly for health reasons rather than feeling ugly. Knowing all that size 16 lingerie is crying out for me will help me get down another dress size I'm sure ;)

    Until then I've decided to accept what I have, embrace my curves and love myself, bumps, lumps, scars and all!

    Rae1 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: General
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    • Joined: 30 Aug 2014

    I put on a lot of weight due to a dramatic life change, I was comfort eating as much as I could and I couldn't stop, I was in a bad state and cried myself to sleep most nights, my biggest struggle was drinking and being 'addicted' to fizzy energy drinks. Lame I know but I know now how bad they are and thats a bigger struggle.
    I stopped my habits after I first met my boyfriend, my mind was stuck on him and eventually cut down on all the binge eating and drinking overtime, he has been a massive help for gaining back my confidence step at a time, but I'm still not completely over it. I stopped putting weight on finally, but I feel like I've let myself down big time, and feel like a bigger let down to my boyfriend because I shouldn't of let it get outta hand, when I get naked in front on my boyfriend I always feel the urge to hide away or keep my shirt on, anything just to hide away my tummy. My boyfriend tells me he loves me for who I am, but my mind always tells me that he is just saying that to make me stop. I think to myself sometimes that It must be nice to be slimmer, and feel more sexier for my boyfriend. It's made me turn really shy and hate going outdoors, I lost a lot of friends because I just hated to be seen out and I'm to paranoid about having people judge me.

    My binge has stopped completely now and My diet is normal, I drink water and fruit/green tea majority of the time, but still need to get in the enthusiastic stage of a complete diet and workout. I am a student so I don't really have time or the money to afford the gym everyday, but I do feel better after a walk or two. I've shed a few pounds but still in the process of feeling great about myself slowly! My attitude is changing a lot over time too. Although I'm still a little shy to meet new people, and paranoid about thinking that people judge me all the time, it's slowly starting to go. I'm even a little shy on these forums, which is crazy. (Apart from this post)

    Everyone is different, but i started to loose weight because I was distracted from my problems, I had something to look forward to everyday and eventually quit doing my habits without even realising. As I look back, I'm appalled I even eat for the sake of it, I'm ashamed of what I did, so I'm definitely not looking back!!!!

    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    I'm suffering with body confidence issues too, seems like a very common problem!

    I've ballooned from a size 10-12 to a 16-18 in the 5 years I've been with my OH, I think it's a combination of being more relaxed about food (I used to starve myself), being treated to lots of meals out, and not being very active due to illness. As a result I've got a few purple stretch marks on my tummy and I've also got a lot of scarring from previous surgeries and self harm.

    I hate the way I look naked, however when I'm wearing lingerie I don't feel so bad. Babydolls especially seem to boost my confidence considerably! I now rely on lingerie a lot more than I used to, because we've just got new wardrobes with mirrored doors which are adjacent to our bed, and I know my OH likes to watch us doing it in them sometimes. I have told him I don't like him watching us in the mirror because it makes me feel really self conscious, but I know he sneaks a glance every now and then! Can't blame him I guess, but that's motivation in itself to get healthier and happier with my body.

    chocolate-milk [sign in to see picture]
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    Thank you for all your comments everyone! Great community we have here!

    I decided to talk to my BF as I couldn't keep it in any more, it was getting me down. He is amazing! He loves me so much and loves it when I'm naked (even when I'm having an off day/night!) and that if I am feeling a bit unhappy, then we shall be healthier together. We are looking into doing a marathon run or something similar. This way it will be fun to start up and then to have a goal.

    Thanks again for your posts and I'll keep those in mind. Might do a little bit of LH shopping to make me feel a little better....any suggestions?

    Luv bunny [sign in to see picture]
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    V- necks or sweetheart necklines enhance cleavage drawing the eyes away from areas such as tummy and hips etc. Could try a nice silk/satin robe. Will feel luxurious and hopefully bring your sexy back :)
    Or a Chemise, will do nicely.

    A boudoir shoot could help, as you can use mirrors to get images of yourself from different angles which may be more flattering than what the camera is photographing directly. Hope that makes sense. You can check out my photos I put on here if you want some inspiration.... I took them post- baby (born April) to help myself feel more sexy. It works, and gives me something to share with the OH. A bit of soft focus and other jiggery- pokery work wonders :)

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