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  1. Are bounderies renegotiable in your relationship ?

    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    I was just wondering those of you who are in long term relationships inlcuding same sex relationships, do you renegotiate boundaries ?

    It occured to me that as couples get more adventurous in the bedroom , what was off limits some time ago may now become acceptable when requested again

    For example in my own relationship My Mrs has made no secret of her desire to be spanked. I did say no originally but agreed to lightly spank her as part of foreplay. But these would be very light playful slaps just to arouse her.

    TBH I couldn't get my head around the psyche of a guy who loves and worships his OH and places her over his knee and gives her a hard spanking and almost bringing her to tears.

    Having bought a couple of books form Lovehoney on the subject last year my attitiude changed a little as I began to understand the psyche of this more.Now I will agree to more moderate swats and including the use of implements.

    I suppose this is an example of how bouindaries can change.

    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
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    Course they're open to renegotiate.

    If you'd of said to me about 5 years ago, can I fuck you in your ass, pull your hair and slap your arse all at once I'd of said nooo way on earth am I ever going to let anyone do that. Same if someone asked if they could piss on me ... But look at me now. Haha!

    With me. The more i researched about bdsm, Kinks and fetishes the more intrigued I got. The more i wanted to try it all.

    Limits can be pushed. With communication and trust x

    wildflower [sign in to see picture]
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    We've been married a long time and we have renegotiated our boundaries over the years. There was once a time when I said absolutely no way to anything anal but a few years ago we tried again and I found it quite pleasurable, now it's a regular part of our sex life. I've always been into being spanked but it took me a long time to admit this to my husband ( I don't know why but I felt a bit shy about it ) and I found that he quite likes to spank me although I think this is mainly for my pleasure a bit more than his.

    Nothing is set in stone and interests in certain things can change over years. Sexually we are now both different people to what we used to be when we first met so it make sense to renegotiate now and then.

    To be honest there's loads of things that were once off limits for me that I enjoy now.

    Terri JJ [sign in to see picture]
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    We were definitely vanilla to start with, or at least oh was. I was the first person he'd ever slept with and I didn't want to scare him to death ! We're definitely not vanilla now but new things have always been introduced slowly and over a period of time. He was a lot like you with the spanking - couldn't for the life of him see why on earth I would want someone (particularly someone who loved me) to basically beat the crap out of me ? He's just about there now but it still bothers him if he marks me really badly or if I end up screaming and crying in pain. I think boundaries change in most relationships as people get to know each other better and feel more comfortable asking for what they need x

    randomnessemma [sign in to see picture]
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    Me and my hubby only been married a year and our sex life used.to be very vanilla is the only way I could describe it but now we try all sorts we've never tried before, just about taking small steps and trying a little bit at a time experiment about what u mite like and keeping an open mind.

    I think the longer ppl are together I think the more confident and comfortable they are with each other and this helps to change things up

    You never know if you'll like it till you try it.

    mrs.hiskett [sign in to see picture]
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    It all depends on trust and curiosity. I think over time curiousity takes over then boundaries get moved along .after all we curious creatures so yes i think itsjust down to the person but only if the person is ready to push them boundaries at there pace

    JM88 [sign in to see picture]
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    It changes over time i would say!

    For me i always said no to anal but changed my mind. To be fair though we have been together 9 years but anal was only mentioned 1-2 years ago. I wasnt keen at first but as we tried out other things i became open to the idea.

    It was good though because i was able to make the decision without being pressurised. I think some people hear no and assume it will either be no forever, or they keep pestering hoping to change the other persons mind.

    VirginAngel [sign in to see picture]
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    I think i'm the opposite of everyone else here. Yes i am a virgin, but i have a very strong identity of what sex and a relationship is to me, and what i want to gain from it. After my first boyfriend (long distance thankfully) became incredibly demanding and controlling sexually, making our online chats every single day about just describing how i would sexually pleasure him, and him insisting on me doing things i didnt want, and threatening to tie me up and then do it to me when i couldn't stop him if i said no, all my previous openess to trying things has well and truly gone. I would never relinquish control to somebody, i am not ok with being submissive, and at the same time i refuse to be dominant, i want total equality. I see sex as an intimate bonding experience, and i don't ever want it to be anything but incredibly loving and gentle. I'm not saying BDSM, spanking, rough sex etc isn't loving to other people, but it isn't to me. I will almost certainly be vanilla only, i want sex to be about touching eachothers body, sensuality, kisses and cuddles, not orgasms. i don't want toys to be a part of my sex life when in a relationship, with a pertner or by myself, as to me, sex isn't about pleasure, its about closeness. I'm sure plenty of you will take the view that im a virgin so i'll probably change my mind once i start having sex, but im confident my decision is final.

    Young and fun95 [sign in to see picture]
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    I'd say that the persons that originally said no can change their mind but the partner who wanted something refused can't keep asking

    Never know [sign in to see picture]
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    Mine and my OH's boundaries have changed over time but I think that's only natural as a relationship develops and a couple try new things, experiment more and get more adventurous.

    Enjoy it, go for it and have fun.

    PetiteJess [sign in to see picture]
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    I was always very strict and very stubborn on anal sex and play. Vowed I would never do it. Then I became curious and now I love it.
    The same with facials, hated the fact of a man ejaculating on my face but now I really enjoy doing it with my partner.

    WillC [sign in to see picture]
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    I think as time goes on boundaries evolve as you try new things,that`s part of the magic of a long term relationship,mutual trust and the desire to try new things.

    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
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    I do think that the boundaries can be changed if both parties are ok. If you are with someone for 10, 20 or more years together, I find it normal that these can changed as you progress through life and also get better understanding and trust between each other

    I can definitely say that mine was changed from what it was few years ago. If back then you told me, that I would enjoy being spanked, I would accuse you of being crazy and not knowing me at all. Well, it change but I admit I spent nearly year of hating myself, being disguested with myself, telling myself I am freak and worthless if I enjoy that. Since lovemaking should be gentle and nothing more, and this is not natural.

    Obviously, I came long way further now, but I still remember back then, likely as a result of long term struggle, that pushing my boundarie was not easy but it happened and I find it for the better. It makes me enjoy sex more the way I am

    Boogaloo [sign in to see picture]
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    I definitely think boundaries can change, as they have for us. I've always been a very sexually open person from a young age, and up for trying most things (including BDSM, rimming, etc). One thing I said I'd never ever do is anal sex, but when I met the right partner (my current OH) I didn't feel as guarded and I shifted my boundaries a little bit. We tried it once or twice, didn't like it so haven't done it again, but we'd never have tried that before.

    My OH has shifted his boundaries when it comes to BDSM. It's something I've always been interested in but he used to make fun of because he couldn't understand how it could be pleasurable. As he's learnt more about it, he's really embraced it and loves being a Dom now.

    I think I can still safely say my boundaries won't change when it comes to scat, watersports, facials, incest role plays etc. Those really are hard limits for me, so perhaps the things we've compromised on so far were never really 'off the table' to begin with? Who knows! :)

    Secretty [sign in to see picture]
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    Depends what's being negotiatied. There's some things that are off the table and would take something pretty freaking drastic to change. Sharing and watersports to name a couple.

    Other that a few select no-nos however, we're actually a pretty adventerous couple. We're both up for trying a lot of things at least once and are comfortable exploring with each other. Personally, there's nothing I would be offended by if my OH came up to me and wanted to try it as long as she remembers the stuff thats off the table will always be off the table. :P

    Deekayjay [sign in to see picture]
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    Yup! I've been with my hubby for 28yrs and we were reasonably adventurous when we first got together but just the normal light bondage. Now, after a very lean period of hardly any sex at all I found my voice and plucked up courage to say that I liked pain and wanted to try anal as well - was too embarrassed before! After talking it through hubby has embraced this and I now cherish my bruises and enjoy anal immensly.

    There are still some things that never appeal such as water sports and scat play and definitely no threesomes for either of us.

    It's all about communicating with each other and only going with things that you are both interested in - I think that comes with long term relationships. I would never confess my kinks to someone new!

    KeptLocked [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes I agree with most above - I think it's probably natural that as a relationship matures discussion around differnt idea will evolve. Some will never happen but others might not seem so scary as the trust with your OH strengthens (assuming that it ddoes of course!)

    We have tried mild bondage, chastity, dildos and thongs - all things that were definite 'no's' at first. Some other things we are still venturing towards like anal and some things we've tried and discounted like deep throat.

    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes what you are comfortable with changes the more you get to know your OH and the longer the relationship.

    I have been with my OH for almost 11 years now and it is only this last year that we have started to use toys. Not through boredom but as I felt more confident and trusting of him I have been able to introduce them into our sex lives.

    mysteron [sign in to see picture]
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    Yes thanks guys . Thats quite encouraging as I do anticipate perhaps new challenges on the horizon like a bit of anal play and hoping to bring a bit into our role plays eg a cavity search with a sugical glove as an example.

    I suspect I will be probably knocked back a bit and perhaps with a good book on Anal she may ease a little like I did over the spanking .I think its sometimes our own perceptions that sometimes prevent us from trying anything new .

    On a side note which I found quite humurous , is that her older system was casually talking about one of her work colleagues whio is into bondage ,spanking ,fetish leather and bdsm , and she said its all crazy to her and perverted. If only she knew! It just proves that we have come a long way over time since we just practiced vanilla sex and also our boundaries .

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