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  1. Any advice would be appreciated!

    That Sassy Sexy Chica [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 1
    • Joined: 3 Jun 2015

    Hey hey, first ever post on LoveHoney. I've actually only become a member today.

    Alrighty, i'm 18yo, female and a virgin. The furthest I've gone is given oral (it only happened last week, proud of myself!:) ). I masturbate but i can.not.orgasm.

    This sucks ass bc i really really want to & i have a pocket vibrator (bought from lovehoney ofc) but like i start building up then hit a wall and i kinda just leave it and let my clit throb whilst i try and sleep away my miseries.

    I've read so much online and I've gathered my vagina isnt broken or anything and that it does happen to lots of women (1 in 10 to be exact) but sometimes i cant help but feel not so sexually liberated which i should be.

    I'm not in a relationship and ive always thought oh it'll be fine i'll reach the big O someday soon. But what if i dont? What if im destined to be orgasmless forever and have sex with my future husband because of duty and sexy time isnt sexy and i'm just waiting for him to finish bc if he can get his then i should help but im just lying there thinking about how an orgasm filled life would look like!

    I'm sorry for the long post/rant its just a bit scary to think I'll never get there and its hard to keep thoughts that theres something wrong with me away.

    If you've read this far you are a star and probably thinking omg get to the point! So my question is; does anyone have any tips or maybe personal experiences of your first time reaching that tipping point and preferably detailed accounts? Would be extreeeeemely grateful, so thank you in advance!

    Thanks once more for reading the ramblings of an orgasmless teen.

    Vanessa8 [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 3029
    • Joined: 7 Jan 2014

    Well let me see if I can offer a few insights that you may find helpful:

    1. If you are stressing yourself out to achieve orgasm your mind may be getting in the way of being able to fully relax and release.

    2. Not everyone is stimulated in the same way in order to achieve orgasms, so if you are focused solely on your clit you may be someone that needs more g spot stimulation.

    3. Not all orgasms are created equal.... meaning that the type of release I personally experience from oral / clit with a partner, clit with toys / shower wand, penetration with partner or toys are different. Granted I believe you will know when you do hit it that you are there, but dont think you need to be like a porn star in cuming.

    4. Your sexual experiences and sexual expression is your own journey... don't set a timeline for yourself or freak yourself out about something that has not happened yet. I think it is a very positive and proactive thing that you are exploring your body and determining what turns you on, that will result in more satisfying partner sex eventually becuase you should feel confident communicating what feels good and is working for you.

    5. Finally, when you are with the a partner and determine it is time to move in that direction my advice is do not ever fake orgasm.  Sex can be nice without that big O, but if you partner thinks you are hitting when you are not it is just not a fulfilling situation for you.

    Fun Louise [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 7168
    • Joined: 30 Mar 2015

    Don't stress my friend we are here to be ranted at.

    You say you have a pocket vibrator, do you use it penetratively or just on your clit?

    One of my friends had her first orgasm at age 42, she did not know what she was missing out on. I genuinely think it is just a matter of finding what works for you.

    i enjoy clit stimulation and use the Tracey Cox Rechargable bullet, but I can't always orgasm with this alone. I really enjoy penatration and regularly use a glass dildo, sometimes separately sometimes together. I wear jiggle balls A LOT of the time and they get me very horney and wet but they have never made me orgasm alone, they are more of a toning forplay for myself.

    Why not try a set of jiggle balls? Just pop them in while your at home, doing the housework or something mundane, don't think about them too much and wait for the sensation to get you we and excited. Then maybe try your pocket vibrator.

    I love my nipples being played with and temperature play (usually putting my glass dildo in the fridge before play). Try not to masts ate because you bored, try it when your relaxed, maybe after a glass of wine and a nice warm bath, when your in the mood. Start off slowly playing with yourself gently and caressing yourself, then just a little clit play, just a ought to get you feeling tingly, then build up to vibrations with the toy and get harder and faster as you feel you want more, not because you think it's time you had more. There is no time limit on having an orgasm, it can be a matter of a Minuit for me or sometimes almost an hour (longer of im with my OH) so don't rush things.

    If you do hit the wall, try something different, don't just give up, grab an ice cube and inset it (make sure the cube is wet) maybe try anal, (it's not for me but some people love it) or just turn off the toy and use your hands, try watching or reading a bit of porn. You will find what turns you on with trial and disappointment, but don't give up, it will happen.

    Jiggle balls are an affordable item there are often some on the 3 for £10, so well worth giving them a go.

    p.s. Sorry for the rambling reply.

    Ink and Kink [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 1565
    • Joined: 21 Apr 2014

    Mine is only a short reply, as I've just woken up and I'm not yet functioning after only one mug of coffee :')

    But I didn't have my first orgasm until after 5 years of been sexually active. And I achieved it on my own. I have a rechargeable rabbit (it was my first ever sex toy) from a competitor company (I hadn't heard of lovehoney until a year ago or so) so I won't go into specifics. I don't actually use the shaft and only the rabbit ears :') I lay with the ears pressed against my clit whilst laying on my stomach (I've nevery had to explain how I masturbate and it's proving difficult)

    Long story short. I really wouldn't worry! You will eventually.

    HappyDays. [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Officer Cadet
    • Posts: 4
    • Joined: 1 Jun 2015

    Dont worry! Try not to overthink this.. Firstly being a virgin at 20 i personally think is great and something you should be proud of.. Truth be told i lost my virginity at 16 and yeah it was rubbish!!!! Although im 23 now i havent really got loads of sexual experience with a partner however i do have lots of alone time. What im trying to say (and probably not getting the message across) is that dont worry. I have only every orgasmed alone ive never had sex thats made me feel or think WOW!! Take the time to get to know your body (the way to do this is by getting hands on), figure out what you like and take it step by step. When masturbating there is no rush to orgasm and if you dont its not a bad thing!! Keep exploring your body and gaining confidence with it... Relax and have fun xxx

    Laveila [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Field Marshall
    • Posts: 2214
    • Joined: 8 Nov 2010


    I used to be in rather similar situation several years back, when I started to explore myself more.I do really agree with the previously given advice. The best things you can do are the following:

    Do not focus on the orgasm itself. It does not help much, it just prevents me from getting orgasm even today.

    Do not focus on just playing with yourself, but include some fantasy in the play. Even today, when I generally do not struggle with orgasm, a little fantasy makes things far more interesting. And it makes an orgasm more likely. Think of what turns you on. And play them in your mind. It helps me a lot. Or try reading an erotic story before you play to get you in the mood. It does help me too.

    Avoid alcohol, if you can. I generally mainly struggle with orgasm if I had alcohol. One glass of wine is fine, but as soon as I can feel even slightest effect of alcohol, I am struggling to reach an orgasm, but it could be me...

    Experiment with toys and sensations. What works for one person may not work for another. This also include toys. I had toy which was getting awesome reviews and guess what? It did not do much for me. But some other toys work great. Maybe you need stronger/weaker/different type of vibrations?

    Also I had a good experience with orgasm balms in the beginning, these help me a lot to reach an orgasm, when I used to struggle. I have to say that now I know my body and I generally do not need these anymore.

    I also learnt to experience different types of orgasms, as my understanding of my body deepend, but this did not come overnight and it took me few years to get there.

    JUst have fun and relax and I hope you can reach your orgasm :)

    Littlestars [sign in to see picture]
    • Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
    • Posts: 161
    • Joined: 29 Jul 2014

    It's taken me many different toys and years to figure out my body enough to achieve a solo orgasm. I would.leave myself frustrated so many times because I just couldn't get it. So don't panic, relax, chill out and let the mood take you.

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