I think you're really right about how it must be for him having my sexual desires change. We got together when I was 18, so 7 years ago now, but we've been friends since we were 13. I'd never really done anything with anyone when we got together - I'd kissed friends during games and that was about it, so it was very exciting to be in my first relationship, and everything was exciting and butterflysie because it was all new to me.
Up until really recently I'd always thought that my partner and I were very sexually compatible, despite my feelings about women. We generally like the same things, and our sub/dom dynamic really helped things along, but now I see it as all a bit silly and like it's an elaborate way of trying to get around my lack of sexual interest in men.
I've never realistically considered breaking up beyond the fleeting idea of 'what would that be like...'. I've really always thought we'd be together for the rest of our lives, whether we were happy together or not, but I've always thought that we'd continue being as happy as we've always been together. We're so strongly linked I'm not sure we could break up. I don't think he'd let it happen even if I thought it was what I wanted.
After getting with my partner, I never really considered being in an actual relationship with a woman. With having no experience with women at all, I have no idea whether it's something that I'd actually realistically want, especially since I imagine strippers aren't giving me a particularly representative view of being in the company of women, hehe. I'm sure that when I imagine it I'm only thinking of all the good things that I'd like, but it does give me a feeling that I don't get from the idea of a relationship with a man.
I don't really know how to work out whether it's something I want. It all makes me feel kind of shallow since I love my partner's personality, so I'd be giving up a relationship with someone that I love to be with a hypothetical person of the right gender that I happen to find attractive. Maybe that's over-simplifying things, but it all feels kind of impossible since I have no way of knowing if it's what I want, and I have so much with my partner that it would be mad to try to break things off for such a hypothetical sort of situation. We've been together so long and I can't imagine living separate lives. At the moment because I'm so confused about my feelings, I end up thinking about practical stuff like our house and pets and the fact that I've never been on my own, but emotionally I do think I'd be lost without him.
If someone had said even a few months ago the thing about me and him changing too much to be together, I would have thought they were being ridiculous and told them that we're the most perfect couple for each other that ever lived, that we were soulmates... I don't know whether it's temporary, but I feel less like that can be true. I don't feel as though there can be another person more perfect for me than him, but at the same time I know that there's something not right about it, that makes me feel like our relationship is different from other romantic relationships. But then sometimes I wonder why I can be making such a fuss about it - we get along, we enjoy spending time together, we really do love each other, our sex life has always been good up until my recent feelings, and I try to think that gender doesn't really matter.
it's hard for me to understand how I can have strong feelings for him and feel like I also need something different, and I think it's making me behave in a way that isn't good for me or my partner as I think I'm witholding affection to try to make everything easier to understand and be less contradictory.
Sorry, massive post, just thinking it all through again :)