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  1. Love sex! advice sought from 'veterans'. Pain should be of the best sort ;) Bad joints

    1254965247
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Hi, I think this is the most appropriet division to post this on, if not then sorry.

    My husband and I have a great sex life and enjoy trying new things but favourite positions (and slight kinks) include some which can either cause considerable pain in one hip (which obviously ruins the mood) or leave me with very painful knees for days afterwards. Infrequent sex is not something we are considering. If anyone has any ideas of how to avoid either of these things happening or has experience in the areaI (and my other half) would be very appreciative! Thanks

    1254966336
    ourlorderic [sign in to see picture]
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    Try some positions that are not as strenuos like spooning and perhaps seeing a doctor as to why it hurts. Could be arthritis setting in and they do have pills and creams that can help with it.

    But like Nexas said you will have to give a bit more info if you want some better advice.

    1254971647
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Oh, i know what the problems are. I have known problems with my joints, especially my knees and hips which are being treated.

    I've tried a few different positions and am really looking for advice on positions which would take the strain off my knees and hips.

    For example, i enjoy being on top but ky knees really hurt afterwards from the kneeling and my hips are punishing me from kneeling like a frog. It's the same with any position where i'm on my knees. Which sucks cos their the ones i enjoy the most.

    I've tried going on my side but that seems to be quite tricky to get it right and feeling as good; both facing each other and from behind.

    Thanks ^_^

    1254971820
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    I've also tried talking to a rheumatologist but she wasn't really much help at all :(

    1254972178
    ourlorderic [sign in to see picture]
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    Hmm perhaps some kind of sex furniture, chair or beanbag. I can't really think of any other ways for a woman to go on top without bending her knees...well unless you were in a sit up position but that would be murder on the arms.

    1254989095
    KittyPurry [sign in to see picture]
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    The liberator sex furniture is supposed to be excellent for enhancing positions and making them easier, LH have a range of items to suit different budgets and positions:

    http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/store.cfm?cat=12226

    If you like going on top but find it too hard on on you hips and knees have you tried being on top but lying down. If you straddle your partner then lean right forward and move your legs back so you're in a press-up type position. You can then use your feet and arms to slide your body up and down. I love this position as it's full body contact and intimate, gives loads of clitoral stimulation, I'm in control of the speed and depth and it's super comfortable! A variation on this is to get your partner to open his legs slightly then put your legs tightly together in between them: increases the squeeze on him and ups the sensation for you both (be aware though it's sometimes easy to get carried away in this position and have your OH pop out!)

    xxKPxx

    1254990463
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    One web search for ergonomic sex positions brought this up as the second result:

    http://www.sexual-health-resource.org/sex_positions.htm

    http://www.sexual-health-resource.org/sex_positions/woman_on_top.html

    There are loads and loads of detailed descriptions and animated gifs on that site offering information on different sexual positions. Only you know which ones are likely to ease the strain on your joints, so I suggest you have a look.

    Good luck.

    ps: Also you might want to consider getting another rheumatologist if your current one is as dismissive and unhelpful as you say.

    1255019428
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Rowan wrote:

    Oh, i know what the problems are. I have known problems with my joints, especially my knees and hips which are being treated.

    I've tried a few different positions and am really looking for advice on positions which would take the strain off my knees and hips.

    For example, i enjoy being on top but ky knees really hurt afterwards from the kneeling and my hips are punishing me from kneeling like a frog. It's the same with any position where i'm on my knees. Which sucks cos their the ones i enjoy the most.

    I've tried going on my side but that seems to be quite tricky to get it right and feeling as good; both facing each other and from behind.

    Thanks ^_^

    I know how you feel, my joints are terrible too....

    going on top is agony in long bursts, but how about only doing it for a few minutes at a time? you still get to do it, but then you can switch to a more comfy position!....

    I find going on top, then leaning down over him so I'm laying on him and him doing the thrusting can make it less painful (especially for the knees!)....on a particularly bad hip day it's still a no no but worth a try!

    Doggy can be less painful if you alter it...instead of all foors, lay down on your front and use a pillow to raise your bum....even more intimate and sexy than doggy with half the pain....

    Sucking cock? I lie down on my side on a pillow and get my OH to put his cock in front of my mouth, can suck just as well without the knee or back pain! I also find, if he sits on a low setee then I can sit right between his legs so I am sitting more than kneeling, less painful than kneeling up whilst still having a sexy angle.

    For 69 we lie side by side and I can use his leg as a head rest...this one is a little more awkward for him though.

    As for which positions of most comfortable....try lying on your back but propping yourself up ever so slightly, the angle can make sore hips less painful and missionary becomes even more comfortable!

    Sex on your side can work but it's tricky, particularly with joint pain....what I've found sometimes works is me going on top, then when my legs are tired, he rolls me over (SLOWLY) til we are facing each other....it's a bit awkward and we had a bit of a giggle at it, but it worked in the end!

    Finally.....any position you REALLY love but is painful, try using loads of padding and do it for short periods....then you still get to do what you love! Be experimental and listen to your body - stop when it tells you to and remember to relax your muscles (you might find yourself tensing up in anticipation of pain which will only make the pain worse)! And definately consider getting refered to a less dismissive rheumy (or perhaps ask your doctor if there are any sexual therapists that have a specialism in comfortable sex!).

    Good Luck!

    Ax

    1255088294
    masterandslave [sign in to see picture]
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    If you like the look of the furniture but are not sure if it would work maybe try using a lot of pillows, cushion and the duvet rolled up to help support you and your partner - a beanbag works really well too!

    x

    1255100419
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Thanks guys! Will definately be trying out some of the suggestions! Positions first, hehe, surprise him when he comes home ;)

    1255135105
    masterandslave [sign in to see picture]
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    Thats great hun! Don't forget to keep us posted!!

    x

    1255277401
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    AdnaW my OH thanks you deeply for the tips on going down on him without pain! Also special thanks to Lubyanka!

    1255278019
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    I"m glad that link was helpful. :)

    1255283314
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Rowan wrote:

    AdnaW my OH thanks you deeply for the tips on going down on him without pain! Also special thanks to Lubyanka!

    I'm so glad my tips helped! It's good to see you taking your pain, and your sex life seriously! A lot of people wouldn't have the courage!!

    Ax

    1255458800
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Lol. Courage has nothing to do with it! just fed up paying for pleasure with pain; sod that for a laugh! Last time I ignored it for long I damaged myself. Greatly indebted to you lot though putting the tips to good use! It's easier to relax when I'm not hurting and enjoy things more . Happy Rowan and OH!!

    1255549011
    Alicia D'amore [sign in to see picture]
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    Rowan wrote:

    Lol. Courage has nothing to do with it! just fed up paying for pleasure with pain; sod that for a laugh! Last time I ignored it for long I damaged myself. Greatly indebted to you lot though putting the tips to good use! It's easier to relax when I'm not hurting and enjoy things more . Happy Rowan and OH!!

    Good ....if you stumble across any further tips, post them in here too, I'll always be grateful for extra tricks to add to the bag!

    Ax

    1255551339
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    One thing I find, because of some rebound sciatic nerve issues, my hip can be troublesome when I open my legs wide. I deal with that by having pillows either side to support my legs at the knee so they're slightly raised and therefore not open so wide. That bit of extra support helps me a lot.

    1255554740
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Right! WIll try the hip support thing on bad days then! Thanks Lubyanka. Skint because SAAS is a joke but pillows we have! Much of the year it's fine but winter is a nuisance, mild arthritis and legacy of congenital dislocated hips (which were amazingly well repaired and you'd never know most of the time). Really do owe you lot! :)

    He doesn't like to have me hurting after, or having to stop during (obviously) so has loved being able to do more without that concern the last few days, better for both of us and had lots of fun trying some of the suggestions! Although I enjoy some pain it is not that sort! Just wish I'd had the guts to ask before for advice here.

    You have our gratitude!

    1257568843
    Rowan [sign in to see picture]
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    Hey, sorry to post this on this topic again, just one particular question probably most targeted towards Adna or Lubyanka: one I hadn't anticipated becoming difficult, looking for something which will have a similar angle/ feel to being under him on the edge of the bed with legs round him with my knees about level with my shoulders. Thought the detail might help It's a good one for me, works every time but twice in the last week it was used and my hips locked, at a high excitement point and muscle sort of went into spasm when I was moving legs down and straightening (with help). It's genuinely not intended as a complaint but a question due to relative inexperience; have only been sexually active since the very end of last winter, and yes I am 21, I haven't however had to deal with a full winter and during semester while living with my partner. Nor was I anywhere near as confident that way (I'm sure you've all felt that way at some point). Obviously had to stop the other night and I was angry at the way my body failed me at a most inconvenient juncture and felt guilty for needing to desist from similar joint excercises for a day of two.

    There will I know be ways to work around things but am hoping you good people with your combined wisdom have any suggestions for a similar angle of penetration that will not have the undesirable results while producing the favourable experience that one has provided to this point. Thank you for the prior help and really I am sorry to bother you again with such a minor thing.

    1257586452
    Lubyanka [sign in to see picture]
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    Rowan wrote:

    Hey, sorry to post this on this topic again, just one particular question probably most targeted towards Adna or Lubyanka: one I hadn't anticipated becoming difficult, looking for something which will have a similar angle/ feel to being under him on the edge of the bed with legs round him with my knees about level with my shoulders. Thought the detail might help It's a good one for me, works every time but twice in the last week it was used and my hips locked, at a high excitement point and muscle sort of went into spasm when I was moving legs down and straightening (with help). [...] I haven't however had to deal with a full winter and during semester while living with my partner. [...] I was angry at the way my body failed me at a most inconvenient juncture and felt guilty for needing to desist from similar joint excercises for a day of two. [...] Thank you for the prior help and really I am sorry to bother you again with such a minor thing.

    Ok, first of all I consider physical comfort to be a major thing, especially during sex which is supposed to be pleasurable! In my view you are absolutely entitled to and deserve to have your physical and emotional needs respected and accommodated, and you are absolutely entitled to bitch about it when for whatever reason, those needs are not met. You go! :)

    So I consider this an important thing, and I think you are absolutely entitled to feel angry and disappointed that your body fell short of your needs, and to bitch about it as much as you want. So there. :)

    Without knowing more details such as the temperature of the room, how warmed up you were and what your partner was doing, I can't comment on those particulars. However, I do have a few suggestions which you might want to consider for next time.

    • Ensure the room is warm enough for you to feel very very comfortable. I find that everything physical works much better in the warm.
    • If it hurts or feels uncomfortable, always tell your partner immediately. Good partners want to know these things straight away. :)
    • Warm up well with at least a good 20 minutes of clothed foreplay, preferably longer. The body is a complex machine, it works best when it's properly looked after and warmed up. :)
    • Spend less time on the actual penetration and more time on clothed foreplay. The more excited you both are prior to penetration, the less time you will need to be in that position before orgasm. The clothes keep you warmer, and dry humping in my opinion is underrated and incredibly hot! :)
    • At all times listen carefully to what your body has to tell you. The better you get at this, the better you will be at recognising the warning signs of upcoming difficulties early on and working with them.
    • Change positions every so often so you can use different parts of your body in different ways at different times. I find that any one position can be problematic if I'm in it for too long.
    • At the very first sign of any teeny weeny discomfort, immediately tell your partner so they can work with you. If you can care for yourself when you're really excited, so can your partner. :) Yes, I said this before, I think this is important enough to bear repeating. :)
    • Talk to your partner and explore how they can help and what they need to consider to make both your experiences more enjoyable. During the discussion, experiment with positions whilst clothed and without actually having sex to find out what works when you're both in a normal frame of mind.
    • Experiment with your partner, instead of an inconvenient detour, treat this quest as an adventure to find new workably hot ways to be intimate. :)
    • Ensure that your partner at all times supports at least one of your legs at the knee with a hand or some pillows to prevent it from falling to the side too much. I find that helps my hips a whole lot.
    • You are absolutely entitled to and deserve to have your physical and emotional needs respected and accommodated, and you are absolutely entitled to bitch about it when for whatever reason, those needs are not met. So there! :)
    • Take care of yourself. You deserve it. :)

    I hope some of that is helpful. I'd love to know how you get on, will you update us? Good luck. :)

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